I need some suggestions

[justaman]

Aight I can see that I'll be spending 99% of my time in philosophy but I figured I better be a little social as well and not make enemies with everyone :P

I have come to a conclusion here, you see. In order for me to be in any way interested in living life, I must go to extremes. I get horribly depressed if I do not. So while engaging in some pers admin time last night, I came to a decision. I want to start a relationship with Stacy Bride, an internet pornstar.

http://www.stacybride.com/

The problem is how? I live in Australia, she is in the US, so this is not going to be without some obstacles.

I'm interested in hearing any and all suggestions (which includes witty and/or acerbic observations about me :P ). Currently, the only thing I got is I have to become famous and then just call her manager or something.

But let's assume I'm not going to be famous. How would you go about contacting, speaking with and ultimately wooing the beautiful Stacy Bride?

[bobeh]

A noble aspiration...but one fraught with danger. It is good to have goals...I suppose. And perhaps even in the relationship arena. At the risk of taking you seriously when you may not be...I will suggest that goals that involve other humans should be...well. I don't really know. All I know is that pursuing fantastic looking women that you don't really know may end up in incarceration. Not from personal experience mind you.

So the trick is...she has to know you...there has to be some natural connection somehow. So off you go now...learn to hold that erection for two and one half hours...get into the business and perhaps you could meet as co-workers.

[justaman]

A noble aspiration...but one fraught with danger. It is good to have goals...I suppose. And perhaps even in the relationship arena. At the risk of taking you seriously when you may not be...I will suggest that goals that involve other humans should be...well. I don't really know. All I know is that pursuing fantastic looking women that you don't really know may end up in incarceration. Not from personal experience mind you.
Well it's not like I'm obsessed with the girl. Think of me as a guy asking everyone how best to ask out the chick at school he has a crush on. I don't plan on stalking her, if that is what you are concerned with :P

But it raises an interesting point. How does one go about this and avoid this obvious danger of being considered just another fanatic? That's no way into her heart.

So the trick is...she has to know you...there has to be some natural connection somehow.
Mmm...I guess I'll have to fabricate it somehow...

So off you go now...learn to hold that erection for two and one half hours...get into the business and perhaps you could meet as co-workers.
Yeah that's something. But then she doesn't do hardcore scenes with dudes that I know about. I don't think the connection is going to be made through her profession.

[livius drusus]

Looks like step one might have to be gender reassignment surgery, which is a problem, you see, because then your username would make no sense at all. :D

[justaman]

Looks like step one might have to be gender reassignment surgery, which is a problem, you see, because then your username would make no sense at all. :D
hehe touche :P

[Socratoad]

Acerbic eh? OK, are you really that young or that insecure that you feel the need to pursue this pseudo teeny bopper rather than a real woman?

The only time she would have appealed to me was when I was thirteen or fourteen.

[Zatarra]

Want a suggestion? Find a dream to pursue that might actually make you happy. An obsession about a relationship with a pornstar ain't it. At least it does have the advantage of being impossible, so your infatuation can never be broken by actually getting to know her.

[Adora]

Jailbait.

[Sonnet]

You have no chance of ever, ever being thought of by this young lady as anything but creepy and intrusive, and rightfully so. There's no room for rationalization about this: your feelings and intentions are entirely inappropriate; you should view them with concern, as any woman upon whom you focus them certainly will. Please consider seeing a therapist before you act on any of these ideas.

[justaman]

Man you guys don't rate this idea very highly do you??

hehe

socratoad
It's not 'insecurity', it's something different :) Everyone simply assumes relationships follow a certain template of getting to know one another and gradual progression. I think it'd be interesting to have one person have complete carnal knowledge of the other, and the second person to have no knowledge of the first whatever. Surely you admit that'd be interesting??

David
That is certainly part of the attraction :P This isn't something I'm terribly serious about, of course, but it would be pretty neat. She isn't a 'dream' so much as a 'project', or 'hair-brained scheme'. That I think we'd probably get on really well is really subordinate to the fact that I think this idea is gold. Plus I was thinking it might be funny to hear people come up with ways of doing it. Not really happening so far though :P No one has a sense of humour anymore *sigh*

Adora
Man she's got to be over 18, since she has her own website! I'm 23, so I reckon we'd be well suited. :)

Sonnet
Have you considered maybe that I would be good for her?? Yes, I admit this is fairly egocentric of me, but that's only inasmuch as this is kinda fairly unlikely of ever happening :P

If Stacy ever did come to her senses and give me a whirl, I'm sure she would be pleasantly surprised :)


Aight team less moral high-horses, more shrewd schemes, please. Y'all aren't really playing the game so far :P

[Socratoad]

Game? Sorry not interested.

