Grudges

[Hugo Holbling]

If I may start with a small measure of melodrama, before I left to get shot at I thought about what I might wish to have said to people online if I happened to get killed. The only thing I came up with was something of a plea to get on with living rather than hold grudges. Now that I'm back, it turns out someone I wronged somehow or other is still knocking me or the small site I run, even though I haven't heard from them in years and don't even know what I'm supposed to have done. Perhaps my recent experiences have put things into perspective somewhat but for the life of me I can't understand how people can hold on to grudges for so long, even if we grant that there was a good reason for the grievance in the first place. I can appreciate that issues may remain unresolved and that would be important if we all live and work together, but I just can't fathom the energy it must take to sustain these things. :shrug:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

My method is to get very angry, explode and then be okay 20 minutes later. Trust issues, etc, linger, but I have to agree that life is too short with too little energy to spare on a grudge. Especially since, as the target of a grudge or two, the intended "victim" doesn't usually give a shit, and the hoped-for "justice" never materialises.

[Goliath]

Without going into specifics, I have very, very deep-seated grudges against thirteen people.

[Plant Woman]

For what its worth, holding grudges harms the one holding them and does nothing to the person you hold against. If you can let go of them better for you. Doesn't mean you have to trust the person or have a relationship with them again, but you will grow from letting go.

[mickthinks]

... it turns out someone I wronged somehow or other is still knocking me or the small site I run [...] I can appreciate that issues may remain unresolved...

LOL! You aren't good at resolving issues, Hugo, and reading between the lines here, I'd hazard a guess you haven't really tried to resolve that one. You closed my account (and barred my IP address) on 'the small site you run' without a word of explanation. I'd still appreciate one if you have any that are remotely plausible.
:popcorn:

Mick

[wei yau]

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

...thirteen people.

A WITCH!

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.

Chinkychinkboywhoreruvmerongtime!

*starts watch*

;)

[Demon]

:yup: Holding grudges is pointless.

Usually, rather than getting mad, I get even. :snicker:

[JamesBannon]

Bearing grudges is for idiots!

[Demon]

:hmph:

[curses]

:yup: Holding grudges is pointless an art form.
Fixed that for ya ;)

I don't really hold grudges, chances are I won't remember why I was mad in the first place come the next morning, and I swear it might have had something to do with :shakejack:

[Garnet]

Well, I'm an idiot because it takes me a long, long, LONG time to work through my anger at some people. I'm mad as hell aabout the way I was treated by some people in Alabama and wouldn't bother to piss on my former boss there if she was on fire. Same goes for the asshats that I worked with for the last two years here.

Yeah....I hold a grudge. Maybe in another 4 years, I'll get over it.

[Dingfod]

I'm still mad at my mom for taking my slingshot away from me.

[Angakuk]

As a child and even as a teen I used to try to stay angry at people, but I could never sustain the anger to any sort of satisfying degree. I have gotten a little better at it as I have aged, but I still pretty much suck at holding grudges. Must be a character defect or something.

[Dingfod]

I know what you mean, I can't even write a decent rant because I don't stay mad enough long enough.

[Shelli]

Bearing grudges is for idiots!I guess that makes me an idiot then. :shrug:

[Uthgar the Brazen]

I'm still mad at my mom for taking my slingshot away from me.

As soon as Mr Wilson's ass heals, I'm sure she'll give it back to you.

[SharonDee]

Maybe if I'd hold a grudge, I wouldn't get mad all over again when the person in question repeats the behavior that pissed me off in the first place.

Then again, probably not.

[Sock Puppet]

I'm pretty good at holding grudges. But online? Not so much. I can only think of a couple incidents that lingered, and both of them were for what someone did to a friend, not to me.

And yes, mick, I'm sure the OP was All About You. Everything is, after all. :pat:

[mickthinks]

And yes, mick, I'm sure the OP was All About You. Everything is, after all. :pat:

LOL! It is now ... :rolleyes:

[Shelli]

So...

Although I hardly consider myself an "idiot" for holding grudges, I will say that I don't think it's one of my finer qualities and I do agree that it's not necessarily healthy.

