Trivial things that amuse you

[Crumb]

:yup:

This one always makes me laugh:

"This door is alarmed" :chuckle:

[inland wave]

The "EASY BUTTON" from Staples

[viscousmemories]

Today at work I noticed that the field for "content vendor" on our financial dashboard actually says "convent vendor".

[Kyuss Apollo]

I bet they have nun of the convent you ordered.


Those "Slow Children" signs they have on my street, warning me just how stupid the neighbor's kids are.

[godfry n. glad]

Heh...Yeah, we have a sign that says "DIP". It's popular with locals to pose friends for pix.

The "lobbying" my totally spoiled cat does for his favorite fishy treats....three hours early. Every day. And that he lies to other humans about not getting his fishy treats, when he actually has gotten it.

[roastelk]

the stupid warning on bags of peanuts that say " allery alert, product may contain peanuts"

[Shelli]

So many things all day long.

* Shelli is easily amused. :funface:

[Kyuss Apollo]

That cats are too short and do not have opposable thumbs, rendering them essentially useless for the many things they want to do.

[livius drusus]

The term "scrotiserie chicken". Recently encountered on Hot Chicks with Douchebags (www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com).

[JackDog]

I think it's hilarious when animals sneeze.

[godfry n. glad]

The term "scrotiserie chicken". Recently encountered on Hot Chicks with Douchebags (www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com).

Heh...my card-playing guys came up with the term "testicularly speaking".

[Plant Woman]

Watching Shelli get uptight about baby paperclips.

[Shelli]

:giggles:

[quiet bear]

In the winter, sitting in my truck and watching the heater defrost the window.

[inland wave]

I think it's hilarious when animals sneeze.

and sneeze flem (sp) on you. Sick horses, gobs of it.....Yuck :glare:
sometimes you just can't move fast enough to get out of the way, kind of like playing :dodgeball:

[inland wave]

Kids who drop their toys in places that they cannot reach them and squill until you get it for them. Because they know you will.....

[livius drusus]

That amuses you? :O_o:

[inland wave]

Yes it does, kids doing different things to get your attention and at times a pain in the butt.
The horse thing, a shock for me, but I must say it amused other people in the barn at the time.

[Leesifer]

On Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

[Shelli]

:orly:

[Leesifer]

YA RLY!11!

[godfry n. glad]

Cellphone users gesticulating wildly. Bluetooth users can get both arms flailing.

[Shelli]

People who wear their sunglasses inside. :gleam:

[ChuckF]

I took these pictures while I was in my home town last month. These signs are posted along a certain stretch of rural highway. They still make me :chuckle:

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/1733/70147626dx5.jpg

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/7321/54053613av3.jpg

[Pinecone]

The way squirrels hold things with both little paws.
And the way they pat pat pat a treasure they have buried.
Or hang from their back feet and stretch out the front.

I guess...just about everything they do with those front little paws!

[Plant Woman]

* Plant Woman is amused over Pinecone's squirrel paw fetish.

:giggles:

[Shelli]

Women homeowners that call on the verge of a nervous breakdown because their faucet broke. This lady that just called was hysterical! :lol: Also amusing is the look on the unlucky salesman's face that takes the call as she goes on & on & on & on & on ... :foocl:

[Shelli]

I find the phrase, "... sucks donkeyballs" amusing and gross at the same time. :giggle:

[lisarea]

The plumber complimented my shoes.

[Petra]

Thank god he didn't fill 'em!

[Shelli]

The last two posts amused me. :chuckle:

[Sock Puppet]

My 3-year-old feeding the huge-ass ducks. She loves them but is afraid of them at the same time. So she throws the food at them and runs like hell. Cracks me up.

[livius drusus]

The plumber complimented my shoes.

In your face, LadyShea! :hoot:

[inland wave]

A wren building a nest on the light fixture above our garage door. We have a had wren build a nest in that spot every year. This year we noticed that she collected horse hair for part of her bedding. We are now waiting for the eggs to hatch.

[Shelli]

:aww:

[lisarea]

This. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W_gInR3gXs)

[Petra]

:laugh:


God bless the beeb!

[quiet bear]

peeling an orange, and having the whole peel come off in one piece.

[livius drusus]

I don't think that's ever happened to me, but if it did, I would definitely be amused by it. :nod:

[wildernesse]

That some man warned me away from the locked side of the supermarket doors by saying "that door's locked, darlin'" across the parking lot.

[Crumb]

"Your call will be answered in the order it was received." :chuckle:

[mosquitobite]

waking up with my dog on one side of me and a cat on the other - sandwiched :lol:

and even better, I'm always amused when my dog farts and looks to her butt like "what the hell was that?!" Since when do dogs try to disown their farts too?

My dog: http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-11/893011/SIsStick.jpg

[livius drusus]

Who does the dog blame it on when she farts? :giggle:

Awesome pics of smiling doggies most definitely amuse me.

[Shelli]

:giggle:

[Shelli]

My fur kids never cease to amuse me. :uncat: :undog:

[Dingfod]

A sign on a 90:degrees: corner amuses me, it says "Smart People Slow Down Here".

