PM's: Do you answer?

[wade-w]

I want to ask the members here about PM's. If you receive a PM from someone expressing support for you in difficult times, do you try to reply? Do you reply to some but not others? Why or why not?

[Socratoad]

I'm puzzled by your question. Of course I answer every PM I receive expressing support or even those just wishing to say Hi. It would not occur to me to do otherwise.

[seebs]

I almost always reply to PMs, unless a conversation has clearly gotten to the "exchanging pleasantries" state and I don't really have anything to say.

[HelenM]

I want to ask the members here about PM's. If you receive a PM from someone expressing support for you in difficult times, do you try to reply? Do you reply to some but not others? Why or why not?

I've never got a whole bunch of PMs at once. I think if I did and it was hard to answer them I might just post a brief "thanks for the PMs support - please excuse me for not answering all my PMs individually" on the board. Especially if there was already a thread about my difficult times. A person in difficult times doesn't need the added burden of having to reply to a whole bunch of PMs, imo.

I tend to get PMs one at a time and I do my best to respond to them; the length of my response depends on how busy I am.

Helen

[Socratoad]

I want to ask the members here about PM's. If you receive a PM from someone expressing support for you in difficult times, do you try to reply? Do you reply to some but not others? Why or why not?

I've never got a whole bunch of PMs at once. I think if I did and it was hard to answer them I might just post a brief "thanks for the PMs support - please excuse me for not answering all my PMs individually" on the board. Especially if there was already a thread about my difficult times. A person in difficult times doesn't need the added burden of having to reply to a whole bunch of PMs, imo.

I tend to get PMs one at a time and I do my best to respond to them; the length of my response depends on how busy I am.

Helen

Edit because I misread the above post. Such things are bound to happen when one is unable to sleep.

Sorry Helen

[Socratoad]

What seeb said above reminded me of something. In my opinion its bad manners to use PMs as an ongoing method of conversation. If one strikes up a friendship with another poster then methinks that is what emails are for. That way when one receives a PM it is likely to be a pertinent more or less rather than just everyday shooting the breeze, but then that a just toad's eye view from the cheap seats.

[livius drusus]

I agree with Helen, only I'd add that you can reply to up to 10 people in a single PM so you don't even have to post it publically. It's like a bcc: the other recipients won't know who else is on the send list unless you say something about it.

I'm pretty sure that people making the effort to PM support in difficult times would be more than fine with a "thanks a lot. can't really delve right now, but I appreciate your support." response.

[Socratoad]

I see that you are up again Liv. Unfortunately I'm still up, can't sleep, but sure wish I could. Especially because I am beginning to misread everything I see :(


I pretty near jumped down poor Helen's throat over what I thought I saw on the screen ....... Sorry again Helen. :wave:

[livius drusus]

I was in full-on toss and turn mode tonight, Toad. No sleep unto the wicked, donchaknow. Have you tried drinking some warm milk? Counting :sheep:? Cuddling a :prairiedog:?

[Socratoad]

I was in full-on toss and turn mode tonight, Toad. No sleep unto the wicked, donchaknow. Have you tried drinking some warm milk? Counting :sheep:? Cuddling a :prairiedog:?

:D I've tried the first and the last. No sheep about. Wiill counting doves be an appropriate substitute. I go a whole passel O them :yup:

BB says to thank you for putting eez picture on the screen. He tried to kiss eezself when I pointed to the screen.

Its kinda nice here in the mad Toader's world. :toad:

[JoeP]

Pretty much what seebs said. I know there have been times when I didn't reply to the last post in a chain, but always (I hope) to the first. I suppose, though, I haven't posted difficult personal subjects here and so I haven't been faced with replying to a supportive message when I really don't feel like it. Is that what prompted you to ask, wade?

Sometimes it takes me a day or so to spot the "1 unread" notice, or even to get into the forum. But at least PMs aren't affected by the tendency of the board to mark unread posts as read - these ones stick.

[Sonnet]

I want to ask the members here about PM's. If you receive a PM from someone expressing support for you in difficult times, do you try to reply? Do you reply to some but not others? Why or why not?

Normally I'm ok about PM's - I reply to some but not to others. I got some really lovely ones here about this last awful event in my life, and haven't quite been able to pull it together enough to answer them yet. It's hard; I worry about how I sound, facing ANYTHING, any task is difficult... I've just been bad about it, kind of paralyzed. I haven't done my dishes since I found out; luckily I haven't really eaten anything either. Stuff just... gets away from me. That's not a universal explanation of why people don't answer PM's - it's just what's going on with me.

[lisarea]

I usually mean to answer my PMs, unless they've reached that fizzling-out "No, YOU hang up!" stage.

