Hi, my name was Stephen.

[Deadlokd]

I got a phone call last night from Ireland. It was from Adoption House in Dublin. Thirty-two years ago I was given up for adoption by my single mother.

Last night was the first phone call in my search for her and my father. I found out that she was a twenty year old science student at University College Galway when her nineteen year old boyfriend of a year got her pregnant. Well, she did the only thing a single girl in Catholic Ireland could do in the mid-seventies. In November 1974 she went into seclusion in a mothers and babies house in Dublin and three months later I was born. Within two months I had new parents, but for those two months I had a different name. Last night I found out what that name was.

Hi, my name was Stephen.

Or Steven.

I was a bit stunned and the phone line was terrible, but heh, I was a Stephen.

My mother sounds like a really lovely person. A couple of months after my adoption she wrote a letter to the social worker who helped her during the process. In it she expressed her love for me and her wish that things could have been different, but she acknowledged that adoption was the best thing for me. Unfortunately for me the family that adopted me turned out to stark raving loonies (but that's a different story), but that experience made me the person I am now, and I like who I am.

I started the search about ten months ago by registering my interest with Adoption House. Due to their workload though, it was some time before they could start to process me. I almost did this about eight years ago, but decided at the time to let the past rest. The birth of my daughter changed that. When her hair turned red at about six months, and Count has dark brown hair and I am blonde-brown, I started wondering about my parents again.

I'm glad I did. The lady who wrote that letter regretted the necessity of my adoption, so I think I owe it to both of us to keep the search going.

I'm going to update this thread as time goes on. I also felt that I could share my story here because of who you all are. There isn't a person here that I wouldn't mind reading this.

[Leesifer]

Good luck with the search Deadlokd. Thanks for sharing this with us. :cuddles:

[JamesBannon]

Hi Deadlockd :manhug:

Best of luck. Hope you get to find what you're looking fo. Will be watching the thread.

[livius drusus]

It's an amazing thing already that you've discovered your original name and how much your birth mom loved you.

Good luck with the search. I can't wait until we hear the continuation of the story. Fair warning: I shall be sobbing at each update.

[JamesBannon]

* JamesBannon Supplies Livius Drusus with a large box of balm-impregnated tissues

[curses]

Wow Deadlokd, that's amazing! A good way to start out the new year :yup:

[Garnet]

It's an amazing thing already that you've discovered your original name and how much your birth mom loved you.

Good luck with the search. I can't wait until we hear the continuation of the story. Fair warning: I shall be sobbing at each update.

*plops down by liv, box of kleenex handy*

[Shelli]

:vibes:

[freemonkey]

Deadlokd, I hope your search proves fruitful.

[viscousmemories]

Congrats, ex-Ste(v,ph)en! :)

[vremya]

Wow. I'll be watching this thread for sure!

[California Tanker]

Galway? Oh dear....

Well, could be worse. Could have been UCC in Cork.

Still, it's fascinating that they have all the records. Good luck in your hunt.

NTM

[Crumb]

Wow Deadlokd. Thanks for sharing. I hope your search goes well.

[LadyShea]

I am honored you felt comfortable enough to share this with all of us. As an adoptive mother , who has spent considerable time investigating the experiences of those who were adopted and who placed in the past in order to make my son's life better, I am very interested in how this all turns out.

[godfry n. glad]

Galway? Oh dear....

Well, could be worse. Could have been UCC in Cork.

Still, it's fascinating that they have all the records. Good luck in your hunt.

NTM

What...Are you some kind of Jackine?

[Pendaric]

The very best of luck to you.

How much information do you have about your birth parents? Will Adoption House give you their names?

[California Tanker]

What...Are you some kind of Jackine?

I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Jackeen"

NTM

[Count]

Yep, his name was Steve, pronunciation: \ˈsü\

[Dingfod]

:yup:

[Ensign Steve]

Stephen is a very cool name. :yup:

[Deadlokd]

Thank you to all of you for your good wishes and support. I'm a bit overwhelmed myself now. I'm on active duty with the Coastguard this weekend too so I haven't had too much processing time. I'm pleased with how this is going now though. I was a little uncertain but I am convinced that I have made the right decision.

The very best of luck to you.

How much information do you have about your birth parents? Will Adoption House give you their names?

The ultimate aim here is a meeting. That's could be really difficult with the whole different country thing, but that's the goal. They don't want to give me any identifying information straight away. They seem to take their time talking me through each step. Plus, they still need to find her.