[Hugo Holbling]

Thanks for the responses.

I can understand holding grudges and am sure I've held them myself sometimes, but for years? Isn't it better to get on with living?

[mickthinks]

Isn't it better to get on with living?

I think it may be possible to do both, in which case this a bit of a false dichotomy. You seem to be arguing that people who have done nothing to make amends or merit forgiveness should be forgiven anyway just because of the passage of time. Let me put the question back to you in this form;

If you have hurt someone, when does it cease to be your fault that they feel the pain?

Mick

[Shelli]

Annoying internet people I rarely hold grudges against, however. Why, when it's much less time consuming to just put them on ignore? :wink:

[wei yau]

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.

Chinkychinkboywhoreruvmerongtime!

*starts watch*

;)

Somebody should keep bumping this every week, so I remember to hate Uthgar.

[Watser?]

Don't worry, mick will.

[mickthinks]

And yes, mick, I'm sure the OP was All About You. Everything is, after all. :pat:

LOL! It is now ... :rolleyes:

Don't worry, mick will.

... see what I mean? u guys just crack me up :wink:

[BrotherMan]

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.

Chinkychinkboywhoreruvmerongtime!

*starts watch*

;)

Somebody should keep bumping this every week, so I remember to hate Uthgar.

I know it hasn't even been a full day, but I have to get practice in before it's srs bznz.

And besides, Uthgar is worth it.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

You hate me! You really, really hate me!
:ovation:

[freemonkey]

I have held a few grudges in my time. I still do. What can I say? Its really more about putting up walls against people who have hurt me, and whom I don't trust.

[Pinecone]

I'm not sure if I hold grudges.

It goes like this. If I'm pissed about someone or something, I just avoid them or the situation. I tend to forget about it quickly until the same person or situation re-crops back up either in conversation or life, at which point I remember the effrontery (thus I don't forget). Is that holding a grudge or do you have to actively stir yourself up over someone or something and speak your displeasure at every opportunity in order for it to be a grudge?

[Adam]

I have grudges against everyone on my Enemies List.

There are people with whom I've severed relationships because of the issues we've had...does that count as a grudge?

[Miss Shelby]

If I may start with a small measure of melodrama, before I left to get shot at I thought about what I might wish to have said to people online if I happened to get killed. The only thing I came up with was something of a plea to get on with living rather than hold grudges. Now that I'm back, it turns out someone I wronged somehow or other is still knocking me or the small site I run, even though I haven't heard from them in years and don't even know what I'm supposed to have done. Perhaps my recent experiences have put things into perspective somewhat but for the life of me I can't understand how people can hold on to grudges for so long, even if we grant that there was a good reason for the grievance in the first place. I can appreciate that issues may remain unresolved and that would be important if we all live and work together, but I just can't fathom the energy it must take to sustain these things. :shrug:I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane. I started some thread on feminism a while back and months later some psycho named Leesifer came screeching like a banshee into another thread that I started, ranting about that ancient thread. I had no idea what the fuck that loon was talking about, but she was obviously holding a net grudge. What a way to waste time and energy.

[Crumb]

:ironymeter:

[Shelli]

:foocl:

That damn loony skunk! :shakeskunk:

:leeshug:

[Shelli]

I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane.She says before going on to vent an online grudge. :lol:

[beyelzu]

Without going into specifics, I have very, very deep-seated grudges against thirteen people.

nice, but wouldnt it be more accurate to say 13 alleged people who might just be characters in a story or am i completely misreading your post?