But I forget. Sometimes, I think about responding to them, and the act of thinking about a response creates false memories that I actually DID respond. I thought everyone did that, but I'm discovering that it's pretty much just me. All the same, I'm not allowed to judge anyone else for not replying to me.

If it's important to me that someone respond, I just tell them that. I almost always appreciate responses, but I rarely expect them. And I think that, if you're having problems and difficulties in your life, most people realize that you're inundated with messages, and won't expect promptness or anything.

I vote that nobody should feel guilty about responding or not responding.

[wade-w]

No, this isn't about me, Joe. In fact, I haven't ever gotten more than a small handful of PM's so sheer number didn't occur to me. Nor am I talking about an extended exchange; I am interested in that initial contact.

I didn't mean to imply that anyone should feel guilty for not responding. It's just that I have noticed that many people do not reply to PM's. I am curious as to the possible reasons for that since like Socratoad, it would never occur to me to not answer. It might take me a little while to get around to it, but I can't imagine not responding.

And liv, my PM panel says I can send a message to up to 5 people. Maybe 10 is an admin thing?

[lady cop]

i always respond, it is common courtesy. unless of course it is some cop-hating demented threatening stalker who wants to know what town i work in. i had this problem on another board, and had to send their local police to their house for a little chat....dumb-ass threatened me and did not know i could track it. can you believe he was a fucking DENTIST?

[livius drusus]

And liv, my PM panel says I can send a message to up to 5 people. Maybe 10 is an admin thing?

Indeed it was. I've gone ahead and bumped it up to 10 for all registered users now. Thanks for letting me know. :)

[Socratoad]

i always respond, it is common courtesy. unless of course it is some cop-hating demented threatening stalker who wants to know what town i work in. i had this problem on another board, and had to send their local police to their house for a little chat....dumb-ass threatened me and did not know i could track it. can you believe he was a fucking DENTIST?

Hey there lady cop , ya gotta watch those fucking dentists, weird lot. Too many of them are helping themselves to the nitrous oxide. Sustained use can and probably did fuck up his mind.

Wanna go with me over to his place? We can pull all his teeth without nitrous oxide or anything else.

PS: I'm practising my english accent :giggle:

Seriously, its really damned scary that some sociopathic nutcase can threaten you on web boards. Especially as do to your profession I would imagine a determined slimeball could track you easier than professions less in the public eye.

[freemonkey]

I want to ask the members here about PM's. If you receive a PM from someone expressing support for you in difficult times, do you try to reply? Do you reply to some but not others? Why or why not?
I suppose it would depend on the specific trouble I was having, but I think would do my best to reply. I imagine there are times, though, when its just too difficult, as Sonnet has said, to do so.

Are you concerned about someone, wade?

[lady cop]

i always respond, it is common courtesy. unless of course it is some cop-hating demented threatening stalker who wants to know what town i work in. i had this problem on another board, and had to send their local police to their house for a little chat....dumb-ass threatened me and did not know i could track it. can you believe he was a fucking DENTIST?

Hey there lady cop , ya gotta watch those fucking dentists, weird lot. Too many of them are helping themselves to the nitrous oxide. Sustained use can and probably did fuck up his mind.

Wanna go with me over to his place? We can pull all his teeth without nitrous oxide or anything else.

PS: I'm practising my english accent :giggle:

Seriously, its really damned scary that some sociopathic nutcase can threaten you on web boards. Especially as do to your profession I would imagine a determined slimeball could track you easier than professions less in the public eye.
Socratoad... i said the same thing... he must be sucking up the nitrous! it did get weird, he was 'upstanding pillar of his community' and got totally fixated and obsessed...i actually had to call his local police to visit him and explain the stalking laws. i had a couple seriously deranged idiots trying to locate me and threatening me, i could not believe anyone was that stupid. what were they going to do when they ascertained my location?? i have no clue because i put the screws to it early. but i did have one who goggled my name and found my commission, public information, and made mention of my son in a threatening email 'disguised' by some 'mr. privacy' email thing which i tracked down. they are now warned not to fuck with me. and the dentist has crawled under his chair. i will shoot their ass. they've been told.

[wade-w]

Normally I'm ok about PM's - I reply to some but not to others. I got some really lovely ones here about this last awful event in my life, and haven't quite been able to pull it together enough to answer them yet. It's hard; I worry about how I sound, facing ANYTHING, any task is difficult... I've just been bad about it, kind of paralyzed. I haven't done my dishes since I found out; luckily I haven't really eaten anything either. Stuff just... gets away from me. That's not a universal explanation of why people don't answer PM's - it's just what's going on with me.

In your case, that's perfectly understandable. I know what it's like to be "kind of paralyzed" and find even the simplest of tasks almost impossible to deal with. I'm not at all surprised that you haven't been able to answer whatever PM's you got about your tragedy.

But you said that normally you reply to some and not to others. That's what I'm interested in. If you can, I'd like to know how you decide whether to respond.

[Gawen]

I respond to every PM no matter the content.

[Sweetie]

Oh, you know wade-w, it just occurred to me that you sent me a PM that I did not respond to so I will say as to that specific PM, it spoke for itself. You attempted to convey something and it had been conveyed, though it never occured to me to say thank-you to be honest. I'm rather, how would you say, well let's say that I have always had trouble with social graces, being the kind of person that puts themselves out there, introduces themselves, says all the right things, puts forth the effort though I would like to think that I am capable with common courtesy. Actually your PM was really nice and I was grateful for the encouragement though it did not occur to me at the time and honestly until now, that you might like or need to hear that. So in that instance it was a case of me thinking that it spoke for itself and because of me, that I'm rather introverted and absorbed oftentimes, in my own mind. I have difficulty with attention sometimes, with flattery but also the opposite as regards social graces, putting myself out there and so I take encouragement and flattery in my own quiet way and use it for my own quiet purposes and keep it quietly, which is why no response sometimes, it's not quiet.

Actually I was going to send you a PM just recently, well yesterday in fact, to apologize if my response in that one thread sounded harsh, it was not meant as such and I hope I wasn't attack dogish but then I thought that was probably not necessary, so in that case it was uncertainty about whether or not you felt that way and if it required an apology and just that it was a fairly small thing.

[Sweetie]

Oh, ha, and after all of that I still forgot to say that I was sorry, and it is something I should be sorry for, failing to recognize the needs of others or what would be good for them.

Sometimes though, it's even hard for me to say that I'm sorry and not because I don't feel it and not because I don't think that I should, but because once again, it is not quiet.

[Sweetie]

Oh no, and after I finished that post I realized that I had talked about saying sorry or why I don't or what I feel but still had not said it, I'm ridiculous! :D

I'm sorry wade-w. :yup:

[Sweetie]

To be honest though, I will add a bit more insight because I just noticed that it actually may be a bit more involved than all of that, and it is all about me. In my travels on the internet I have had several supposedly males who really enjoy me (or claim to at least), who have sought to contact me, who like the way I look or who have come to have an emotional attachment to me and there's nothing wrong with that to a point, but since one relationship that evolved became one of dependency and since I have always known that freedom is absolutely necessary for me to be able to breathe, and I was raised to be independent, I have a hard time with dependency and so I am always scared that personal contact will evolve into a dependent relationship again and that's not outside of my own feelings, I have had my own emotional attachments as well, I do love people very much and I do feel for them which is sometimes when for me, I decide that an unhealthy relationship needs to be ended I end up with guilt but also with the knowledge, that for me at least, it is necessary and so I try to avoid all such relationships which is true for anybody who tries to make contact who I am not familiar with. The only friendships over the internet that I have built are ones that have stemmed out of people I have known on internet forums for a long time, at least six months to a year to two years. So, over the course of six months and if I feel my freedom is secure, only then do I feel safe enough to start building a friendship which is why sometimes I'm not necessarily so friendly in that sense, I don't necessarily always feel free to be friendly, but hang around me and put up with me for awhile and something might evolve. :P

[Sweetie]

I could swear a blue streak though, only one SOB out there has my name, number, address, etc. and that was only one little slip-up, just one, damn-it-all anyways. And you know, honestly, I trust the guy and nothing bad has come out of it, but I am such a cautious person that I don't know that I can live with the idea. Bloody fucking, errrrrr. Yes, I'm still pissed off about it and it's a year later, stupid SOB. And he still wants me to talk to him and help him when he so betrayed my trust? You can't do that with me, he's an enemy, he's now a danger, I can't help him, he's beyond my reach and he did it to himself, I warned him how it would be, so maybe I don't feel guilty after all and at the same time I feel like, see what I get for trying to help or for needing people and friends and occasionally, for being friendly?

So hopefully this all is explanation, and btw, I think you are a cool guy wade-w and I like you just fine.

[Dingfod]

It make take me a few days to get around to it, but I respond to any an all emails regardless of content. My momma always taught me to let the one who called you hang up first, but sometimes in PMs and emails that leads to what lisearea called "reached that fizzling-out "No, YOU hang up!" stage." Guilty as charged. But, more is better than less in my opinion.

[wade-w]

There is no need for you to apologize, Sweetie. This thread wasn't about you or that PM specifically.