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Pan Narrans
03-13-2008, 06:48 PM
:shakewpawn: :shakebpawn:

This thread is for talking trash about the correspondence chess game in progress. Have fun!

Nullifidian
03-13-2008, 06:52 PM
I'm going to whup davidm's arse as soundly as Spassky whupped Bronstein in 1960!

Oh yeah, I went there!

There's something about chess that doesn't lend itself to trash talk, isn't there?

livius drusus
03-13-2008, 07:08 PM
:lol: "Spassky whupped Bronstein" has more of a asthma inhaler vibe than a brass knuckles vibe.

davidm
03-13-2008, 07:09 PM
:shakewpawn: :shakebpawn: :shakewpawn: :shakebpawn: :shakewpawn: :shakebpawn:

:shakebpawn: :shakewpawn: :glare: :shakewpawn: :shakebpawn:

:shakewpawn: :shakebpawn: :shakewpawn:

:mj:

:cheese:

Pan Narrans
03-13-2008, 10:05 PM
You're one to talk! Your bishop only fianchettoes so your king can snuggle up behind him.




Yeah, it's just missing something...

Stephen Maturin
03-13-2008, 11:27 PM
All y'all bitches are a bunch of 1. d4 playin' pussies. Yuns flouncing faggots better drop to your knees and kiss the syphilitic front-bottom of whatever deity you worship in gratitude that I haven't crashed your little four-year-old girlie girl tea party. Were I in on this, the whole goddamn lot of you would be leaving the board feeling like you've just been gang raped up the ass by Howard Staunton, Adolph Anderssen, Paul Morphy and Wilhelm Steinitz all at once.

Bitches.

You're right, Nullifidian. Even the cussing doesn't help.

Nullifidian
03-14-2008, 04:02 AM
All y'all bitches are a bunch of 1. d4 playin' pussies. Yuns flouncing faggots better drop to your knees and kiss the syphilitic front-bottom of whatever deity you worship in gratitude that I haven't crashed your little four-year-old girlie girl tea party. Were I in on this, the whole goddamn lot of you would be leaving the board feeling like you've just been gang raped up the ass by Howard Staunton, Adolph Anderssen, Paul Morphy and Wilhelm Steinitz all at once.

Bitches.

You're right, Nullifidian. Even the cussing doesn't help.

:rofl:

Pan Narrans
03-17-2008, 04:26 PM
I'm glad davidm is taking his time analyzing this obscure, little-played opening. We certtainly don't want any mistakes this early in the game...

davidm
03-22-2008, 03:02 PM
I'm glad davidm is taking his time analyzing this obscure, little-played opening. We certtainly don't want any mistakes this early in the game...

:D

Well, Null and I are 15 moves into our game, a game in which I promised to kick his ass, and I thought Iíd offer some reflections on how itís going.

I played the Vienna opening, sacrificing a pawn early for a quick attack on the King. I played 6. Nb5, always a nice move against an inexperienced player who is apt to snatch up the undefended knight. Unfortunately, if one does that, then one loses the game on the very next move. :yup:

Null didnít fall for that, of course, but 6. Nb5 is good anyway because it keeps the pressure on black.

Anyhow, a series of exchanges won me back the lost pawn and placed my Queen, with a valiant knight bringing up the rear, on the outskirts of Moscow (The King); so close in fact that the Queen is now able to see the towers of the Kremlin and the onion-shaped domes of St. Basilís Cathedral.

Null played 15ÖQd7, so far the gameís most recent move. Now his queen is attacking my queen; if I take his queen, he will then have to take my queen with his king, thereby making it no longer possible for the king to castle to safety.

For my next move, I have seriously been contemplating playing 16. Ng5; at which point Null would undoubtedly responded by taking my queen. Then I could play 17. Nxc7, creating one of the lovely aesthetic experiences that I love so much about chess: the knight at c7 would have the king in check while simultaneously attacking both the black queen and rook.

Unfortunately, pondering over the long-term outcome of such an attack inclines me to believe that it would meet the same fate as both Napoleon and Hitler did in Russia. Essentially both my knights would be deep in enemy territory, one of them even behind the lines; but they would be contending, at the point, with two rooks, a bishop and a knight, to say nothing of a still relatively intact retinue of pawns. The fate of my attack would be worse than that of the Nazis at Stalingrad.

The basic problem with my attack at this point is that both of my rooks continue to sit on their game-opening squares, behaving like a couple of lazy-assed welfare queens scarfing up bon-bons while watching the Jerry Springer Show on the tube. Both of them need a good swift kick in the ass to get them motivated to do battle.

At this point, I think the game is looking draw-ish.

Nullifidian
03-22-2008, 03:17 PM
And I'm playing the new editor of the chess column at the New York Times, so clearly this is going to be quite an uphill battle. :D

Nullifidian
03-22-2008, 10:50 PM
It was a good idea not to play Ng5, because if you had done that I would have castled queenside and then your fork trick would have had its tines bent. :muahaha:

I played Qd7, rather than offering up the exchange with Qc8, for precisely that reason.

davidm
03-24-2008, 07:02 PM
Well, let's go Null! It's your move! :shakebpawn:

Just for good measure, let's shake Michael Behe, too, like this:

:shakebehe:

Then let's shake him on a slab of cheese:

:shakebehe:
:cheese:

Nullifidian
03-24-2008, 07:26 PM
Well, let's go Null! It's your move! :shakebpawn:

So impatient. :sadno:

I just moved in the thread, so that you wouldn't be on pins on needles wondering about the precise way in which I am going to win. :P

davidm
03-24-2008, 07:37 PM
Well, let's go Null! It's your move! :shakebpawn:

So impatient. :sadno:

I just moved in the thread, so that you wouldn't be on pins on needles wondering about the precise way in which I am going to win. :P

:glare:

Now I have to go somewhere, so I might not be able to move (and thereby mercifully hasten your downfall) until tomorrow. :sadcheer:

BTW, don't we need (if we don't already have one) a "shake glare" smilie?

I would also suggest a "kick over chess board" smilie for the loser of this game.

For that matter, I'd suggest a "shake Yguy" smilie, but perhaps he was shaken too much as a toddler anyway, so maybe we should dispense with that.

Goliath
03-24-2008, 07:45 PM
Rook to L9.

HAH!

:P

Goliath
03-24-2008, 07:48 PM
QUEEN TO A17!!1!

We will, we will rook you!
:band:

Goliath
03-24-2008, 07:51 PM
:blackknight: to F9!

Goliath
03-24-2008, 07:53 PM
Drag Queen to B2.

Goliath
03-24-2008, 07:56 PM
Gun to Pawn Shop!

davidm
03-26-2008, 11:52 PM
You mean I can makes thoze moves??

Nullifidian
03-27-2008, 12:54 AM
Well, let's go Null! It's your move! :shakebpawn:

So impatient. :sadno:

I just moved in the thread, so that you wouldn't be on pins on needles wondering about the precise way in which I am going to win. :P

:glare:

Now I have to go somewhere, so I might not be able to move (and thereby mercifully hasten your downfall) until tomorrow. :sadcheer:

BTW, don't we need (if we don't already have one) a "shake glare" smilie?

:shakeglare:

davidm
03-27-2008, 06:38 PM
Over at TGL I asked Petra what to do about your persistent, Hillary Clinton-like refusal to accept inevitable defeat, and she recommended the "eye-gouge gambit," pointing out, "He can't play if he can't see."

:giggle:

Nullifidian
03-27-2008, 07:09 PM
Over at TGL I asked Petra what to do about your persistent, Hillary Clinton-like refusal to accept inevitable defeat, and she recommended the "eye-gouge gambit," pointing out, "He can't play if he can't see."

:giggle:

Actually, blindfold chess has a long and fruitful history. Of course, I don't think any blindfold chess games were ever played by correspondence. ;)

davidm
03-27-2008, 11:54 PM
I can't decide if we're playing a game, or watching grass grow. :yawn:

davidm
03-28-2008, 01:53 AM
If anyone is interested in the ongoing game, my latest move was Nd5, which I made while Clinton was still president. It puts pressure on the black bishop, and also forecloses the possibility of Nb4, should black wish to make a gesture of attack at my queenside pawns.

davidm
03-28-2008, 01:42 PM
Nullifidian has resigned, and I have no clue why. :confused:

Someone slap some sense into him; the game is just in the middle.

I hope he wasn't put off by my jokes about the slowness of the game, 75 percent of which I contributed to. I was just joking around; this is, after all, the trash talk thread, and it needed someone to talk trash.

davidm
03-29-2008, 03:00 PM
Thanks for resuming play, Nullifidian! Die in a fire. I am extremely happy with the unfolding turn of events . :mad:

Someone in this game is getting his ass kicked, and his user name does not start with the letter N. We are now in the middle game, and I trust the end game will be a highly competitive for both of us. :hairpull:

Pan Narrans
04-01-2008, 12:46 PM
I just found this little gem:

http://pbfcomics.com/archive_b/PBF093-Check_Shots.jpg

You know what to do now, Null...

davidm
04-01-2008, 07:00 PM
I should say the game was going great until Move 21, when I made a chickenshit move. That blunder laid an egg.

Nullifidian was unstinting in exploiting that blunder, and every move he made from that point on was dead-on correct. Me, I was reduced to running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Fortunately, I am no so chicken as to refuse a rematch, after the fowl outcome of Game 1. In Game 2, I intend to cook his goose.

Now it's personal. :mad:

Pan Narrans
04-01-2008, 07:25 PM
You really are cocksure.

Nullifidian
04-06-2008, 11:40 PM
Now since we're two moves out from move 13, I'll explain why I didn't defend my weak b2 pawn.

First off, if 13. ... Qxb2, then I'd play the expected Rb1. At that point, there would be two potential ways to eliminate the threat to the queen. Qxc3 is out of the question because of Qxc3 on my part. There's Qa3, which would then be met with Nd5. This offers a queen exchange, which my opponent would be practically forced to accept with Qxf3. After that, I wouldn't play gxf3 immediately, but instead play Nxe7+ picking up the extra bishop, then playing gxf3 on the next move, where my superior number of pieces would more than compensate for the weakened kingside.

Any attempt to evade the queen exchange would have been met with Nxe7+ anyway, then after Kh8, Bxf6, picking up the knight as well. In this situation, gxf6 would have been fatal, because that would be met with Qxf6 mate.

White's best move would be Qxc2, but at that point there are no further escape routes and the queen is boxed in by Rc1. At that point, Qxc1 is the only rational option, meaning that for the loss of one rook and two pawns, I would have picked up Black's queen, with the advantage, once again, going to me.

My reason for disclosing this is not to relieve davidm's sense of mental anguish, but to intimidate him with my ability to foresee the consequences of alternate lines. :muahaha:

davidm
04-07-2008, 12:07 AM
Now since we're two moves out from move 13, I'll explain why I didn't defend my weak b2 pawn.

First off, if 13. ... Qxb2, then I'd play the expected Rb1. At that point, there would be two potential ways to eliminate the threat to the queen. Qxc3 is out of the question because of Qxc3 on my part. There's Qa3, which would then be met with Nd5. This offers a queen exchange, which my opponent would be practically forced to accept with Qxf3. After that, I wouldn't play gxf3 immediately, but instead play Nxe7+ picking up the extra bishop, then playing gxf3 on the next move, where my superior number of pieces would more than compensate for the weakened kingside.

Any attempt to evade the queen exchange would have been met with Nxe7+ anyway, then after Kh8, Bxf6, picking up the knight as well. In this situation, gxf6 would have been fatal, because that would be met with Qxf6 mate.

White's best move would be Qxc2, but at that point there are no further escape routes and the queen is boxed in by Rc1. At that point, Qxc1 is the only rational option, meaning that for the loss of one rook and two pawns, I would have picked up Black's queen, with the advantage, once again, going to me.

My reason for disclosing this is not to relieve davidm's sense of mental anguish, but to intimidate him with my ability to foresee the consequences of alternate lines. :muahaha:


You are a bad, bad person in addition to being a really strong chess player. :unnod:

Indeed, I figured out all of the above. I saw right off the bat that if I took the undefended pawn and then you moved your rook to B1, there was another undefended pawn that I could snatch with my queen. Then you attack the queen with your other rook and my queen is trapped, under attack with nowhere to go without being under attack by another piece. That means the queen goes to the Ceiling Pieces. :wave:

It took longer to figure out that if I moved the queen to a3, I'd end up losing my bishop if I wanted to keep the queen.

Bastard! :glare:

davidm
04-12-2008, 08:15 PM
Nullifidian is a malevolent demiurge who goes “Mu-a-ha-ha!” Like this ———————> :muahaha:

(I realize, btw, that calling someone “a malevolent demiurge who goes ‘Mu-a-ha-ha!’” is pretty effete, when it comes to trash talking. But then, this is the chess trash-talking thread.)

Anyhow, let’s see what happens next. I played 28…Ra8, gesturing toward 29…Ra1+. Null then played 29. Rf3, which took me aback a bit, but it shouldn’t have. I just didn’t see it, and instead was figuring that he would play something like Rc1 to block the check and perhaps get a rook swap. All very boring.

It turns out, though, that Rf3 is a really lovely move, if I’ve correctly analyzed its implications. Not only does it threaten to win a bishop and a knight in exchange for a bishop; not only does it even threaten a quick checkmate, it does something else lovely, which I’ll trash talk about in a future post. But then, that move exemplifes why Null is so evil.

Goliath
04-12-2008, 11:55 PM
Knight Rider to B3.

davidm
04-16-2008, 12:26 AM
Okie-doke, where is Null, for his next move?? :chess:

Megatron
08-27-2009, 08:32 PM
I kicked your queeeeen, I kicked your queeeeen :asskick:

(yeah, that move probably lost me the game but I had to come here and talk trash about it anyway :shakewpawn: )

Nullifidian
08-27-2009, 08:56 PM
I kicked your queeeeen, I kicked your queeeeen :asskick:

(yeah, that move probably lost me the game but I had to come here and talk trash about it anyway :shakewpawn: )

:shakebpawn:

Honestly, that's actually a good move with the right continuation. Other good ones would have been Nc6 and a5. So you're still not losing yet.

:shakebpawn: again for good measure.

Megatron
08-27-2009, 09:00 PM
I almost did a5, but I didn't like leaving an opening for Qg5+

Megatron
08-28-2009, 12:38 AM
What shiftiness is this with that g-pawn :shakewpawn:
I just KNOW there was something weird about that move, you'll have to explain it to me after the game

Megatron
08-28-2009, 12:47 AM
OHHH! I see what you did there

:glare: