Ask a 'tard

[wei yau]

Alright, I'm filled with advice column jealousy. However, I'm not equipped to provide any useful advice. But, I can offer plenty of retarded advice.

Look at me! Look at me!
:tard:

[livius drusus]

Dear tard,

I really need to get out but it's too damn cold to step outside. How can I motivate myself to face the chill?

Sincerely,
Feeling the nip

[Ensign Steve]

Dear Tard,

I like beans, but they are too plain by themselves. What can I add to make them more interesting?

Sincerely,
Frank

[wei yau]

Dear tard,

I really need to get out but it's too damn cold to step outside. How can I motivate myself to face the chill?

Sincerely,
Feeling the nip

It's cold, I can see your nips. Hee! Nips! Nips! Nips!
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

I like beans, but they are too plain by themselves. What can I add to make them more interesting?

Sincerely,
Frank

Mongo like candy!
:tard:

[Crumb]

Dear Tard,

What is the meaning of life?

Sincerely,
We are all going to hell

[Shelli]

Dear Tard,

Why are you such a 'tard?

Unsincerely,
Yours untruly

[Leesifer]

Dear Tard

Why did you open a thread when you knew you wouldn't be back for a couple of days?

Yours
Always

[Deadlokd]

Dear 'Tard,

How do I know when the oil is hot enough to cook chips in?[/feedline]

Thanks, Straightman.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Dear 'tard,

What's the difference between orange?

Love,
Buddha bin Laden

[Qingdai]

Dear 'tard,

Do you like cake?

I like cake

signed, cakey.

[Kyuss Apollo]

Dear 'tard,

How old were you when you were born?



Oh, and BEWBS.

regards,

Mammarian Enthusiast

[Farren]

[]

[Brimshack]

Dear Tard,

When are you coming back, because I got a question.

Sincerely,

Question-Gotting Guy.

[Dingfod]

Dear Tardness,

I have a question for you too.


Sincerely,
Miss DePoynte

[godfry n. glad]

Tard...

Does you likes Tab soda pop?

http://enhs.umn.edu/saccharin/tabcan.gif

I does;

- bustard

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Tard...

Does you likes Tab soda pop?

And apples?

[godfry n. glad]

An' groups singing?

[But]

?
:duh:

[godfry n. glad]

Well...If'n wes could fine a hole buncha 'tards what likes apples n'Tab, n'we sings togeddur reelreel well.

We could tur da worl...as da worl faymus singers!

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Well...If'n wes could fine a hole buncha 'tards what likes apples n'Tab, n'we sings togeddur reelreel well.

We could tur da worl...as da worl faymus singers!

Ayup dat cudz we. Reel gud!

[Dingfod]

Deer Tard,

Theyz makin fun of the moron Tab 'n' apple choir again.


Urz in dumbdum,
Tard N. Fedders

[Shelli]

Dear 'tard

Have you ever noticed that bastard ends in 'tard?

Sincerely;
'tard observer

[wei yau]

Dear Tard

Why did you open a thread when you knew you wouldn't be back for a couple of days?

Yours
Always

No! No touch there! NO!
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

What is the meaning of life?

Sincerely,
We are all going to hell

Life is what you make of it, there is no meaning save what you invest yourself. Uh...I mean....ppppbpbbbbtttt!
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

Why are you such a 'tard?

Unsincerely,
Yours untruly

. . .
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'Tard,

How do I know when the oil is hot enough to cook chips in?[/feedline]

Thanks, Straightman.

Missus Mommy said Jimmy can't be in the kitchen.
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard,

What's the difference between orange?

Love,
Buddha bin Laden

Tard flood! Tard flood! My underoos are wet now
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard,

Do you like cake?

I like cake

signed, cakey.

Cake! Cake! Cake!
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard,

How old were you when you were born?



Oh, and BEWBS.

regards,

Mammarian Enthusiast

Bewb cake! Bewb cake! Bewb cake
:tard:

[wei yau]

[]

{}
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

When are you coming back, because I got a question.

Sincerely,

Question-Gotting Guy.

M-O-O-N
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tardness,

I have a question for you too.


Sincerely,
Miss DePoynte

M-O-O-N?
:tard:

[wei yau]

Tard...

Does you likes Tab soda pop?

http://enhs.umn.edu/saccharin/tabcan.gif

I does;

- bustard

Jimmy likes doing the Dew. Awesome! Radical
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard

Have you ever noticed that bastard ends in 'tard?

Sincerely;
'tard observer

Oooooh, you said a bad word!
:tard:

[wei yau]

Deer Tard,

Theyz makin fun of the moron Tab 'n' apple choir again.


Urz in dumbdum,
Tard N. Fedders

Jimmy go sleep now.
:tard:

[Shelli]

Dear 'tard

Have you ever noticed that bastard ends in 'tard?

Sincerely;
'tard observer

Oooooh, you said a bad word!
:tard:

At least I didn't drool it. :girltong:

[wei yau]

At least I didn't drool it. :girltong:

You are pretty. heehee
:tard:

[Shelli]

:giggle:

[livius drusus]

Dear Tard,

What does M-O-O-N spell?

Sincerely,
Checker

[wei yau]

M-O-O-N spells Tom Cullen. He eats his boogers.
:tard:

[Brimshack]

Dear Tard,

When are you coming back, because I got a question.

Sincerely,

Question-Gotting Guy.

M-O-O-N
:tard:

Hey, how come the other guy got a boob cake, and I just got a moon. I want a boob cake.


...with whipped cream please.

[godfry n. glad]

Ya want nuts on that?

[Dingfod]

Dear Tard,

What can I do to get my cow orker to stop bugging me?


Ear Tater

[Brimshack]

Ya want nuts on that?

Only my own.

[godfry n. glad]

No want ur nuts crushed, den?

[Leesifer]

Dear Tard,

Can I?

Yours
Forever

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

Can I?

Yours
Forever

I'm Batman!
:tard:

[Crumb]

Dear Tard,

Who is your top choice for US president in the upcoming election/

Stupidly,
batman

[Histrionica]

Dear Tard

I want a meat sofa. Oh! Oh! And a chocolate recliner. Can you get me those?



Yours Truly,

~Big Idea Girl~

[Kyuss Apollo]

Dear 'Tard,

Thanks for teh bewbie cake. :8D

How do I get this box off my head?

Sincerely,

All boxed in

[Smilin]

Dear 'Tard...


How do I go about acquiring one of them there "Bewbie cakes?"

And what do they taste like, if you wouldn't mind letting me know before hand?

[Brimshack]

Dear Tard,

Can I?

Yours
Forever

I'm Batman!
:tard:

Dear Tard,

Can you help me?

I am stuck in a double on-tawn-dr, and I can't get out!

[Dingfod]

Dear Tard,

Is being called a 'tard offensive?


Cue Rius

[vremya]

Dear Tard

Bewbs?

Yours truly,

Me

[Sock Puppet]

Dear Tard,

I can't think of anything to ask you. Can you help me?

Thanx,

Nofah King Idia

[Dingfod]

Dear Tard,

Why do so many 'tards have drivers licenses?


Rand Dover

[wei yau]

Dear 'Tard,

Thanks for teh bewbie cake. :8D

How do I get this box off my head?

Sincerely,

All boxed in

Let's play astronaut! Whooooosh!
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'Tard...


How do I go about acquiring one of them there "Bewbie cakes?"

And what do they taste like, if you wouldn't mind letting me know before hand?

bewbs
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

Is being called a 'tard offensive?


Cue Rius

Jimmy can't use the phone.
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard

Bewbs?

Yours truly,

Me

Bewbs! Bewbs! Bewbs! HAHAHAHA
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

I can't think of anything to ask you. Can you help me?

Thanx,

Nofah King Idia

What's that you're eating? Is it good? Can I have some? What is it? Did you make it? Do you like it?
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

Who is your top choice for US president in the upcoming election/

Stupidly,
batman

I love you, Snoopy! Can we play?
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard

I want a meat sofa. Oh! Oh! And a chocolate recliner. Can you get me those?



Yours Truly,

~Big Idea Girl~

Heehee, you are going bouncy bouncy bouncy
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

Why do so many 'tards have drivers licenses?


Rand Dover

Please don't hurt them, Mr. Swedgin
:tard:

[Farren]

Dear 'tard

I has a budget. Do you has a budget? Also, does you ever read a book and everything was printed backward and upside-down?

Yrs,

George

[Crumb]

Dear 'tard,

Snoopy doesn't love you.

Signed,
Snoopy's attorney

[Leesifer]

Dear 'tard,

What?

Yours
Pompous Skunkard

[curses]

Hey, how come the other guy got a boob cake, and I just got a moon. I want a boob cake.


...with whipped cream please.
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/4/4760519_c77cd007e0.jpg

No cream, so you'll have to whip your own. :giggle:

Edit: This cake (http://cbailey.co.uk/gallery2/main.php?g2_itemId=242) is much nicer, but I didn't want to hotlink off the site. Warning--link has bewb cake.

[Ensign Steve]

Who shit in her cleavage?

[curses]

:lol: I didn't notice that.

[Histrionica]

Who shit in her cleavage?

:rofl:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard

I has a budget. Do you has a budget? Also, does you ever read a book and everything was printed backward and upside-down?

Yrs,

George

How come I am smarter than you?
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard,

Snoopy doesn't love you.

Signed,
Snoopy's attorney

Snoopy, why are you playing leapfrog with Mr. Crumb?
:tard:

[ChuckF]

Dear 'tard:

Am I a nerd?

Angrily yours,

ChuckF

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Dear Tard,

Why has nobody called yguy's mother to come pick him up, yet?

Sincerely,

Neville Eppsworth, XIV, Esq, PhD, PA-C

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard,

What?

Yours
Pompous Skunkard

Jimmy's mom said you shouldn't touch me there, Miss Skunk
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear 'tard:

Am I a nerd?

Angrily yours,

ChuckF

It's your world. It's your truth.
:tard:

[wei yau]

Dear Tard,

Why has nobody called yguy's mother to come pick him up, yet?

Sincerely,

Neville Eppsworth, XIV, Esq, PhD, PA-C

Silly. It's only nap time, not go home time.
:tard:

[Veritas]

Dear 'tard,

C or S?

yours,

Very Toss.

[Leesifer]

Dear 'tard

How long is a piece of string?

Yours
Skunktastically

[Dingfod]

Deer Tard,

Are you ever tardy?


Lay Talways

[Adam]

Dear 'Tard,

How many 'tards would a retard 'tard if a retard could 'tard 'tards?

[Brimshack]

Dear Tard,

The hot lady responds most times, but not most ways. The almos' cute one wants blue, whereas I'm made of paper, and the smart lady is ina Vortex. Thu teacher lday din't liked me. So, anyway, I gived a number ta' the one and thuh other, but they din't calls, and I just get she laughs from thuh one. Thuh other wants a consultatiion, but the new cute lady might be okay. Only I don't ride bulls. What do you think? What should I do? I Have Two Pussies, but Not Metaphor to do with either of them.

- Alone in Arizona.

[Crumb]

DEAR TARD,

WHAT'S A TARD?

THANKS.