The Cheer Up SkepticJ Thread

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I'm lonely. When I say I'm lonely I mean I have a frown on my face so strong that I notice it. It's that kind of bunched up face people have when they're pissed about something. Why am I lonely? I don't have a girlfriend; never have. I want to love and be loved. I want to hug and kiss someone so bad.
I'm feeling quite bitter. I figured this is a good place to ask for help. No one here will tell me to brighten up because god and jesus love me. :rainy: :pessimist: :sad:

[livius drusus]

Oh honeypie... I know it means little but I think you're just lovely: smart, kind, curious, cute. I mean, we've already had to physically restrain dave_a from jumping you on account of your avatar hotness. It's only a matter of time before you get that kind of attention from a woman who appreciates all you have to offer.

:hug: :cuddle: :smilehug: :glomp2: :hugsmile:

[wei yau]

I've had my dry spells. Additionally, I've had very little experience with the fairer sex. In fact, it would be entirely appropriate to say that my entire history with women is basically one long dry spell.

However, I've found that patience has paid off. This isn't true only for me, but for many other people in similar situations. In nearly all of these cases, I've realized that once that love connection was made, it was entirely worth waiting for.

This probably means little to you right now, as it would to me during my own drought. But, if you can find any comfort in my words, know that when it happens it'll be wonderful. You'll realize that all the suffering and loneliness pales in comparison to the pure elation you'll be feeling.

[Goliath]

:deepsigh:

I don't know what else to say, SkepticJ, except that I've been there, myself....often and for long durations of time.

Anyways, I'm sorry for not having anything useful or helpful to say. :(

[LadyShea]

Skanky Chattahoochee

Don't give me that look. It made me laugh, thought it was worth a try.

Hang in there J, really I agree you will someday find what you are looking for.

[ceptimus]

Brighten up! God and Jesus love you. :ptht: :girltong: :P :nyahnyah: :tongueout: :tmtongue:

[godfry n. glad]

Um.... Can you be a bit more specific about what kind of "help"?

Did you want to know how...or where...to meet women? Or, how to get their attention?

Did you need a primer on all of the natural tendencies you'll have to suppress until such time as you've been taken prisoner and shackled for life?

Perhaps you had something in mind?

godfry

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Did you want to know how...or where...to meet women? Or, how to get their attention?

Both. But I'm afraid science loving skeptical godless women are rare in this hell hole of a state(Arkansas) Even my dashing good looks won't change this fact. :P Australia here I come?

[seebs]

Well, it could be worse. Imagine of people told you not only to cheer up because God and Jesus love you, but that this would shortly address your desire for cuddles and romance!

:P

[Adora]

*flashes you*

That always seemed to cheer up a lot of my male friends. :D

[godfry n. glad]

Did you want to know how...or where...to meet women? Or, how to get their attention?

Both. But I'm afraid science loving skeptical godless women are rare in this hell hole of a state(Arkansas) Even my dashing good looks won't change this fact. :P Australia here I come?

Whoa now...That's the state that produced Slick Willy and helped inspire the Fulbright scholarships, so it can't be all that bad. 'Course, it might be worse if you're out in the sticks.

So... How far are you from the nearest college or university campus? If there is one nearby, find out if they have regular social events that are open to community members. Like concerts, readings, lectures, performances. Start going to those that interest you.

You obviously have a computer. I used Match.com to success. My current girlfriend and I met online, where she saw my file on Match.com. She contacted me, even though I'd included a picture. She's a mechanical engineer and manager of operations for a local city park bureau. She's no beauty, but then neither am I. We hit it off immediately. Mind you, that took the investment of nine months on the site at $10.95 a month, plus a lot of rejections from attempts I'd made to make contact. A lot of uncomfortable "coffee dates" where it's make or break the deal to continue. I've gained another friend out of it as well.

Then... What are YOUR interests?

What do you do for fun? Start doing the things you like to do for fun or self-improvement with groups. Mixed groups. Neighborhood associations did it for me. Hanging out at the library is fun, too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah... You'll have to go through a lot of women who won't fit your "science loving skeptical godless" parameters.

Like astronomy? Is there a local group that has regular get togethers? Audobon societies tend to be everywhere, and scientific women are actively involved. I know, I dated one I met online. There are also "native plant" societies...clubs of botany-types. Lots of women, but usually in the older crowds.

Bookstores. In the sections you like to read. See who else is there. Hang out until you know.

A couple of bits of useless advice from an old fart....First, you might want to broaden your field somewhat. The Unitarians and Friends (them Quakers) I've know have been the most broad minded religious folks I've ever met. In fact, if there is a Unitarian congregation near you...beat feet to get there asap and find out what's happening. Lapsed Roman Catholics can be really fun and intelligent and very vague about their theism (as in nearly non-existant). I'm sure there are other communities in which you'd feel comfortable. My darling wonderful wife of eighteen years was a Jew. An atheist Jew. There are evidently many atheist and agnostic Jews.

