Sister is in Renal Failure

[Plant Woman]

My brother in law phoned me tonight to tell me the bad news. My sister is going to have to go on dialysis until a kidney can be donated. Lady Shea said she donated a kidney, so I was wondering how they determine if you are able to be a donor.

Lady Shea can you tell me about your experience with it. I am going to think about becoming her donor, but want to have all information available before I make that decision.

[Listener]

Sorry to hear about your Sister PW.

To be a donor you have to be more compatible than just the same blood group. I'm told that being a donor is (relatively speaking) risk free and we can live perfectly well with one kidney.

Over here people wait on dialysis for years before a donor is found - if ever! People don't normally donate one of their kidneys to complete strangers and if someone dies e.g. in a road-accident who just happens to be compatible it's not unusual for relatives to refuse the donation.


Good luck!

[Shelli]

:hug: for PW.

[Watser?]

:snuggles: from me too PW. I don't know anything on the subject though.

[Legs]

PW, I'm so sorry to hear about your Sister :(

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:hug:

[LadyShea]

Hey sweetie. First you have to be a compatible blood type. As with blood donors O is universal donor, AB is universal recipient. So if she is A or B you must match or be an O. If she is an O you must be an O. If she is AB you can be anything.

Once that is established, they do a crossmatch blood test. This just tells them whether her cells immediately react to/reject your cells when mixed. If there is a reaction (positive crossmatch) you are not a suitable donor because you have too dissimilar of antibodies for even antirejection meds.

If the crossmatch is negative, then you move on to ensuring you are healthy enough to donate and not susceptible or likely to have kideny issues yourself later in life. Family and personal history, kidney function tests of all kinds (including contrast dye imaging and collecting your urine for 24 hours), multiple blood pressure readings, glucose tolerance, ekg, and a psychiatric evaluation.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: You can get "out" of being a donor anytime without having to say so yourself. Tell one of the professionals during testing that you aren't comfortable and they will state you aren't suitable to your sister. This takes the pressure off you. Do not donate out of family obligation or guilt.

There are two types of surgery, open and laparoscopic. Lap is less invasive, less enormous, and quicker recovery but not always possible.

The transplant program and doctors are very important, obviously. Check her insurance and make sure she is in the best program available to her (and therefore to you). I pretty much forced my recipient to UCLA because they were the top in that area. If it gets to that point, I am happy to help research the doctors and program for you.

As for the surgery itself...the first night sucked. Bad. I hurt, I was hooked up to catheters and IVs, my diaphragm was irritated due to being blown up like a baloon with CO2 so I couldn't get a deep breath, they gave me morphine or some opiate though I asked them not to because I hate them, and I had a claustrophobic panic attack. After that it was pretty smooth sailing and I was pretty well okay within a few weeks. Now I wouldn't even know I had done it if not for my scar. It's an ugly scar, even with lap, but you don't strike me as the vain type.

[livius drusus]

That sucks, p-dub. I'm sorry. :(

[Smilin]

P-dub.

Here's high hopes and fingers crossed for your sister.

Keep us updated? K?

[JamesBannon]

Not much to add PW except :hug: LadyShea has covered everything in terms of being a live donor.

[One for Sorrow]

I am sorry, PW. :hug:

[ITSOZAZ]

sorry to hear about that.

[Caligulette]

Very sorry to hear this, I hope a suitable donor is found quickly.

[Crumb]

:(
:huggle:

[Pinecone]

Sorry PW.....:sigh:

[Plant Woman]

Thanks everyone for your notes!

Thanks LS. I am an O, so that is good news. I was looking online to find out more about my sister's disease when it occurred to me about being a donor. Then I thought about you. I am going to gather all this information before I make the plunge, but hearing a first hand experience would be the best information. I am hoping that since we are related that it would be a good match with less chance of rejection. I am pretty sure I am going to try to become a donor. Let's see if it will work out.

[freemonkey]

PW, sorry to hear about your sister.

[Plant Woman]

I've decided to go ahead and do it. From everything I read and reading LS's experience, I am going to volunteer. I phoned my b-i-l so that he could talk to the doctor about what I will need to do to see if my kidney will be suitable. Keep your fingers crossed that my kidney is a good match for my sister.

