The ask a skunk thread

[Leesifer]

I can answer all your sexual problems or questions. Sometimes, they will be serious answers too!

I know zees things
:pepe:

[JamesBannon]

Question #1 Lees: Why am I not getting any?

[Adam]

Dear Auntie Skanky...er...Skunky,

If I go long enough without actually using my genitals for anything, are there any countries in the world where I'm technically a virgin again, and can therefore fetch a higher price for my steaming hot manbody? How long do I have to wait? Which countries work best for this, in your experience?

Sincerely,
Should Have Kept The Shrink-Wrap

[Uthgar the Brazen]

And would I have to pay extra-extra to re-deflower him in an unmanly fashion?

[Leesifer]

Question #1 Lees: Why am I not getting any?

Because you live in the Outer Hebrides or something.

You need to get out and meet people - France is probably the best place to go to get some - I've heard it's full of sluts.

Or Spain - Spain is definitely good for getting some.

[ChuckF]

Comrade Adamski, you are looking for the management, no? You have thought about the Soviet Russia?
:pimpbrezhnev:

[Leesifer]

Dear Auntie Skanky...er...Skunky,

If I go long enough without actually using my genitals for anything, are there any countries in the world where I'm technically a virgin again, and can therefore fetch a higher price for my steaming hot manbody? How long do I have to wait? Which countries work best for this, in your experience?

Sincerely,
Should Have Kept The Shrink-Wrap


Yes! You can get a very good price for steaming hot man bodies in Japan, I believe. Although, they may eat you raw!

Also, Papua New Guinea. They love steaming hot man body. And to be honest, I don't think they mind whether you are a virgin or not.

[Leesifer]

And would I have to pay extra-extra to re-deflower him in an unmanly fashion?

No, no payment. Just the DVD of the de-flowering please. And photos in the Gallery.

[godfry n. glad]

You need to get out and meet people - France is probably the best place to go to get some - I've heard it's full of sluts.

Funny....I'd heard the same about London and its immediate environs.

Is that true?

[Adam]

You need to get out and meet people - France is probably the best place to go to get some - I've heard it's full of sluts.

Funny....I'd heard the same about London and its immediate environs.

Is that true?

Psst...

You're thinking of Essex.

[Leesifer]

I've never been to London, Ohio so I wouldn't know, godfry.

I'll see what I can find out for you. :wink:

[godfry n. glad]

I've noticed that many women have derrieres (bums) which are of temperatures considerably lower than the rest of their bodies. On occasion, it can be like snuggling up to a frozen turkey. What's with that? Is it some kind of contraceptive method?

[Leesifer]

You need to get out and meet people - France is probably the best place to go to get some - I've heard it's full of sluts.

Funny....I'd heard the same about London and its immediate environs.

Is that true?

Psst...

You're thinking of Essex.


You're not getting any now for a long, long time
:psst:

[Adam]

Wut? It's not like I was going to Vermont (http://www.essex.org/) any time soon anyway!

[SharonDee]

Dear Skunk,

I'm not getting any and I don't care that I'm not getting any. Is there something wrong with me?

Frigidly,
Ice Queen

[Clutch Munny]

Dear Skunk,

I find that, some minutes or hours after having sex, I just want it again. This leads to my being compared with, possibly, some sort of owl relative, the Horned Awg, and some Spanish dude, apparently, Joaquin Ormone. I can't find this animal or this man in the Goggle. Should I be worried?

[Dingfod]

Dear Skunk,

How do you make a hormone?


Don Paier

[ms_ann_thrope]

:foocl:

[Angakuk]

Question #1 Lees: Why am I not getting any?

Because you live in the Outer Hebrides or something.

You need to get out and meet people - France is probably the best place to go to get some - I've heard it's full of sluts.

Or Spain - Spain is definitely good for getting some.

:yup:

* Angakuk once got some in Spain. France too.

[But]

This thread :rarrow: :lookporn: :larrow: Lees

[livius drusus]

Dear Skunk,

Do spammers have genitals?

Signed,
Idle curiosity

[Pan Narrans]

Dear Lees,

Where did your Santa merkin go?

[livius drusus]

Dear skunk,

Do you prefer a white shellacking or a brown one?

Signed,
Shellack afficionado

[Clutch Munny]

Hello? Answer please! The Goggle don't help me!