[beyelzu]

If I may start with a small measure of melodrama, before I left to get shot at I thought about what I might wish to have said to people online if I happened to get killed. The only thing I came up with was something of a plea to get on with living rather than hold grudges. Now that I'm back, it turns out someone I wronged somehow or other is still knocking me or the small site I run, even though I haven't heard from them in years and don't even know what I'm supposed to have done. Perhaps my recent experiences have put things into perspective somewhat but for the life of me I can't understand how people can hold on to grudges for so long, even if we grant that there was a good reason for the grievance in the first place. I can appreciate that issues may remain unresolved and that would be important if we all live and work together, but I just can't fathom the energy it must take to sustain these things. :shrug:I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane. I started some thread on feminism a while back and months later some psycho named Leesifer came screeching like a banshee into another thread that I started, ranting about that ancient thread. I had no idea what the fuck that loon was talking about, but she was obviously holding a net grudge. What a way to waste time and energy.

my thanks is intended to be ironical.

and while lees can certainly defend herself.


she isnt a loon, you stupid bitch, and now no more shitslinging in hugo's thread.


sorry double h.

[mickthinks]

:dunno2: Why should Hugo's threads be the only bit of :ff: where shit's not to be slung, bey? :dunno:

[Naru]

... see what I mean? u guys just crack me up :wink:

srsly? (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?p=497600)

[Miss Shelby]

I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane.She says before going on to vent an online grudge. :lol:

I won't soon forget her name after she squealed in out of nowhere ranting about a thread that was months old. And she kept saying she 'knew me' *shudder*. I don't know her, other than from that psychotic episode. I don't any of you people.

[Crumb]

So you are holding a grudge against her?

[Hugo Holbling]

sorry double h.

No worries; I should've known this might happen.

I do understand why people might cut off ties with people who have treated them badly but I just think it's healthier to move on afterwards. It makes sense to try to resolve issues to a point but holding on to some small slight for years just baffles me.

If anyone is interested in an honest opinion, I can assure you that when people are trying to kill you it sure puts into perspective all the time you wasted online complaining about people or being complained about. Better to get on with building a community and living a good life than worry about what someone did to you way back when, I think. :yup:

[Goliath]

Without going into specifics, I have very, very deep-seated grudges against thirteen people.

nice, but wouldnt it be more accurate to say 13 alleged people who might just be characters in a story or am i completely misreading your post?

Definitely the latter. These thirteen "people" are, as far as I know, alive right now.

[beyelzu]

I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane.She says before going on to vent an online grudge. :lol:

I won't soon forget her name after she squealed in out of nowhere ranting about a thread that was months old. And she kept saying she 'knew me' *shudder*. I don't know her, other than from that psychotic episode. I don't any of you people.

im assuming that that last sentence is supposed to be i dont know any of you people.

and well shit, if you feel that way, why bother to converse with anyone online.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane.She says before going on to vent an online grudge. :lol:

I won't soon forget her name after she squealed in out of nowhere ranting about a thread that was months old. And she kept saying she 'knew me' *shudder*. I don't know her, other than from that psychotic episode. I don't any of you people.

im assuming that that last sentence is supposed to be i dont know any of you people.

and well shit, if you feel that way, why bother to converse with anyone online.

Miss Shelby is usually a good case in point for that line of thinking.

[Miss Shelby]

Miss Shelby is usually a good case in point for that line of thinking.excuse you, but do I know you?

[Miss Shelby]

and well shit, if you feel that way, why bother to converse with anyone online.
for fun. :)

Certainly not to develop any long term mooshy relationships.

[seebs]

I don't really hold grudges well. I like people too much. That doesn't mean I never dislike people, or think they're dumb, or whatever, but I don't stay mad well. I am very glad of this.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

My ears are burnin'!

[BDS]

The great sportswriter Red Smith profiled saloon-keeper Toots Shor. Shor’s success, Smith suggested, was largely due to the fact that he liked people and treated everyone equally – like a bum. Once, Charlie Chaplin was trying to use his considerable fame to get seated without standing in line. “It’ll be about a half hour, Charlie,” hollered Shor. “Be funny for the folks.”

Shor disliked two men, whom he couldn’t forgive for trying to ruin his business. Once, his daughter was gravely ill. Shor (the story goes) knelt beside her bed, and said, “God, if you’ll just let my daughter get better, I’ll never dislike anyone again as long as I live…. except two guys.” He wanted to be on the level.

[ChuckF]

Miss Shelby wins the thread.

[lisarea]

I think it might be worthwhile to make a distinction between holding a grudge and applying information gained from previous experience to predict future outcomes.

If I lend someone money and they don't pay me back as promised, I am less likely to lend them money again in the future, and I would probably advise other people not to lend them money either.

But that doesn't mean I'm obsessing over that person, losing sleep, plotting against them, or anything like that.

Similarly, making a mental or even an actual public note of internet personae who regularly engage in disingenuous and manipulative behavior doesn't equate to holding a grudge either.

[Watser?]

Yep, you get mad, you learn, you move on. That might take some time, depending on the situation, but it just takes too much energy to hold a grudge. I am too lazy for it.

[Shelli]

Damn lazy monkey! :shakemonkey:

[Shelli]

Trivial stuff, I don't hold grudges over. Non-trivial stuff, now that's a different story, but when I say non-trivial stuff, I mean seriously nasty stuff that's hurt me deeply. I'm better about it than I used to be and I also have people in my life now who will tell me straight out if I'm obsessing, to let it go, even at the risk of me getting angry, 'cause I don't scare them. :nope: The see the kitty, not the lion I like to present as myself. :purr:

[Caligulette]

For what its worth, holding grudges harms the one holding them and does nothing to the person you hold against. If you can let go of them better for you. Doesn't mean you have to trust the person or have a relationship with them again, but you will grow from letting go.

Truth, indeed. I held three grudges well past their expiration dates- and it felt really good to let them go. But it took realizing the above boldy part before I could. I try not to think of the wasted time.

[beyelzu]

Without going into specifics, I have very, very deep-seated grudges against thirteen people.

nice, but wouldnt it be more accurate to say 13 alleged people who might just be characters in a story or am i completely misreading your post?

Definitely the latter. These thirteen "people" are, as far as I know, alive right now.

damn i thought it was a subtle jab at jebus.

[beyelzu]

and well shit, if you feel that way, why bother to converse with anyone online.
for fun. :)

Certainly not to develop any long term mooshy relationships.

thats cool, i will keep that in mind. if you are doing it for the lul have you considered a jokeaday site

[Shelli]

Is it really a grudge though, when said person is constantly harassing and being nasty to you every chance he gets at work because you won't fuck him? I don't think so. It's not like he did something and hasn't repeated said behavior since. He makes sure to exhibit his cunty behavior every chance he gets. Nah, I don't think wishing he would find a nice patch of sand on his motorcycle is a grudge. :nope:

Still being angry with family members that I have severed from my life, yeah, I suppose that those feeling qualify as grudges. I'm better with it every day though. :nod:

[Miss Shelby]

So you are holding a grudge against her?

I guess I prolly am a lil. See that is the thing with hypocrisy. It's okay when I do it, but not you or anyone else.

[Crumb]

:chuckle:

[Listener]

I've just noticed this thread!

I like your attitude Hugo!

I left your "little site" in frustration by scuttling my password - so I couldn't P.M. you.

I didn't get an answer to an e-mail or a message via a mutual friend - so I gave up.

Dunno who's holding a grudge at the moment but I agree it's daft!

I'm ever so glad they all missed!

[mickthinks]

I like your attitude Hugo! You are very generous, Listener!

Hugo's attitude seems to me to be "Since I went off to War (you do know I'm a War hero, don't you?) I've been thinking about all those people I've upset, and how stupid they are to be cross with me, a War hero! (Hey, did I mention I've just come back from the War?)"

What's to like?

[Petra]

You're right that there is little to be gained by holding on to grudges. If there are people you just can't get along with, then it is best to just forget about them and give them a wide berth. If you can resolve issues with those people, then that's great. But we can't always do this, and so it is better just to let those people go (and the negative feelings you have about them), and move on with your life in a direction that takes you to people you do get along with and enjoy. Hopefully, there will be enough of those people that your time becomes too consumed with the good that they have to offer, not allowing you too much time to stew on your old crap.

Forward, people, forward. Bad history held on to too dearly is like a stinky old stagnant bog.

[Listener]

I like your attitude Hugo! You are very generous, Listener!

Hugo's attitude seems to me to be "Since I went off to War (you do know I'm a War hero, don't you?) I've been thinking about all those people I've upset, and how stupid they are to be cross with me, a War hero! (Hey, did I mention I've just come back from the War?)"

What's to like?

Ever the cynic Mick. I wish I could say I liked your attitude :(

[mickthinks]

I don't think there's anything close to cynicism in that distillation of Hugo's message.

I think there's a personal cost in forgiving a hurt, and there's a personal cost in reaching out to ask to be forgiven. Hugo is offering to pay neither cost, but is merely criticising those who haven't paid it in his favour.

Mick

[Stormlight]

Am I missing something? Do I want to know?

[Shelli]

No, and no.

:giggle:

[Watser?]

Nope.

[Shelli]

:giggle:

[ChuckF]

Pshaw, I'll bet it's a super-awesome story.

[Clutch Munny]

If I lend someone money and they don't pay me back as promised, I am less likely to lend them money again in the future, and I would probably advise other people not to lend them money either.

Fer chrissakes, fine! I'll send you your twenty freaking bucks. Stop harping on it!

[Watser?]

She's mean that way :unnod:

[Petra]

Jeez, anyone would think you had to sell your apricot scarf or something.

BTW, you owe me five bucks for that cup of cloudy coffee, man.

[Götterdämmerung]

I was talking about grudges with a friend last week, and we agreed on many things. A grudge is the ill will one continues to hold for a long period of time, but the interesting thing is that despite being infuriated by certain snubs, we are not likely to dismiss these painful feelings and move on to greener pastures. Being slighted involves a certain form of entitlement to fairness, and a certain inability to forgive. To be able to forgive is to be empathetic and express positive emotions towards others, and the ability to put oneself in the evildoer's shoes in order to understand his/her motives.

People who hold long-standing grudges are typically the impotent – whoever could not take revenge against their antagonizers. Their elephantine memory is motivated by feelings of hatred and resentment. This is how the followers of Jesus misunderstood him – instead of forgiving his death, they held a grudge against the Jewish order and from poisoned soil they invented Christianity. La Rochefoucauld has this to say about grudges:

“What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.”

Hugo, you may have made people bitter because you've injured their vanity. Such little minds are easily wounded by little things, whereas great minds see all such things without ever being wounded by them. :yup:

[Petra]

Wow, nice post for an utter cunt. :D

[Listener]

Hi Götterdämmerung!

Let's remember the good times :)

[BDS]

It seems to me that most of us can forgive others for mistreating us, but we cannot forgive them for causing us to mistreat them.

[Plant Woman]

I look at it this way. I've made my fair share of mistakes, I've hurt people because I was in pain myself, and I am far from perfect. I think in seeing my own flaws, knowing my own pain, this is where I could let things go, realizing we all have our flaws and forgiving them is like forgiving ones own flaws too. It does help lift a lot of negative off my own shoulders. It also makes me feel like I have more freedom in my life. It seems to me that holding on to a grudge is also reliving the pain over and over again. Letting go, or forgiving seems like giving up the pain too.

Having said that, sometimes it takes some time to pass before you are able to do this.

[TomJoe]

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.Who are you?

[TomJoe]

I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane.She says before going on to vent an online grudge. :lol::whoosh:

[BrotherMan]

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.

Chinkychinkboywhoreruvmerongtime!

*starts watch*

;)

Somebody should keep bumping this every week, so I remember to hate Uthgar.

:happywave:

:giggle:

[Shelli]

I dunno you or your situation from the man on the moon, but I think people who hold on line grudges are most likey insane.She says before going on to vent an online grudge. :lol::whoosh:Right back atcha, Tom. :wink:

[BrotherMan]

Given that my short-term memory only goes back about one week, I'm incapable of holding grudges.

Chinkychinkboywhoreruvmerongtime!

*starts watch*

;)

Somebody should keep bumping this every week, so I remember to hate Uthgar.

:happywave:

:giggle: