Death, depression and getting help

[Plant Woman]

Saturday a friend died of breast cancer and it's been a set back for me. I am coming up on the anniversary of my father's death--prostate cancer. He died last year on Easter Sunday. We lost our cat last summer too, to cancer. So much death lately and now I find out another friend who's been in remission for breast cancer, they found more lumps.

All this has contributed to my depression. I've been in therapy again for the last few weeks because of it. I thought perhaps I might go on anti-depressants because I am not doing well, but the therapist is trying a new kind of treatment on me to see if it works first. I'm willing to try to stay off the pills if I can, but I will if its necessary. It's weird to think of myself as mentally ill at the moment, because it carries such a negative stigma to it.

[Shelli]

I think it's understandable that you're depressed at the moment, PW. Please do whatever it is that you need to do for yourself. :snuggles:

[Watser?]

:cheerhug:

I thought you were doing really well lately...

It hit me really hard too when my father died. It took a long time to get used to that. And every anniversary is hard too.

[Dingfod]

I wish I had something constructive to offer. All I've got are sympathetic hugs.

:hug:

[Pinecone]

Heeeey.....if it's possible, you don't worry about what others think.

I'm in the same boat. Brother died last April....heart attack. Best friend died in November...kidney cancer. My sisters best friend has breast cancer and has just gone through the surgery and chemo. Husbands best friend has some form of throat cancer, and has feeding tube and recovering from radiation and chemo. Husband himself had a skin cancer taken off his hand a couple months ago. It was the tamer one, but scary none the less.

I'm another one of those walking depressed. I tried reading grief boards, but there was too much pain there and I had enough of my own. I tried reading. Tuesdays with Morrie was helpful. There is something in there about feeling the loss totally in order to set it aside, among other things. But what is every day helpful is changing 'things'.

As long as I keep looking back, I can't look forward. I started to take little actions. Cheering others didn't work on this. Five minutes of 'good feeling' while someone thanks me, and boom, down I would go again.

I needed my life right here and now to get better and stay better for an extended time. I didn't have the will or desire to do anything big. Still don't but I needed to stop that rock in my stomach day after day after day. By accident, I changed some little thing. Can't remember what now as this had been going on since last April. As an example, the silverware was in a tired old plastic thing. I went and got a very cool wood one. Usually I would not have done this, but being depressed had the cost not matter. Looks nice - buy and get out of store without crying. But what happened was everytime I opened the drawer there was this very cool silverware tray. Tiny bit by tiny bit, I without realizing what I was doing, started to look for everyday things that would make that much difference to the quality of my life. That little 'oh cool' jumping in among all the sadness. Not until I was very very irritated with my reading lamp and replaced it did I finally and instantly change. The rock was gone.

I was using my lamp to escape my life. Reading fiction until I fell asleep. The twist switch on the lamp was going bad, and I was having to turn it off with plyers! When one is escaping ones life, one does NOT want to wake up enough to plyer their lamp off! I went to a store, and bought THE coolest lamp I saw in five minutes. I had lost all desire to leave the house well enough shop. Still don't have much. But ... the lamp turned out to be perfect. I couldn't have chosen a more perfect lamp for the space, and I didn't even try. The rock in my stomach left when that lamp came on. I've been looking to see why ever since. I think all the little things added up. I think there was just enough 'oh cool' building up that I actually had something to look forward to, or at, a few times a day. I am prone to depression and this is a lesson I wished I had learned years and years ago. I've heard it a zillion times but it never made sense like it does now.

"It's the little things in life that are important."

It probably should have read. "Recreate your life, by starting with the little things."

This web site with all those little smilie guys is part of my self therapy. I couldn't believe it when I found this place. Maybe I'll save the world tomorrow, but right now, the smilie guys. :yup:

My new motto while Rome burns ... recreate, recreate, recreate.

[godfry n. glad]

My sincerest condolensces, PW.

I'm now almost four years along after the loss of the light of my life, my dear wife, Ivy, to ovarian cancer. I've been a citizen of Prozac nation since, and there are still moments it's difficult to maintain control. I've been to the depths of fetal crying jags and back, and the best I can say is 'ride it out'.

[maddog]

:unteddy: :badday:

I know what you mean, PW. Hang in there, kiddo. Many hugs!

#1129

[fragment]

{{{PW}}}

:hug:

[livius drusus]

It seems like you're keeping your eyes open and doing what you have to do, PW. Take care of yourself. :squeezle:

Pinecone, girl you sure can write. :goodpost:

[pescifish]

I'm sorry to hear of so much loss in your life, PW. You have always been good at getting done what needs to get done, I am confident dealing with these feelings is something you will tackle and overcome. You are strong and know how to live well; trust in yourself and you will get through this period.

I have a few things that help me, but if I start typing them out here on :ff:, I'll end up sliding into my own pit. Take care, PW. Hug your new pup for me. :undog:

[Leesifer]

Hey P-Dub. :huggle:

I understand totally about the setback - had the same thing about 4 months ago - another funeral - same fucking disease!

[curses]

:hug: PW

[Crumb]

:huggle: PW.

[viscousmemories]

I'm sorry, PW. :hug:

If it's any consolation, some of my best friends and I are mentally ill.

[Stormlight]

I'm very sorry, PW. :huggle:

[Plant Woman]

I think it's understandable that you're depressed at the moment, PW. Please do whatever it is that you need to do for yourself. :snuggles:

Thank you, I am trying hard not to be in this mind set, I'm tired of it already.

:cheerhug:

I thought you were doing really well lately...

It hit me really hard too when my father died. It took a long time to get used to that. And every anniversary is hard too.

I was too, although the depression wasn't lifting. I know how you feel about that, never knew until this happened just how hard it is.

I wish I had something constructive to offer. All I've got are sympathetic hugs.

:hug:

Hugs are great! Thanks.

Heeeey.....if it's possible, you don't worry about what others think.

This web site with all those little smilie guys is part of my self therapy. I couldn't believe it when I found this place. Maybe I'll save the world tomorrow, but right now, the smilie guys. :yup:

My new motto while Rome burns ... recreate, recreate, recreate.

I try not to let what others think get to me, but it was hammered into me that depression you can lift it yourself. My whole family believes all you need to do is give it to god and quit feeling sorry for yourself and you will be better.

This place was a life saver for me too, during the worst of this last year.

My sincerest condolensces, PW.

I'm now almost four years along after the loss of the light of my life, my dear wife, Ivy, to ovarian cancer. I've been a citizen of Prozac nation since, and there are still moments it's difficult to maintain control. I've been to the depths of fetal crying jags and back, and the best I can say is 'ride it out'.

Thanks godfry, losing your life partner has got to be even tougher then losing a parent. I'm glad you are doing better now. Do you ever completely get over the loss?

:unteddy: :badday:

I know what you mean, PW. Hang in there, kiddo. Many hugs!

#1129

Thanks maddog.

{{{PW}}}

:hug:

Awww that was nice!

It seems like you're keeping your eyes open and doing what you have to do, PW. Take care of yourself. :squeezle:


I'm trying to take care of myself as I've found out, no one else will.

I'm sorry to hear of so much loss in your life, PW. You have always been good at getting done what needs to get done, I am confident dealing with these feelings is something you will tackle and overcome. You are strong and know how to live well; trust in yourself and you will get through this period.

I have a few things that help me, but if I start typing them out here on :ff:, I'll end up sliding into my own pit. Take care, PW. Hug your new pup for me. :undog:

Thanks, sometimes its hard to live up to that, everyone usually thinks I am stronger than what I feel. I guess I don't realize my own strength.

I had a scare yesterday about the dog. I was at a drive through espresso stand and a person asked me where I got him. I said at the humane society. They said they knew someone in town that lost a dog that looked like him, recently. Shit! What do I do if they want him back?

Hey P-Dub. :huggle:

I understand totally about the setback - had the same thing about 4 months ago - another funeral - same fucking disease!

Oh man, Lees, dang it all! :hug:

:hug: PW

:huggle: PW.

:glomps:

I'm sorry, PW. :hug:

If it's any consolation, some of my best friends and I are mentally ill.

I might just fit in, eh?

I'm very sorry, PW. :huggle:

Thanks. Reading this with all your comments and hugs has been a bright spot today.

[freemonkey]

{{{PW}}} I'm sorry you feel so down, but I'm not surprised, given all you've been through. The wet gray winter we've been having can't be helping you, either. I'm glad you are doing what you need to to get better.

[Plant Woman]

Thanks freemonkey. Yes, the wet, the gray, the wind, power outages have not made it any better that's for sure!

[Javaman]

Please know that I hope things turn brighter in your bean soon! I'm happy the group :squeeze: has helped a bit. I just wanted to add my :closehug:

Thinking of you,
AKT

[Plant Woman]

JM, When things were so crazy when I was taking care of my father and I thought I would go nuts, this place kept me grounded. When he passed away, this place helped by being funny and sweet and outrageous or any combination of the three. Some of the laughs I had at this place, probably kept me from going completely insane.

[Javaman]

I find it wonderful how something that can seem so cold -- the Internet -- can bring such warmth. Thanks to Liv also for having us all!

[viscousmemories]

Yeah thanks liv, you're the bestest!

:brooding:

[livius drusus]

I am, aren't I? I really, really am. :goldcup:

[chick]

:cheerhug:

[pescifish]

Yeah thanks liv, you're the bestest!Sure! But who's the bestiest of the bestest?

* pescifish goes back to spinning in slow circles, chewing on her hair and mumbling interrupt handler code under her breath.