Martini sacrilege

[GodPossessed]

I am a Martini noob. I had my first one a few weeks ago and I loved it. The problem is that the things are $10 out. I bought a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and some M&R Vermouth. All set to enjoy a nice one when I realized OMG!!! I don't have a shaker. So I.... I umm, put some crushed ice in a bicycle water bottle and poured the goodies into that and shook vigorously. The whole thing squirted nicely into a frozen Martini glass. It was delicious.

Dear Abby - will I spend time in purgatory for the water bottle thingie?

[Caligulette]

No, but the Gin Sin will get you. Vodka is the way to go. And a giant caper berry rather than an olive.

[godfry n. glad]

Vodka?

Crepes...you might as well drink rubbing alcohol. Gin at least has a flavor!

And, GP? Worry not about the bicycle bottle. The Bombay Club knows that all the tools may not be available at to appointed time. Making do with the tools available is all on the up and up.

[Caligulette]

PLAH! Everyone knows that gin causes spontaneous combustion!

[Qingdai]

Gin makes a man mean! It tastes like christmas trees for crepes sake!

Vodka!

I had a pear sake martini with an flower in it at a wedding. Now that was sacrilege, sweet drunken sacrilege.

[Caligulette]

Vodka and furry hats for everyone!

[Qingdai]

Da!
Now we dance!
:danceinhell:

[Caligulette]

Is that a combusted gin drinker behind us?

[Ari]

No, but the Gin Sin will get you. Vodka is the way to go.

Well then you would be drinking a Kangaroo and not a Martini. :kangaroo:

[Cynical-Chick]

Gin has a flavor, all right...



That of floor polish. :shudder: Gimme a Hpnotiq martini, or a Grey Goose.

[Watser?]

:tsktsk:

Everyone knows gin tastes like aftershave.

[Farren]

I have been told by a Martini making friend that shaking a Martini is sacrilege. Apparently this causes the alcohol to "bruise" (she doesn't know what that means either, but swears it tastes different when you stir it).

[ChuckF]

Bleargh, gin. No thanks. At least it takes quite a bit of vodka to make me sick.

[Doohickie]

According to Wiki, "The martini is a cocktail made with gin and dry white vermouth, although substituting vodka for gin is now common." So an authentic martini has gin.

I drink it either way, depending on my mood. And what I have around.

[Adam]

Gin is definitely the way to go...

mmm...juniper...
:homer:

I think you may be onto something with the bicycle bottle. They market Michelob Ultra (I wish I could say it tastes like horse piss...at least horse piss has a flavr) like it's some kind of sports drink. I can see a specialty market for the discerning bicycling/alcohol enthusiast (actually, "bicycling/alcohol enthusiast" describes like half the people I know...).

[GodPossessed]

OK, vodka peeps. If I try one with wodka, what's the bomb? Grey Goose? I didn't pay enough attention to all the Patrick Swayze movies.

[GodPossessed]

Gin is definitely the way to go...

mmm...juniper...
:homer:

I think you may be onto something with the bicycle bottle. They market Michelob Ultra (I wish I could say it tastes like horse piss...at least horse piss has a flavr) like it's some kind of sports drink. I can see a specialty market for the discerning bicycling/alcohol enthusiast (actually, "bicycling/alcohol enthusiast" describes like half the people I know...).

I sold my Giant TCR-Zero last year. No time to ride, swim and run. So now I just run.

[godfry n. glad]

:roflmao:

More for me! And Adam....

Thank you for suppressing the price of quality gin.

Experimentation is distinctly in order. Vodka is vodka, so if throwing away the extra cash on Grey Goose makes you feel better, fine. Be prepared for the most boring martini you've ever had.

Please report back on the results.


Frankly, I'm concerned with what you people have been imbibing...Floor polish and aftershave? Is this an indicator of a bigger problem?

[Watser?]