[seebs]

Absolutely wacky! Hey, at least it's interesting.

I guess I'd start by trying to write her and actually reach her at all.

[justaman]

Socratoad
Well don't post anything then, champ, what's the matter with you? What, do you wander into the middle of a soccer game and announce to everyone "I don't like this sport."
:)

seebs
See that's the first hurdle...and I'm still stuck for ideas. I guess I could register on the website and perhaps have contact that way, but I've got something against paying for those sites. It's like how George Costanza can't pay for parking, it's a sickness.

At this rate this is going to wind up like all my other hair-brained schemes, I think :P

[Socratoad]

[QUOTE=justaman]Socratoad
Well don't post anything then, champ, what's the matter with you? What, do you wander into the middle of a soccer game and announce to everyone "I don't like this sport."
:)

Wouldn't think of it, but I have wandered into more than one hockey game and done just that. :D


I thought you also invited acerbic entries. Now I really am hurt :(

[justaman]

Wouldn't think of it, but I have wandered into more than one hockey game and done just that.
hehe gold :D

I thought you also invited acerbic entries. Now I really am hurt :(
Aw, crap I did too. I knew that was gunna bite me in the ass :P

[Sonnet]

See that's the first hurdle...and I'm still stuck for ideas. I guess I could register on the website and perhaps have contact that way, but I've got something against paying for those sites. It's like how George Costanza can't pay for parking, it's a sickness.

Well, that's one sickness, anyway.

Let me get this straight. You want her to respect you, you want to get into her life and 'pleasantly surprise' her, but you're too cheap to pay her to do what she does for a living? And you think you understand that she's a thinking human being with opinions of her own, I assume, but you can't figure out what her opinion of THAT would be? "Hey, babe - I've been using your FREE pics for my personal 'me' time, but I can't really pony up the $6.95 to actually compensate you... but I think I'd be really good for you. See, I'm not a guy who PAYS for the porn I use. No. I'm special; I want to BE WITH porn actresses. I think I'm above paying them for what they do, even though I clearly enjoy it enough to stalk them. Wanna have a relationship? Let's start with sex... for free, right? No. I really SEE who you are. I LOVE you."

:doh:

Guy. There are thousands of you that bother girls like her every day. These guys are a dime a dozen, and you're not even willing to pay what her product costs. The game you're asking people to play is Help Me Stalk Stacy Like a Smart Guy. If you ever do get near her and she has a bit of sense she's going to have her boyfriend beat you bloody, and then she'll press charges against you.

You are very, very close to a dangerous and inappropriate line of thinking. You'll be happier if you just work to get over that and live in the real world. Jodie Foster wasn't 'pleasantly surprised' when Hinckley shot Reagan, either.

[godfry n. glad]

I personally think you'll have a difficult time impressing this young lady with that copy of Strunk and White and the soapbox firmly lodged in your colon.

godfry

(psssst...I use "hare-brained", rather than "hair-brained", largely because the latter makes no sense to me.)

[livius drusus]

Oh well, I'm pretty sure he was only trying to impress you with the Strunk and White and soapbox up his ass. ;)

Or possibly me... It totally worked too. :flirt:

[godfry n. glad]

Well, 54, what can I say but, "You're easily impressed"?

I rather suspect he names his cat Cat, his dog Dog and, when and if he can get his shit together enough to impress some poor dumb female to mate with him, he'll probably call her Woman and if they have children, they'll be named Girl and/or Boy.

godfry

[livius drusus]

Oh c'mon, godfry. You already copped to the fact that your choice is, strictly speaking, grammatically incorrect. Why spread the surl over here when you could be talking about chicks?

Besides, of course I'm easily impressed. I'm an English ho; this is a known fact.

[Sonnet]

Oh c'mon, godfry. You already copped to the fact that your choice is, strictly speaking, grammatically incorrect. Why spread the surl over here when you could be talking about chicks?

Besides, of course I'm easily impressed. I'm an English ho; this is a known fact.

Wait: what? You're saying that 'hare-brained' is grammatically incorrect and 'hair-brained' is the proper term?


:sadcheer:

[livius drusus]

Oh no no no... I was talking about the pressing issue of initial caps on proper nouns. It's definitely hare-brained, afaik. Be of good :cheer:.

[godfry n. glad]

Oh c'mon, godfry. You already copped to the fact that your choice is, strictly speaking, grammatically incorrect. Why spread the surl over here when you could be talking about chicks?

Besides, of course I'm easily impressed. I'm an English ho; this is a known fact.