[Shelli]

:lol:

[Dingfod]

Oh, I forgot: It amused me immensely when the horse sneezed a big wad of snot on inland wave.

[Shelli]

:muttley:

[Dingfod]

I think the term for my reaction to that incident is "guffaw", would that qualify as immense amusement, or is that something else?

[Dingfod]

That over an hour and a half have passed since anyone other than me has posted, and almost an hour of that since my last post, in the evening, on a weekday. Must be nice weather outside.

[livius drusus]

That Ding is posting a bunch tonight. :pleased:

[Sauron]

The word "skank."

I don't know why - maybe it's because it looks like a combination of the word "skunk" and "stank". I think it's a meme of some kind. For some reason, I look for ways to introduce this word into conversations.

"Why yes, that's a lovely new hallway carpet. What skank sold it to you?"

"She didn't do too well in school this quarter. She worked hard, but the homework was just too overwhelming, poor little skank."

And of course, this word can be conjugated and put through all the traces:

Adj:
skank
skankier (comparative)
skankiest (superlative)
skankalicious (hip-hop)

N.
Male (m) - see synonyms under 'horndog', 'man-whore'
She-skank (f) - etc.

V.
(to) skank;

V.T.
beskank, skankify;

[Dingfod]

People that are skanktimonious.

[Plant Woman]

:bow2: Your skankness.

[Dingfod]

"Skankly, my dear, I don't give a skank."--Rex Budlow, night manager, Wendy's, Skanknecktity, NY.

[Corona688]

When my network specs get blown into a field of cows, and nearly eaten.

[Shelli]

:stwitch: .... :chuckle:

[Sock Puppet]

My spellchecker wanted to replace "antiboycott" with "ant boycott."

What'd we do THIS time?
:ant:

[lisarea]

As I'm sure most in the scientific community are aware, I am benefactor for my six year old nephew's ongoing "giant robot" project.

But I am embarassed to confess that I sent the wrong kind of wire the last time I mailed him robot parts, so he's had to busy himself with a few interim projects, including a graveyard for dead insects he finds in his yard; and a big, perfect wad of reusable bubble gum, carefully formulated for bubble blowing capacity and ideal color (dark red colored gum, for example, is too gross looking for the giant wad of ABC gum he keeps in the old dirty toolbox I gave him).

[livius drusus]

Weird cross-posts in the "I like my wo/men like I like my X" thread.

I like my men like I like my cartoons ...

...carefully inked.

I like my women like I like my finances...

...tiny and hairless.

[ChuckF]

Hey, I fixed that last one :glare:

Damn your eyes!

[Shelli]

:chuckle:

[livius drusus]

Busting the cross-post before it gets edited is most definitely amusing. :slide:

[Shelli]

Crumb..

[Crumb]

:tremble:

[Shelli]

That smilie :^: :giggle:

[Crumb]

:pleased:

[lisarea]

Two conversations with the Little Muffin today.

TLM - The Little Muffin
TLMM - The Little Muffin's Mommy (me)

Conversation 1

TLMM: blah blah blah the Captain and Tenille blah blah [I forget why I said Captain and Tenille].
TLM: Wait. What was the Captain's name? It was something totally badass!
TLMM: What? I don't know. Like Dwayne something?
TLM: DARYL DRAGON! Yeah! It's DARYL DRAGON! Bad. Ass.
TLMM: Wait. You're 21 years old. Why do you even know who the Captain and Tenille are?
TLM: Shut up.

Conversation 2

TLM: [About some character actor on TV] He looks like that one guy.
TLMM: Who?
TLM: Gar. He's a pretty famous actor. I think he was in some version of Death of a Salesman. Famous guy. You know him.
TLMM: I don't know.
TLM: Oh, yeah. He was in some Lifetime TV movie about a guy with big ears or something.
TLMM: [Seriously, try to guess this before you look at the spoiler.]William H. Macy?
TLM: Yeah.
TLMM: I don't think he was ever in any Lifetime movie about a guy with big ears.

[Shelli]

The fact that the Gargle Guy won't ride his motorcycle if there's the slightest chance that a sprinkle might leave a water spot on his bike. :rolls:

OH NOES!!1! :ohno: NOT A WATER SPOT!!!! :shock:

:lolwat:

[Pinecone]

A chipmonk ran up on my porch and put his front paws on this strange pink fuzzy thing and whiffled it.
It was one of the slippers I was wearing.
:squee:

[Shelli]

:aww:

[mindbender]

the stupid warning on bags of peanuts that say " allery alert, product may contain peanuts"

Along those lines, the nutrition facts on water bottles.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Cats swatting at stuff or chasing another cat,
how some birds bob their heads when they walk, my gecko climbing around on walls, mechanical irises (as inside a camera lens) opening and closing, clockwork doing its thing...

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

This.


http://www.popgadget.net/images/smb_cake.jpg

[quiet bear]

Me too!

What does it do?

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Er.. it's a wedding cake.

[Shelli]

That's so cool, CC. :joecool2:

[lisarea]

a1Y73sPHKxw

[Petra]

The following quote from the quote generator had me giggling. In fact, I'm still giggling.


In retrospect, I would have liked to have deboned and split my own breasts before butterflying
~ Bree ~

[Petra]

As did that chipmunk. :laugh:

[Shelli]

My loser next door neighbor even considering that I might loan, or better yet, give him :dollar:.

:roflcopt:

[Crumb]

The former drug lord?

[Shelli]

Yep :chuckle:

I hope he's not holding his breath, or wait.. maybe I do.. :holdbreath:

:giggle:

[Crumb]

:giggles:

[livius drusus]

OCbuRA_D3KU

[Uthgar the Brazen]

a1Y73sPHKxw

Drama Prairie Dog entertains me to no end. I've seen it a billion times, and hysterically giggle no less now than I did the first time. :yup:

[Shelli]

I can't wait to watch the video that liv posted when I get home from work. :excited:

In other news... it greatly amuses me not so much that my loser next door neighbor's air conditioner was stolen this past Monday, but that it has been seen in his "friend", the crack dealer's, window since then... :roffle:

[Shelli]

Annoying the Gargle Guy. :unpoke:

[Shelli]

Realizing just now that my dog, Tigger, peed in my sneaker this morning.. that I wore riding in. :leglift: :giggle:

I just went to change from my sandals to my sneakers for lunch and was like.. hmm... my sock is wet.. why is my sock wet... :girlthink:

Oh yeah.. I guess he did.. :idea:

:chuckle:

I also find it amusing that I find that amusing. :giggles:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Wet socks are NOT amusing.

Pee-wet socks are disgustipating!

:eww:

[livius drusus]

* livius drusus disgustipates all over the place. :vomit:

[Shelli]

I also find the above two posts amusing. :giggle:

btw.. it wasn't a full pee, more of a tinkle when he got scared by something. :rughide:

Also, I was disgusted at first too, but then started laughing because the sneaker he peed in was on it's side. How the hell did he manage that? :wha:

Talented little doggeh, he is. :chuckle:

[Zehava]

When I am filling out trouble tickets on computers I am working on, I type does not it comes out doe snot.

EVERY freaking time.

[Shelli]

Breathing in my own saliva, having it go down the wrong pipe causing me to cough like that will do and then cracking up over the absurdity of it. :lol:

I so amuse me. :giggle:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Aaaaaaaa-spir-aaaation, c'mon!
Gonna have a good t...coughcoughcoughchokehackcoughcoughcough!

:D

[Shelli]

:chuckle:

[livius drusus]

Chuck's new Pimp Brezhnev avatar. It makes everything he says funny. :giggle:

[Shelli]

getting :glare:s

:giggle:

[Kyuss Apollo]

With a good percentage of people you have to actually speak to them before you realize they are a complete and total asshole. But there's alot of others you don't even have to talk to to find out, because they advertise their stupidity on the ass-end of their cars...

http://www.willisms.com/archives/bushcheney2000.gif

Removes all doubt.

[Shelli]

heh

[Dingfod]

I figure the W'04 on a lot of cars now stands for "What for?"

[Shelli]

My :dog:s barking and growling at the new fridge... for awhile anyway.. then this belongs in the "Trivial things that annoy you" thread. :chuckle:

[SharonDee]

People who drive with their car's sun visors in the wrong position to do any good. The sun is shining right into their eyes from the left but they have the visors all the way down in front.

[Shelli]

Sharon Dee's current avatar. I can hear him say that too. :giggle:

[Ensign Steve]

I love that avatar / custom title combo, too. LOVE that movie.

[JoeP]

My :dog:s barking and growling at the new fridge... for awhile anyway.. then this belongs in the "Trivial things that annoy you" thread. :chuckle:

Our little dog scratching and whining at the sub-woofer in our new music system. She seems to think there's another little dog in there to play with. (Sub woofer - little dog?)

[livius drusus]

:aww:

[curses]

The guy (girl?) I was behind last night had a YA RLY tag on their car. I tried to get a picture of it, but my cellphone couldn't pick up detail through the red glare of the brake lights.

[lisarea]

Sluggo gets two official meals a day. Maturin gives him his breakfast in the morning, and I feed him dinner at around 5PM. He's usually pretty hungry by that time, so he comes to get me right at 5.

Anyway, over the past couple of weeks, Sluggo has instituted a new house rule. I go get him his dinner, then I have to hug and cuddle him for a while before he eats. I don't know why. At first, I thought maybe he was hearing far-off thunderclaps (which scare him), but nope. He does this every day. He's just decided that he needs to get loved up before dinner, to aid digestion or something.

Today, Maturin was home but was in the front yard, so after I hugged Sluggo for a while, he went and waited at the front door for like five minutes until Maturin came back in, and he also had to get down on the floor for the dog's pre-dinner lovefest.

It was probably ten minutes between when I put the food in his bowl and when he ate it.

[viscousmemories]

That is so gay.

[livius drusus]

You are!
:sluggo:

[SharonDee]

The way my dad's chickens eat grass blades out of my hand. And the occasional pinching peck I get when one of them forgets herself.