Then... You gotta put yourself out there, man. You have to make the approach. You have to ask. Just introduce yourself and tell them that they caught your attention and you'd like to get to know them a bit better...and would they be interested in dinner together? If she says no...ouch...then it's time to stop wasting energy on her and move on to the next.

There was one interesting method that I thought was clever. At a local large public fountain, an entire city block with 15' waterfalls and lots of seating on stack platforms, where people were seated about in the sun reading or eating or listening to their music, I watched a young man flit from young woman to gaggle of young women to young woman. He was clean, nice-looking and was clutching a book in his hand. When he got to the pretty young woman near me (why do think I was there?), he sat down next to her and said, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal saviour?" (Ah, I thought, that's what he's selling.)

To this inquiry, the pretty young woman was taken aback and a bit startled. It wasn't what she expected. She stuttered, "Uh...well...not really. No." Warily, she waited for the conversion attempt.

He came back with, "Great! Me neither. Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

She smiled, slowly, and said, "No, I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate my not showing up, but thanks."

I thought it was inspired.

godfry

[godfry n. glad]

Hey, liv, beyelzu, lisarea, ronin...

Is Arkansas all that bad?

I've actually been to Arkansas. Got my fuzzy longhair ass called "BOY" in a Little Rock gas station, just passing through on my way east to Nashville. Come to think of it, I woke up on a Greyhound bus in Texarkana onest, passing through on my way west.

Kelly

[lady cop]

hello...i don't know anyone here, but may i reply? (god i hate being the new kid)...i spent 10 years very contentedly alone...i accepted my love life was over and was fine with it. kids grown, good friends, work in male-dominated field where i am respected, i was quite accepting of my single state. i had my moments, holidays tough and full of nostalgia for deceased family and siblings in another state. and always walked through december alone. solved that by working in the place of officers with young children. so....when i absolutely least expected, when i knew my soul mate was not out there, when it was the last thing on my mind, i met the yin to my yang, perfection, it was the old sicilian thunderbolt. i could write reams about how he is the finest, most brilliant, kindest , most loving man i ever knew. such joy! he treats me beautifully. and he lives in another country! he flies over when he is able to leave his work. and in 2005 i am going to go there to be with him, leave my career and family here behind... because i KNOW some higher power connected us and i will not defy the universe who gave me this gift. a gift i had not sought. if it has happened for me, it will happen for you, when the respective gods decide. keep the faith and try not to obsess, find YOUR life, and love will come. it will. in my long experience, i have learned we have lessons to learn, and then when we have...our souls find their place. we have to be ready. i wish you happiness ultimately!

[livius drusus]

I've never been to Arkansas, godfry, so I can't say for sure, but my best friend is from Arkansas, and she spoke very highly of Little Rock where her dad was a university prof. I think like everywhere, you've just got to find your own community.

Oh, and you do so know someone here, lady cop. :)

[lady cop]

Oh, and you do so know someone here, lady cop. :) you are really a great lady! thankyou. i LOVE this board!

[godfry n. glad]

I've never been to Arkansas, godfry, so I can't say for sure, but my best friend is from Arkansas, and she spoke very highly of Little Rock where her dad was a university prof. I think like everywhere, you've just got to find your own community.

Yeah...that's the impression I got lately. Don't rightly know, though, 'cause I slept through most of it both times before. Waking up to switch buses in the middle of the night hardly qualifies as a thorough assessment. Even I know the inside of the Texarkana bus depot ain't Arkansas. Nor is a gas station in Little Rock, where I woke up long enough to spend a penny. Two, actually.

I agree...you find your community wherever you are.

godfry n. glad

(I've found it helps to get up and get away from the computer from time to time.)

[godfry n. glad]

If Skep is looking for encouraging stories like lady cop's, I've got one, too.

I won't bore everyone with it if you're not interested, Skep.

godfry

[lady cop]

If Skep is looking for encouraging stories like lady cop's, I've got one, too.

I won't bore everyone with it if you're not interested, Skep.

godfry oh bollocks , i hope i didn't bore anyone! .... please tell yours so i don't feel like a dork! :doh:

[livius drusus]

Of course you didn't bore anyone, lady cop. godfry was being self-deprecating about his own story, which I'm certain is not in the least bit boring either. :playboy:

[godfry n. glad]

Of course you didn't bore anyone, lady cop. godfry was being self-deprecating about his own story, which I'm certain is not in the least bit boring either. :playboy:

Actually, it's more a matter of thinking I'd already I'd covered the topic here already (but I'm not sure). I'd happily cover it again, but only if the new kid on the block wants to hear it.

Contrary to what it seems I might have said, I really enjoyed reading your story. I actually like hearing how people met the love of their lives.

godfry

[lady cop]

Of course you didn't bore anyone, lady cop. godfry was being self-deprecating about his own story, which I'm certain is not in the least bit boring either. :playboy:

Actually, it's more a matter of thinking I'd already I'd covered the topic here already (but I'm not sure). I'd happily cover it again, but only if the new kid on the block wants to hear it.

Contrary to what it seems I might have said, I really enjoyed reading your story. I actually like hearing how people met the love of their lives.

godfry
thankyou, and i would like to read your story!

[Shaguar]

I agree Lady Cop you never know when or from where the thunderbolt will strike. He sounds like a good un as we would say over here, although I would like to know which country he is from if it's not being too nosey :D

[godfry n. glad]

Okay, okay... I did a search and I evidently did not air my story on this board. It must've been on one of the other boards, from which I've been banned.

My love life has been...sporadic.

I met my high school sweetheart at a dance. I met my college sweetheart in a class and then the following year at a new university, where we'd both transferred. The breakup with my high school sweetheart had been bittersweet, while the breakup with my college sweetheart was merely bitter. I'd spent about two years with each, with three years between.

Following my undergraduate degree, I obtained a promising position as an economic researcher and was doing fairly well. I met a lovely young lady that I spent a torrid year with and then she went far away to law school.

Then, a friend encouraged me to take a "spearcarrier" role in a local summer Shakespeare-in-the-Parks program. I, of course, got finagled into a couple of speaking roles (six lines in the first half, two lines in the second half, different characters) in a production of "Cymbeline". Since the play is set in first century Britain, the director chose to use Celtic music as the mood setter and had managed to recruit a gaggle of local Celtic musicians to help.

At the beginning of the run, I developed a crush on the pennywhistle player, Sylvia. The musicians tended to rotate in and out, but the harper, an obviously good friend of the pennywhistle player, seemed to show up for every performance. One day, when Sylvia failed to show, I screwed up the courage to go ask her friend, Ivy, the harper, whether friend Sylvia gave lessons on the pennywhistle. Her answer was, "I dunno, why don't you ask her?"

Well, that would have taken waaaay more courage than I had at the time. Shortly thereafter, in commisserating with my fellow actors about my crush on the pennywhistle player, one of the female actors overheard and butted in to note that my amorous inclinations were for naught, because she knew Sylvia and was absolutely sure that Sylvia was a lesbian....sigh. That was that.

Six years pass. The only relationships I had were exceedingly fleeting and entirely unsatisfying.

In the interim, the Reagan depression had brought my cushy job to an end and I had ended up struggling but happy as a member of a worker-owned and operated recycling and refuse collection company. I was still involved with the acting troupe and had become the board president and stage manager.

One of my garbage customers was Ivy, the harper. She was working swing shift at the local hospital, so I managed to spot her in the neighborhood in passing some mornings. She'd lost weight and let her hair grow. I thought she was pretty cute. I was hanging out at the time with the very same woman who'd told me that Sylvia was a lesbian and I confided to her that it was a shame that Ivy was a lesbian, because I thought her quite attractive.

My friend corrected me. Ivy was NOT gay. When I asked her how she knew, she noted that she and Ivy worked at the same facility and on occasion stepped out together to have cigarettes. During one of these sessions, they got to bullshitting about the cute doctors and Ivy evidently nearly swooned over one of them....who happened to be my friend's boyfriend.

I had assumed that because Sylvia was lesbian, that her very good friend, Ivy, was also lesbian. My misconception was corrected six years later. Now, all I had to do was wait for, or manufacture, an opening to reintroduce myself. Curiously, the woman who'd recruited me six years earlier for the acting troupe was getting married and was looking for.....a harpist.

The next time I saw Ivy during my workday, I hailed her and asked if she still played the harp. Her question was, "What, is your best friend getting married?"

My response was, "Well...not my best friend, but a friend."

She averred that she'd given up playing, but asked if I was still involved with Shakespeare-in-the-Parks. Of course, we had just finished rehearsals for "Two Gentlemen of Verona" and I noted that although I was not acting this year, I was at every performance, since I was the stage manager. I invited her to enjoy one of the performances. She required that I provide her a schedule of performances, which I did the following week.

Three weeks later, she showed up at a performance at a nearby park. I shared my blanket and lemonade and we struck up a friendship. I invited her to the cast party and she invited me to join her at a local pub where the Irish music crowd gathered. I left the cast party early to meet her at the pub. I was so broke I couldn't afford a beer....she bought me one.