[livius drusus]

:shakegoogle:

[Adam]

Dear Skunk,

There's this ho I know who gives real good advice about stabbing people in the head. What I want to know is, is the stabbity head thing also a good way to procure a sexual partner?

Sincerely,
Have Knife Will Fondle

:unknife:

[Dingfod]

Dear Skunky-One Kenobi,

Is it true that the central theme of Star Wars was incest?


Sister Duz Brothers

[Kyuss Apollo]

Dear Auntie Skunk,

Mine is more of a comment rather than a question.



Boobs! :excited:



That is all.

[Farren]

Dear Skunk,

There's this ho I know who gives real good advice about stabbing people in the head. What I want to know is, is the stabbity head thing also a good way to procure a sexual partner?

Sincerely,
Have Knife Will Fondle

:unknife:

Have Knife Will Fondle,

since you haven't had a reply from the skanky skunk yet, I thought I'd have a go at helping you. Before stabbing your prospective partner in the head, tactfully enquire if they would enjoy squicking (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=squicking). If they do, you might be on your way to a satisfying, though brief, sexual relationship.

[Leesifer]

Apologies for not responding you bunch of pervs!

I'm just about to eat (food) and read :ff:. I'll be back to answer your questions and solve your problems over the weekend.

[curses]

Dear skunk,

Do you prefer a white shellacking or a brown one?

Signed,
Shellack afficionado

:laughdie:
I think she'll take a shellacking any way she can get it, the filthy skunk.

[JamesBannon]

Dear Auntie Skunk,

Mine is more of a comment rather than a question.



Boobs! :excited:



That is all.
And a very sensible comment it is too.

[Leesifer]

Wut? It's not like I was going to Vermont (http://www.essex.org/) any time soon anyway!

OMG!1!! You foreigners have to steal all our county names too!

Back OT, so, is Essex, Vermont full of sluts too? If so, you should definitely go there. You might actually get some.

[godfry n. glad]

:onhold:

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

I'm not getting any and I don't care that I'm not getting any. Is there something wrong with me?

Frigidly,
Ice Queen

No, Ice Queen, there's nothing wrong with you at all. What you need is a cone (http://www.bedroompleasures.co.uk/sex-toys/Vibrators.10/Massaging-Vibrators.67/The-Cone.3355.html?utm_source=google&utm_medium=ppc&utm_term=the%20cone&utm_campaign=Brand%20Names&gclid=CJTIuf_pgJECFQttMAod9TOnAQ&oscsid=15925ace5eb3dab2c7024a4086e21969). They come highly recommended. Apparently.

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

I find that, some minutes or hours after having sex, I just want it again. This leads to my being compared with, possibly, some sort of owl relative, the Horned Awg, and some Spanish dude, apparently, Joaquin Ormone. I can't find this animal or this man in the Goggle. Should I be worried?

I think you need to purchase a special kind of wipe, I believe it's called the Coal'd Shao Er. Amazon sell them I believe.

Joaquin Ormone is a Spanish hero. I read about him in the Calm A'su Tra. Nothing wrong with being compared to him.

Goggle is rubbish. You should use Yarwho!

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

How do you make a hormone?


Don Paier

Kick her in the nuts!

[Leesifer]

I've noticed that many women have derrieres (bums) which are of temperatures considerably lower than the rest of their bodies. On occasion, it can be like snuggling up to a frozen turkey. What's with that? Is it some kind of contraceptive method?

Yes! Because it wilts the sausage stuffing that is trying to get into the frozen turkey at the time.

A brisk rubbing on both cheeks, with both hands will cure the coldness.

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

Do spammers have genitals?

Signed,
Idle curiosity

Mostly, great, flapping, huge genitals. Although I can't speak for ALL spammers obviously. Some of them don't have any and that's why they become spammers.

[Leesifer]

Dear Lees,

Where did your Santa merkin go?

It's on the shelf with my hallowe'en, valentines day, christmas and may day merkins.

Did you want to borrow it?

[Naruto]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

[Leesifer]

Dear skunk,

Do you prefer a white shellacking or a brown one?

Signed,
Shellack afficionado

OMG!1!!1ONE. I can't believe you'd even ask me this question.

I DON'T LIKE ANY KIND OF SHELLACKING AT ALL.

Shells are sharp and they hurt!

[Watser?]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

Call the Guiness Book of World Records?

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

There's this ho I know who gives real good advice about stabbing people in the head. What I want to know is, is the stabbity head thing also a good way to procure a sexual partner?

Sincerely,
Have Knife Will Fondle

:unknife:

Why yes, yes it is. But it works much better if you are wearing a rubber suit which covers the whole body, together with a gimp mask.

The knife, however, should be made of strong, sharp steel. None of that rubbery stuff for the blade! Just wander into a local bar, in your procurement outfit and you are sure to get some action.

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunky-One Kenobi,

Is it true that the central theme of Star Wars was incest?


Sister Duz Brothers

Yes! Because Han, Luke and Leia were actually triplets. They left that bit out of the filum so as not to upset the religious right!

[Leesifer]

Dear Auntie Skunk,

Mine is more of a comment rather than a question.



Boobs! :excited:



That is all.


NO1!!11!ONE

BEWBS!

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

There's this ho I know who gives real good advice about stabbing people in the head. What I want to know is, is the stabbity head thing also a good way to procure a sexual partner?

Sincerely,
Have Knife Will Fondle

:unknife:

Have Knife Will Fondle,

since you haven't had a reply from the skanky skunk yet, I thought I'd have a go at helping you. Before stabbing your prospective partner in the head, tactfully enquire if they would enjoy squicking (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=squicking). If they do, you might be on your way to a satisfying, though brief, sexual relationship.

You are a very strange man Mr. Farren. Please PM me your address and phone number immediately.

[Leesifer]

Dear skunk,

Do you prefer a white shellacking or a brown one?

Signed,
Shellack afficionado

:laughdie:
I think she'll take a shellacking any way she can get it, the filthy skunk.

curses, my love. It's not filthy. It's quite natural and actually very pleasant. Sex is not a shameful act and, yes, sometimes it can get filthy but that is why God invented golden showers.

[Leesifer]

Dear Auntie Skunk,

Mine is more of a comment rather than a question.



Boobs! :excited:



That is all.
And a very sensible comment it is too.

NO! It was wrong. The correct answer was BEWBS!

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

Then you need to get a girlfriend a bit younger than 35 Naruto.

It's common knowledge that girls have a higher sex drive when they're older.

I suggest somebody who is 34. That should sort you right out.

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

Call the Guiness Book of World Records?

You call them. :glare:

[Naruto]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

Then you need to get a girlfriend a bit younger than 35 Naruto.

It's common knowledge that girls have a higher sex drive when they're older.

I suggest somebody who is 34. That should sort you right out.

She's 20 right now....and I'm very scared right now :eek:

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

Then you need to get a girlfriend a bit younger than 35 Naruto.

It's common knowledge that girls have a higher sex drive when they're older.

I suggest somebody who is 34. That should sort you right out.

She's 20 right now....and I'm very scared right now :eek:

Don't be scared. Just pretend to faint or something. Or you could tell her that it fell off!

[BrotherMan]

I have a headache. Believe it!
:shakenaruto:

[Leesifer]

Pfft! Headaches are for wimps. Something needs to fall off before it stops a horny older woman reaching for your nads.

[Watser?]

:rughide:

[JamesBannon]

:rofl:

[BrotherMan]

Pfft! Headaches are for wimps. Something needs to fall off before it stops a horny older woman reaching for your nads.

Stop teasing.

[Leesifer]

Who me? :innocent:

[livius drusus]

Dear skunk,

I hear that Spain was totally full of sluts a while back, but now they've left. Why do you think that is?

Sincerely,
Slut researcher

[Leesifer]

Dear Slut researcher,

I'm not sure. It's probably because once they sucked all the juice out of Spain, they decided to go further afield. It's never a good thing to let things get stale. Yes, I expect they've moved on or will be moving on to new pastures, very soon.

[Dingfod]

Dear skunk,

I hear that Spain was totally full of sluts a while back, but now they've left. Why do you think that is?

Sincerely,
Slut researcherI've heard Spain is full of male sluts and the ladies, they are insane there.

[Angakuk]

The ladies in Spain are mainly insane in the rain on the plain.

[Dingfod]

Do the Spanish ladies mainly deign to be insane or is in their brain?

[But]

I don't need to explain that they need to refrain from obtaining champagne and cocaine from Ukraine, it puts a big strain on the cerebral vein.

[Dingfod]

I guess I shouldn't complain when you've been so kind as to explain.

[Histrionica]

Dear Skunk,

My girlfriend has a higher sex drive than I, a 19 year old nerd, have. Wtf?

Would you consider opening up the relationship?

[Leesifer]

Hey! :glare:

Don't go offering yourself to the innocent young men on my advice thread, hussy!

[Smilin]

Dear Skunk;

I've heard the women in France are sluts as well.

Have you any experience on this matter?

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk;

I've heard the women in France are sluts as well.

Have you any experience on this matter?

I believe there is a thread specifically about this matter.

This thread is dealing with sexual problems/advice. If it's about meeting a French slut then I'm sure Uthgar will have a couple of numbers for you.

Oh, and I have no experience with French sluts - so far.

:wink:

[Artemis Entreri]

Dear Skunk,
My girlfriend has orgasms while giving me head. Now, she won't stop sucking my dick! How long does a blowjob have to last before a man can ask a woman to stop? I am not a tootsie roll pop!

Gingerly,
Gulped by the Gulf

[But]

:patpat:

[Smilin]

Art, if only I had that problem...:lol:

[Histrionica]

Hey! :glare:

Don't go offering yourself to the innocent young men on my advice thread, hussy!

Myself? *snort*

Besides, i'm rather picky about women. :wink:

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,
My girlfriend has orgasms while giving me head. Now, she won't stop sucking my dick! How long does a blowjob have to last before a man can ask a woman to stop? I am not a tootsie roll pop!

Gingerly,
Gulped by the Gulf

It is only polite to let her finish her organisms first, Artemis. You'll just have to rub some ointment on it or something. Or maybe some whipped cream.

[Leesifer]

Hey! :glare:

Don't go offering yourself to the innocent young men on my advice thread, hussy!

Myself? *snort*

Besides, i'm rather picky about women. :wink:

Oh, I getcha, you're after his bird! In that case, it was a fair question. So, Naruto - you game?

* Leesifer helps Histy get some!

[Naruto]

:glare:

[Histrionica]

Oh please, i'm not after either one of them! I just know what it's like to be the one with the high libido. Sometimes, an open relationship can be a good solution.

Calm down, boy. :shakenaruto:

[livius drusus]

Dear Skunk,

I hear that Calgary, Alberta, Canada girls are total sluts. Is that true?

Sincerely,
Just askin'

[Qingdai]

Dear Skunk,

How can I get a high libido?

Yours,

Husbanwanna Doit.

[Dingfod]

Dear Skunk,

If I wanted me some veritass, do I need to go to Scotland to get it?


Skank

[Veritas]

Hey! I saw that! :glare:

[Histrionica]

Dear Skunk,

I hear that Calgary, Alberta, Canada girls are total sluts. Is that true?

Sincerely,
Just askin'

You don't need to ask the Skunky One, liv. Or are you askeerd to come to the source?

What do you think, Leesy?

:luna:

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

I hear that Calgary, Alberta, Canada girls are total sluts. Is that true?

Sincerely,
Just askin'

OMG! I've heard that too, Just askin'. Total, total sluts. I've also heard that they walk around naked all the time, playing with themselves, just for the attention.

That's why all the Canadian men are gay!

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

How can I get a high libido?

Yours,

Husbanwanna Doit.

Dear Husbanwanna Doit,

You don't have libido shops in your town? Every other shop here is a high libido shop. PM me your address and send me a cheque for $250 and you'll be sorted.

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

If I wanted me some veritass, do I need to go to Scotland to get it?


Skank

Most probably, Skank. You should also wear gloves - she's bound to have a really cold ass, living in Scotland. They don't get warm weather up there, you know.

[Watser?]

Dear Skunk,

I hear that Calgary, Alberta, Canada girls are total sluts. Is that true?

Sincerely,
Just askin'

OMG! I've heard that too, Just askin'. Total, total sluts. I've also heard that they walk around naked all the time, playing with themselves, just for the attention.

That's why all the Canadian men are gay!

* Watser? makes note

[Leesifer]

Dear Skunk,

I hear that Calgary, Alberta, Canada girls are total sluts. Is that true?

Sincerely,
Just askin'

You don't need to ask the Skunky One, liv. Or are you askeerd to come to the source?

What do you think, Leesy?

:luna:

She's askeerd alright. We should both do the chicken dance in front of her.

:shakechicken::shakechicken::shakechicken:

[Smilin]

Dear Skunk,

Why do all of the horny, slutty women live everywhere else but here?

Confuzzled in the Southern States......