What...Are you some kind of Jackine?

I'm pretty sure it's spelled "Jackeen"

NTM

Hey, technically I'm a Jackeen too.

Yep, his name was Steve, pronunciation: ˈsü

:glare: No it's Stephen pronounced \dĭ-vôrs'\

[livius drusus]

:lol: You two are the cutest. :glomps:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:rofl:

[Potato]

Good luck with your search.

It's really rather inspiring.

[Caligulette]

Thanks for posting this. I hope it goes really well.

[Legs]

Good luck with everything, thanks for sharing it with us. :vibes:

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

Got any more room on the couch?

[Plant Woman]

Stephen! That is so cool! I hope you find her and get to meet her. Don't discount that count may have redheads in her family. When a nephew turned out to have red hair, I asked where it came from. Turns out my grandfather was a redhead, but I only thought he had gray hair. :)

Here's to you getting to meet your bio-mom in person. I imagine she often wonders where you are and how you are doing.

[Stormlight]

All the best in your search, Deadlokd!

[But]

That's so cool. I hope you're successful.

[Sock Puppet]

Fantastically cool. Best of luck to you.

[Guinevere]

I hope everything works out for you!

[BigBlue2]

Quite a courageous thing to attempt considering all the possible pitfalls and disappointments. Good luck with everything, mate.

[Deadlokd]

Thanks again for all the good wishes :yup:. For me the journey is more important than the destination. There is a good chance that we may never meet. A lot can happen in thirty-two years. But for me right now, the fact that I started this is therapeutic on so many levels. I've already learned a lot about her and it all contradicts what my adopted mother told me so many years ago. Again, more therapy required :D.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

:squeezle:

[256 colors]

Congrats...

[cappuccino]

Do you plan to incorporate Stephen into your current name? Hope you find as much as possible about your mother and even get a chance to meet her. Thank you for sharing your story with us, best of luck!

[Histrionica]

I just returned to the intarwebs after a Krimmas break. I may not know you well, but if you need a shoulder or a cheerleader, you've got one. It's certainly an honour to share your journey.

:bethere:

[Deadlokd]

Do you plan to incorporate Stephen into your current name? Hope you find as much as possible about your mother and even get a chance to meet her. Thank you for sharing your story with us, best of luck!

Heh, probably not. Steven has bad connotations to my wife, Count. I certainly don't want to add to that. That's why I've been spelling it Stephan. It is more likely, being Irish, and it is a little different from Steven.

Why couldn't it be Patrick, Padraic, Seamus or Sean?:D

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

I'll call you Saoirse. Is that better?


:D

[Deadlokd]

"You can take my life, but you can never take my saoirse!"

Damn, wrong country:D.

[freemonkey]

Maybe Count would like it better if you spelled it Sueven.

[Deadlokd]

:glare:

I'm never going to live that down am I?

[Petra]

As a single mum, I feel lucky to be living in this age. I could keep my baby and no one could make me feel bad about it.

I feel sad for the young women who were forced to give up their children in days gone by, simply because they were unwed mothers. And I bet your birth mum pined for you all these years, and I bet she hoped and prayed that you were safe and well in your adoptive home.

Good luck on your journey back to her, They. I hope you find each other again, and I hope the experience is a positive one for both of you. :)

[Dingfod]

:glare:

I'm never going to live that down am I?Seamus on you.

[Count]

:glare:

I'm never going to live that down am I?
Nope, not if I have anything to do with it :D

As a single mum, I feel lucky to be living in this age. I could keep my baby and no one could make me feel bad about it.

I feel sad for the young women who were forced to give up their children in days gone by, simply because they were unwed mothers. And I bet your birth mum pined for you all these years, and I bet she hoped and prayed that you were safe and well in your adoptive home.
I completely agree. I am so grateful that I became a teen mum in 1994, not 1974 (obviously that would be impossible on account of I wasn't even born in '74 but you get my drift...) I could put up with the criticism and the nasty glares etc because at least I got to keep my baby. I feel desperately sorry for women that just didn't have a choice, particularly for SueLockedStevphean's mum. I wish she knew how excellent he is, how smart and funny and clever, that he is an amazing dad and a loving, loyal and supportive husband. I wish she knew that he is very much loved and adored, that he was worth having and that I am enormously grateful to her because without her, I wouldn't have him. I only hope I have the opportunity to tell her this myself one day.

Seamus on you.

*snigger*

[Deadlokd]

As a single mum, I feel lucky to be living in this age. I could keep my baby and no one could make me feel bad about it.

I feel sad for the young women who were forced to give up their children in days gone by, simply because they were unwed mothers. And I bet your birth mum pined for you all these years, and I bet she hoped and prayed that you were safe and well in your adoptive home.

Good luck on your journey back to her, They. I hope you find each other again, and I hope the experience is a positive one for both of you. :)

Thanks Petra. Someone sent me a PM expressing her sadness at having to give up her son. Again, the era had a lot to do with it. Her PM confirmed to me that from my mother's perspective I was doing the right thing.

:glare:

I'm never going to live that down am I?Seamus on you.

:glare: Don't you get sick of being glared at?

:glare:

I'm never going to live that down am I?
Nope, not if I have anything to do with it :D

As a single mum, I feel lucky to be living in this age. I could keep my baby and no one could make me feel bad about it.

I feel sad for the young women who were forced to give up their children in days gone by, simply because they were unwed mothers. And I bet your birth mum pined for you all these years, and I bet she hoped and prayed that you were safe and well in your adoptive home.
I completely agree. I am so grateful that I became a teen mum in 1994, not 1974 (obviously that would be impossible on account of I wasn't even born in '74 but you get my drift...) I could put up with the criticism and the nasty glares etc because at least I got to keep my baby. I feel desperately sorry for women that just didn't have a choice, particularly for SueLockedStevphean's mum. I wish she knew how excellent he is, how smart and funny and clever, that he is an amazing dad and a loving, loyal and supportive husband. I wish she knew that he is very much loved and adored, that he was worth having and that I am enormously grateful to her because without her, I wouldn't have him. I only hope I have the opportunity to tell her this myself one day.

Seamus on you.

*snigger*

:glare: You obviously don't. Look left, I'm glaring at you again.

You're kinda cute though. And very supportive. You'll do I guess :giggle:

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

"You can take my life, but you can never take my saoirse!"

Damn, wrong country:D.
Whatever you say, Siobhan. :D

* Cynical-Chick is an onomastics geek

Thanks for sharing this with us, Count & Sue.

[ITSOZAZ]

that's a great story to share. thanks :)

[Dingfod]

:glare: Don't you get sick of being glared at?No. livius has desensitised me to the :glare:

[Deadlokd]

:glare: Don't you get sick of being glared at?No. livius has desensitised me to the :glare:

:shakeglare: Haha!

[Pendaric]

Any update on this Deadlokd?

[Deadlokd]

Hi all. No, still in limbo. Will definitely report back when I have news.

In the meantime Intro to Biotechnology, Foundational Animal Biology, Biological Foundations of Psychology and Intro Concepts of Chemistry are keeping me mucho busy. And mucho fun.

[Deadlokd]

I got a phone call from the social worker a week ago. She discovered that Ann was married some time after my adoption. She then put in a request through the Irish equivalent of Social Services to find out if Ann was still alive and still living in Ireland. Well it turns out she is alive and living in the Irish Midlands. Eileen, the social worker has written her a letter and Social Services will forward the letter to her. The letter will invite Ann to ring Eileen and then go to Dublin for a meeting. In the meantime I'm going to e-mail some recent photos of myself and my family for Ann to see.

So all this could happen within the next couple of weeks. Very daunting and exciting. There is the possibility of a bad outcome, but I knew that going into this.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

:eager:

[vremya]

Wow. That's so cool, that they tracked Ann down. I hope she's willing to meet with the social worker. Wow.

[Deadlokd]

Quick update. I was in Rockhampton last week for Residential School for my degree and Eileen, the social worker rang.

Ann has responded to her letter and tried to phone her straight away. Unfortunately Eileen wasn't in the office but they got in touch the next day. In Eileen's words Ann was "delighted, absolutely delighted." Ann told her husband about me before they got married and told her three daughters about me a couple of years ago (yes, I have three younger sisters!). At about the same time she was going to try to find me but was afraid that I may resent her. She asked Eileen if I was bitter. I'm not, not in the slightest.

Anyway, Ann is going to Dublin on Thursday afternoon to meet Eileen and then Eileen will call me straight away. Yay! It's all coming up Milhouse! (Simpsons reference, just in case anyone thought my name was Milhouse.)

[fragment]

Wow, that's really positive. While I expect things are going to be heavily laden with emotion for all involved, it sounds like it's going to be very rewarding too. Good luck with the rest of the journey!

[Watser?]

Sounds good :larrybounce:

[Shelli]

:excited:

[256 colors]

Excellent news.

[livius drusus]

Oh wow, this is really ideal on both sides. Congratulations on suddenly having three younger sisters to be protective of! :w00t:

[cappuccino]

I'm going to cry.

I'm glad things are going well for you and that you've found three new sisters! Sisters may be icky but they're wonderful to have.

[vremya]

Wow, that's great news. You wanted to find her, she wanted to find you.

[LadyShea]

Great news! Congrats!

I too am so glad times have changed. Although my son's first mom still felt adoption was best for him, she wasn't forced. She had a choice. And since she and I talk several times a week (Kiddo still doesn't 100% get the whole phone thing but he will eventually) and visit as often as possible, there will be no wondering "is he/she bitter", from either side.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:w00t:

[Smilin]

:w00t:!!!

Most excellent news!

[Crumb]

Very cool, Deadlokd. :yup:

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

:woohoo:

[Deadlokd]

Thanks everyone, I'm pretty excited. It's all very intense.

[Caligulette]

Wow. I am so glad this is going well. How exciting for everyone.

[JamesBannon]

May it long continue Deadlockd. Nice to see some good news for a change.

[Pinecone]

:bgirl:

[Deadlokd]

I woke up this morning to two emails from Ireland.

One was from the social worker saying that she had given my email address to Anne. She was supposed to give me Anne's email last week, but never mind. The other was from Anne.

Eek! It was a very vanilla letter, very short, more of an exploratory letter. I sent one back with the same flavour. I suspect this will continue for a while, then we'll progress to phone calls etc.

But in the meantime, eek!

[vremya]

Wow! Very cool. Things are moving pretty fast for you. (so the eek! is totally understandable!)

I hope the two of you get to meet each other. If that's what you want, that is.

[seebs]

That sounds awesome. I'm so glad for you!

A friend of mine gave a baby up for adoption, only to find out that the very superficially-Christian "adoption agency" was LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING. And she will never, ever, be allowed to even express interest in finding out where her kid went, and the adoption agency wouldn't put the kid in touch with her if he asked.

[Deadlokd]

Anne was telling the social worker that after things had progressed they were all going to come to Australia to visit, so eek! again.

[Deadlokd]

That sounds awesome. I'm so glad for you!

A friend of mine gave a baby up for adoption, only to find out that the very superficially-Christian "adoption agency" was LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING. And she will never, ever, be allowed to even express interest in finding out where her kid went, and the adoption agency wouldn't put the kid in touch with her if he asked.

Unfortunately that's a common theme across all adoption agencies. Most allow the child to initiate contact but I don't know of any that allow the parents to do the same. It's very fucked up that they won't put her child in contact with her though. Can she sue them? Misrepresentation of services is grounds for breaking a contract.

In Ireland there is a government department that handles these things, would the same apply in your state?

[One for Sorrow]

That's very exciting news, Deadlokd. Keep us posted.

[Arrogant-One]

That sounds awesome. I'm so glad for you!

A friend of mine gave a baby up for adoption, only to find out that the very superficially-Christian "adoption agency" was LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING. And she will never, ever, be allowed to even express interest in finding out where her kid went, and the adoption agency wouldn't put the kid in touch with her if he asked.

Unfortunately that's a common theme across all adoption agencies. Most allow the child to initiate contact but I don't know of any that allow the parents to do the same. It's very fucked up that they won't put her child in contact with her though. Can she sue them? Misrepresentation of services is grounds for breaking a contract.

In Ireland there is a government department that handles these things, would the same apply in your state?

I just read this thread for the first time Deadlokd. It was great! I am happy for you and your mother. My view is simply that once the adopted person reaches 18 years of age, if both the birth parent and the adoptee desire to have contact, the law should allow it without hindrance. But I've never actually looked at the law to see if this is the case.

Best Wishes for the Future,

AO

[Petra]

Awesome! Best of luck with your meeting. Sounds like it will go very, very well. :w00t:

[Ensign Steve]

Awesome! Best of luck with your meeting. Sounds like it will go very, very well. :w00t:

Silly. It already went! Look on the Member News thread.

[Petra]

Oh, see! I'm always missing stuff! :d'oh:

[Deadlokd]

When I have a few hours I'll post a real update here along with pictures. Including one of the twenty or so blood relatives I now have :eek:.

[Corona688]

Congrats guy!