Let's write an obituary!

[ChuckF]

My grandfather died on Wednesday, and as the family-appointed writer, I got the nod to write the obit. As usual. Here's what I have so far. I present it in the most general terms because a) the details are hardly your business and b) this thread can be a handy guide for future obit compositions.
<x>, <age>, of <town>, died on <date>. <x> was born in <town>, <state> on <date>. He worked <occupation> until joining the <military branch> during World War II, where he served for <n> years. <x> and his wife, <y>, were married in <city> in <year>, and moved to <town> in <year>. <x> became a <occupation> at <company> and retired in <year>. He remained active in his retirement, and became involved with <activity> in his later years.

<x> was preceded in death by <y>, his wife of <2007-n> years, who died in <year>. He is survived by his <offspring>, of <town>; <offspring>, of <town>; <offspring>, of <town>; <grandchild> of <town>; <grandchild> of <town>; <grandchild> of <town>.
As I'm sure you've noticed, this obit could have been written by a computer. So dry and pro forma. I'd like it to be just marginally more interesting. I'm just having a hard time figuring out how to insert some wit into it.

Something like "<x> was known by his neighbors for his variety of opinions and gregariousness." i.e. he like to be contrary. But it doesn't have to be that. He also enjoyed driving slowly and hazardously. He was a master and life-long practitioner of the extended narrative.

Ideas?

P.S. Please do not worry about offending me or anything; you're most certainly not going to. And no condolences plz. We do death a little differently in my family.

P.P.S. This is real death, not intarweb death. Promise.

[viscousmemories]

I'm drawing a blank, but condolences Chuck.

[ChuckF]

:glare: Read the P.S.

[beyelzu]

hmm, at the end of the second paragraph would be a good spot to talk about other interests like being contrary


x liked to take long drives, driving safely 20 mph below the speed limit

[livius drusus]

You should do it in the style of Clutch's Christmas newsletters (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1198).

[godfry n. glad]

Something like "<x> was known by his neighbors for his variety of opinions and gregariousness." i.e. he like to be contrary. But it doesn't have to be that. He also enjoyed driving slowly and hazardously. He was a master and life-long practitioner of the extended narrative.

"<x> was known as a cussedly opinionated SOB who made sure everybody within earshot got a full dose of his horsesense, like it or not. He was a bullshitter who could extend his stories far beyond the capacity of his listeners to be attentive. He also amused himself by keeping other drivers on the road on their toes."

"How he outlived his wife is beyond anyone's understanding."

Actually, he sounds quite a bit like my father.

[ChuckF]

Yeah, that's kind of spot-on godfry.

Ang gave me some quality material too. Thanks ang! :wave:

[viscousmemories]

Hey! You added those PS's after my post! :glare: (Or I got bored and skimmed by them, I don't remember. :D)

[Kyuss Apollo]

Toss his age into one of those "how many seconds?" converters. Then figure out other parts of his life in seconds, like how many seconds he was married or spent in the navy. Lots of meaningless stats and numbers really liven up any good funeral. :yup:

[ChuckF]

I like! That chicken chicken chicken powerpoint gave me some ideas too.

[Dingfod]

Not an obituary exactly, more of a eulogy at the funeral of my uncle, who was a man I held in high regard but had little contact with in my adult life, died, I told a remembrance of a single thing he did when I was a kid.
Uncle <x> always impressed me. The earliest was when I was five or six years old. Uncle <x> was visiting us while on leave from the Navy. I watched in wonderment as he poured lighter fluid all over his shoes and lit them on fire, blowing it out and putting a mirror shine on them that rivaled patent leather. For a Navy man it might not seem out of the ordinary, but to his six year old nephew, it was mighty impressive.

[Angakuk]

My father, also a Navy man, did that with his shoes as well. The latent pyro in me loving watching when he did that.

Chuck, I hope you will share the finished product with us (suitably edited of course).

[California Tanker]

until joining the <military branch> during World War II, where he served for <n> years

As an aside, you know he's entitled to have the military present at the funeral/internment/memorial service (Your choice) to play taps and present the flag? We're finding a lot of veterans are going into the ground without the honours they are entitled to, mainly because the families don't know it.

Your funeral director should be able to contact the military. If for some reason he gives you a 'huh?' look, let me know and I'll hunt down a contact number to the CAC or your state's VHP.

NTM

[Deadlokd]

"In memory of my beloved grandfather I'm going to do this eulogy as he would have liked, long-winded with many tangents and at fifteen kilometres an hour. Possibly backwards."

[Angakuk]

Military rites are pretty standard at veterans' funerals in these parts, usually perfomed by members of a local American Legion or VFW post. According to our local funeral director it is often a problem in larger communities to round up the personnel for an honor guard. In our very small community we have no such problem. I suppose this may have something to do with the fact that they are not just honoring a fellow veteran, but usually a friend and neighbor as well.

[Ensign Steve]

Your local active duty types (or national guard, or reserve unit) might also have their very own honor guard that can come out and do it. I know, cuz I've done it.