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View Full Version : cool pickup lines that will never work, but should

dave_a
07-21-2004, 09:24 PM
Take a cordless phone and press the antenna up against the general location of an orifice and say "Hey baby, want to have some phone sex?"

Last night in my drunken stupor I was thinking that one might work, but it didn't :drunk:

I need some help, what other lines should I be trying when hopelessly shitfaced and incapable of feeling pain? :copafeel:
JoeP
07-21-2004, 10:03 PM
Take a cordless phone and press the antenna up against the general location of an orifice and say "Hey baby, want to have some phone sex?"

Last night in my drunken stupor I was thinking that one might work, but it didn't :drunk:

I need some help, what other lines should I be trying when hopelessly shitfaced and incapable of feeling pain? :copafeel:

How about "I'm hopelessly shitfaced and incapable of feeling pain"?
dave_a
07-21-2004, 10:09 PM
How about "I'm hopelessly shitfaced and incapable of feeling pain"?

Wow. I never thought of that. It just might work. Unfortunately I might discover I really can feel pain, but it's worth a try.http://webpages.charter.net/davea/smiles_76.gif
WinAce
07-22-2004, 10:17 PM
I need some help, what other lines should I be trying...

This may sound--absolutely--ridiculous, but try... (don't laugh...) "Hi!!"

You'd be surprised. I was. :D
livius drusus
07-22-2004, 10:26 PM
Unfortunately I might discover I really can feel pain, but it's worth a try.http://webpages.charter.net/davea/smiles_76.gif

Okay, first of all, in the "Owies" category of our smilies you will find: :SM: Second of all, I think we both know the pain would be more along the lines of: :balls3:
Goliath
07-22-2004, 10:29 PM
...:SM:...

* Goliath stares at the smiley, transfixed... :D :P
viscousmemories
07-22-2004, 10:30 PM
This may sound--absolutely--ridiculous, but try... (don't laugh...) "Hi!!"

You'd be surprised. I was. :D
You were what? High? :bonghit: :D
WinAce
07-22-2004, 10:59 PM
Okay, first of all, in the "Owies" category of our smilies you will find: :SM:

/me whimpers... "Shhh, y-you'll give her ideas!"

You were what? High?

In only a few days after that, yes. High on wuv! ;)
One for Sorrow
07-23-2004, 01:14 AM
* WinAce whimpers... "Shhh, y-you'll give her ideas!"

Aw. Don't worry, I doubt I'll ever have a reason to use any of the "owie" smilies on you. Well, except for maybe this one: :heckled:
livius drusus
07-23-2004, 01:27 AM
Hi One for Sorrow! You picked a gorgeous avatar. :)
viscousmemories
07-23-2004, 01:30 AM
Wow, yeah that's pretty. Glad to see you speakin' up, OFS. :)
Brimshack
07-23-2004, 01:41 AM
I've probably said this before, but; "Honey, I'm going to have you tonight. You might as well be there."
dave_a
07-23-2004, 01:42 AM
This may sound--absolutely--ridiculous, but try... (don't laugh...) "Hi!!"

You'd be surprised. I was. :D

I should have added that I am married. If I was single I would never try such a stupid line, but would say 'hi'. Since I am married and my wife has a sense of humor (she would have to have a sense of humor or she wouldn't have said "yes") I am looking for lines to use on the wife.

It's OK if the lines fail, I just like using them.
dave_a
07-23-2004, 01:43 AM
I've probably said this before, but; "Honey, I'm going to have you tonight. You might as well be there."

Brilliant. :bow:
viscousmemories
07-23-2004, 01:45 AM
Totally irrelevant to this thread, but Brimshack's joke reminded me of an old Sam Kinison line that went something like:

Now that I'm older, I'm a lot more picky about who I'll have sex with. In fact I won't even consider having sex with a woman now unless she says, "Yeah, okay, I'll have sex with you."
One for Sorrow
07-23-2004, 02:50 AM
I should have added that I am married. If I was single I would never try such a stupid line, but would say 'hi'. <snip>

No, say "Hi!!". The two exclamation marks makes it seem so much more cheerful. :didi:

Oh, and hi liv and vm! :hiya: I'm so glad to be here. 'Tis a very nice forum you two have set up, and thank you freemonkey for the gorgeous avatar!
BigBlue2
07-24-2004, 04:48 AM
I need some help, what other lines should I be trying when hopelessly shitfaced and incapable of feeling pain? :copafeel:
Nice legs. What time do they open?

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.
viscousmemories
07-24-2004, 04:55 AM
Oh, and hi liv and vm! :hiya: I'm so glad to be here. 'Tis a very nice forum you two have set up, and thank you freemonkey for the gorgeous avatar!
Hmm... I swear I said "Hi" and welcomed you already. Maybe I'm trippin'.

Hi OFS!! :) :welcome: Thanks for the props!
godfry n. glad
07-25-2004, 07:02 AM
My best has always been: "Hi, my name's <RL name>; what's yours?"

If I get a name, rather than have her turn her back on me... Then it's: "I'd like to get to know you. Is that okay with you?"

From that, I usually end up with conversation for the evening, if nothing else.

The else is entirely dependent upon her mindset, 'cause my mind is already set and she's probably aware of that...so...she leads from there on out.

Ladies, it's in your court.

godfry
Dingfod
07-25-2004, 01:32 PM
Wanna fuck?

*slap*

I suppose that means a blowjob is out of the question?


What movie was that from? I can't remember. Was it Fast Times at Ridgemont High?


Warren
squian
07-25-2004, 02:40 PM
What movie was that from?
I think it was My Tutor.
xorbie
07-27-2004, 09:23 AM
I heard your legs are the talk of the town, and I just want to spread the news.

There are many variations on that.
Cool Hand
07-31-2004, 12:14 AM
I seem to have dropped my Medal of Honor somewhere around here. Would you mind helping me look for it?

Cool Hand
Farren
08-09-2004, 02:45 AM
"Got any Irish in you?"

"No"

"Want some?"
Goliath
08-09-2004, 08:14 AM
Warning: The following story is centered on a particular game of Dungeons & Dragons. If you're geek-talk impaired, you may wish to skip over the rest of this post.

About a year ago, I was running a game of D&D. One of the characters (an elven fighter) was played by a guy named Brian. Now, Brian is a nice guy, but....he isn't too bright (what's interesting, though, is that he knows enough tiny snibbits of trivial information so as to make him seem somewhat bright at first glance).

One of the villians was having fun toying with our heroes, and in the process, the elven fighter's sword and shield were stolen. So, Brian has his character walk around the bar room of the tavern that the party is staying at, approaching various people, and saying "My sword was stolen...do you know where it is?"

Well, the party ordered dinner, and that's when Brian decided to have his character ask the serving wench (and I quote) "Can you help me find my sword?"

The serving wench's response was to say that she would be done working in 2 hours, and which room was he staying in?

Brian was utterly confused.

:D
Sweetie
08-10-2004, 07:10 AM
"If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"

I actually like that one, it's kinda shy and sweet but brave, forthright and also, flattering.
dave_a
08-10-2004, 04:15 PM
"If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?"

I actually like that one, it's kinda shy and sweet but brave, forthright and also, flattering.

In that case I am sure all the single guys would appreciate your #
:D
seebs
08-11-2004, 11:28 AM
Anyone who has cats will recognize this one:

*sniff* Hmm, this needs butt!