Another failure :(

[LadyShea]

That's it guys, my dance with assisted reproduction has ended. IVF #3 failed.

Y'all have been great. Thanks for the support.

[Dingfod]

I'm so sorry. :(

[viscousmemories]

Awww, Brandi. I'm so sorry. :(

:hug:

[wildernesse]

I'm so sorry to hear that, LadyShea. :(

Big internet hugs.

[Lauri D]

:smilehug:

Not sure what to say, except for that I am sending many many virtual hugs to you guys.

[pescifish]

I'm so sorry. :( You guys have been total champs on this and an inspiration. I love you both.

[dave_a]

Sorry to hear that.

[livius drusus]

:rainy:

[Goliath]

:sadnana:

I'm so sorry, LadyShea.

[Petra]

Ahhh, shit. :( :(:(

God, I'm so sorry, Brandi.

Fuck.

:sadcheer:

[beyelzu]

That's it guys, my dance with assisted reproduction has ended. IVF #3 failed.

Y'all have been great. Thanks for the support.
I am so fucking sorry, brandi


fuck.


:(

[freemonkey]

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this. :deepsigh: How are you two holding up?

[LadyXoc]

:( :( :( :( :( :( :(

[One for Sorrow]

I am so sorry. :(

/me hugs Brandi and Frank.

[LadyShea]

Thanks guys. I'll be aight. Gonna go have a drinky poo with Frankie.

[WinAce]

I don't suppose there's any bright side you could take solace in? :(

/me joins in the group hug.

[wade-w]

I'm very sorry to hear that, LadyShea.

:( :( :( :sadcheer: :sadcheer: :sadcheer: :( :( :(

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[noblesavage]

Damn Brandi, that sucks. I'm sorry.

[Roland98]

Aww, damn it. I'm sorry, guys. :(

[Ex-zombie]

I'm sorry, Lady Shea. :(

[Brimshack]

I'm sorry Brandy.

Don't let your new usertitle stay up long though. It's not an accurate description of you, regardless of the present cicumstances. It's not even close.

[Petra]

Don't let your new usertitle stay up long though. It's not an accurate description of you, regardless of the present cicumstances. It's not even close.

No, it isn't. :(

[SharonDee]

Yeah, what Brim said. You gave it everything you had, personal hardship be damned. I think you can be proud of your efforts, with or without the desired results. Ya done good!

(((Brandi)))

[LadyShea]

I don't suppose there's any bright side you could take solace in? :(

* WinAce joins in the group hug.

Yes, there's some things. I feel I had an impact on some other infertile women with my postings on those boards and my article (according to livius, some 200 people viewed my article from outside links). We can move sooner now, and I am looking forward to that whole experience. We can look for more volunteer opportunities, hopefully with kids, and make a difference in that way. We can travel more freely than parents as finances allow.

I am considering writing about my experiences and maybe compiling some information from others into a "Girlfriend's Guide to Infertility" or "Chicken Soup for the Childless Freak's Soul" or some such...something with the facts as well as the humor....let's face it, the shit is ridiculous. Injecting yourself in the ass to have a baby is absurd. Bursting into tears at Walmart walking by the baby clothes has a dark humor to it. Mebbe I'll get as rich as that quack Chinese Medicine practitioner who wrote some infertility diet and herb guide; her book is a bestseller and is full of complete nonsense.

Oh, and my title is sorta tongue in cheek, taken from my love for shutting nosy people up by wailing "I am BARREN" while looking all stricken...or crazy...depends on my mood.

Don't worry too much guys, I am a tough cookie, I swear thats not some act or mask I put on...I really am a hardass bitch ;)

[Ex-zombie]

I really am a hardass bitch ;)

I'm glad to hear that LadyShea. I'll worry less knowing that. Take good care of yourself.

[Petra]

:yes:

You go, girl! :bow: :bow: :bow:

[seebs]

Aww. *sigh* {{LadyShea}}

[Noodlenader]

Enjoy travelling without the extra baggage :)

High five you two, you gave it all you had!

[HelenM]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, LadyShea :(

Perhaps it seems like you went through a lot for nothing, but if you'd never tried it you might always have wondered whether IVF could have worked for you and whether you should have tried it. This way you know.

I'm glad you can see upsides to this; nevertheless, I would expect that it will take you a while to fully come to terms emotionally with the loss of this hope. Maybe you've been through grief and know how that is. Please be patient with yourself and expect to encounter some people who don't understand. But perhaps you're familiar with encountering such people already.

And when you're ready, please update us on your move plans. Or if you've been doing so and I missed it, could you direct me to the thread?

Hang in there,

Helen

[Godless Dave]

I'd like to offer my condolences, and also my admiration for the level-headed way you are handling it.

Perhaps it seems like you went through a lot for nothing, but if you'd never tried it you might always have wondered whether IVF could have worked for you and whether you should have tried it. This way you know.

What she said.

[LadyShea]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, LadyShea :(

Perhaps it seems like you went through a lot for nothing, but if you'd never tried it you might always have wondered whether IVF could have worked for you and whether you should have tried it. This way you know.

Thanks Helen. You were not able to see my whole story because I told it at HH, but you hit the nail on the head anyway :) For 10 years, we were simply part of the 2/3 (some 4 million) of infertile couples who cannot afford to seek treatment of any kind (frustrating and depressing in and of itself).

From the beginning of IVF in May, when we lucked into the money to do it, we have been happy to have a chance and end the limbo of not knowing and not being able to try. I am comforted by the fact that we had the chance finally, we took it, and we gave it our all...I have no regrets that I did or didn't do something and nobody can ever say to me, nor can I say to myself "I didn't even try".

I'm glad you can see upsides to this; nevertheless, I would expect that it will take you a while to fully come to terms emotionally with the loss of this hope. Maybe you've been through grief and know how that is. Please be patient with yourself and expect to encounter some people who don't understand. But perhaps you're familiar with encountering such people already.

Thanks again. I am okay until I think of some specific hope or dream or fantasy I had about raising children. Last night, I went hours without crying, until Frankie said something about shrimp boats....I had entertained a little fantasy about taking the kid(s) down to the docks to tour a shrimp boat and that did me in. It was a silly little thing, but the loss of that dream hurts. I expect little things like this will come up forever, but as with all grief, the hurt will lessen over time, especially as I fill my life with other goals and dreams and experiences.

All infertile people encounter people who don't understand, or give unhelpful advice about relaxing or adopting or say "take my kids!" with no knowledge of the process (see my article for examples). I respond to them with correct information, or dramatic scenes (just to see them squirm if they are especially dense or rude) depending on the situation, and that will continue I am sure.

And when you're ready, please update us on your move plans. Or if you've been doing so and I missed it, could you direct me to the thread?

Hang in there,

Helen

All I have posted so far was pictures of our land and a house we liked (but it was too expensive so I chose a different plan). It's titled "Our Swampland" I think. Now that we aren't tied here due to insurance/pregnancy, we can amp up our efforts to get this house ready to sell, and start the process of hiring the builder, researching boats, etc. I have never built a house or owned a boat, so I am really excited about that :)

I am also happy to be moving near my family again; I miss having my mom to go antique shopping with or have pajama days or wine and cheese and sappy movie nights. I have never found a girlfriend who liked some of the activities Mom and I share. My brother and niece live with my folks, and she has been found to be highly gifted in reading, as I was at her age, and my brother (whose gifts lie more in art and math) has asked if I would help with her. My dad wants to get a boat too, and is excited we will all get to share in those activities. I think we will have a nice, simpler life there.

[pescifish]

I really am a hardass bitch ;) Making those injections even tougher to do!
Buns o' Steel! :runaway:

You know I hate that you two are moving farther away from me! Dammit! Why doesn't anyone think of me before they pack up and leave the west?! Hmmph! But I am definitely looking forward to hearing about everything as you guys go forward with your Alabama plans!

[LadyShea]

I really am a hardass bitch ;) Making those injections even tougher to do!
Buns o' Steel! :runaway:

You know I hate that you two are moving farther away from me! Dammit! Why doesn't anyone think of me before they pack up and leave the west?! Hmmph! But I am definitely looking forward to hearing about everything as you guys go forward with your Alabama plans!

Aww, I am sorry to leave you :(. Of course, I do plan to invade your little slice of heaven before we leave. I want to meet your furkids and sit in your gorgeous sunroom sipping drinks and talking away like we do :)

[HelenM]

I'm sorry it didn't work out, LadyShea :(

Perhaps it seems like you went through a lot for nothing, but if you'd never tried it you might always have wondered whether IVF could have worked for you and whether you should have tried it. This way you know.

Thanks Helen. You were not able to see my whole story because I told it at HH, but you hit the nail on the head anyway :) For 10 years, we were simply part of the 2/3 (some 4 million) of infertile couples who cannot afford to seek treatment of any kind (frustrating and depressing in and of itself).

Wow - I had no idea you waited 10 years to try it.

From the beginning of IVF in May, when we lucked into the money to do it, we have been happy to have a chance and end the limbo of not knowing and not being able to try. I am comforted by the fact that we had the chance finally, we took it, and we gave it our all...I have no regrets that I did or didn't do something and nobody can ever say to me, nor can I say to myself "I didn't even try".

Exactly. I'm glad you have no regrets.

I'm glad you can see upsides to this; nevertheless, I would expect that it will take you a while to fully come to terms emotionally with the loss of this hope. Maybe you've been through grief and know how that is. Please be patient with yourself and expect to encounter some people who don't understand. But perhaps you're familiar with encountering such people already.

