View Full Version : Masturbating Roommate
Gypsyvox
10-21-2007, 12:41 PM
Yeah, so I recently I got a new roommate and he has started a rather disturbing practice that is starting to get very annoying. Every few nights he will get really drunk and then go into his room and masturbate furiously. :wank: His room and the hallway have hardwood floors and the gaps under the door are actually kind of large so all the sound in the room comes pouring out into the common areas. Somehow he hasn't quite figured this out yet and I have no idea how to let him know.
Any ideas on how to deal with this situation? :sos: It wouldn't normally be a problem but he's just really fucking loud and its kinda gross cause he grunts a lot and uses really "wet" sounding lube. Should I keep pretending like I don't hear anything or what?
Deadlokd
10-21-2007, 02:18 PM
Oh I've got nothing but laughter and tears rolling down my cheeks. Have you tried the not so subtle "Hey mate, can you slap the salami a little softer?" No, fuck no, don't say that. I don't know. You do win my nomination for post of the week.
VM or Liv, can I nominate it?
Deadlokd
10-21-2007, 02:21 PM
My lovely wife advises buying him an apple pie instead. This she says as she makes wanking noises in the background. Now we're both cracking up. I still have no useful advice though.
mickthinks
10-21-2007, 02:56 PM
It's not an isolated phenomenon, and there are instructional videos available on the intertubes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8eVrPHVT_E
I ought perhaps to point out that any similarity between the names of the actors in this video and any members of The Galilean Library is purely coincidental.
...as far as I am aware.
:wink:
Shelli
10-21-2007, 03:37 PM
How 'bout a simple, "Hey, dude, I don't mean to embarrass you or anything, but you're a little loud. Tone it down a little? :=)"
livius drusus
10-21-2007, 03:45 PM
VM or Liv, can I nominate it?
Go for it. :=D
Gypsyvox, how about writing him a note and taping it to his door? Something short and to the point like "I don't want to talk about this in person 'cause ew, but I can hear you loud and clear when you're wanking it. Couldya maybe stuff a towel under the door or something kthxplz?"
Shelli
10-21-2007, 03:46 PM
Now.. if he disregards your polite request and continues, the nice gloves would come off with me. I'd find a way to embarrass him so that he'd comply just to avoid any further embarrassment. But that's just me. :plotting: :giggle:
You could print out or email subtle image macros ...
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/omgwtfknockfirst.jpg
Shelli
10-21-2007, 04:23 PM
:lol:
Waluigi
10-21-2007, 05:51 PM
How bold are you? Next time you and your roommate are sitting in the living room watching TV, just whip out your tube steak and start jerking off.
If he gets offended, just say "well, since I have to listen to you..." He'll either shut up, or you've found something new you can do together. :biker2:
Invite some friends to your room, get drunk and wait. That should be hilarious.
livius drusus
10-21-2007, 09:17 PM
How bold are you? Next time you and your roommate are sitting in the living room watching TV, just whip out your tube steak and start jerking off.
If he gets offended, just say "well, since I have to listen to you..." He'll either shut up, or you've found something new you can do together. :biker2:
:roflcopt:
ChuckF
10-21-2007, 09:18 PM
:lol:
Just go up to the door and yell "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? WHAT'S THAT FAPPING NOISE? IS EVERYTHING OK?"
viscousmemories
10-21-2007, 09:28 PM
"Do you like having an audience when you jerk off?"
"Um, no."
"Oh, well maybe you should stick a towel under your door when you come home drunk."
livius drusus
10-21-2007, 09:33 PM
I don't know if that's wise. I think the Jack McCoy rule of cross-examination comes into play: Never ask a question you don't know the answer to.
Gypsyvox
10-21-2007, 10:24 PM
:rofl:
Thanks for all the hilarious advice everyone. I think I'm gonna try the note on his door that Livius Drusus recommended tomorrow before I go to work. That way I can get the point across but not have to talk about it.
livius drusus
10-21-2007, 10:29 PM
Good luck! Be sure to tell us if it works.