[Dingfod]

Locally, a middle school principal is donating a kidney (http://www.wjla.com/news/aploader.html?js=ktul&id=474339) to a young girl in renal failure.

[LadyShea]

Feel free to email me, I am an experienced "donor buddy". You can check out http:/www.livingdonorsonline.org if you want, but I found them...conservative and God soaked. So unlike me I found them unhelpful overall, many love the support there, though.

[Ensign Steve]

...odd?

:popcorn: Do tell!

[LadyShea]

I edited to be more precise than "odd". Lots of "isn't it great God gave us two kidneys so we could share one (why not two hearts and two livers?)", and "God's plan" and "Savior angel" type shit flying around.

[Dingfod]

I could offer my brain for transplant, I'm not doing anything with it.

[biochemgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear that PW :snuggles:

[Clutch Munny]

:snuggles:

Hang in there, PW.

[Chris Porter]

Good luck with your effort, I hope things can work out.

[Qingdai]

I am sorry to hear that your sister is ill. It is very heartwarming to hear that you are even considering donating your kidney. That is very loving act.

[AnaBanana]

I wish you and your sis the best of luck. My mum lost one of her kidneys 40 years ago. Surgically removed. She did just fine. Three years ago she lost her other kidney and her bladder to cancer. She has been on dialysis since then and is doing well. I tried to donate one of mine, but was deemed an unsuitable donor, being her daughter did not guarantee a good match. I am her only child. If I am not mistaken, she (my mom) has to remain cancer free for 5 years before she is eligible for a transplant.

You seem like a very kind sister.

[Crumb]

That is great of you to be willing to do to help her, PW! :squeezle: Here's hoping that you are a good match! :crossed:

[lisarea]

I'm so sorry, PW. You're a good sister.

[Listener]

That takes courage PW :yup:

I hope you can help.

[fragment]

Sorry to hear it, PW. Best wishes to you and your sister.

[Caligulette]

Wow, Plant Woman, I hope it works.

[viscousmemories]

I'm sorry, p-dub, but it's awesome that you're prepared to do what you can to help her. :hug:

:welcome: to the :ff:, AnaBanana!

[Plant Woman]

Thanks for all the kind words. I will wait to see what I have to do and I will keep you posted whether I will be a donor or not. If not, I only hope the rest of my family will consider becoming one.

[Leesifer]

Best wishes to you both, P-dub. I hope it all works out.

[Plant Woman]

I will be finding out after the 11th what it is I have to do in order to be a donor, and my sister has to go through a lot of hoops in order to get herself on the list. Apparently a recipient can't even have a cavity to be put on the list. They have to be completely infection free. So I could become a donor as soon as two months or it could take a year if my sister isn't healthy enough.

[ceptimus]

My best wishes to you and your sister, PW.

[LadyShea]

I also wanted to suggest she (and anyone actually) join LifeSharers, in case you can't be a donor.

LifeSharers (http://lifesharers.org/) is a non-profit national network of organ donors. LifeSharers members promise to donate upon their death, and they give fellow members first access to their organs. As a LifeSharers member, you will have access to organs that otherwise may not be available to you. As the LifeSharers network grows, more and more organs may become available to you -- if you are a member.

I am a member as well and I just sent my kidney recipient the link, as it looks like the rejection cannot be reversed and he is going back on the list.

[Plant Woman]

Well, I am still in the running to be a donor. My brother-in-law offered his kidney for his wife, but his blood pressure is too high. My blood pressure is good so that part will be ruled out.

It looks like towards the end of the month I will be getting checked, because my sister has passed all the requirements to be on the list. She is good to go. this is such good news that she is on the list.

I do hope I am healthy enough to be a donor, plus be a match. If not a match but healthy, I may go ahead and donate to someone else. Not sure yet if I will, but I am leaning towards it. Shoot, why not be a donor since I already plan on it anyway?

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

:hug:

[Bella]

*hug*

[One for Sorrow]

That's incredibly generous, PW. :smilehug:

[Caligulette]

Miss Plantwoman, you are a lovely person.

[Plant Woman]

Lady Shea was the inspiration behind that decision; however, I do not know yet if I am going to, depends on my health. I found out tonight that I was turned down for life insurance because I had pancreatitis, 5 years ago. I don't know if that will make a problem for giving a kidney.

[Stormlight]

Miss Plantwoman, you are a lovely person.

:yeahthat:

:squeezle:

[LadyShea]

They will want to know the cause of the pancreatitis, how it healed, etc. It may or may not eliminate you.

[Doctor X]

:cheerup:

Embarrassingly belated support.

I am unaware of how a history of pancreatitis would bar you from donation. Insurance companies simply do not want to have to actually pay for your medical care; denial of coverage does not mean you are actually sick or at risk of becoming sick.

Understand also that whatever disease process that can affect the kidney--other than direct trauma--tends to affect both kidneys. Thus donating a kidney does not mean you that if you should contract a disease that affects the kidneys, you will wish you had both: they both would have been affected.

--J.D.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

At least you get to make the choice. I woke up in a bathtub filled with ice cubes to discover two distinct scars on...man, I feel kinda...woozy...

[Doctor X]

At least you get to make the choice. I woke up in a bathtub filled with ice cubes to discover two distinct scars on...man, I feel kinda...woozy...

YOU are Dr. Venture?

--J. "Oh Not Again!" D.

[freemonkey]

{{{PW}}}

[Sauron]

Just now seeing this - been a bad boy, away from teh forumz for too long. Good luck PW - has there been an update on your sister's condition or your quest to see if you're a suitable donor?

Don't worry about the scar; it's a badge of honor.

[Plant Woman]

Sauron, My sister just recently passed alll the requirements so that she could be put on the transplant list. They go to Portland just before the end of the month to meet with the doctors up there and I think I will be given instructions on where I need to go for tests to see if I am able to be a giver. (Good thing it isn't the liver or I would have said a liver giver.)

I have had two laproscopic surgeries before; each one left me with four small scars each. So if I have another one we can play connect the dots on my belly. :giggle:

[Plant Woman]

They will want to know the cause of the pancreatitis, how it healed, etc. It may or may not eliminate you.

They never found the cause, or how it healed. It hasn't come back though.

[Plant Woman]

Keep your fingers crossed, I am going to be interviewed next week, then if I pass that preliminary interview, then I go down to Portland for physical tests at the University hospital. I'm feeling a little nervous and if I don't pass the mustard, I will be very disappointed.

[LadyShea]

Does the interview worry you or the physical tests?

[Plant Woman]

Either, if if it means I can't help my sister.

[Caligulette]

I will be thinking of you- I hope it goes well.

[LadyShea]

Either, if if it means I can't help my sister.

I know it's hard but try to just accept that what is, is. You are either a good candidate physiologically or you're not. You can't change that so stressing isn't helping you or your sister.

Mentally, though, you need to be prepared...at least as to how you present your state of mind. If the shrink or anyone senses desperation, or unrealistic expectations, they may exclude you from further testing. They don't want to move forward if they feel the donor will not be able to emotionally cope with a bad possible outcome. So, practice delivering what they want to hear in a calm manner. What they want to hear is that you understand and accept the risks, you understand and accept that the outcome might be negative, and you are not being coerced, pressured, or guilted...you simply want to help your sister if you can.

[Plant Woman]

LS, Thank you for that tip. It is the truth, so it won't be hard to say that. Although, I've been teasing my brother-in law when he explains to me what all is involved: "Bring it on!" So, perhaps that won't be appropriate to say that and then laugh, eh? :laugh:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Yeah, best not to do that, unless you open your eyes really wide first and engage in a long, half-scream/half-cackle. That will set their minds at ease... :shiftier:

[Smilin]

*P-Dub*

Here's to you and your sister! Let us know how everything turns out? kk?

~Smilin at ya'll.....

[LadyShea]

LS, Thank you for that tip. It is the truth, so it won't be hard to say that. Although, I've been teasing my brother-in law when he explains to me what all is involved: "Bring it on!" So, perhaps that won't be appropriate to say that and then laugh, eh? :laugh:

If you're not feeling desperate not have any unrealistic expectations then just be yourself and make jokes...LOL

I was a little worried 'bout you is all. I am sure you will be fine.

My recipient is being placed back on the list...he is rejecting my kidney after 5 years. This is the type of disappointment they want to ensure you can cope with without undue depression or whatever.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Do you get it back? Or somebody else's in exchange?

[LadyShea]

Do you get it back? Or somebody else's in exchange?


Nope LOL

The rejection means his body is attacking it, so it will be all damaged and useless anyway.

[Plant Woman]

My recipient is being placed back on the list...he is rejecting my kidney after 5 years. This is the type of disappointment they want to ensure you can cope with without undue depression or whatever.

How are you coping with the news?

[LadyShea]

My recipient is being placed back on the list...he is rejecting my kidney after 5 years. This is the type of disappointment they want to ensure you can cope with without undue depression or whatever.

How are you coping with the news?

Well, like many "driven" people probably would be, I was at first angry at myself...like my kidney wasn't good enough. I have come back to reality of course, and console myself with the fact that I gave him 5 good years. Years in which he was able to travel, and build his own business, and date, and not be sick all the time. Years he might not have had at all.

Now, I am hoping (okay mentally sending out directives) that one of his friends or relatives, who refused to even be tested the first time despite their ringing cries of love and concern, will come forward this time. I will be happy to support them.

[Watser?]

:crossed: for you PW

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Do you get it back? Or somebody else's in exchange?


Nope LOL

The rejection means his body is attacking it, so it will be all damaged and useless anyway.

:glare:

I WUZ BEIN FUNEH!!11!!!1!one!

[LadyShea]

I know, and I laughed, hence the LOL! Goofball ;)
(I am now teasing hence the winkie)

I just thought I would add some information as well, for the lurkers doncha know!

[Plant Woman]

I think I understand, sometimes a gamut of emotions needs to run their course before logic takes over. You gave him his life back. We can only hope his family steps up. It seems like a no-brainer to me. Sister is sick with a horrible condition that could eventually take her life. I will be inconvenienced for a little while, but she will have life. But as they say, they don't want anyone coerced or guilt-tripped into donating.

[Petra]

Gosh, this thread goes back to late last year and I'm only seeing it now. How did I miss this?

Plant Woman, I'm so sorry to hear of this. You are very brave to help your sister and I really hope it all goes well.

Best wishes, PW.

[Angakuk]

I too am hoping that all goes well for you and your sister, PW. Also, lest I forget, it sure is wonderful that God gave us two kidneys so we could donate one and may angels attend you.

[Qingdai]

Drive carefully if you come to Portland.
I'll be thinking of you as well. I hope things work out.

[viscousmemories]

I'm a little confused about your current status. Has your compatibility been confirmed?

[Shelli]

:hug: for PW

[Plant Woman]

Vm,

Not yet. I've been waiting for them to get through all the preliminary stuff they needed to do first. So the next thing now on the menu is for me to have a preliminary phone interview with one of them. This is supposed to happen within a week, according to my b-i-l. But I won't be surprised if I don't hear from them for a few weeks.

When the news first came to me, I had no idea it would take this long and what it would take to get her on the transplant list. My sister is ready now, so now they move on to finding her a suitable donor. Hopefully that will be me.

[Dragar]

You're doing an incredible thing, PW. I'm not sure I could; even thinking about operations or things like this makes me feel kinda dizzy. I'm feeling faint having just read this thread.

[LadyShea]

Seems they should do the darn crossmatch right away. No reason for interviews and such if you will be eliminated on the first test. They are doing things really differently than our program.

[Plant Woman]

Oh! So there are different programs? I thought it made sense to do a preliminary interview before starting tests that I thought would be expensive. However, I don't know how they schedule things. I am just along for the ride! :giggles:

I think this is taking a long time, but I think that was mostly because my sister didn't go on dialysis right away. Once she was on dialysis, I thought they put her on the transplant list, but I was wrong there too. I am getting this all from my b-i-l, and since it is second hand that could mean I may be understanding things wrong or he is. I am taking this one step at a time and will see what happens next.

Did it take a long time for you?

[LadyShea]

From the time I said "What's the first step" to getting the crossmatch done was only 2 weeks. The crossmatch just needs a blood draw from each sent to the lab, not expensive or time consuming at all!

It took about a year, from the time the crossmatch came back. Mostly because we switched programs (the first one forgot to call and tell us the crossmatch results, and I wanted UCLA anyway so we switched), then there was a problem with some test orders to my labs in Vegas, and I had to repeat them.

[Plant Woman]

So I may as well go ahead and make plans for my life, which I've been reluctant to not knowing when all this is going to happen. If this could take that long, I don't want to put my life on hold waiting for them. I will make short term plans that are flexible. Would it take about 6 months if you had not switched??

[LadyShea]

So I may as well go ahead and make plans for my life, which I've been reluctant to not knowing when all this is going to happen. If this could take that long, I don't want to put my life on hold waiting for them. I will make short term plans that are flexible. Would it take about 6 months if you had not switched??


We were in two different states, so there was a lot of UCLA sending orders to a Las Vegas lab which would in turn send the results to UCLA. I believe that took up some time that might not have been necessary had we been in the same area.

Also, they are usually running multiple patients, and the coordinators have to balance and schedule everyone. If testing was all done boom, boom, boom it could happen within weeks.

I got the distinct feeling that the processes and systems and organization aren't as efficient as they could be (the manager in me)...but maybe I am wrong on that. Also possible smaller programs are more or less efficient as well.

What transplant center is running this? I am happy to do some research for you.

[Plant Woman]

All I know is it will take place at the University hospital in Portland, Oregon. I don't know if that's what you mean?

[Plant Woman]

It's been 3 1/2 weeks since they said I would hear from them in a week. But I am used to the medical business idea of time. It's worse than Hawaiian time. Just venting a little frustration over their follow through. Nothing is wrong with sis AFAIK, so I hoped we could do this sooner than later. We both have lives to live and my sister having to do her own dialysis everyday is the pits. I have to tip my hat to her though. She is still working full time, I am in awe of her going through this and continuing to work.

Just to be clear, I am just mildly frustrated and just wanted to vent it.

[Clutch Munny]

Props to you and your sister both, PW. That's a tough road.

[Caligulette]

You want I should go up there and talk to them for you? :whup:

[Plant Woman]

Yeah, will you? :giggles:

[Caligulette]

I'll get my whuppin' stick and my Kickin' boots.

[Plant Woman]

Now I feel bad for venting. My sister has not been put on the waiting list yet. Her potassium was low so they prescribed something to help there. Then she chipped a tooth. I didn't realize how long getting her health sorted out would take so she could get on the list. My misunderstanding of what is going on. So I've decided to try not to think about it until the program contacts me.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Well, we're already revved up for some violence. Now what?

[Caligulette]

My kickin' boots cannot be taken off until they have tasted doctor blood. :sadcheer:

[Plant Woman]

umm umm, It's not over yet! :giggles: I have to be patient, so will yous guys!

[Caligulette]

Okay, but my feets are gonna stink if I keep these boots on much longer.

[Plant Woman]

* Plant Woman hands over the foot powder.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

I'm going to beat up some thrift store employees to resolve this and spare myself the smelly feet experience.

[Plant Woman]

Update for all you boot wearers.

I still haven't heard from the program. Turns out that my sister has to have about 48,000 dollars in funds to guarantee that she can pay for the medication that the insurance doesn't cover, and pay for the housing she will need for 3 months because they live so far away from where she needs treatment.

They didn't know for sure, but I believe that is the hold up for why they haven't contacted me, yet. They are trying to set up fund raisers, but I don't know how long that is going to take.

If she could stay with me and have treatment in Seattle, that would save a lot of money, so I offered that. My b-i-l said he would see if they could it do up in our area.

I will give updates as I find out more news.

[One for Sorrow]

Gah. How frustrating, PW. :( Let me know when they get a fundraiser set up. I don't have much at the moment but I could contribute something.

[LadyShea]

Update for all you boot wearers.

I still haven't heard from the program. Turns out that my sister has to have about 48,000 dollars in funds to guarantee that she can pay for the medication that the insurance doesn't cover, and pay for the housing she will need for 3 months because they live so far away from where she needs treatment.



Huh? Medicare pays for the meds for the first three years usually. Has she checked to see if she is eligible? I think almost all in renal failure are.

[Qingdai]

Arrg.
The money factor of healthcare makes me so very, very, frustrated.
Please keep us updated.

[Plant Woman]

Lady Shea, I will ask that, but I think he said she is receiving help from Medicare. But I may have misunderstood. All I know is what I was told, the program will not give her an operation without that money guarantee.

Ok, I just got off the phone with him. Medicare pays for a lot of the medications. But three of them they don't, and they are the most expensive. So they are looking at thousands a month just for the medications. Its the donut hole. They are very discouraged.

Qingdai, they are both hardworking people, and yet they can't afford the medical. She has worked through all of this and fortunately her employer has been understanding.

[LadyShea]

Yep, the meds are about 3k a month for life or some ridiculousness. I don't know her situation, but was just surprised at the amount. I guess I assumed that between Medicare and private insurance it would be mostly taken care of.

50k might as well be 50 million for a lot of people....including myself!

[Plant Woman]

My b-i-l said they took her off the insurance to let medicare take care of it as they couldn't even afford the cost of the premiums. Of course now that she is off, no insurance company will touch her, unless she finds a new job that pays insurance. But because of her illness, she probably would have a hard time finding one. She is in a catch-22 situation.

[biochemgirl]

It's frustrating enough to be ill let alone have to worry about money problems too.

[Plant Woman]

They finally interviewed me so I qualify for everything but my weight. But that I can remedy while they work out the money details. So at least as far as the preliminary interview that is over. One step at a time.

That brings a bit of relief, I already walked 2 miles today since I learned the news and will look into some sensible, nutritious diets to help me with a plan. I have 9 months to lose the weight so here I go.

[Watser?]

Good luck with that and to your sister PW :goodluck:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:squeezle:

[Plant Woman]

I received a phone call today from my b-i-l. I've been waiting to hear the news from a biopsy my sister had done for a spot on her breasts. It's not good. They say it's pre-cancerous so I'm not sure what that means for her and getting a kidney. But she is off the list right now. I'm just discouraged for her, she has had so much health problems.

The good news is they caught it very early. I have no idea how much this will affect her being able to get a kidney. Damn!

[JoeP]

:sadcheer:

[biochemgirl]

I'm sorry to hear that PW :(

[SharonDee]

Gosh, PW, it looks like your sister can't catch a break. :(

I'm so sorry to hear it. :hug:

[livius drusus]

That sucks, P-dub, I'm sorry. I hope they can target the pre-cancer without damaging what's left of her kidney function or her chances of a transplant.

[LadyShea]

Yeah they won't put her into surgery if she is having cancer treatments. That sucks, babe. I hope everything resolves

[Caligulette]

I am sorry to hear this. I'd been wondering how that's been going.

[Qingdai]

I'm sorry to hear about that, I hope her treatment goes well.

[just me]

Plant Woman, I have absolutely nothing to say that will help you. All I can say is that I am, unfortunately, all too familiar with what you are going through. It simply sucks ass and I am really sorry you have to suffer through this.

Sometimes really shitty things happen to really good people. It is not fair or right, it just is. It sucks and I am sorry for what you and your family have to endure.

[Demimonde]

I am glad that they caught it early. I hope that they will be able to take care of it.

:hug: PW

[Plant Woman]

I knew I was overdue on an update about this. But since there was no news about if I was going to give her a kidney or not was why I hadn't posted. She's been on and off the list she can't seem to stabilize and now this. She meets with a doctor next week and hopefully there will be some news of what she has to do and once she's done with treatment how soon before she can get on the transplant list.

[Deadlokd]

:crossed: :violets:

[One for Sorrow]

:hug:

[Megatron]

Fuck. :(

I hope they can fix this and get her back on that transplant list.

So sorry to hear this, PW :hug:

[just me]

I knew I was overdue on an update about this. But since there was no news about if I was going to give her a kidney or not was why I hadn't posted. She's been on and off the list she can't seem to stabilize and now this. She meets with a doctor next week and hopefully there will be some news of what she has to do and once she's done with treatment how soon before she can get on the transplant list.

Well that just Fing sucks. A life lays helpless, but still needs to do something to qualify for an organ donation list.

I totally understand what you are going through and all I can once again say is I have nothing of substance to offer you other than co-misery. It just fucking sucks. It isn't right, it isn't fair, it is not just, it simply 'is what it is' and what is sucks.

I am so sorry for what you and yours are going through. If I could make your day better I would jump at the opportunity, but I can't. Your reality sucks right now and I am sincerely sorry for that. Please, in spite of all the shit you are going through try to take some time for yourself. I know it seems impossible and selfish, but take some time for yourself. If you don't you will likely end up imploding. You are dealing with crap that is well beyond anyone's ability to really cope with. It is a horrific situation and you need and deserve to take a break from it all.

Please, be selfish and allow yourself some respite. I *do*, absolutely know what you are going through first hand. Feel free to PM me. I would be happy to call you and talk with you. I can't offer you any miracles, I can only offer to co-miserate with you. I do not know you, but I do know the pain and the lonliness and the frustration and I am willing to be a friend. Nobody should have to endure what you are enduring on their own.

[Plant Woman]

Life does suck sometimes. Other times it is utterly fantastic. I appreciate the offer of talking, sometimes it just helps to come in here and vent the frustration. Plus, I hadn't said much about what was going on with her for awhile, so thought I should. I am doing okay with handling this, I'm worried of course and doing what I can do to help, which isn't much these days. She's not talking about it right now and I must honor her wishes not to, so until she's ready to talk, my b-i-l is keeping me posted.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Shit, man. You just can't catch a break, can you?

:squeezle:

[Crumb]

:huggle:

[Plant Woman]

Shit, man. You just can't catch a break, can you?

:squeezle:

It seems like the last 5 years has been hell, but I still have my sense of humor! (At least I think I still have it.:) )

[Doctor X]

:hug:

--J.D.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

It seems like the last 5 years has been hell, but I still have my sense of humor! (At least I think I still have it.:) )
Your sanity is another matter entirely. ;)

[Plant Woman]

Yeah but my sanity has always been another matter entirely. :lol:

[Stormlight]

:backhug:

[Watser?]

:cheerup:

My youngest sister was in the hospital the other week, she had her gall blatter removed. But that's fairly harmless.

[Plant Woman]

Jebus criminy...

Just got off the phone with b-i-l, the surgeon just wants to take out the cancer cells and some surrounding tissue, (I don't know the particulars so please don't fault the surgeon for my words). In order for my sis to be on the transplant list, they say they have to do a masectomy on BOTH breasts. That seems so radical to me. So they are scrambling to see if that is their only options.

Cripe.

[Deadlokd]

Jebus Cripes indeed. It seems extreme but I can see why they'd want to do it. Hugs to your sister.

[Gonzo]

I once had a shirt that read "Fuck Cancer".

[Caligulette]

Yeah, fuck cancer indeed. Is there a way they can do a second opinion?

[Plant Woman]

I am not sure about a second opinion about being on the transplant list. The surgeon just wants to do a small surgery. But they are trying to get some answers, even the surgeon is trying to find alternatives to the radical surgery. I feel so bad for my sister and she doesn't want to talk about it with anyone, so I only have talked to my b-i-l. I can't even think what to do to help them.

[LadyShea]

Are you unsuitable as a living donor? I can't remember exactly what happened. If you are, then the list doesn't matter.

[livius drusus]

I'm guessing the transplant list people want to eliminate as much as possible the chance of a recurrence, because any later chemo or radiation would shoot the transplanted kidney to hell. That is seriously macabre, though, requiring a woman to have her both her breasts removed (and I'd imagine lymph nodes, too) just to have a chance at any kind of quality of life. It's almost literally Procrustean.

I'm so sorry, p-dub. I hope her doctor can find another solution here. :(

[LadyShea]

I'm guessing the transplant list people want to eliminate as much as possible the chance of a recurrence, because any later chemo or radiation would shoot the transplanted kidney to hell.

Right. Add to that the fact that the list is incredibly complex in how people are added, removed, and prioritized. If we weren't such a backwards fucking country, and required opting OUT of being a donor rather than opting in, things would be much simpler and more fair.

[Nullifidian]

I wish I had something more useful to say than that I'm sorry for what you and your sister are going through. It seems so insufficient at a time like this.

:cheerup:

[livius drusus]

Right. Add to that the fact that the list is incredibly complex in how people are added, removed, and prioritized. If we weren't such a backwards fucking country, and required opting OUT of being a donor rather than opting in, things would be much simpler and more fair.

Even Italy is opt out now thanks to the Nicholas Effect (http://www.nicholasgreen.org/), and there's been a massive cultural thing about burying complete bodies since, like, Constantine.

[Plant Woman]

Are you unsuitable as a living donor? I can't remember exactly what happened. If you are, then the list doesn't matter.

From what my brother in law said, that even if I donate (I'm still on the losing weight track to be eligible) they won't do it unless she is on the transplant list. I don't know what the rules are but I thought that they were trying to get away from doing full masectomies.