Thanks again. I am okay until I think of some specific hope or dream or fantasy I had about raising children. Last night, I went hours without crying, until Frankie said something about shrimp boats....I had entertained a little fantasy about taking the kid(s) down to the docks to tour a shrimp boat and that did me in. It was a silly little thing, but the loss of that dream hurts. I expect little things like this will come up forever, but as with all grief, the hurt will lessen over time, especially as I fill my life with other goals and dreams and experiences.

It was an important revelation to me that the loss of a dream/hope takes some amount of grieving to come to terms with.

I expect it will hurt the first time you're reminded of each of those small fantasies, but once you've 'revisited' each one this side of your IVF attempts, the emotional pain of further reminders will begin to diminish. You'll never forget and I think that's appropriate because our memories and our dreams, even the ones we had to set aside, all are part of who we are.

All infertile people encounter people who don't understand, or give unhelpful advice about relaxing or adopting or say "take my kids!" with no knowledge of the process (see my article for examples). I respond to them with correct information, or dramatic scenes (just to see them squirm if they are especially dense or rude) depending on the situation, and that will continue I am sure.

Yes; I thought I remembered reading that you'd already encountered people whose reactions and attitudes are unsupportive and/or hurtful.

And when you're ready, please update us on your move plans. Or if you've been doing so and I missed it, could you direct me to the thread?

Hang in there,

Helen

All I have posted so far was pictures of our land and a house we liked (but it was too expensive so I chose a different plan). It's titled "Our Swampland" I think. Now that we aren't tied here due to insurance/pregnancy, we can amp up our efforts to get this house ready to sell, and start the process of hiring the builder, researching boats, etc. I have never built a house or owned a boat, so I am really excited about that :)

That does sound very exciting!

I am also happy to be moving near my family again; I miss having my mom to go antique shopping with or have pajama days or wine and cheese and sappy movie nights. I have never found a girlfriend who liked some of the activities Mom and I share. My brother and niece live with my folks, and she has been found to be highly gifted in reading, as I was at her age, and my brother (whose gifts lie more in art and math) has asked if I would help with her. My dad wants to get a boat too, and is excited we will all get to share in those activities. I think we will have a nice, simpler life there.

Wow - it's wonderful that you have such a great relationship with your Mom and that you'll have those opportunities to be involved with your parents and brother and niece's lives. :)

Helen

[Sonnet]

Honey, I'm so sorry - and I know how you feel. :(

[Julie]

:hug: I'm sorry Ladyshea. I wish there was some way I could help. I wish there were words that could help.

Julie

[AspenMama]

Well I guess I'll have to forgo my half-formed quip about you volunteering to watch my kids.... ;)

All the best, my far away mud wrestling nemesis.

And how's about a virtual jammie and wine and cheese party?

:winedunk: :weirdtv: :popcorn2: :mousecheese: :choccake: :bbed:

[godfry n. glad]

My condolences.

Pardon me if this has already been covered, as I suspect it has, but have the two of you ever considered adopting?

I've now tried to convince two infertile couples to consider the adoption of female Asian babies. Neither couple decided to pursue it. I'd definitely go for it if I were 20 years younger and had a willing partner. But then, I know neither your reservations, limitations or concerns about adoption or the situation within adoptive circles.

godfry

[LadyShea]

My condolences.

Pardon me if this has already been covered, as I suspect it has, but have the two of you ever considered adopting?

I've now tried to convince two infertile couples to consider the adoption of female Asian babies. Neither couple decided to pursue it. I'd definitely go for it if I were 20 years younger and had a willing partner. But then, I know neither your reservations, limitations or concerns about adoption or the situation within adoptive circles.

godfry

Yes, we have always considered adoption as an option if our IVF failed. The cost is the obstacle (adoption costs more than fertility treatment unless you go to a "special needs" situation). We spent all we had on the 3 rounds of IVF, we don't have another 20-30k for adoption.

Of course, if we somehow get the funds, as we did for IVF, then we will look into it, but right now it is simply not an option available to us.

[JoeP]

Huge hugs from me. :hug: I know this has been big for you (last chance and all; how could it not be). I hope sharing it with us heathens and free-thinkers has helped you.

I reckon you'll be moving closer to me ... by about 10%? :D

[LadyShea]

After some preliminary investigation of the adoption option, I realize I have not yet begun to resolve my feelings about the infertility and failures. Nor does looking into adoption make me feel "relieved" or positive as others have reported feeling. It terrifies me. I don't think it fair to a kid to jump into adoption when I am feeling somewhat desperate and afraid. I would like some time to really heal before considering this option and ensure I am fully "there" emotionally and mentally.

[xorbie]

Seems I'm late to this thread, as always.

I'm really sorry LadyShea... I remember at HH when you first announced it and it seemed like it was bound to work.. I'm glad you seem to be taking it about as well as possible, under the circumstances.

Hang in there. :)

[JoeP]

I couldn't imagine jumping into any serious thoughts about adoption so soon. Of course you need time. More hugs :hug: