People-Watching

[The Lone Ranger]

I’m not really what you call a “people watcher.” A young woman I dated used to enjoy people-watching, and I remember a couple of times when we sat on the beach of Lake Coeur d’Alene and watched people go by while we speculated on what they were up to.

Even so, sitting and watching other people just isn’t of much interest to me, by and large. Besides, I always feel like it’s kind of rude.


On the other hand, years of martial arts practice has made me a fairly good observer of body language, and it’s sometimes interesting to note how people react to things. Probably as a result of growing up in the country, where it’s considered impolite not to greet everyone you meet, I always look ahead when walking and I make eye contact with the people I encounter and say “Hi” and/or nod in greeting. (I went to New York with a friend once when we were in college, and as we were walking down the crowded sidewalk, it was like a scene from Crocodile Dundee as I was cheerfully greeting everyone. “You are such a hick!” Jane told me.)


Yesterday evening, I was grocery shopping in a nearby supermarket. As usual, I was making eye contact with everyone I encountered and smiling cheerfully as I nodded in greeting. Well, I wasn’t making eye contact with everyone. Actually, I made eye contact with rather less than half the people I encountered, I would estimate. Most people look down or to the side and don’t look you in the eye. So, naturally, they don’t notice if you’re nodding in greeting, nor do they respond.

It’s my impression that children and older people are far more likely to meet your gaze and respond to a friendly greeting. Young and middle-aged adults tend to look down or away – anywhere but right at an oncoming stranger. Children, on the other hand, sometimes seem delighted to be acknowledged by an adult.

While I was looking for some spaghetti, I nodded in greeting to an older, rather distinguished-looking African-American man. In response, he broke into a broad grin and very heartily wished me a good day. I got the distinct impression that I had really made his day.

His response kind of made my day, as it happened.


Cheers,

Michael

[Watser?]

Huh.

I read this article once written by a foreign journalist based here, I think she was American. She was leaving the country and wrote about her first impressions of the Dutch. Apparently it really startled her that people in the streets look you straight in the eye (and do not acknowledge your existence otherwise). She thought it was rather rude and compared it to picking up a book and reading a few passages and then putting it down and she also said if you do that in New York (which I guess is where she was from) it would probably get you in trouble. There you avoid eye contact (according to her, I have never been there, so I don't know). But after living here a few years she found herself doing that too.
I had never realised that we do that here, but I have to admit it is true. I don't know if it is unique to the Netherlands though, I never really paid attention to it when I was elsewhere.

[Dragar]

To be honest, I'd be afraid to make eye contact and offer verbal greetings to random people on the street. Certainly after dusk. Maybe I'm just overly fearful, but I can imagine getting hit, if not worse, because of doing so.

Which is kinda sad, now I think about it.

[curses]

I can't look people right in the eye, even when I'm talking to them! I do, however, greet people that I come across, or at least give them a little smile. Usually the only ones who don't return it are the soccer moms. They either ignore me or look at me with a look of disgust.

[ITSOZAZ]

i always look people in the eye and i am a smiler. i smile at people i meet in most situations. i find that most people will smile back, but many are uncomfortable. i can't help myself from smiling at people. some grumpy folks see it as a flaw, but it's just something i've always done, even as a kid. cuz when you're smiling...

i am definitely a people watcher. i love watching us work our animal...

michael :)

[Ensign Steve]

To be honest, I'd be afraid to make eye contact and offer verbal greetings to random people on the street. Certainly after dusk. Maybe I'm just overly fearful, but I can imagine getting hit, if not worse, because of doing so.

Which is kinda sad, now I think about it.

That's so weird. I read somewhere (I swear, it was somewhere) that one way to be safe(r) on the street alone at night is to give a hearty "Hi, How Ya Doin'!" to every mother fucker you see, as a way of saying "Yeah, I know you're there and I'm not afraid to make some noise about it." :shrug:

[Qingdai]

My dad told me when I was a teenage girl to look people in the eye about three seconds and they would be less likely to attack you. Also to walk up on the balls of your feet so you don't look fatigued.
It seems to work in my case.
When I was young I regularly walked or biked very late at night and was never hassled. My town is about a million people. If I thought they were too interested in me I would start singing and swing my arms more. Seems my voice (or song choice)is a deterrent as well.

[Ensign Steve]

Why do you build me up, buttercup, baby!
:singing:

[wildernesse]

When my friend and I were training for our 3-Day walk, and we would be out on the greenways during the weekend, she commented how strange it was that I spoke to so many people. I make eye contact probably as much as TLR, and say Hi. My friend thought it was because I am a Southerner, but I am also from the country. We wave at the cars that drive by when we are in the yard back home.