[livius drusus]

Chickens are so great. :aww:

[Kyuss Apollo]

I swpil[l[ecd sw\ater onj my keyboe\acd l[\aswt njivght, \anjcd njosw evgerythinjvg I type h\asw \al[l[ the sextr\a cdh\ar\acdtersw. It isw \amuswinjvg rivght njosw, but expecdt swomethinjvg inj the ?"trivgi\al[ thinjvgsw th\at piswsw you off thre\acd?" the firswt time I njeecd to type oput swomethinjvg sweriousw.

[SharonDee]

You shot who?!
:listen:

[livius drusus]

He swiped an oboe, Sharon. Pay attention, sheesh!

[SharonDee]

What amuses me is trying to impress liv with chicken pix. Voo-walla:

[Pinecone]

I swpil[l[ecd sw\ater onj my keyboe\acd l[\aswt njivght, \anjcd njosw evgerythinjvg I type h\asw \al[l[ the sextr\a cdh\ar\acdtersw. It isw \amuswinjvg rivght njosw, but expecdt swomethinjvg inj the ?"trivgi\al[ thinjvgsw th\at piswsw you off thre\acd?" the firswt time I njeecd to type oput swomethinjvg sweriousw.

Kyuss new keyboe\acd is sweriouswly amuswinjvg.:giggle:

[livius drusus]

What amuses me is trying to impress liv with chicken pix. Voo-walla:
OMG so impressed! Sweet little hand fed grass-nibbling chickon of cuteness. :squee:

[SharonDee]

Success!
:chairdance:

[Shelli]

Oh My God! :gasp:



In this conversation from this morning, especially...


Him: "Can I speak to Jane please?"

Me: "She works at the new showroom location..."

Him: (cuts me off midsentence) "Oh, okay, blah blah blah..."

Me: (when he draws a breath) "However, the showroom is closed today."

Him: Oh My God! :gasp:



I've been laughing about that all day. :lol: It's great to be easily amused. :giggle:

[Shelli]

Too many posts on the :ff: to count. :ffgiggle: :fflaugh:

[Shelli]

When people take themselves too seriously. :haha: :snooty:

[Crumb]

When Shelli gets on a thread bumping kick. :giggles:

[Shelli]

:giggle:

[Shelli]

Mostly everything today. :giggle:

[Shelli]

At the moment, myself practicing thread necromancy. :giggle:

[Crumb]

We should proclaim some day a thread necromancy holiday. :yup:

[Shelli]

Today? :giggles:

[Crumb]

Well maybe. :shrug:

[SharonDee]

We should proclaim some day a thread necromancy holiday. :yup:A day off from doing it, you mean? Bad zombies, BAD! :thwap:

[Crumb]

:chuckle: It doesn't happen that often.

[Shelli]

Nah, just every now and then until I've drained the urge. :giggle:

[Shelli]

My co-worker's hypochondriac wife told me today that she "fired" all three of her doctors after she called each one a week or so ago about severe vertigo (her newest "ailment") and not one of them called her back. She went on to say that she was shocked and dismayed that not even her urologist called her back. :\

:laugh:

[Tanda]

Damned urologist!

Wait...why did she call her urologist about vertigo?? :thatsweird:

[Legs]

I'll tell ya what amused Ensign Steve in Las Vegas to no end, the automatic drapery-opener-closer-switch in my room. :giggles:

[Ensign Steve]

Holy shit that thing was awesome!

Okay, two things that were awesome about it. 1: It was an automatic drapery-opener-closer-switch. 2: It was clear on the opposite side of the room from the draperies. I mean, what the fuck! It blew my mind.

[biochemgirl]

In all fairness that is pretty fucking awesome. I would have been entertained for hours.

[The Lone Ranger]

I let the birdfeeder run out of seed. So I went out yesterday to refill it. Before I'd even finished filling it, there was a chipmunk sitting about 6 feet away, looking at me as if to say, "Will you hurry it up, Mac?".

[Shelli]

Damned urologist!

Wait...why did she call her urologist about vertigo?? :thatsweird:Ja, weirdness prevails. She's a certified :loon:. :cuckoo:

I let the birdfeeder run out of seed. So I went out yesterday to refill it. Before I'd even finished filling it, there was a chipmunk sitting about 6 feet away, looking at me as if to say, "Will you hurry it up, Mac?".:giggle:

[lisarea]

I knew someone who had severe vertigo once. She'd throw up every time she moved, and she rode to the ER with her head in a trashcan full of vomit.

Point being that actual 'severe vertigo' isn't just trivially amusing. It's side-splittingly hilarious. I think that's a diagnostic criterion, in fact.

[Shelli]

Point being that actual 'severe vertigo' isn't just trivially amusing. It's side-splittingly hilarious. I think that's a diagnostic criterion, in fact.Well, that's just it.. "actual" vertigo, I'm sure, is not funny at all, which I highly doubt she has. Since I've known my co-worker, I've known her through him, and within the last year, I've gotten to know her more personally on a first hand basis and she is a the most definite case of hypochondriac I've ever heard of and met. She routinely "fires" her doctors left and right because they can't find anything wrong with her. And, ja, having your urologist on the list of people you called about vertigo, being mystified and pissed that he/she didn't call you back and then firing he/she for not calling you back is side-splitting hilarious. :rofl:

They haven't been able to find anything wrong with her this time either, even after multiple tests and MRI's. :crazy:


Edit: She hasn't had nausea to go with it either, but it's made a damn good excuse to get extra attention and to take off more time from work.



Firing your urologist in a huff because he/she didn't call you back after a call about vertigo.... :foocl:

[lisarea]

Well, mild cases of vertigo exist. I had it once. It consisted entirely of getting a little bit dizzy and wobbly sometimes and walking a little bit drunk. That was trivially amusing.

Fortunately, my urologist* prescribed an excellent placebo that worked so well that it went away as soon as I filled the prescription.

* I actually didn't know that ladies even went to urologists until today.

[ChuckF]

Yeah I was going to ask about that right after my pap smear.

[Ensign Steve]

Feared.

[Tanda]

Chuck, you are exceptionally funny today. Are you the rascal who ended up with Dingfod's missing sense of humor? :grin:

[ChuckF]

:shh: Don't tell mickthinks.

[Tanda]

Discuss.

[Shelli]

* I actually didn't know that ladies even went to urologists until today.I didn't know that either until her story. Who knew. Weird.

Seriously, though, while her calling and firing her urologist over vertigo is mildly amusing, she, herself is majorly annoying. If she's not complaining, she bragging. I shut her out as much as I can or I'd be forced to run her over on one of our group VROOM's.

Incidentally, if one has vertigo that keeps them from being able to bend down to tie her own shoes, as this lady has claimed she has, would it be possible then for her to ride and keep upright a motorcycle as she did all of yesterday? :susp2:

[Shelli]

Fortunately, my urologist* prescribed an excellent placebo that worked so well that it went away as soon as I filled the prescription. haha.. as a matter of fact, she called back one of the doctor's that she initially called that didn't call her back, who is subsequently "fired". He told her to go to the hospital. At the hospital, they gave her a prescription and upon taking it, her vertigo has lessened, she said. I can't help but wonder if it was a placebo and I wouldn't be surprised at all that regardless of whether or not it was placebo, that the effect that it has on her was placebo.

[biochemgirl]

Sure it is. If you have conveniently selective vertigo that is.

[lisarea]

So maybe a year ago or something, my poor pathetic old mother calls me up and starts telling me how old and sad and arthritic she is because her feet and her knees hurt after she had been out all night at some concert, dancing with a bunch of college boys.

Today, she calls with the same problem. Because she went to the Obama rally in Albuquerque and somehow ended up with a special pass to get to the front, where she was jumping around and dancing with a bunch of college boys.

AWWW, POOR OLD LADY! Can't even dance in mosh pits with 20 year olds for hours on end without feeling sore the next morning!

[Shelli]

:giggles:

[Shelli]

The job name on an order processed today reads "B.S. Church". :lol:

[Corona688]

Saw a troop of small squirrels emerging from a hole in a tree I walk by on the way to work. They came out one at a time like clowns from a tiny car. Doubly amusing since squirrels are kind of rare around here(tree squirrels, anyway. ground squirrels mock us in their trillions.)

[Shelli]

:^^

[godfry n. glad]

JEROME DA GNOME.

[Garnet]

Godfry, this is not the "Trivial things that annoy you" thread.

[Master Taran]

Godfry, this is not the "Trivial things that annoy you" thread.Hmmm, I'm wondering when that will change. :innocent:

[livius drusus]

The sheer number of people who register here just to view the attachments in Petra's ancient upkilt thread. Bless their degenerate hearts.

[Megatron]

Wait, what

[Qingdai]

Now I must search for upkilt.

BRB

[godfry n. glad]

Long time posters who find they've 'missed the choice stuff'.

:giggles:

[Ensign Steve]

OMG someone please bump that thread so I don't have to search. :prayer:

[But]

the attachments :giggle:

[Lauri D]

Kids who drop their toys in places that they cannot reach them and squill until you get it for them. Because they know you will.....

I totally have an invention idea for that but will not share it here until it's patented 'cuz one of you would steal it for sure.

[Demimonde]

I am writing a paper, and I get to use the term Zeitgeist in the thesis.

[lisarea]

Kids who drop their toys in places that they cannot reach them and squill until you get it for them. Because they know you will.....

I totally have an invention idea for that but will not share it here until it's patented 'cuz one of you would steal it for sure.

If it's a special breed of plastic eating cobras, don't bother. They'll get the toys fine, but you can't make them give them back.

[Dingfod]

Kids who drop their toys in places that they cannot reach them and squill until you get it for them. Because they know you will.....

I totally have an invention idea for that but will not share it here until it's patented 'cuz one of you would steal it for sure.

If it's a special breed of plastic eating cobras, don't bother. They'll get the toys fine, but you can't make them give them back.And I'm pretty sure duct tape has already been patented.

[Lauri D]

Kids who drop their toys in places that they cannot reach them and squill until you get it for them. Because they know you will.....

I totally have an invention idea for that but will not share it here until it's patented 'cuz one of you would steal it for sure.

If it's a special breed of plastic eating cobras, don't bother. They'll get the toys fine, but you can't make them give them back.

As awesome as that idea is, mine is I think totally more patentable. Any patent lawyers in the house? :giggle:

[Shelli]

I wore a temporary tattoo today that matches my top.. just 'cause. :dunno:

That's not amusing, but what is are the people who show contempt because they think I'm trying to pass it off as a real tattoo. Yeah.. that must be it. That would be so me. :okaaay:

'tards. :lol:

[Shelli]

While :ungreen: (this assbag that I work with) was out today, I came to find out that he's .. get this .. keeping a list of anyone who he thinks left a Keurig k-cup in the new office coffee machine. :whatthefuck:

omg.. what a fucking :loon:! :rofl:


So, I made a sign that is now hanging above the machine. :biggrin:



K-Cup Disposal Requirements


Everyone who uses the Keurig coffee machine is responsible for the prompt and proper disposal of their used k-cups.

Appropriate action will be taken against any person(s) who are found to be in non-compliance with the above order.

The consequences are as follows:



1st. Offense: 10 lashes with a wet ramen noodle

2nd. Offense: The contents of the offending k-cup dumped over the offender's head

3rd. Offense: Public k-cupping (stoning)

4th. Offense: Offender will be made to drink a full cup of extra bold coffee every 10 minutes for three hours without a bathroom break.

5th. Offense: Death by being locked in a room with Shelli for 24 hours after she’s had 10 espressos.




We are serious. This is serious business.



The punishment for the 5th offense was my co-workers' idea. :giggle:


:espresso:

[BrotherMan]

kill the joe, make some mo'

[JamesBannon]

Annoying Crumb by bumping the sumbitch thread.

[Crumb]

:brooding:

[Doctor X]

:pat:

--J.D.

[Shelli]

My husband saw a bumper sticker today that he said he'd gladly put on his truck if he could find one. It reads...

ASSHOLE - It's not just a word. It's a lifestyle


I'm an ASSHOLE!
:leadsing:


*I'm quoting Dennis Leary's "Asshole" song above for those of you who might not know the reference.

[Shelli]

My bawls came came in UPS today! :newtonsballs:

.. and as an added bonus, on the side of the box it says:

Bounce with Bawls

BOING!
:tiggermonkey:
:tennisball::baseball::golfball::billiards:




*Well, it doesn't have the Tiggermonkey or the balls, but it really does say "Bounce with Bawls" :giggle:


It's supposedly this sooper dooper energy drink that my step-son talked me into going in on a case with him. You can't find it in Yankeeville, so we ordered it and it came in today. :bgirl:

Bawls (http://www.xoxide.com/bawguarcafdr.html) - in case you need some :wink:

[BrotherMan]

It seems so obvious now. Perhaps GOD alone wasn't enough? Of course you'd need some BAWLS to hang with his dong.

[Doctor X]

People who ask if I have heard of the "ants of Christ."

--J.D.

[Shelli]

It took me 21 years, but I was finally able to gross out my co-worker that was formally ungrossoutable. :ovation:

Perseverance wins the day again! :w00t:

It's so good to be easily amused. :funface:

btw, all it took was opening my mouth and showing him my mouth full of chewed up chocolate with peanuts. :giggle:

[Sock Puppet]

NTS: Don't do lunch with Shelli.

[Shelli]

:giggles:

[Shelli]

WANT! (http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/frustrations/c2dd/)

lol
:blank:


http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/c2dd_no.jpg

While you're there, I was wondering if you'd get me...?
No.
Could do me a favor and fix my comp...?
No.
Dear Sir/Madam, I am sorry I have to contact you in this manner. I am the son of the former President of....
No.


:gimme:

[JoeP]

WANT! (http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/unisex/frustrations/c2dd/)
http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/c2dd_no.jpg

While you're there, I was wondering if you'd get me...?
No.
Could do me a favor and fix my comp...?
No.
Dear Sir/Madam, I am sorry I have to contact you in this manner. I am the son of the former President of....
No.


Hey, show me your T-shirt?
....

[Shelli]

So... this morning I got up an hour early because the power went out last night. That's not particularly amusing, but rest of how & why the hour early happened is. Even if the joke is on me. :funface:

So, the power went out sometime last night. I woke up from it because the thingy that powers the sleep number bed I have clicks loudly when it's turned on or off. So, I look at my digital clock to see that it's blinking 12:00. Great. So, I get up, go into the bathroom to check the time and it's an odd clock which isn't always easy to tell exactly what hour it is. When during an hour, yes, the exact hour, not always so. :shrug: So, I go back to my bedroom, find my watch and check it to make sure that what I think the clock says is correct. Yep, they match, and I set my clock accordingly.

Well, when my alarm went off this morning I was soooooo :tired:. Why? I wondered, considering I went to bed early enough and slept well. Whatever, time to get ready for work and I grabbed a bottle of Bawls to help me come out of my stupor.

