I'm a father

[beyelzu]

when i was eighteen or nineteen i briefly dated this girl.

i have an eleven year old son.

just got the results of the genetic test back

[livius drusus]

Holy shitness. When did you find about his existence?

[Watser?]

:faint:

[freemonkey]

Wow. How do you feel about it, bey?

[beyelzu]

i knew she was pregnant after we went out but given the proliferation of canidates i never really worried about it.

also i heard that she was with a guy who wanted to raise the kid as his own so i figured if it was mine no big deal.

course i was eighteen and stupid.

anyway a couple of months i got a letter from the state saying saying i was being sued for child support i went in got a paternity test and got the results today.

i dont know how i feel about it. im not sure what rights i actually have, i dont have the money right now to pay to sue for visitation, i have no idea where jennifer lives or how to get in touch with her.


i do have a court date on april the 9th

[Deadlokd]

Well first of all, congratulations mate. Second, I hope you can work something out with Jennifer so you can see your son if that's what you want. I don't know how the law works in the US, but I hope it's equitable for all three of you.

Best of luck with your new journey.

[beyelzu]

thank you,

i dont know what i want, i am obviously responsible for the child. and i will certainly pay child support, i dont know if i actually want to meat him or not.

shit, he is eleven after all.

[Farren]

Pretty bad way to let you know you're the father.

I hope it all works out cool, Bey.

[Pinecone]

wow...just wow...that's got to bend the brain forever.

[Legs]

Wow, just wow. This is like the plot from a movie instead of real life.

Bey :hug:

Just take it a day at a time, how does it work when you are sued but cannot pay what they are looking for? Do they garnish your wages?

[Qingdai]

My dad only met his father a couple of times, but he had a grandfather who had custody of him for most of his childhood. My dad is pretty cool.

Eleven is a pretty neat age.

That's pretty mind-blowing.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

So, 11 years later, she wants your money?

* Uthgar the Brazen shuts up

[freemonkey]

So, 11 years later, she wants your money?

* Uthgar the Brazen shuts up

no need to shut, IMO. It seems a bit unfair to me, too.

[Watser?]

Yeah, like Farren said, that is a bad way to find out.

I think I would like to see him if I were you, once I would know I had a kid. Or at least find out about who he is and how he is doing.

[Demon]

Yeah, I agree on that. It's obviously all just about money to her...

Does the kid know already?

[Crumb]

I'm guessing the other guy must have bailed or something.

I hope things work out, bey. You don't think she'd allow visitation without legal action?

[Clutch Munny]

I read the thread twice, and didn't see any reason to see it's obviously all about the money, or obviously all about any one thing. So shutting up about that seems pretty reasonable, really.

bey, whatever you decide, I am very confident, will be a thoughtful and considerate choice. It must be staggering news. But speaking as a citizen of the world, I'm very pleased to learn that there's another beyelzu (x .5) out there.

[godfry n. glad]

I'm guessing the other guy must have bailed or something.

I hope things work out, bey. You don't think she'd allow visitation without legal action?


Yeah, that...

Is she doing retroactive? Or, just "starting now"?

[lisarea]

Try not to spend too much effort speculating right now. Who knows? The 9th isn't so far off, and you should find out more then.

It certainly seems like a dick move to tell you this way, but maybe she thought you already knew.

As far as child support, they use some kind of standard calculations, and as far as her motivation for asking for it goes, again: Who knows? The economy sucks really bad right now, and she must've been pretty young when she had a baby, so maybe she's just resorting to this now because she's out of options. I think sometimes states require you to try to get child support from absentee parents before getting benefits, so maybe it wasn't even her idea.

[Qingdai]

Medicaid does require you to seek out child support before they will allow you to have benefits.
I'd wait to see as well.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

I confess to haste. I'm a suspicious bastard, but honestly some of you knew that already. :glare:

[freemonkey]

I read the thread twice, and didn't see any reason to see it's obviously all about the money, or obviously all about any one thing. So shutting up about that seems pretty reasonable, really.

Speaking for myself only, the idea of finding out that you have a kid 11+ years later must be one hell of a shock. Finding out about it the way he did, and being told he'd be sued for child support in such a way just sucks.

lisarea made some points I had not thought of though. :thankee:

[Naru]

Is it normal to sue someone right off the bat, about a child they're not even aware of?

[Qingdai]

I seem to recall one woman being denied medicaid since she wouldn't try to collect child support. She told me she couldn't, because if she got child support, then the father would have visitation rights and she was not with him because he was an abuser.
I don't know if that was specific to Oklahoma or she was paranoid though....