Wait: what? You're saying that 'hare-brained' is grammatically incorrect and 'hair-brained' is the proper term?


:sadcheer:

I don't think she said that at all. It's just that justAman is a grammar nazi, or tries to be with his pet project: God.

Actually, according to the OED, both usages are acceptable, although in all three dictionaries I checked, it was not listed under "hair-", only under "hare-" with a brief note that the alternate spelling was widespread. They also note that the "hair-" usage is much, much later, but has become more widely used. To me, this just proves that if enough morons misuse the language, it becomes the language. Just like in the usage of "God".

godfry

(....I'm just curious as to whether 54 learned her trade around Piccadilly Circus or Trafalgar Square....and how much she charges in pounds Sterling.)

[livius drusus]

And just for the record, I don't think justaman is a grammar Nazi at all. On the other hand, he is definitely a bit of a perv. Not quite a perv Nazi, mind you, but ballpark.

So, anyhoo, I say after the gender reassignment we change your username to justababe. Then you invite her here and what with the smilies and all, she won't be able to resist you.

[livius drusus]

(....I'm just curious as to whether she learned her trade around Piccadilly Circus or Trafalgar Square....and how much she charges in pounds Sterling.)

It's gold guineas or nothing, guvnah. :luna:

[viscousmemories]

To me, this just proves that if enough morons misuse the language, it becomes the language. Just like in the usage of "God".
You mean like when people fail to capitalize his name? :D

[Adora]

Man she's got to be over 18, since she has her own website!

TEH LOGIC WORKS!!1one

[Socratoad]

[

(....I'm just curious as to whether 54 learned her trade around Piccadilly Circus or Trafalgar Square....and how much she charges in pounds Sterling.)

Time for a Toad story:
Away back when we used to patrol the border between East and West Germany with our F86 Sabres. We spent a lot of time living in tents just off the side of the runways waiting for the sirens to begin to wail so that we could rush to our planes and scramble as fast as possible if not faster. Of course all this was merely playing games as were the Russian pilots on the other side of the border. Of course it was training as well.

Oh my how fucking long it takes me to set up a scene to tell a short story :yawn:

Most of our time was spent sitting around in the tents playing cards (I've detested playing cards ever since) and talking about whatever.

One day we were talking about our impressions of different places in Europe and Britain we had visited.

One of the guys was telling about how he hated Glasgow. "Its filthy and there is a whore standing on every corner", he said

Meanwhile a RAF exchange pilot,a Scotsman, attached to our squadron. A very quiet guy who seldom mixed in such conversations but usually was reading some classic or other, suddenly spoke up. "Yes I know, life's a bitch ain't it. There used to be two whores on every corner in Glasgow until you Canadians came over and married them."

[justaman]

:nojustno:

Man, none of this is helping me get Stacy.

You guys are the worst schemers ever. Ever. Let's hope we never wind up in a P.O.W. camp because we'll never escape because everyone will be too busy trying to give me Chinese burns or something.

Less talk more scheming.

[Socratoad]

Could be justaman that one of the reasons you have not been getting much help in your project from others is because like me they may consider the idea more than just a little creepy.

Of course I could be wrong as I may be overestimating the integrity of my fellow posters.

[justaman]

'Creepy', it's not like she's some hot shot movie star who I must have! I don't idolize her, I don't look up to her, I'm interested in the concept. She's a two-bit candy apple on the verge of being spat out of the bottom of the porn industry. I'd be a significant step up for her life I'd suggest :P

[HelenM]

'Creepy', it's not like she's some hot shot movie star who I must have! I don't idolize her, I don't look up to her, I'm interested in the concept. She's a two-bit candy apple on the verge of being spat out of the bottom of the porn industry. I'd be a significant step up for her life I'd suggest :P

I don't think you would, actually, because you can only be interested in her body - since you know nothing else about her.

So what's the difference between you and whatever part of the porn industry is also interested only in her body?

A step up would be someone who cares about her as a person. I see no evidence yet that you are that someone.

If your response is going to be "I was only kidding!", then it's not a sort of humor I can relate to, because I don't think it's funny that women are exploited for their bodies. I know they in some sense volunteer for it by participating, but I still think it's sad that they - presumably - are not aware of other options which aren't just exploiting their bodies.

Helen

[livius drusus]

Why would you presume that, Helen? It seems to me far more likely the other options just didn't appeal to her as much, for whatever reason.

[HelenM]

Why would you presume that, Helen? It seems to me far more likely the other options just didn't appeal to her as much, for whatever reason.

To me that implies the other options available were rather poor ones, in other words, that she had a lack of good options available.