Dragar
10-21-2007, 10:59 PM
You could email him a link with this thread from an annonymous email account. :)
Shelli
10-22-2007, 02:03 AM
:lol: at multiple posts on this thread since I left and came back today
godfry n. glad
10-22-2007, 05:03 AM
I think you should record it for later playback. Preferrably when company is present.
No, PM us with his email. We'll make sure he knows. Trust us.
Nullifidian
10-22-2007, 08:29 PM
Record it, then set it to a nice techno rhythm, to be tentatively titled "The Beat Goes On". Then you can play it at the next party held at your house.
Update: Our esteemed admin, livius, suggests "Fappity-Fap (Don't Talk Back)". :rofl:
beyelzu
10-22-2007, 09:37 PM
How bold are you? Next time you and your roommate are sitting in the living room watching TV, just whip out your tube steak and start jerking off.
If he gets offended, just say "well, since I have to listen to you..." He'll either shut up, or you've found something new you can do together. :biker2:
you win the thread
:tmlol:
beyelzu
10-22-2007, 09:40 PM
i think you should just mimic his sounds.
just sit on the couch and start talking dirty to your own dick, and say fwap fwap occassionally
or slap the back of your neck repeatedly like in pump up the volume.
livius drusus
10-23-2007, 07:00 AM
:laugh: If Happy Harry Hardon registers, we'll know Gypsyvox is busted.
Gypsyvox
10-23-2007, 10:04 AM
Yeah, so I left a note on his door. He still hasn't said anything and was really quiet when I got back from work. Haha, I think I got the point across!
Shelli
10-23-2007, 12:56 PM
:giggle: Good for you, Gypsyvox.
livius drusus
10-23-2007, 01:33 PM
I'm not surprised he didn't want to talk about it either. 'Tis a rather sticky topic. :giggle: Well played, Gypsyvox. :clap:
Shelli
10-23-2007, 02:30 PM
:giggles:
ChuckF
10-24-2007, 01:14 AM
fap. fap fap fap. fap fap fap fap? fap fap; fap, fap fap fap - fap fap fap!
Shelli
10-24-2007, 01:14 AM
:spew:
livius drusus
10-24-2007, 01:16 AM
* livius drusus giggles uncontrollably.
viscousmemories
10-24-2007, 01:22 AM
lol
Uthgar the Brazen
10-24-2007, 02:47 AM
I expect a detailed follow-up if and when he opens up about it.
Shelli
10-24-2007, 02:58 AM
:giggle:
biochemgirl
10-25-2007, 01:29 AM
I would have just done the same thing only way louder. Ya know like dueling banjos.
livius drusus
10-25-2007, 01:32 AM
Fap fap fappity fap fap fapFap fap fap fappity fap fap!
:duelingbanjos:
Shelli
10-25-2007, 01:43 AM
:lol:
Goliath
10-25-2007, 04:59 AM
:roflcopt:
It probably doesn't help that I'm currently high on ambien and that I went to a talk where a guy with a thick asian accent said the word "Cox" several times...I'll give you three guesses how the word sounded when he said it.
viscousmemories
10-25-2007, 05:07 AM
This thread title is hilarious if you read 'Masturbating' as a verb.
Deadlokd
10-25-2007, 05:35 AM
You haven't been getting enough sleep, have you viscousmemories?
viscousmemories
10-25-2007, 05:51 AM
No. No I haven't. :tired:
Sock Puppet
10-25-2007, 05:32 PM
Quit fapping it and get some shuteye!
viscousmemories
10-25-2007, 05:54 PM
Seriously though. It's like Driving Miss Daisy, only it's Masturbating Roommate.
Watser?
10-25-2007, 05:59 PM
Masturbating Miss Daisy?
:nojustno:
viscousmemories
10-25-2007, 06:05 PM
Nobody better say Driving my Roommate. :glare:
Uthgar the Brazen
10-25-2007, 06:31 PM
Nobody better say Driving my Roommate. :glare:
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
Driving my Roommate
:P
Shelli
10-25-2007, 06:33 PM
And we have a WINNAH!!!1!
:victory:
:giggle:
livius drusus
10-25-2007, 06:57 PM
Masturbating Miss Daisy?
You know, this thread had a quiet dignity about it. Now you've totally gone and ruined that. :cryhome:
Uthgar the Brazen
10-25-2007, 07:02 PM
Masturbating Miss Daisy?
You know, this thread had a quiet dignity about it. Now you've totally gone and ruined that. :cryhome:
It was rather my understanding that the issue at hand was the complete lack of quiet and dignity. :shrug:
livius drusus
10-25-2007, 07:08 PM
Clearly your understanding is muddled by years of chronic masturbation.
Uthgar the Brazen
10-25-2007, 07:13 PM
WHAT?! SPEAK UP!
:wank:
viscousmemories
10-25-2007, 07:16 PM
:laugh:
mickthinks
10-25-2007, 07:22 PM
chronic masturbation :omg:
That has me considering what acute masturbation would be like! :lmao:
Kind of on topic. :hugcth:
http://www.macguff.fr/goomi/unspeakable/WEBIMAGES/CARTOON/c37-sexshog.jpg
livius drusus
10-25-2007, 07:57 PM
:yuck: What's a shoggy?
Shelli
10-25-2007, 08:10 PM
That's so gross & weird at the same time that it's funny. :chuckle:
Uthgar the Brazen
10-25-2007, 08:13 PM
:yuck: What's a shoggy?
UNBELIEVER! :mob:
Deadlokd
10-27-2007, 05:36 AM
Masturbating Miss Daisy?
You know, this thread had a quiet dignity about it. Now you've totally gone and ruined that. :cryhome:
It was rather my understanding that the issue at hand was the complete lack of quiet and dignity. :shrug:
Ugh, the issue at hand? Or the issue on hand?
BracesForImpact
10-27-2007, 07:00 AM
I would have just made a comment to the effect of "Oh got lucky last night eh?" He knows he's being heard at that point, but you save him the embarrassment. You might come across a bit crude, but hey, it's worth it if he takes the hint.
ChuckF
10-27-2007, 08:40 AM
Masturbating Miss Daisy?
You know, this thread had a quiet dignity about it. Now you've totally gone and ruined that. :cryhome:
It was rather my understanding that the issue at hand was the complete lack of quiet and dignity. :shrug:
Ugh, the issue at hand? Or the issue on hand?
The tissue in hand?
Angakuk
10-28-2007, 04:51 AM
I would have just made a comment to the effect of "Oh got lucky last night eh?" He knows he's being heard at that point, but you save him the embarrassment. You might come across a bit crude, but hey, it's worth it if he takes the hint.
Great advice. A day late and a dollar short. Next time why don't you step up to bat while the ball is still in play? Damn Monday morning quarterbacks.
seebs
11-05-2007, 07:39 AM
:yuck: What's a shoggy?
Shoggoth. They're formless, shapeless, horrors from the Cthulhu mythos, with too many eyes and mouths.
livius drusus
12-16-2007, 04:52 AM
So, how's the :wank: situation going, Gypsyvox?
Gypsyvox
12-16-2007, 10:52 AM
Much better. I haven't heard anything since I left the note on his door and we haven't spoken of it yet, haha! I think I kinda freaked him out but he had it coming! At least he's more quiet now.
:lookporn: + :quiet: = :yikes:
livius drusus
12-16-2007, 02:42 PM
That's great! You got some relief without actually having to have the hideously awkward conversation. Best case scenario right there.
:snicker: @ "he had it coming".
That's great! You got some relief
Yes, but the question is: has his roommate?
Shelli
12-16-2007, 03:46 PM
:giggles:
Aerik
12-26-2007, 08:48 PM
Squid bless you, mickthinks. Quite hilarious.
guys im fucking rolling on the floor right now. i guess fucking FF and liquor don't mix. everybodys reply in here is so fucking hilarious.
vBulletin® v3.7.2, Copyright ©2000-2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.