Mostly, I make eye contact and nod very briefly. It depends on who is making eye contact back, though--I don't usually look men my age in the eye for very long if I don't know them. Unless (!) they are going to speak to me, and then I will make eye contact and speak to them, as well.

It is always strange to walk or jog past another solitary person who won't make eye contact, though. Actually, I find it slightly annoying.

[Ymir's blood]

I try to make periodic eye contact when talking to someone though it's very much a conscious choice. For most of my life, I never looked at people when talking to them. I'm still not prone to saying anything unless spoken to first though.

As for people watching, I do it sometimes but don't really speculate about the person. It's more just looking at clothes or hair. It isn't something I get self conscious about though. If outside, the sunglasses are on, most of the time.

[trientalis]

"Laughing on the bus, playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said be careful, his bowtie is really a camera"

America by Simon and Garfunkel

[Dingfod]

I'm about like TLR when it comes to making eye contact and greeting with a nod or a simple "Hi!" or "How are ya?" I've noticed most people will meet your gaze for only a few seconds unless they intend to make conversation. I get a few smiles back, even if I wasn't smiling when I give them a nod or a mouthed "Hi.", it always makes my day when I do.

[pescifish]

I always used to smile and make eye contact while going about my life out 'n' about, at work or in public. But I don't anymore since I need to pay much more attention to the walking surface and outlying stuff in order to remain upright and not knock things over.

In supermarkets especially I have a difficult time getting items on shelves in focus and I spend a lot of time trying to pick a particular product out of all the many things with bright and busy packaging. Apparently I take too long and I must have some horrible glare expression on my face with all the concentration. It seems people feel the need to gather up their children and take them to another aisle** and/or would be rescuers ask me if I'm sick or something.

Unfortunately, it's just me, trying to exist these days. I'd just as soon get my stuff and get out of there without dealing with whatever the hell people have decided about me.

Actually, if I spent the time it took to get an approaching person's eyes into focus, I'd be so far behind in seeing the ground before me I'd be likely to crash right into them. I suppose some bigass friendly grin on my face wouldn't overcome the appearance of me as a clumsy maniac in that case. I wish I could be the person I used to be, but it's just not the case anymore. I guess I'll just have to live with some folks who assume I'm some cold bitch or something just because I couldn't look 'em in the eye.

** Not that I particularly mind having the kids out from underfoot, I suppose.

[Hugo Holbling]

Apparently it really startled her that people in the streets look you straight in the eye (and do not acknowledge your existence otherwise). [...] I had never realised that we do that here, but I have to admit it is true.

This startled me, too, when i first moved to the Netherlands. I tend to look people in the eye as TLR describes, but generally in the UK this is taken as a sign of aggression (at least between males!) and so it baffled me initially when every Dutchman i met did likewise to me. I figured everyone was trying to pick a fight, but then i realised i was an Ajax fan and no one glaring at me was wearing a Feyenoord shirt. :D

[Petra]

I'm a smiley "hi" sayer to strangers. Must be that growing up in a small town thing for me, too. I'm a helper, too, and find that people approach me easily for directions, questions, and that kind of thing. I always find myself chatting briefly with retail and/or service staff, and sometimes other customers, too - sometimes it's even hard to get away! But I like it like that. I couldn't live where no one smiled at strangers; it would depress the heck outta me.


Pesci, this is probably a silly question, but have you had your eyes tested? Is there anything that can be done to help you focus more easily?

[Deadlokd]

I live in a small town now and everyone knows everyone else, and if you don't know them, you give them a smile and a wave anyway. Everyone is friendly, everyone will say "G'day" to you if you give them the chance. It isn't always a good thing but it's a hell of a lot better than the averted gaze, don't engage and acknowledge lifestyle.

[The Lone Ranger]

I'm a helper, too, and find that people approach me easily for directions, questions, and that kind of thing. I always find myself chatting briefly with retail and/or service staff, and sometimes other customers, too - sometimes it's even hard to get away!

I get that sort of thing all the time. People are forever approaching me when I'm at a park or the zoo or whatever and asking me questions. (Of course, in such venues, I can usually answer them, so it's no big deal, and I like helping people, so I certainly don't mind.)

I suspect the fact that you make eye contact with people and say "Hi" makes you look like an "official" person.

I was touring the North Carolina Zoo with a friend once, and in the space of 10 minutes, 3 different people approached me to ask for directions or for information about the animals. I asked Kelly why they were approaching me, and she said, "Because you look like someone who would have the answers." I can only assume that's because of the fact that I was making eye contact and saying "Hi" and whatnot.

But I like it like that. I couldn't live where no one smiled at strangers; it would depress the heck outta me.
Same here.

Cheers,

Michael

[Uthgar the Brazen]

To be honest, I'd be afraid to make eye contact and offer verbal greetings to random people on the street. Certainly after dusk. Maybe I'm just overly fearful, but I can imagine getting hit, if not worse, because of doing so.

Which is kinda sad, now I think about it.

That's so weird. I read somewhere (I swear, it was somewhere) that one way to be safe(r) on the street alone at night is to give a hearty "Hi, How Ya Doin'!" to every mother fucker you see, as a way of saying "Yeah, I know you're there and I'm not afraid to make some noise about it." :shrug:

Personally, I recommend actually using the phrase "mother fucker," as in: "Hey, 'sup, mother fucker?!" Smiling all the while. ;)

[pescifish]

Pesci, this is probably a silly question, but have you had your eyes tested?
I have my eyes tested by either retinal specialists, ophthalmalogists or optometrists at least 4 times a year, sometimes much more than that.

Is there anything that can be done to help you focus more easily?Good question... And one I ask all those eyeball folks every single time. No easy solutions from the experts, sorry Petra.

These days, I can usually get most things into focus, but sometimes it takes time and quite a bit of concentration. Most of us expect our vision to be immediate, not 5-15 seconds lag time. Walking toward a target that is also moving toward me (constantly changing distance to focus) while still navigating the perils of the walking surface just isn't happening.

[LadyShea]

To be honest, I'd be afraid to make eye contact and offer verbal greetings to random people on the street. Certainly after dusk. Maybe I'm just overly fearful, but I can imagine getting hit, if not worse, because of doing so.

Which is kinda sad, now I think about it.

That's so weird. I read somewhere (I swear, it was somewhere) that one way to be safe(r) on the street alone at night is to give a hearty "Hi, How Ya Doin'!" to every mother fucker you see, as a way of saying "Yeah, I know you're there and I'm not afraid to make some noise about it." :shrug:


That's me right there and I musta heard the same thing you did because it started out as a safety thing...those looking for victims of opportunity are less likely to target someone who has seen them and acknowledged their existence or something.

[The Lone Ranger]

That's me right there and I musta heard the same thing you did because it started out as a safety thing...those looking for victims of opportunity are less likely to target someone who has seen them and acknowledged their existence or something.

I've read that, and I suspect it's true. By making eye contact saying "Hi" or whatever, you're more or less forcing them to recognize you as a fellow human being, rather than a mere victim. That's the idea, anyway.

Cheers,

Michael

[ITSOZAZ]

i wonder if the people answering apply this when they are online? like say hello or give a shout out to new people, even if they didn't introduce themselves? if not...i wonder why? could it be the safety thing is not needed and the internet is more honest about who we really are?

[Ensign Steve]

I'm a helper, too, and find that people approach me easily for directions, questions, and that kind of thing.

This describes my mom as well. She's just super trustworthy-looking, I guess, because people always hand her their cameras to get their photos taken and what not. In fact she and I both are in the habit of, when we see someone taking a picture of the rest of their party, offering to take the pic so they can get up in the shot. It also helps that mom speaks half a dozen languages, and has served as an ad hoc interpreter in retail situations sometimes.

[viscousmemories]

I always try to make eye contact when I pass people, and nod if they nod.

When I was working in downtown Chicago everyone stared straight ahead while walking down the street. I hated that.

[Dingfod]

I'm a helper, too, and find that people approach me easily for directions, questions, and that kind of thing. I always find myself chatting briefly with retail and/or service staff, and sometimes other customers, too - sometimes it's even hard to get away!

I get that sort of thing all the time. People are forever approaching me when I'm at a park or the zoo or whatever and asking me questions. (Of course, in such venues, I can usually answer them, so it's no big deal, and I like helping people, so I certainly don't mind.)

I suspect the fact that you make eye contact with people and say "Hi" makes you look like an "official" person.I think that's what it was when I visited NYC. As I wandered about the city alone I was approached numerous times by people of various ages asking for directions. Fortunately, I had my street map and my subway map in my courier bag and could actually help them find out how to get where they were wanting to go. I think the fact that I was dressed in jeans and a hoodie made me look more like a local [teamster or street thug, probably] helped.