That was August. By Thanksgiving, I'd moved in with her. A year, a month and a day after our first date (at the play), we married in Victoria. I was 32, she was 34 and it was the first marriage for both of us.

What followed was the most joyful eighteen years of my life. A Long Island Jewish girl and this west coast goy spent most of that time in wonderment that we'd actually met our "soulmate". We were ecstatic. Whenever anybody asked, we told them that Shakespeare and garbage brought us together.

She died almost nineteen years after our first date...only three days off. The last two years have been the most miserable time in my life. And yes, it probably accounts for a great deal of my irascible behavior on these boards.

So...That's the beginning of my love story. We didn't find each other until we were in our early thirties. We thought we could make it to fifty years together....Ovarian cancer cut that goal way short.

godfry

...damn...every time I do this, I end up irrigating my face...

[lady cop]

I agree Lady Cop you never know when or from where the thunderbolt will strike. He sounds like a good un as we would say over here, although I would like to know which country he is from if it's not being too nosey :D
coincidentally enough, my darling is an Englishman. :unitedkingdom: one friend called it "coronation street' meets 'cops" LOL....his accent is so elegant and sexy it makes my knees buckle. :qsigh:

[lady cop]

Godfry, your story is wonderful, i am so glad that you did have those years together, did find each other! and offer you my deepest condolences on your tragic loss. thankyou for telling what was so painful, but also so joyful...the important thing was you did have each other, some never meet their soulmate. :( i know i could get killed on my job, i know he could be run over by a black cab...so it's all precious, every bit of it. your memories of her will never die. and you will meet again i think.

[Beth]

I agree Lady Cop you never know when or from where the thunderbolt will strike. He sounds like a good un as we would say over here, although I would like to know which country he is from if it's not being too nosey :D
coincidentally enough, my darling is an Englishman. :unitedkingdom: one friend called it "coronation street' meets 'cops" LOL....his accent is so elegant and sexy it makes my knees buckle. :qsigh:*sigh*

[HelenM]

I'm lonely. When I say I'm lonely I mean I have a frown on my face so strong that I notice it. It's that kind of bunched up face people have when they're pissed about something. Why am I lonely? I don't have a girlfriend; never have. I want to love and be loved. I want to hug and kiss someone so bad.
I'm feeling quite bitter. I figured this is a good place to ask for help. No one here will tell me to brighten up because god and jesus love me. :rainy: :pessimist: :sad:

I'm sorry you're so lonely. I suggest you look for ways to be with people (in Real Life) so you can make more friends. Friends will help with the loneliness and perhaps one of them will become the girlfriend you're longing for.

I don't think a girlfriend would solve all your loneliness anyway. If you expect her to it might well scare her away. Unless she's a person who needs to meet someone's needs to feel good - which means she's basically being your mother, not your girlfriend.

If you have friends as well as a girlfriend, it will place less burden on your girlfriend and you're more likely to end up with someone who is with you because she likes you, rather than because she gets her kicks from meeting the needs of needy people.

That's what I think, anyway...do you have Real Life friends? If not, could you incorporate some things in your life which would help you meet people and make more friends?

Helen

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Do you have Real Life friends? If not, could you incorporate some things in your life which would help you meet people and make more friends?

I have just a few. One is kind of a modern hippy that doesn't smoke weed anymore, another is a punk rocker and the third is kind of a socialist. :giggle:
Most everyone else I don't talk to enough to be much more than an acquaintance.

[Nex]

If I could, I'd take you out for beers (or coffee if you prefer) on me.

Well, not on me, but you know, I'll pay for them. :D

:hug:

[Goliath]

If I could, I'd take you out for beers (or coffee if you prefer) on me.

Well, not on me, but you know, I'll pay for them. :D

:hug:

/me whispers to Nex "No, offer to buy him coffee on you..then when you burn yourself horribly, you can sue him and the coffee shop for millions!"

Um...Uhh...good luck in finding someone, SkepticJ. :giggle: :innocent:

On a more serious note, though, I've been feeling the same way, lately.

[seebs]

You folks really need to live in the Twin Cities. Really friendly town. Lots of cool people. (No, I don't know what a "selection bias" is. What are you talking about?)

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I'm feeling better now; no I haven't found someone but I guess I was just having a bad day. Still would be nice to find a thinking female friend.

[Sycophant]

I'm feeling better now; no I haven't found someone but I guess I was just having a bad day. Still would be nice to find a thinking female friend.

Come to New Zealand, Me and Zoot will take you out and he'll find you some ladies. I'll stand around and drink.

The weather is shit at the moment, but hey, the ladies are hot. Many are even smart. And not all that many have a personal relationship with Jesus.