Ok, I admit I'm biased in thinking that being wanted only for one's body is a sad state to be in.

Helen

[viscousmemories]

She's a two-bit candy apple on the verge of being spat out of the bottom of the porn industry. I'd be a significant step up for her life I'd suggest :P
Why you're looking to pornstars for possible companionship is becoming clearer...

[Socratoad]

'Creepy', it's not like she's some hot shot movie star who I must have! I don't idolize her, I don't look up to her, I'm interested in the concept. She's a two-bit candy apple on the verge of being spat out of the bottom of the porn industry. I'd be a significant step up for her life I'd suggest :P

With your attitude and description up this young woman I can perceive of no reason that knowing you would a step up for her.

Damn it man, show a little respect and empathy. This young person is a human being. I have no reason to believe that she is any better or worse than you or me or anyone else here on this board. Why she is in the field she is none of us can possibly know.

I do suggest that you calling her a two-bit whatever reveals more about you than it does about her. Doncha think?

I humbly suggest that perhaps you might consider modifying your handle to justaboy, at least until you develop a tad more maturity ....... seriously

[Sonnet]

Why would you presume that, Helen? It seems to me far more likely the other options just didn't appeal to her as much, for whatever reason.

To me that implies the other options available were rather poor ones, in other words, that she had a lack of good options available.

Ok, I admit I'm biased in thinking that being wanted only for one's body is a sad state to be in.

Helen

Actually, no offense, but I think it's just as demeaning as anything we complain of men doing to us for OTHER women to assume that women who make that choice do so because they don't have or don't understand their other options - implying that they're either pathetic of stupid. It's as good a way as any to degrade, marginalize and negate the personhood of the women who choose to work in the sex industry. We assume that this woman, because she's in the porn biz, is somehow wanted only for her body, although we know nothing about her life, and don't feel sorry for stenographers because we assume they're wanted only for their fingers...

This young lady has a porn site on the web, which really takes very little of her time - and very likely makes a killing, having people sign in and pay to see her when she may be in class, or shopping, or feeding the homeless for all we know. That hardly sounds like a sad case with limited options to me. Whores are and always have been, in all of their various forms, businesswomen.

So what's the difference between you and whatever part of the porn industry is also interested only in her body?

:chin:

One is some guy who wants to waste her time because he has the wrong idea and a bad attitude about at least some women, and the other is a well-paying job?

BTW, for our aspiring stalker - the fact that you think that a stranger who doesn't see her as a person, who is just waiting for a 'two-bit candy apple' to be ejected from the exhaust pipe of the porn industry so that he can 'pleasantly surprise' her with how creepy and predatory he is would be a step up for her shows that you're working with far too little information here.

Pretty girls only think one thing about guys like that: Yuck.

[livius drusus]

Actually, no offense, but I think it's just as demeaning for OTHER women to assume that women who make that choice do so because they don't have or don't understand their other options as anything we complain of men doing to us. It's as good a way as any to degrade, marginalize and negate the personhood of the women who choose to work in the sex industry.

Agreed. I actually find it hard to imagine that any girl could be unaware of non-sex industry options. The converse seems far more likely to be true. Denying their agency is disempowering and infantilizing whether it comes from other women or men.

Pretty girls only think one thing about guys like that: Yuck.

Assuming he was serious (which I'm not sure he is), I would say any girls with reasonable amounts of self-esteem would think the same, Sonnet, pretty or plain.

[JoeP]

(....I'm just curious as to whether she learned her trade around Piccadilly Circus or Trafalgar Square....and how much she charges in pounds Sterling.)

It's gold guineas or nothing, guvnah. :luna:
I'm hoping she accepts PHP coding.
Will work for 54

[livius drusus]

I'm hoping she accepts PHP coding.
Will work for 54

Oh hell, PHP coding is worth its weight in gold. It's way sexy too. :howl:

[Socratoad]

Just a thought:

I would be very disappointed if one of my daughters chose to be a hooker or a porn industry worker.

If one of them chose to be a stockbroker I would be devastated.

[justaman]

RIGHT
Clearly no one is keen on helping me in my hare/hair-brained scheme. Can I just say first of all, you're all off my Christmas Card list. (Hence why none of you received any.)

Socratoad
*sigh* I had such high hopes.

Damn it man, show a little respect and empathy. This young person is a human being.
This young person will never read this post so I don't think she's likely to suffer my lack of respect and empathy.

And I mean Jesus it's hot and cold with you, isn't it?? First I'm in trouble for being a fanatic of her, then I'm in trouble for thinking too little of her. For crying our loud man, stop thinking of this in terms of power positions!! We are equals in vastly different worlds and I would personally think it entirely memorable to somehow bridge that gap. While everyone has picked up on the relationship bit which I blurted out in the OP, that's really kinda subordinate to the concept of getting to know someone so anonymous and yet physically familiar. Maybe you don't see what it is that I value in that pursuit, but suffice to say it is very different and yet very innocent and yet very eccentric. It's difficult to ever precisely pin down my philosophy on life, but you can rest assured it never involves picket fences with wife and 2.3 children etc.

So far, I think, in about every post that you have addressed to me, you have stated some conclusion or other that you have reached about my personality. Given that you have changed the conclusion each time you've made one, I would suggest you stop doing it. If I can't work me out, you've got buckley's ;)

Oh, but I am immature. :) Segacious, but immature.

viscousmemories
I'm not going to pretend I understood what you're implying...but regardless, it's really not about companionship :) That isn't exactly how I operate.

Helen
*sigh* Another detractor. You sound like you'd be a great schemer...but no. You take the anti-justaman approach already proving so popular with the masses.

Let me make something very clear: I am not only interested in her body. In fact, her body is really kind of irrelevant. The reason I pick her specifically is because I had to pick someone and she has a 'nice-girl' look about her. And yes, I am aware of the incongruity of her being what one traditionally considers a nice girl, and having her own soft-porn website, but that is precisely the kind of incongruity which will ever interest justaman.

I am interested in this because I don't know the girl, that's the freaking point :) It's really kinda stupid to say I'm only interested in her body, because if that were the case I'd have dismissed her as soon as I gained carnal knowledge. Clearly, then, I am interested in something more than her tits.

And I don't think she is being 'exploited', I would not say she is a victim. She knows what she's doing. This only interests me further.

Sonnet
I've been trying to ignore you, but you won't let me. :P

a) I did say this a billion times: I'm not interested in stalking anybody. Exactly how trying to get in contact with her constitutes 'stalking' I'm not sure. By the definition you appear to be using, any guy trying to bridge the gap between any girl he doesn't know, must be stalking her. Instead of getting to know the quiet girl in Latin dancing class, or the bar-girl at The Normanby, I am trying to work out how to get to know a porn star. You think this must necessarily involve a need for sex beyond the usual. You are wrong :) She has made decisions 'normal' girls wouldn't make if you paid them (quite literally). Her apparently utilitarian philosophy regarding her body is also quite unusual. I tend to be frustrated and bored with normality, and I enjoy the unusual. But just go on thinking I'm a weirdo-psycho-stalking-trenchcoat-wearing-serial-killer-dentist if it makes you feel comfortable.

B) "Two bit candy apple" is from a movie I don't remember. "Spat out the bottom of the porn industry" is from Seinfeld. I think they are amusing and clever descriptions, if hardly accurate :)

[HelenM]

Actually, no offense, but I think it's just as demeaning as anything we complain of men doing to us for OTHER women to assume that women who make that choice do so because they don't have or don't understand their other options - implying that they're either pathetic of stupid.

I'm not sure what you mean by 'pathetic' in this context. I'm not assuming they're stupid. A person can be unaware of other options or unable to avail themselves of other options and not be stupid.

[quote]It's as good a way as any to degrade, marginalize and negate the personhood of the women who choose to work in the sex industry. We assume that this woman, because she's in the porn biz, is somehow wanted only for her body, although we know nothing about her life, and don't feel sorry for stenographers because we assume they're wanted only for their fingers...

This young lady has a porn site on the web, which really takes very little of her time - and very likely makes a killing, having people sign in and pay to see her when she may be in class, or shopping, or feeding the homeless for all we know. That hardly sounds like a sad case with limited options to me. Whores are and always have been, in all of their various forms, businesswomen.

Ok, they're businesswomen. Yes, I should not have assumed this is her whole life.

The bottom line is, I can't relate to a woman choosing to sell her body, whether it's part of her life or most or all of it, if she does have any other options. I can't relate to it but I won't assume because of that that a woman wouldn't make that choice. Sonnet, and liv, am I still being demeaning?

Helen

[livius drusus]

Not being able to relate is perfectly understandable to me, Helen, and not at all demeaning, afaiac. :)

justaman, you crack me the hell up. :laughcry:

[Sweetie]

Ha, I knew my Mom's favorite expression would eventually have some use and ugh, that it would come back to haunt me and I would actually find myself repeating it. :eek:

*said with a private half-smile and a chuckle*

Dream on little broomstick cowboy. :P

It seems fitting. :D

[JoeP]

Dream on little broomstick cowboy. :P

In the context of this thread, I assume that means what I think it means. :eyebrow: