seebs
01-09-2005, 12:10 PM
http://fafblog.blogspot.com/
If you want to see what happens when someone fairly well-educated goes entirely mad, this is it. This is some of the funniest writing on the internet, by a man who clearly knows a great deal more about politics, economics, religion, and history than you might think at first.
Things I will not do the next time I live through 2004
# tell anyone "you can't fire me, I quit!" before anyone has actually fired me or made me quit
# spend the first two genie wishes on "make me a monkey" or "now make him dance"
# vote for a constitutional amendment before I know whose rights it strips away
# send Santa letters to the president
# send Santa letters to Secret Service agents replying to the Santa letters to the president
# mix mercury and insecticide. very bad! mercury goes in the green fish, insecticide goes in the red fish. keep our chemicals sorted.
# forget whether torture is "good" or "bad" during a presidential election
# freely substitute Cool-Whip and shaving cream
# reelect George Bush, then patiently wait for him to radically change his foreign and domestic policy
# open my eyes at any time; the scary part does not end
There are jokes about Templars and byzantine gold, and about the importance of using wheat gluten, or the Jesus Bread Golem will not rise. (The pun alone is worth it.)
Read about how McGod is the God of both Coke and Pepsi, and makes money more trustworthy.
See the solution to problems with the death penalty:
The Medium Lobster is pleased to welcome Mitt Romney and the commonwealth of Massachusetts into the ranks of the omniscient. While most states have been content to burn the innocent with the guilty for the honor of sticking a needle in a convict's arm, Romney has found a better way: to eliminate all erroneous capital convictious by eliminating all error.
Romney's plan is as simple as it is brilliant: use perfect methods instead of imperfect ones. The standard "beyond a reasonable doubt" would be replaced with "no doubt," allowing even a jury of Cartesian skeptics access to unrivaled powers of epistemic certainty. DNA evidence would now be used in the investigation of capital crimes, currently an unheard-of procedure. After the first, regular jusy convicts a defendant, a second, perfect jury will be brought in to determine sentencing. The second jury, we understand, consists of superintelligent machines so flawless they will one day rise up according to a quirk of the immutable laws of logic and annihilate their human creators.
If you want to see what happens when someone fairly well-educated goes entirely mad, this is it. This is some of the funniest writing on the internet, by a man who clearly knows a great deal more about politics, economics, religion, and history than you might think at first.
Things I will not do the next time I live through 2004
# tell anyone "you can't fire me, I quit!" before anyone has actually fired me or made me quit
# spend the first two genie wishes on "make me a monkey" or "now make him dance"
# vote for a constitutional amendment before I know whose rights it strips away
# send Santa letters to the president
# send Santa letters to Secret Service agents replying to the Santa letters to the president
# mix mercury and insecticide. very bad! mercury goes in the green fish, insecticide goes in the red fish. keep our chemicals sorted.
# forget whether torture is "good" or "bad" during a presidential election
# freely substitute Cool-Whip and shaving cream
# reelect George Bush, then patiently wait for him to radically change his foreign and domestic policy
# open my eyes at any time; the scary part does not end
There are jokes about Templars and byzantine gold, and about the importance of using wheat gluten, or the Jesus Bread Golem will not rise. (The pun alone is worth it.)
Read about how McGod is the God of both Coke and Pepsi, and makes money more trustworthy.
See the solution to problems with the death penalty:
The Medium Lobster is pleased to welcome Mitt Romney and the commonwealth of Massachusetts into the ranks of the omniscient. While most states have been content to burn the innocent with the guilty for the honor of sticking a needle in a convict's arm, Romney has found a better way: to eliminate all erroneous capital convictious by eliminating all error.
Romney's plan is as simple as it is brilliant: use perfect methods instead of imperfect ones. The standard "beyond a reasonable doubt" would be replaced with "no doubt," allowing even a jury of Cartesian skeptics access to unrivaled powers of epistemic certainty. DNA evidence would now be used in the investigation of capital crimes, currently an unheard-of procedure. After the first, regular jusy convicts a defendant, a second, perfect jury will be brought in to determine sentencing. The second jury, we understand, consists of superintelligent machines so flawless they will one day rise up according to a quirk of the immutable laws of logic and annihilate their human creators.