Adam
07-24-2004, 01:34 AM
This might not be, strictly speaking, a Food & Drink topic, but I feel the need to rant, and it does involve cooking, so...
I own a propane grill. I love my propane grill, old and battered as it may be. Why do I love my propane grill? Why, thank you for asking. I love my propane grill because it gives me all the advantages of cooking (like, you know, having actual warm food to eat) and very few of the disadvantages (like, you know, having to wash whatever vessel I happen to cook in, wipe splatters off my countertop and stove, etc...in fact, the only cooking-related disadvantage that carries over to the grill is that I have to actually stand there and cook). "This doesn't sound like much of a rant, Adam, " you're thinking, "This sounds more like some creepy love letter to your propane grill." Shut up. I'm getting to the rantish bit.
Apparently, the Indiana legislature decided, back in May of 2003, that I was getting along just a little too well with my propane grill. At that point, the crusty old motherfuckers all got together and enacted Indiana Fire Code Section 307.5 Open-flame cooking devices, which states:
Charcoal burners and other open-flame cooking devices shall not be operated on combustible balconies or within 10 feet (3048 mm) of combustible construction.
Exceptions:
1. One- and two-family dwellings.
2. Where buildings and decks are protected by an automatic sprinkler system.
Section 307.5.1 Liquefied-petroleum-gas-fueled cooking devices. LP-gas burners having a LP-gas container with a water capacity greater than 2.5 pounds (1.14 kg) [nominal 1 pound (0.454 kg) LP-gas capacity] shall not be located on combustible balconies or within 10 feet (3048 mm) of combustible construction
Exceptions:
One- and two-family dwellings.
This has led to a merry game in which my apartment complex leaves a nasty note on my door telling me to get rid of my propane tank, I bring it inside (or, more often, my roommate brings it inside, since he gets home first and, I suspect, knows that I won't do it without bitching loudly), wait a couple of weeks, and then take it back out and begin using it again. This normally lasts for several weeks before they notice that I've been cooking again and demand that I move the propane back into the safety of my apartment. I'm apparently not the only one playing this game, judging from the number of other grills I can see from my back patio whose propane tanks appear and disappear on a regular basis. The apartment complex continues to gripe, and to point out that they've installed charcoal grills in one of the communal outside areas. Great. I can't wait to carry my chicken breast or burger or whatever a hundred and fifty yards across the apartment complex, while lugging a bag of charcoal, get a fire started, cook my meal for one, put the fire out, clean the grill, lug my charcoal, food, etc., back across the complex, and put up with other people's children the entire time just so I can eat dinner. That's far more convenient than taking two steps out my back door, twisting a knob to turn the grill on, and sitting outside with a book and a beer while my dinner cooks.
Now, it's bad enough that the people who run this third rate state have decided that I can't cook outside, but what really sets me off is the exception: "One- and two-family dwellings". What's this? Are the people who live in these "One- and two-family dwellings" smarter, more alert, better aware of fire saftey procedures (i.e. common sense)? Or are these "One- and two-family dwellings" all made of some space-age fire retardant material? Or is it that the legislators know damn good and well that they'd never get away with pissing off people who own their own homes, who tend to be a bit older and wealtheir than apartment dwellers, and more likely to vote? Hmmm...
Well, I guess I'll fume a bit while I try to figure out what I'm doing for dinner, since I'm in a "propane inside" stage of the game right now and all I have to eat in the place is some ground turkey that I had intended to make a burger out of. Did someone say, "going out"?
Oh, I forgot to say...there may be a way around this...if I can find a propane tank with a capacity of 1 lb or less...and I don't mind refilling it every other day.
I own a propane grill. I love my propane grill, old and battered as it may be. Why do I love my propane grill? Why, thank you for asking. I love my propane grill because it gives me all the advantages of cooking (like, you know, having actual warm food to eat) and very few of the disadvantages (like, you know, having to wash whatever vessel I happen to cook in, wipe splatters off my countertop and stove, etc...in fact, the only cooking-related disadvantage that carries over to the grill is that I have to actually stand there and cook). "This doesn't sound like much of a rant, Adam, " you're thinking, "This sounds more like some creepy love letter to your propane grill." Shut up. I'm getting to the rantish bit.
Apparently, the Indiana legislature decided, back in May of 2003, that I was getting along just a little too well with my propane grill. At that point, the crusty old motherfuckers all got together and enacted Indiana Fire Code Section 307.5 Open-flame cooking devices, which states:
Charcoal burners and other open-flame cooking devices shall not be operated on combustible balconies or within 10 feet (3048 mm) of combustible construction.
Exceptions:
1. One- and two-family dwellings.
2. Where buildings and decks are protected by an automatic sprinkler system.
Section 307.5.1 Liquefied-petroleum-gas-fueled cooking devices. LP-gas burners having a LP-gas container with a water capacity greater than 2.5 pounds (1.14 kg) [nominal 1 pound (0.454 kg) LP-gas capacity] shall not be located on combustible balconies or within 10 feet (3048 mm) of combustible construction
Exceptions:
One- and two-family dwellings.
This has led to a merry game in which my apartment complex leaves a nasty note on my door telling me to get rid of my propane tank, I bring it inside (or, more often, my roommate brings it inside, since he gets home first and, I suspect, knows that I won't do it without bitching loudly), wait a couple of weeks, and then take it back out and begin using it again. This normally lasts for several weeks before they notice that I've been cooking again and demand that I move the propane back into the safety of my apartment. I'm apparently not the only one playing this game, judging from the number of other grills I can see from my back patio whose propane tanks appear and disappear on a regular basis. The apartment complex continues to gripe, and to point out that they've installed charcoal grills in one of the communal outside areas. Great. I can't wait to carry my chicken breast or burger or whatever a hundred and fifty yards across the apartment complex, while lugging a bag of charcoal, get a fire started, cook my meal for one, put the fire out, clean the grill, lug my charcoal, food, etc., back across the complex, and put up with other people's children the entire time just so I can eat dinner. That's far more convenient than taking two steps out my back door, twisting a knob to turn the grill on, and sitting outside with a book and a beer while my dinner cooks.
Now, it's bad enough that the people who run this third rate state have decided that I can't cook outside, but what really sets me off is the exception: "One- and two-family dwellings". What's this? Are the people who live in these "One- and two-family dwellings" smarter, more alert, better aware of fire saftey procedures (i.e. common sense)? Or are these "One- and two-family dwellings" all made of some space-age fire retardant material? Or is it that the legislators know damn good and well that they'd never get away with pissing off people who own their own homes, who tend to be a bit older and wealtheir than apartment dwellers, and more likely to vote? Hmmm...
Well, I guess I'll fume a bit while I try to figure out what I'm doing for dinner, since I'm in a "propane inside" stage of the game right now and all I have to eat in the place is some ground turkey that I had intended to make a burger out of. Did someone say, "going out"?
Oh, I forgot to say...there may be a way around this...if I can find a propane tank with a capacity of 1 lb or less...and I don't mind refilling it every other day.