About 20 minutes later, after I've drank half of my caffeine drink and am getting ready to feed the dogs, I look outside and wonder why it's still so dark. It should be getting light by now, I think. :wha:

That's when I start to wonder... :susp2: ... and then find my suspicions warranted when I check the clock in the living room. Yep, I'm an hour early. :brooding:

That's when I remember that the watch that I checked the clock against is only correct half of the year and "Fall Back" time ain't it. :duh:

Iwetodddid.. dur-de-dur!
:dumb:


:lol:

[Shelli]

Oh, and I :lol:'d when the shampoo bottle fell and the bottom of it clocked me in the forehead this morning.


What can I say? I'm easy. :giggle:

[Sock Puppet]

:bunnythrust:

[Shelli]

:bunnythrust:Exactly! How'd you know how that happened? :lol:

[Sock Puppet]

Nostradamus. DUH.

[Shelli]

The same :ungreen: that prompted the posting of the k-cup disposal requirements just got this handed to him since he's seen fit to start calling me a "fat-ass" again. (btw.. no, I don't have a fat ass; he's just an ass)

Assplant Donation Drive


Pricer Dave is in critical need of an ass. Yes, I know that we often mistake his head for his ass, but the fact of the matter is that he is ass-less. :(

Unfortunately, due to his striking inadequacy, he has taken to calling everyone who has an ass, a “fat-ass” so as you can see, his lack of an ass is affecting us all. :(

Please donate in this time of need so that we can get Pricer Dave an ass. :)

[Shelli]

When placing another order for Bawls for my step-son & I just now, I redeemed some of my "geek points" for....

Dead Fred Pen Holder (https://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/supplies/a777/)! :gimme:

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/dead_fred.jpg

:lol:

[Shelli]

Not as funny, but still amusing, I also ordered:

Mini Magnetic Bumper Stickers (https://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/cubegoodies/c46d/)

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/c46d_mini_magnetic_bumper_stickers.jpg

:acat::ncat::dcat:

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/b_notdeaf.jpg

:biggrin:

[Ymir's blood]

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/b_notdeaf.jpg
I've had a pin that says that since the 80s. :P

[Shelli]

Oh well, call me retro, call me behind the times; don't just call me late for dinner. :ramen:

:funface:

[Ymir's blood]

I prefer to think that I was born before my time.

[Shelli]

For Ymir:

Liquid Bookmark (https://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/supplies/cc9b/)

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/cc9b_liquid_bookmark.jpg

Horror Movie Shower Curtain & Bath Mat (http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/b9b2/)

http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/b9b2_horror_movie_shower_curtain_bath_mat.jpg

Bloody Evidence Chef's Knife (https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/b517_bloody_evidence_chefs_knife.jpg)

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/front/b517_bloody_evidence_chefs_knife.jpg

Horror Halloween Handrest (https://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/accessories/af46/)

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/af46_horror_halloween_handrest.jpg

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/additional/large/af46_horror_halloween_handrest_inuse.jpg

[Shelli]

heh...

Blood Caffeinated Energy (https://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/drinks/c6c9/)

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/c6c9_blood_caffeinated_energy_potion.jpg

[freemonkey]

OK. I want Dead Fred pen holder, the bloody bookmark and the shower curtain/bathmat duo. But mostly I want Dead Fred.

And the book mark.

[Tanda]

What's worse than the idea is the bad english. (http://wholesale.jetsobox.com/shop/images/uploads/sexualbottleopener.jpg)

[Ymir's blood]

* Ymir's blood thank she post.

[Tanda]

:giggles:

[Ensign Steve]

Betty White is a class act! :lol:

Perez Hilton: Rose Sends Blanche Death Threats! (http://perezhilton.com/2010-02-02-rose-sends-blanche-death-threats)

[Shelli]

Dead Fred, magnetic bumper stickers & teh button are due to arrive today!!!!1! :eager:

Oh, and mah bawls! :newtonsballs:

[Naru]

heh...

Blood Caffeinated Energy (https://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/drinks/c6c9/)

https://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/c6c9_blood_caffeinated_energy_potion.jpg

But does it make your skin sparkly?

[Shelli]

I dunno. I'd try it, but the ad says that it's the consistency of blood too. :nojustno:


Dead Fred is in!!!1! :voodoo:

[Watser?]

I was at a theater show once, it was a play loosely based on Macbeth where they flooded the whole floor with fake blood. It even smelled like real blood though (I've worked in meat processing plants, so I know the smell that way, not because I am a murderous maniac, alhough I still might be for all you know).

[Shelli]

:tiptoe:

[Watser?]

:muahaha:

[Ymir's blood]

I was at a theater show once, it was a play loosely based on Macbeth where they flooded the whole floor with fake blood. It even smelled like real blood though (I've worked in meat processing plants, so I know the smell that way, not because I am a murderous maniac, alhough I still might be for all you know).Who knew that Gwar was into Shakespeare?

[Watser?]

La Fura dels Baus (http://www.lafura.com/web/eng/obras_ficha.php?o=72)

[lisarea]

We have two guest rooms downstairs that are usually unoccupied these days, but for the past few weeks, my mom has been here, and we also have a friend staying with us Tuesdays through Thursdays.

So for the past couple of days, after her breakfast, Zsa Zsa has gone downstairs, tried the doors, and gotten into bed with the person there for her post-breakfast nap.

If you don't want to get pitbull attacked in your sleep at our house, you better make sure you latch the door to your room real good.

[JoeP]

post-breakfast nap

This concept amuses me. Although it's probably a very serious thing.

[Ensign Steve]

:scratch: My post-breakfast nap is my favorite nap of the day.

[Shelli]

If only I could take a post-breakfast nap. :smashdr:

[Crumb]

I take a pre-breakfast nap.

[lisarea]

Well, Zsa Zsa is a glamorous lady of leisure, you see.

Her particular lifestyle requires a LOT of beauty sleep.

[Tanda]

Our 5 year old asked Joe to play Wii Sports with him. They were trying to decide which game to play...

Joe-"What game do you want to play"?
5yo-"What game do you suck at"?

:secretlaugh:

[Shelli]

:lol:

[Shelli]

:giggle: @ :smigger: (smug tigger)

(see things that annoy you thread)

[Sock Puppet]

My daughter had her 100th day at school on Monday, and had various Number 100-themed things going on. She brought home a fill-in-the-blanks paper she'd done.

"My teacher tells me 100 times to ..." -- Be quiet

"I tell my parents 100 times that I want ..." -- A puppy



Blah blah blah, we get to the bottom of the sheet:

"The people who lived 100 years ago ..." -- Dyed

[Ensign Steve]

Aww, poor baby misspelled "Dad". :pat:

[Sock Puppet]

:chuckle: :glare: :chuckle: :glare:

Old folks have trouble making up their minds, so I'm doin' both.

[Shelli]

The receptionist just now says to someone..

I'm just looking for clues..
:slow:


... which got me :giggle: after I thought..


Please do, because presently, you have not a one.
:tiggermonkey:

[irukandji]

watching molly and luna
making snow angels
after our morning walks

:doggies: :snowangel:



looking at clouds while
wearing amber lenses

:awesome::cool:

[Shelli]

looking at clouds while
wearing amber lenses

:rcg:

:fixed:

[Chris Porter]

I am still unreasonably amused by the rainbows on soap bubbles. :bubbles:

[Shelli]

I still have the last wallpaper up that I posted in :ff:'s wallpaper thread. The dipshit receptionist further amused me today just now by stopping to look at it and then walking away shaking her head in distaste. While that, in itself, was not all that amusing; me zirberting * :zombie: :xp: * as she walked away amused me greatly. Loudly, too. :biggrin:

[BrotherMan]

You should ask her what she has against art student orgasms.

[Shelli]

heh, that would have her doing this :rarrow: :scratch: for at least the rest of the day. :giggle:

[BrotherMan]

I get the feeling she does that already.

[Shelli]

Oh, yeah, that would just add to the amusement factor. :dumb:

[Kael]

When discussing where to meet my ride on my cell:
"You're closer to me than I am to you." :blank:

[Watser?]

I am working on a file about Mongolia and while searching for pictures I found one of Mongolians playing billiards on the steppe during a big annual festival. :joecool2:

Also: a hunting eagle perching on a motorcycle.

[Shelli]

Also: a hunting eagle perching on a motorcycle.Shit, I thought they burned that... :shiftier:

[Nullifidian]

...

[wildernesse]

Every time my grandmother says LOL on facebook.

[Kael]

In a similar vein, it never ceases to amuse me that my mother uses more chat short-hand and abbreviations when sending text messages than I do...

[Ensign Steve]

Every time my grandmother says LOL on facebook.

Aww, you know she's just sending you Lots of Love, right? :squeezle:

True story. Mom used to sign off all her emails to me with "LOL - Mom" meaning lots of love. So I'd get emails like, "Grandpa's back in the hospital. LOL - Mom" :facepalm:

[Shelli]

lol

[Watser?]

It's so weird that lol actually means fun in Dutch...

[Shelli]

C'mon, baybeh, let's have some lol
:dutch:

[Watser?]

lol (http://www.websters-online-dictionary.org/translation/dutch/lol)

[JoeP]

:lolhog: ... fun pig

[Shelli]

:giggle:

[Shelli]

The eyebrow twitch on this smiley :rarrow: :finger:

:chuckle:

[Shelli]

:spew:

http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=6452&d=1267228814

[Pan Narrans]

:lolhog: ... fun pig

That would be geinzwijn in proper Dutch :professor:

[Nullifidian]

Today, when I went to the bathroom, my little kitteh (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/gallery/files/9/1/6/littlekitteh1.jpg) followed me in there and hopped on the sink. He likes getting petted while I'm in there. While up on his perch, the big kitteh (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/gallery/files/9/1/6/bigkitteh1.jpg) went by. Little kitteh's eyes went wide, he entered into full butt-wiggle mode, pounced down onto the big kitteh and proceeded to... groom.

It was a real-life glomp acted out by my kittehs. :aww: :catglomp: