I've become a Republican

[Dingfod]

I just bought a gas guzzling SUV:

http://www.statesmanclassifieds.com/autos/autoshow/images/reviews/chevy_trailblazer_ext01.jpg

Next:

http://www.waffenhq.de/infanterie/sig550-01.jpg

[ApostateAbe]

Next:

http://wwwcj.mnstate.edu/cjhome/newsletter/Vol5/rack.jpg

[Dingfod]

No, seriously. I bought a brand new 2004 Chevrolet Trailblazer EXT LT 5.3L V-8 last night and took delivery today. It fit into my austerity program completely.

Next, I'm shopping for a Sig-Sauer assault rifle, just because I can.

After that, I'm going to start making as much money as I can in completely legal yet unethical ways.

[Goliath]

Ummmm....are you ok, Warren?

This is a joke, right?

[flufeemunk]

Haha... I remember one time when I was with my dad (an ardent republican) and had to look good for his boss. My mom was joking with me and said "You're a Republican today, just so your dad won't get in trouble". I, of course, took this to an extreme and so I basically spent the day talking like Rush Limbaugh. Good Fun.

[Dingfod]

No. I'm fucking dead serious. I am the proud owner of a V-8 powered gas-guzzling SUV as of today. Tomorrow, the Sig-Sauer. Next year, the world is my ill-gotten oyster.

[Dingfod]

I guess I should add that I now think Bush was right, the economy is improving, and Iraq was a threat. I'm going to give the shithead a chance. What choice do I really have?


No, I didn't suffer a head injury? Why do you ask?

[Goliath]

Ooohkay. I'm worried about you, Warren.

[Dingfod]

Are you attacking me?

[Goliath]

Are you attacking me?

:eyebrow2:

No, I'm worried about you. What's wrong?

[flufeemunk]

Mister Goliath sir, WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

DO YOU WANT IT TO FALL IN THE HANDS OF TERR'ISTS AND A-RABS?!?!?!?

[Goliath]

Ooohkay, then. Is this thread a feeble attempt at an attack on me?

If it is, I gotta tell you people: it's really fucking weak.

[xorbie]

I don't think this is an attack on anyone, really.

That said, may I direct your attention that that fun statistics problem? ;)

[Dingfod]

Are you attacking me?

:eyebrow2:

No, I'm worried about you. What's wrong?I'm just fucking around. I actually did take delivery of a new 2004 Chevy Trailblazer today, exactly like the one in the picture posted, irresponsible as that might seem. Sorry, Goliath. Sorry, Amerika. Sorry, Planet.

[Dingfod]

Ooohkay, then. Is this thread a feeble attempt at an attack on me?

If it is, I gotta tell you people: it's really fucking weak.There's no conspiracy going on here at all, Goliath. I hold no animosity toward you at all, not even a little bit.


No conspiracy at all, except apparently between the voices in my head. But, they're speaking Russian and Chinese, neither of which I understand, so I am choosing to ignore them.*


*joke blatently stolen from a comedian on Comedy Central last night.

[Dingfod]

Nada ver aquí. Muévase adelante.

[Goliath]

Phew! You had me worried there, Warren. Good to hear that you haven't lost your mind (completely ;) ).

And sorry for getting a bit paranoid.

[Dingfod]

No problemo, amigo. Now, care to join me in conversion to Republikanisticism? After getting my tinfoil hat surgically removed, I came to realize, they are RIGHT, and everyone that disagrees is going to be LEFT behind, the commie rat bastards.

Note to self: Don't worry about going to bed to get some sleep in the morning, I can sleep during church services. Well, I could, if they'd stop all that incessant singing and other such cacophany.

[Goliath]

No problemo, amigo. Now, care to join me in conversion to Republikanisticism?

LOL...no thanks.


Note to self: Don't worry about going to bed to get some sleep in the morning, I can sleep during church services. Well, I could, if they'd stop all that incessant singing and other such cacophany.

Why not skip church and sleep during the day (or do anything else more productive than going to church)?

[Dingfod]

Day-lete!!!

[Dingfod]

Because they have the softest pew cushions in the world, all velvet covered, just heavenly.

[Goliath]

LOL...well, sell the SUV, get a bed (my bed kicks ass and it only cost me $1,800) and don't ever worry about going to church again. :)

And besides...even if the pew cushions are comfy (which sounds hard to believe, because I've never encountered a pew that was even remotely close to comfortable), the backs of the pews are probably still uncomfortable as hell, right?

[Dingfod]

You realize that I am kidding, don't you? I haven't spent more than a few minutes in a church of any kind in the last four years.

[Goliath]

Well, I wasn't sure about kidding about the church part (after all, some of us atheists are unfortunate enough to be dragged to church every week by theist spouses)...good to hear that you are, though. :)

Back to grading...ugh...

[Dingfod]

Back to grading...ugh...Gaack!!!

[Dingfod]

The transition from long-haired hippie-type commie gay-loving granola-crunching flip-flop-wearing Liberal to Redneck Okie Republican is nearing completion: I have tuned all the FM radio presets on my gas-guzzling SUV to country music stations and all the AM to conservative talk radio stations. If I could put a radio station blocker on NPR I would, I don't even want to listen to that by accident.

[Petra]

Crikey!

You bastard!

:nono: :loser:

[Dingfod]

I've still got a way to go yet, I do not have any cowboy boots, but I have a cowboy hat. What is up with that? I used to have a pair of Dingo harness boots, those aren't really redneck enough though, they're more a hold-over of my pot-smoking hippie days, merely a youthful indescretion.

Hey, I just realized I've been called a bastard. Isn't that supposed to be an insult meaning I don't know who my father is? I must ask, facetiously of course, do you touch yourself with those typing fingers? Huh? Huh?

[Dingfod]

BTW, I'm looking for a window decal like my step-grandfather used to have on his pick-em-up truck, "Fight Poverty, Get a Job"

[Petra]

... do you touch yourself with those typing fingers? Huh? Huh?

I do. But that's because I'm a liberal. :wink:



I cried when they shot Medgar Evers
Tears ran down my spine
I cried when they shot Mr. Kennedy
As though I'd lost a father of mine
But Malcolm X got what was coming
He got what he asked for this time
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I go to civil rights rallies
And I put down the old D.A.R.
I love Harry and Sidney and Sammy
I hope every colored boy becomes a star
But don't talk about revolution
That's going a little bit too far
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I cheered when Humphrey was chosen
My faith in the system restored
I'm glad the commies were thrown out
of the A.F.L. C.I.O. board
I love Puerto Ricans and Negros
as long as they don't move next door
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

The people of old Mississippi
Should all hang their heads in shame
I can't understand how their minds work
What's the matter don't they watch Les Crain?
But if you ask me to bus my children
I hope the cops take down your name
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I read New republic and Nation
I've learned to take every view
You know, I've memorized Lerner and Golden
I feel like I'm almost a Jew
But when it comes to times like Korea
There's no one more red, white and blue
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

I vote for the democratic party
They want the U.N. to be strong
I go to all the Pete Seeger concerts
He sure gets me singing those songs
I'll send all the money you ask for
But don't ask me to come on along
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

Once I was young and impulsive
I wore every conceivable pin
Even went to the socialist meetings
Learned all the old union hymns
But I've grown older and wiser
And that's why I'm turning you in
So love me, love me, love me, I'm a liberal

[Dingfod]

Don't try to sway me with song, dammit. I'm in transition here, struggling to fit in, wanting to be accepted in my community, seeking to be respected by my neighbors, please allow me to wallow in my self-loathing. :(

[Petra]

Don't try to sway me with song, dammit.The song isn't all that complimentary to "liberals" as it exposes some liberal hypocrisies. I'm in transition here, struggling to fit in, wanting to be accepted in my community, seeking to be respected by my neighbors,Why? please allow me to wallow in my self-loathing. :(Okay - but only for a little while. :smilehug:

[ceptimus]

Why did you want a gas guzzler? And why are its wheels so tiny in relation to its size?

[Dingfod]

Gas needs to be guzzled in order to effectively tow our horse trailer to horse shows, county fairs and state fairs. You won't see too many Honda Insights or Toyota Priuses with receiver hitches... or gun racks. :wink:

The pic is not the one I bought, but is representative of the species. The one I bought has 17" wheels and all-terrain tires on it. The one in the pic is probably a two wheel drive with street tires.

On the plus side, the V-8 engine has Displacement on Demand, it becomes a 2.65L V-4 when cruising or coasting, saving teensie bits of gas here and there. It is EPA rated at 20 mpg highway. My limited experience with it so far tells me that isn't really far off the mark.

[Dingfod]

I'd like to thank any of you that dropped by my pathetic little thread. And bravo to those willing to wade into this gummy mess I've made. The conversion is complete. I am much too conservative now for this thread, let alone this message board. Thank you, thank you very much. See you at CF or RR!

[livius drusus]

Congratulations, warrenly. You just made our 22,000th post.

[godfry n. glad]

You realize that I am kidding, don't you? I haven't spent more than a few minutes in a church of any kind in the last four years.

Phew!

And I thought you'd gone and gotten a frontal lobotomy without consulting us all.

Y'know, Worn.... I thought the attraction to horses is that they could get places without having to be hauled there. Ya haul sacks of shit, ya ride horses.

It doesn't work that way with you, huh?

godfry

[Adora]

I'm already a Republican. :D

I believe Australian should become a Republic. Oh, and I hate Liberals. :D Heh heh.

Isn't it funny how words can change so quickly even between similar cultures?

[beyelzu]

I'd like to thank any of you that dropped by my pathetic little thread. And bravo to those willing to wade into this gummy mess I've made. The conversion is complete. I am much too conservative now for this thread, let alone this message board. Thank you, thank you very much. See you at CF or RR!
yeah, lets get our rapture ready on. do you think they have a spot reserved there for beelzebub?

[beyelzu]

I'm already a Republican. :D

I believe Australian should become a Republic. Oh, and I hate Liberals. :D Heh heh.

Isn't it funny how words can change so quickly even between similar cultures?
yes, that is one of the coolest things about language, the pure complete randomness of the sounds and what that leads to.

but, your example is actually cooler because its based on definition applied to current events and culture.

[Dingfod]

Congratulations, warrenly. You just made our 22,000th post.What do I win? [Note: Send all smileys to children in Iraq, they are smiley deprived, I'm sure]

[Dingfod]

I'm feeling like I need to make the conversion again, to turn Republican. I feel sorry for the poor bastages. They need the help. They're an endangered species now that Teabaggers have splintered the party. Now, how to be more Republican. I suppose becoming a Lutheran or Episcopal isn't really radical enough, but it might be enough to convince my fellow conservatives that I'm a member of their exclusive heaven-bound club. It works for Catholics. Now, a few questions.

What bumperstickers should I be sporting on my gas guzzling SUV?

Should I get a color-coordinated gun rack or is camouflage the only way to go?

Should I get a toupe or just start wearing hats?

Do I need to go to a tanning salon and overexpose my neck?

Does my wife need to get her hair up in a bun?

Do my boots need to be pointy-toed or are rounded Justin ropers good enough?

[Deadlokd]

I'm feeling like I need to make the conversion again, to turn Republican. I feel sorry for the poor bastages. They need the help. They're an endangered species now that Teabaggers have splintered the party. Now, how to be more Republican. I suppose becoming a Lutheran or Episcopal isn't really radical enough, but it might be enough to convince my fellow conservatives that I'm a member of their exclusive heaven-bound club. It works for Catholics. Now, a few questions.

Can't help you with the most right wing religion but I'll give the rest a go.

What bumperstickers should I be sporting on my gas guzzling SUV?

Here in redneck Oz there are two types that are really popular. The first has an Aussie flag with the slogan "Love it or leave!" That's a subtle message to those of us who don't like having the flag of the United Kingdom taking up a corner of our flag. Not really relevant to you since everyone there likes your flag.

The second is fairly universal. It's an outline of Australia with our flag inside it and the slogan is "Fuck off, we're full!" That could work for you too, of course with an outline of the US and the Stars and Stripes.

A funny variation of that in Australia is the same outline and the same slogan but with the Aboriginal flag in the outline.

And don't forget the NRA sticker about prying your guns from your cold dead hands.

Should I get a color-coordinated gun rack or is camouflage the only way to go?

Has to be camo doesn't it? Colour coordination is rather homosexual.

Should I get a toupe or just start wearing hats?

A salt and pepper toupe a la Limbaugh.

Do I need to go to a tanning salon and overexpose my neck?

Yes.

Does my wife need to get her hair up in a bun?

A bun or a '50's bob.

Do my boots need to be pointy-toed or are rounded Justin ropers good enough?

I have no idea what Justin ropers are but I'd make sure they have spurs.

[godfry n. glad]

Chuck the wifely bun thing...

If you want to do this right, you're gonna need a trophy wife.

[Dingfod]

Do my boots need to be pointy-toed or are rounded Justin ropers good enough?

I have no idea what Justin ropers are but I'd make sure they have spurs.Justin roper boots like my redneck step-grandfather wore all the time:

http://a2.zassets.com/images/740/7407890/3279-614231-d.jpg

[teasasue]

Do my boots need to be pointy-toed or are rounded Justin ropers good enough?

I have no idea what Justin ropers are but I'd make sure they have spurs.Justin roper boots like my redneck step-grandfather wore all the time:

http://a2.zassets.com/images/740/7407890/3279-614231-d.jpg

I used to have a pair they were black I miss them :(

[Stephen Maturin]

Does my wife need to get her hair up in a bun?

Doesn't matter how your wife wears her hair, Ding. The simple truth of the matter is that you are and shall remain a RINO until you diaper up and start hitting on strangers in public men's rooms.

[Dingfod]

Does my wife need to get her hair up in a bun?

Doesn't matter how your wife wears her hair, Ding. The simple truth of the matter is that you are and shall remain a RINO until you diaper up and start hitting on strangers in public men's rooms.Weren't you there?