[viscousmemories]

Wow bey, that's wild. Condolences and/or congratulations!

[wildernesse]

Congratulations, bey! If you can figure out where she lives, then you can probably write her a letter asking for visitation or other kinds of contact (phone calls, letters) if that is what you want. You wouldn't necessarily have to sue in order to have involvement.

[wei yau]

I've got nothing to add, other than wishing you all the best and hoping that things turn out to your satisfaction.

[beyelzu]

I'm guessing the other guy must have bailed or something.

I hope things work out, bey. You don't think she'd allow visitation without legal action?

i dont know but i do know that if she doesnt want to me to have visitation even if im paying child support it will take money for me to get visitation.

if i want it.

like i said before i knew it was a possibility, i have no idea what exactly happened, if she is on government assistance the state just does it.

[Garnet]

This might be helpful:
https://services.georgia.gov/dhr/cspp/do/public/Welcome

[lisarea]

Would you consider saying no to him if he wanted to meet you?

[ChuckF]

Fucking Christ, bey. That's a lot to digest. :manhug:

[ITSOZAZ]

tough spot. you seem man enough to figure something out. i wish you all the best.

[Plant Woman]

It's a boy!

Congratulations, even if its 11 years late.

Tough situation, but if you can find it in your heart, try to get to know your boy. He didn't cause it, and I am certain it would be better for him if he knew you wanted to get to know him. Responsibility shouldn't stop at paying for him. He is your child, and it isn't his fault that his mother kept you from knowing about him, although you did know there was a possibility. I hope that doesn't come across as sounding judgmental, because it's not meant to be that way. I hope you make the effort to be a part of his life.

You have a son! :woohoo:

[mickthinks]

Bey, you big twat! :manhug:

[Shelli]

I've got nothing to add, other than wishing you all the best and hoping that things turn out to your satisfaction.:yeahthat:

[Angakuk]

What a shock! It does make you wonder though. At least it makes me wonder if there might be an Angakuk, Jr. or an Angakukette out there somewhere. If there are they are all grown up by now, cause I am damn certain I haven't left any stray sperm floating around out there since I got married 26+ years ago.

[Caligulette]

I seem to recall one woman being denied medicaid since she wouldn't try to collect child support. She told me she couldn't, because if she got child support, then the father would have visitation rights and she was not with him because he was an abuser.
I don't know if that was specific to Oklahoma or she was paranoid though....

Sadly, I can attest that it is not specific to OK. The only reason I was able to get it was because there was a solid civil protection order in place.

I must say that the way of finding out about being a parent was not the best. But I am impressed with your intentions. A great number of people would just walk away without wanting to know the child.

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

..Congratulations? Shit, man, I don't even know what to say. I'm floored.

[Stormlight]

I have no idea what to tell you, bey. All the best! :manhug:

[256 colors]

Wow, beyelzu. Best wishes.

I hope you try to go see him.

[Dingfod]

I seem to recall one woman being denied medicaid since she wouldn't try to collect child support. She told me she couldn't, because if she got child support, then the father would have visitation rights and she was not with him because he was an abuser.
I don't know if that was specific to Oklahoma or she was paranoid though....Child Support and Visitation are separate issues legally. So far as I know, you cannot be denied Visitation even if you don't pay child support. However, you can be incarcerated if you don't pay.

beyelzu, you can sue for visitation without a lawyer. Ask one of these lawyer-types here what it might take.

Note I didn't congratulate you. I'm still not sure it's good news for you, it's just news.

[curses]

Wow, bey. :hug: Good luck man. I'm also not sure what to say other than that on account of being floored.

[LadyShea]

What a shock bey. Give yourself some time to just feel whatever, you don't have to make any long term decisions now...but I would urge you to at least meet the kid.

I have some knowledge of this due to my work in adoption reform, and you have full paternal rights as would any father. You need not sue for visitation, it is automatically your right to have a relationship with this child. You need not exercise those rights, but you will have them once you are legally named the father during the court proceedings.

You should be able to ask her or her attorney for a meeting to discuss visitation/custody issues..or the judge may even decide to order such a meeting. Just be honest and explain you didn't know, and want to do what's right and fair, and expect the same consideration in return.

[Smilin]

Wow...

I don't know what to say...

Congratulations are in order (I'm guessing??)

It is not my place to make or place judgement upon anybody...

I just wish you all the best my friend!

[beyelzu]

Wow...

I don't know what to say...

Congratulations are in order (I'm guessing??)

It is not my place to make or place judgement upon anybody...

I just wish you all the best my friend!

place judgement?

interesting turn of phrase.

[beyelzu]

What a shock bey. Give yourself some time to just feel whatever, you don't have to make any long term decisions now...but I would urge you to at least meet the kid.

I have some knowledge of this due to my work in adoption reform, and you have full paternal rights as would any father. You need not sue for visitation, it is automatically your right to have a relationship with this child. You need not exercise those rights, but you will have them once you are legally named the father during the court proceedings.

You should be able to ask her or her attorney for a meeting to discuss visitation/custody issues..or the judge may even decide to order such a meeting. Just be honest and explain you didn't know, and want to do what's right and fair, and expect the same consideration in return.



thank you for the advice.

[biochemgirl]

Wow that's some heavy news to digest, let alone dealing with the legal issues. I wish you all the best.

[Dragar]

Crikey Bey, that's a hell of a thing to learn in such a way.

Hope it all turns out okay.

[Adam]

Holy shit, bey, that's a lot to take in all at once. I wish I had something useful to say, but all I can do is second lisarea re: the 9th not being that far off. Good luck, whatever you end up deciding.

Oh, and hopefully mini-bey doesn't turn out to be a headless French assassin robot...unlikely, but ya never know.

[Doohickie]

I don't really know you, and I don't know how this is gonna work out. But.... if you are going to have visitation want to get caught up on what's going on in your son's head, pick up a copy of A Fine Young Man (http://www.amazon.com/Fine-Young-Man-Adolescent-Exceptional/dp/0874779693). It discusses the psychology and explains what it's like to be an adolescent boy. It helped me with my own sons.

[Kyuss Apollo]

Whoa!

A lot to digest. I remember being told out of the blue I was GOING to be a father from an ex I had been split up with 5 months and how that felt--can't imagine what that's like a decade plus AFTER the fact. You should be able to get some free legal advice, at the very least from the folks in charge of child support in GA who will be able to tell you what you could expect when you walk into court about the possibility of retroactivity and (based on your current income run through some formula) about what you could expect you'll be paying. Before I got sole custody of my son I had to deal with all that. The people who work at the one in RI were entirely reasonable to talk to. It was my son's mother and her one-eyed lawyer that were not...

And I echo the previous caller's advice about visitation--they can't deny you that, if you want it. You should be able to just walk into family court and get visitation.

And if you don't want to see him they can't force you to either.

Good luck and remember--only 7 more years until he's 18.

[California Tanker]

Umm.. Congratulations?

Don't really know what to say, other than good luck.

NTM

[Sock Puppet]

Good luck, bey. I hope this works out to be positive for you and your son.

[beyelzu]

Holy shit, bey, that's a lot to take in all at once. I wish I had something useful to say, but all I can do is second lisarea re: the 9th not being that far off. Good luck, whatever you end up deciding.

Oh, and hopefully mini-bey doesn't turn out to be a headless French assassin robot...unlikely, but ya never know.

or what if my seed produced a child of average intellect.

srsly.


scarier than a french assassin robot.

:tmgrin:

[beyelzu]

thanks for the support guys

[Julie]

Bey? Did everything go ok? You ok?

[Leesifer]

* Leesifer is late to this thread.

bey, how did the court case go?

Scarey stuff finding out you're a father - I hope it all works out for you, mate. :squeezle:

[Deadlokd]

Come on Bey, details mate, details.

How are you doing?

[Arrogant-One]

Deleted Post

[Arrogant-One]

i knew she was pregnant after we went out but given the proliferation of canidates i never really worried about it.

also i heard that she was with a guy who wanted to raise the kid as his own so i figured if it was mine no big deal.

course i was eighteen and stupid.

anyway a couple of months i got a letter from the state saying saying i was being sued for child support i went in got a paternity test and got the results today.

i dont know how i feel about it. im not sure what rights i actually have, i dont have the money right now to pay to sue for visitation, i have no idea where jennifer lives or how to get in touch with her.


i do have a court date on april the 9th

I used to practise family law in Brisbane, didn't even last a full year before I got out. Never had a case exactly like your's but did have one that was kind of reversed. A guy who had a young teenager came in one day and said he had privately done a paternity DNA test and discovered his teenager wasn't his afterall, even though he was paying child support to the mother and was always led to believe the kid was his. Maybe this stuff is more common than most people think.