Frankly, I'm concerned with what you people have been imbibing...Floor polish and aftershave? Is this an indicator of a bigger problem?
Gin tastes like aftershave smells :ptht:

Gin is definitely the way to go...

mmm...juniper...
:homer:


Juniper is called jenever in Dutch, hence the word for the booze. Jenever or genever was shortened to gin in English
:professor:

[godfry n. glad]

Frankly, I'm concerned with what you people have been imbibing...Floor polish and aftershave? Is this an indicator of a bigger problem?
Gin tastes like aftershave smells :ptht:

Gin is definitely the way to go...

mmm...juniper...
:homer:


Juniper is called jenever in Dutch, hence the word for the booze. Jenever or genever was shortened to gin in English
:professor:

So......"genitals"?

[Doohickie]

I only use the cheapest gin or vodka. My untrained taste buds can't tell the difference in the better stuff anyway. I am an anti-snob.

[Ari]

How to make a real martini by drinkboy The Martini -- The Cocktail Spirit with Robert Hess -- Small Screen Network (http://smallscreennetwork.com/video/20/martini/)

Interview with the master distiller of Plymouth Gin, Sean Harrison - Master Distiller at Plymouth Gin -- The Cocktail Spirit with Robert Hess -- Small Screen Network (http://smallscreennetwork.com/video/18/interview_sean_harrison_plymouth/)

[godfry n. glad]

I only use the cheapest gin or vodka. My untrained taste buds can't tell the difference in the better stuff anyway. I am an anti-snob.

Yeah...I can see that, particularly if it saves you up to 30% of the cost. We have a gin which is distilled locally from fruit leavings (they aren't particular) and then flavored. To be quite frank, it is trash and has a taste I'd associate with lighter fluid.

On the other hand, about ten years back, when I was using Beefeaters and Old Tom (there's a flavor allusion for you: cat piss), I happened to pick up a discount on gin whilst crossing the border, so I bought up....to Bombay Sapphire. Having been an anti-snob about it, I really didn't expect much of a difference, but nooooo....It had to be distinctly better. The flavor and the spirit itself are both smoooooth. I'm now a gin snob, and will only accept Tanqueray as a substitute for Bombay Sapphire.

I am, however, not a really big drinker. Expensive spirits help me maintain that regimen, as I am a tightwad.

[godfry n. glad]

Hey! What's with "Drinkboy" and the lemon twist?

What the hell happened to the classic garnishes, pimento-stuffed Spanish olives or pearl onions?

[Ari]

Not sure about the olives but the onions make it a "Gibson" and not a Martini.

[godfry n. glad]

Okay.

Changing the garnish changes the name, but changing the base liquor doesn't? Where's the rationale, and justice, in that?

Hey, I found out (by reading the Wiki entry on Martini [cocktail]) that shaking the mix, as versus stirring, is called a "Bradford", but has come to be associated, via James "shaken, not stirred" Bond, as a "007". This led me to the IBA site (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IBA_Official_Cocktail).

Also, scientific evidence, published in a 1999 British Medical Journal, shows that shaken is healthier than stirred.

I like how the wiki site has referred to vodka variations as "martinis". They note that this is referred to as a "kangaroo". They do point out that this has led the way in terms of all the namby-pamby "martini cocktails" like chocolate martinis, appletinis, cucumber martinis :yuck: and other unmentionable abominations. (Pickletini....:gross:) This is not surprising, in that vodka has little in the way of distinctive flavor, unlike gin. And....for the leading edge types who play around with vodka drinks, here (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,338900,00.html) is a new, novel and "leading edge" vodka; too bad it's going to be difficult to obtain.

There is a "dirty martini" which includes olive brine. There's a "smokey martini" which includes a dribble of Scotch.

The also noted the Soju martini, made with a sake distillation, which I think should be renamed as the "maruchini" to distinguish it. Just drop a fisheye into the glass for garnish.

Pssst....the lemon garnish has been around for quite some time, evidently, but on the glass, not in the drink, like the olive. I've never seen it.

[Ari]

The term martini is starting to replace the term cocktail for any mixed drink in trendy places. IMO it's just a way to charge $15+ for a $4 drink.

[godfry n. glad]

$15?! For a martini?

:shocked:

That's highway robbery!

Now you know why I have a stocked liquor cabinet and drink at home.

Why be robbed just to be in the company of twits, when you can enjoy a decent drink, at a decent price, with carefully selected companions in an comfortable environment?

[ShottleBop]

I have a very low tolerance for alcohol. I drink on occasion, and I find that smoothness counts. Bombay Sapphire makes that cut. It makes excellent martinis, and excellent gin and tonics. I can't drink the cheapies; they taste like paint thinner.

[lisarea]

I think that if you don't like the juniper taste of gin, maybe you guys should try a martini that is made out of, like, a wine cooler with jellybeans in it or something. You could call that a Teen-tini, and you could drink it out of fancy glasses just like the grownups.

AAANYWAYS, my all-around favorite gin is Boodles, but I like Bombay Sapphire and Tanqueray just fine, too. I almost never order drinks in bars or anything, so I haven't had this problem lately, but as I recall, if you don't specify the brand of gin to use in your drink, some bars will put some pretty ass stuff in there.

[Qingdai]

Tanqueray smells like grandma to me.
That is all.

[godfry n. glad]

Heh...Grandma was a lush.

I'm sure it was purely medicinal. :wink:

[godfry n. glad]

I think that if you don't like the juniper taste of gin, maybe you guys should try a martini that is made out of, like, a wine cooler with jellybeans in it or something. You could call that a Teen-tini, and you could drink it out of fancy glasses just like the grownups.

AAANYWAYS, my all-around favorite gin is Boodles, but I like Bombay Sapphire and Tanqueray just fine, too. I almost never order drinks in bars or anything, so I haven't had this problem lately, but as I recall, if you don't specify the brand of gin to use in your drink, some bars will put some pretty ass stuff in there.

True...sadly true. Unless you specify, they'll make it with the cheapest crap they have.

Stay the fuck away from Boord's, Burnett's and Fleishmann's gins. they are all "pretty ass stuff", if you ask me. Then there's that crap they distill right here in Orygun: Baron Rothschild. Do not go there.

Never go to the bottom shelf in the liquor store. It's down there for a reason.

[Doohickie]

Heh...Grandma was a lush.

I'm sure it was purely medicinal. :wink:

Yeah, I was thinking the same exact thing and when I saw that you wrote it I started laughing at my computer, much to the puzzlement of my family.

if you don't specify the brand of gin to use in your drink, some bars will put some pretty ass stuff in there.

And that's why I drink "ass" stuff at home!

[Ermintrude]

Why do people insist on spoiling good vermouth with gin?

[GodPossessed]

Why do people insist on spoiling good vermouth with gin?

Vermouth has another use?!!

[godfry n. glad]

Why do people insist on spoiling good vermouth with gin?

I wonder quite the opposite.

I made the mistake of taste testing Martini & Rossi dry vermouth. Talk about taste like ass. That stuff is the "mammoth jack" when it comes to ass.

Which is why I prefer the Churchill version of the classic martini.

[godfry n. glad]

Why do people insist on spoiling good vermouth with gin?

Vermouth has another use?!!

Sure, cleanser for engine parts.

[Adam]

The term martini is starting to replace the term cocktail for any mixed drink in trendy places. IMO it's just a way to charge $15+ for a $4 drink.

I don't know how you're defining "trendy", but I think that applies to just about everywhere anymore. Anything that a) contains either gin or vodka and b) is served in a martini glass is generally considered a martini, according to restaurant menus. Similarly, anything that a) contains rum and b) is served in a highball glass is a "[fill in the blank] iced tea". I think restaurants are just falling back on the handful of drinks that everyone knows and is comfortable ordering by pretending that virtually every drink they make is just a variation on one of them.

Incidentally, one of the best martini variations I've had recently is a vodka martini with green tea liqueur instead of vermouth, garnished with an actual teabag.

[Caligulette]

OK, vodka peeps. If I try one with wodka, what's the bomb? Grey Goose? I didn't pay enough attention to all the Patrick Swayze movies.
I like the Stoli, when I can afford it, but anything besides Absolut- which MUST BE AVOIDED- is pretty ok.

[Julie]

Last time I was out I was offered a crantini made with triple sec and a bit of lime...*sigh*

Me I love gin...Tanqueray is my favourite. A good martini is hard to find now a days.

[ShottleBop]

Mrs. ShottleBop has always liked Finlandia--and, if you're not mixing it, coffee-flavored Van Gogh-brand vodka.

[seebs]

Hate me if you must, but I like apple and chocolate martinis. :)

[godfry n. glad]

Not to worry, seebs. There be many denominations amongst the martini worshippers.

You know why the Quakers are all wet on this issue, don't you?

[Sock Puppet]

The Ultimate Dry Martini:

1) Put straight gin into the glass.
2) Add vermouth to the living-room humidifier.

[godfry n. glad]

The Ultimate Dry Martini:

1) Put straight gin into the glass.
2) Add vermouth to the living-room humidifier.

Heh...

Churchill's version: gin in glass, wave vermouth bottle over glass.

Another famous martini drinker: gin in glass, look at vermouth bottle across the room.

[seebs]

Not to worry, seebs. There be many denominations amongst the martini worshippers.

You know why the Quakers are all wet on this issue, don't you?

Er, no.

[Cynical-Chick]

Ruby's makes a fabulous Georgia Peach Martini, as well as a Ciroc Grape Martini.

[godfry n. glad]

Not to worry, seebs. There be many denominations amongst the martini worshippers.

You know why the Quakers are all wet on this issue, don't you?

Er, no.

Because they demand that the "spirit must be upon you thee".

[godfry n. glad]

Ruby's makes a fabulous Georgia Peach Martini alcoholic Kool-Aid, as well as a Ciroc Grape Martini alcoholic Kool-Aid.

:fixed:

[seebs]

Your joke is horrible, Godfry. :)

[godfry n. glad]

But, of course!

Chances are few even understand it.

But then, I'm disappointed that you didn't come back with, "Not 'upon', but 'within', which makes for rillyrilly fun meetings."

Which is, of course, all "wet" in a completely different sense.

[seebs]

Hee.

I think generally the Spirit is "upon", and the Blood is "within".

[godfry n. glad]

Yeah, that's how I've usually heard it.

Just don't strike any flame nearby when the spirit is upon thee. That stuff is pretty volatile.

:innocent:

[Corona688]

Ruby's makes a fabulous Georgia Peach Martini alcoholic Kool-Aid, as well as a Ciroc Grape Martini alcoholic Kool-Aid.

:fixed: Hey, some people might like alcoholic kool-aid. That's probably about the only way I could tolerate it. My tongue senses alcohol as a sensation so bitter that even drinking icewine is an exercise in vulcan self-control.

[godfry n. glad]

Ruby's makes a fabulous Georgia Peach Martini alcoholic Kool-Aid, as well as a Ciroc Grape Martini alcoholic Kool-Aid.

:fixed: Hey, some people might like alcoholic kool-aid. That's probably about the only way I could tolerate it. My tongue senses alcohol as a sensation so bitter that even drinking icewine is an exercise in vulcan self-control.

I've no problem with that at all. I'm just suggesting that to call it a martini is misleading.

Have you ever tried sloe gin?

[Corona688]

Have you ever tried sloe gin? Had to wiki that, never heard of it. Doesn't look shockingly expensive, either. Hmm! I'll probably have occasion to give that a try someday. Thanks!

[godfry n. glad]

Bailey's Irish Creme is another candy alcoholic beverage. II like it on the rocks, as a dessert.

You might like Frangelico with cream over ice, too. It has a nutty candy flavor....hazelnuts, to be exact.

We have sampler bottles at our government run liquor stores.

[CaDan]

Frangelico tastes like a Snickers bar.

[godfry n. glad]

And over ice cream...mmmm.

Hey! If we had a blender, we could make Frangelico shakes and pour 'em into martini glasses and call 'em shaketinis!

:shakeshake:

[CaDan]

And over ice cream...mmmm.

Hey! If we had a blender, we could make Frangelico shakes and pour 'em into martini glasses and call 'em shaketinis!

:shakeshake:

(Whereupon there is screaming.)

[Julie]

Frangelico's, Rye and orange juice is very easy to drink the night after drinking WAY to much...ummm well I think mostly it was vodka and peach drink, but I do seem to recall some Doctor McGillicuddy Fireball (I clearly remember that!) and some crown royal and jello shooters...Anyways my point being frangellico's is GOOD stuff

[beyelzu]

I am a Martini noob. I had my first one a few weeks ago and I loved it. The problem is that the things are $10 out. I bought a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and some M&R Vermouth. All set to enjoy a nice one when I realized OMG!!! I don't have a shaker. So I.... I umm, put some crushed ice in a bicycle water bottle and poured the goodies into that and shook vigorously. The whole thing squirted nicely into a frozen Martini glass. It was delicious.

Dear Abby - will I spend time in purgatory for the water bottle thingie?

no but you will definitely go to martini hell for preferring the orignial and inferior gin martini and eschewing the vodka gibson the bestest martini of all fucking time.

[beyelzu]

anyway a dash of vermouth in the glass swirled and poured out fill glass with grey goose or skyy add a few pearled onions, drink until daddy loves you.

and that is how to do martinis

[beyelzu]

No, but the Gin Sin will get you. Vodka is the way to go. And a giant caper berry rather than an olive.

um you were with me till the berry, pearled onion thank you very much

[beyelzu]

Vodka?

Crepes...you might as well drink rubbing alcohol. Gin at least has a flavor!

And, GP? Worry not about the bicycle bottle. The Bombay Club knows that all the tools may not be available at to appointed time. Making do with the tools available is all on the up and up.

ahh but though you cant make gin taste like vodka you can make vodka taste like gin just add some pine tar or a handful of pin needles will do in a pinch.

[beyelzu]

OK, vodka peeps. If I try one with wodka, what's the bomb? Grey Goose? I didn't pay enough attention to all the Patrick Swayze movies.
I like the Stoli, when I can afford it, but anything besides Absolut- which MUST BE AVOIDED- is pretty ok.

absolut is indeed over priced urine with a great add campaign.

[godfry n. glad]

Vodka?

Crepes...you might as well drink rubbing alcohol. Gin at least has a flavor!

And, GP? Worry not about the bicycle bottle. The Bombay Club knows that all the tools may not be available at to appointed time. Making do with the tools available is all on the up and up.

ahh but though you cant make gin taste like vodka you can make vodka taste like gin just add some pine tar or a handful of pin needles will do in a pinch.

:facepalm:

And he's a Georgia boy, too.

I'd figure dickhead would know pine from juniper...But, no.

He has to go and illustrate his ignorance, and apostasy.

It's juniper, you big dick!

:facepalm:



Learn it.

Am I goin' to have to make you flashcards?

:glare:

[Caligulette]

No, but the Gin Sin will get you. Vodka is the way to go. And a giant caper berry rather than an olive.

um you were with me till the berry, pearled onion thank you very much

Caper Berry, I say. Though I will provide you an onion, since you agree about the Absolut Worst Vodka. And, yes, their ads are good. (I am pretty sure they financed Spy Magazine throughout the 80's by taking up the back covers.)

[beyelzu]

Vodka?

Crepes...you might as well drink rubbing alcohol. Gin at least has a flavor!

And, GP? Worry not about the bicycle bottle. The Bombay Club knows that all the tools may not be available at to appointed time. Making do with the tools available is all on the up and up.

ahh but though you cant make gin taste like vodka you can make vodka taste like gin just add some pine tar or a handful of pin needles will do in a pinch.

:facepalm:

And he's a Georgia boy, too.

I'd figure dickhead would know pine from juniper...But, no.

He has to go and illustrate his ignorance, and apostasy.

It's juniper, you big dick!

:facepalm:



Learn it.

Am I goin' to have to make you flashcards?

:glare:

wow you are correct, the thing is i dont know what a juniper smells like and i dont know what a pine needle tastes like but i damn sure know what a pine needle smells like and evidentally juniper must smell just like pine needles cuz they damn sure taste like they should


:tmgrin:

[Qingdai]

Your logic is impeccable, giant penis
:spock:

[beyelzu]

Your logic is impeccable, giant penis
:dancebey:

[oblomov]

if i must drink vodka with you, zubrowka-flavoured would be best

[Caligulette]

Well, you must, and all right.