A few misconceptions about cats

[ChuckF]

At the moment I'm in the DC burbs house- and cat-sitting for an absent relative. My mom is allergic to cats, so we never had them growing up. I'm an animal person, but I'm really a dog person when it comes down to it. My practical experience with cats is quite limited. In the past few days, my two charges have cleared up a few of my misconceptions about the feline race. I will now pass on some of their wisdom.

Misconception 1: Cats are graceful
I am alone in the house, so I was a little worried this morning when I heard a bag of flour rolling down the stairs. It turns out it was just the cat. I don't know how this small cat can make so much noise going down the stairs, but he does.

Misconception 2: Cats do not speak English
The accent is thick, but the wiry one can go to the door, paw at it, and say "open the god damn door, you interloping bastard." The message is clear.

Misconception 3: Cats are difficult to sneak up on
I always thought that cats, having inspired words like cat-like, would be difficult to catch unawares. The fat one likes to nap. Yesterday I barged into the house carrying groceries, making no attempt to be silent. The fat one was napping on a dining room chair, and didn't wake up until I put the groceries on the dining room table a few inches away. She promptly went back to sleep.

Misconception 4: Cats aren't as affectionate as dogs
Stop kneading my legs. Can't I just sit here and read? Stop that.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:purr:

[Adam]

That is totally my favorite non-Transmet smiley, Uthgar.

Number 4 is dead on. people keep telling me that cats are only scare-quoted "affectionate" when they want to be fed, but it turns out not so much. The cats will wake me up in the morning if I sleep in later than breakfast time, and around 6pm, winding around my legs and purring means "Are we forgetting something? Something to do with those bowls on the floor over there, perhaps?", but any other time of day, it means "Hey, jackass! Pay attention to meeeeeeeeeee!!!"

[Clutch Munny]

Misconception 3: Cats are difficult to sneak up on
I always thought that cats, having inspired words like cat-like, would be difficult to catch unawares. The fat one likes to nap. Yesterday I barged into the house carrying groceries, making no attempt to be silent. The fat one was napping on a dining room chair, and didn't wake up until I put the groceries on the dining room table a few inches away. She promptly went back to sleep.


I believe you are mistakenly taking this as debunking evidence for "Cats are difficult to sneak up on", when it is in fact confirming evidence for "Cats rarely give a shit what you are doing".

[ChuckF]

:lol: Probably true. My inherent dog-biased worldview, in which any stimulus or addition to the environment is subject to excited scrutiny, colors my perceptions.

[Chris Porter]

My cat weighed around 15 pounds, and made the most ridiculous racket anytime it moved faster than a sedate walk. "My Little Pony" I sometimes called him.

[freemonkey]

We called our 12+ pounder, Henry, "Hank The Tank". You can hear him lumbering down the hallway.

[ITSOZAZ]

i miss my kat kaos :(

[ChuckF]

i miss my kat kaos :(
Did kaos just run away or did he/she die rather than be around you?

[curses]

That is totally my favorite non-Transmet smiley, Uthgar.

Number 4 is dead on. people keep telling me that cats are only scare-quoted "affectionate" when they want to be fed, but it turns out not so much. The cats will wake me up in the morning if I sleep in later than breakfast time, and around 6pm, winding around my legs and purring means "Are we forgetting something? Something to do with those bowls on the floor over there, perhaps?", but any other time of day, it means "Hey, jackass! Pay attention to meeeeeeeeeee!!!"

Oh god yes. My cats will walk across my head to ensure that we wake up, but if I'm reading a book or in front of the computer, the grey one will jump up and either sit on my shoulder or crawl down if I'm slouching and lay across my chest, which sucks for doing anything else at that moment other than paying attention to her. Who said cats were solitary creatures?

[ITSOZAZ]

Did kaos just run away or did he/she die rather than be around you?


he died. we had him for about 11 years. he was my boy. he used to sit on my lap when i would post and followed me all around the house. he got really depressed when we had Zeke because he wasn't getting as much attention. at the same time he got ill with intestinal problems and i knew that would be the end of him...he wasn't mentally strong enough to pull himself through. we had to have him put down on the vet's recommendation. it was sad, but that's life sometimes.

now you know. he was the best cat ever!!

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y115/michael1111/kaosanddad2.jpg

[Uthgar the Brazen]

Did kaos just run away or did he/she die rather than be around you?

I find people who get angry on my behalf annoying, but :fuckyou: anyway.

Sorry to hear about that, M. It's a tough thing to go through. He was gorgeous!

[wei yau]

Sorry to hear about your loss, ITSOZ. I'm sure kaos was a great cat.

Sometimes this "thing" you and Chuck have for each other gets a little ugly...on both sides. You could have responded in a much worser way than you did. I'm glad you did not.

In that pic, kaos looks like every cat that ever looked at me...with barely checked contempt for my mere existence.

[freemonkey]

very pretty cat.

he got ill with intestinal problems and i knew that would be the end of him...

what kind of intestinal problems?

he wasn't mentally strong enough to pull himself through.

:ffconf: huh? What kind of treatment did he have for the intestinal problems?

[ChuckF]

When I was a kid we had an angora goat named Elvis (we didn't name him that, but he came with an engraved leather collar). He liked to eat things and occasionally freak out and smash outside doors and windows. He had a fun way of appearing to nuzzle you playfully while "jokingly" trying to hook his big horns underneath your ribs and gore you or something. One day he got into a shed and found a big garbage back full of bread intended for the ducks. He started to eat it, but consumed more of the garbage bag than the bread. Eventually this caused some severe intestinal problems, and his kidneys shut down. He was way too big to euthanize with plain old pentobarbital, so we shot him in the head.

This was the first time we confronted the problem of goat corpse disposal. Nobody wants to dig a hole that size. So Elvis went to the dump. We revisited the problem when the sheep finally died years later.

[ITSOZAZ]

it was a bummer, but that's life...death. and he definitely was a looker!! more importantly, he was sweet and always there for me...yeah, i know, he was just an animal, but he was a great one :)

[ChuckF]

I find people who get angry on my behalf annoying, but :fuckyou: anyway.

:squee:

[ITSOZAZ]

very pretty cat.



what kind of intestinal problems?



:ffconf: huh? What kind of treatment did he have for the intestinal problems?

he was all blocked up. they tried enemas and were going to do surgery, but i think he was just really sad at the big lifestyle change (baby) and it didn't help him recover. we paid a lot to keep him going. the vet said they could try surgery, but that it was really bad and i think he got infected. i don't know the clinical name for his intestinal problem. is that ok?

[beyelzu]

The best cat ever was named Satan. He was my brother's wife's cat; he was the meanest sumbitch ever. If you were stoned and wandering into the kitchen at 3 oclock in the morning to get a drink, he would jump off of the fridge and claw at your face on the way down. If you sat on the couch without wearing shoes he would claw at your ankles and if you pulled them up quickly enough, you could see his little paws furiously clawing the air.

I miss that cat, he ruled.


Did I mention that he also had a tendency to bite, it was so cute.

[freemonkey]

he was all blocked up. they tried enemas and were going to do surgery, but i think he was just really sad at the big lifestyle change (baby) and it didn't help him recover. we paid a lot to keep him going. the vet said they could try surgery, but that it was really bad and i think he got infected. i don't know the clinical name for his intestinal problem. is that ok?

I was just curious because there are all kinds of things that can happen, from bugs to blockages.

Cats do get jealous. Our cat, Hank, started peeing all over the house months after we got Bridget (the kitten). We tried all kinds of things, from kitty valium to extra, extra love. What finally worked? Removing all the carpet. :shrug:

I'm sorry your experience ended so tragically.

[ChuckF]

The best cat ever was named Satan.
:lol:

[Doctor X]

I think the biggest misconception, for me, is that they really do not taste like human.

--J.D.

[Adam]

All you people claiming to have known the best cat ever are dead wrong, unless those names you're throwing out are some weird aliases Feather and Fiona have been using.

[BrotherMan]

Like ChuckF, I wouldn't say I'm a cat person. Let it speak of me as it will but dogs are more my personality - or at least my experience. (When Discovery gets a show called "The Cat Whisperer" maybe I'll more seriously reconsider.) But since the esploshun (sic) of lolcats, I've been swayed that perhaps a cat or 18 wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Between my roommate and I, we have at least two requirements.

1. There will be at least two cats trained in "intrusion deterrence." The cats will be trained to crawl up and down an intruder, at their highest speed possible, until he (or she) relents and either falls on the floor incapable of moving or vacates the premises.

2. The kittehs will be vacuum trained. Meaning they will be brushed with the vacuum cleaner to minimize hrblz.

[ChuckF]

Yeah that horking sound is really disconcerting.

[Master Taran]

I think the biggest misconception, for me, is that they really do not taste like human.

--J.D.It depends on how you grill them. :eat:

[Doctor X]

The cat or the human?

--J.D.

[wei yau]

All you people claiming to have known the best cat ever are dead wrong, unless those names you're throwing out are some weird aliases Feather and Fiona have been using.

Ha! How can both Feather and Fiona be the best cat ever?

Scum tell!

vote: Adam

[Master Taran]

The cat or the human?

--J.D.They both do well on the grill, but I was referring to the cat.

[Garnet]

Yeah that horking sound is really disconcerting.

Why did that remind me of the Swedish Chef?

http://snukes.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/swedish_chef.jpg

Hork! Hork! Hork!

[curses]

Put the keetah in the pot! Bork bork bork!
:swedishchef:

[ChuckF]

Why did that remind me of the Swedish Chef?

Racism!

[freemonkey]

minimize hrblz.

LOL!! Good luck with that.

http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t174/jonezart/mor-kittehs-1.jpg

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:aww:

[Naru]

When I was a kid we had an angora goat named Elvis (we didn't name him that, but he came with an engraved leather collar). He liked to eat things and occasionally freak out and smash outside doors and windows. He had a fun way of appearing to nuzzle you playfully while "jokingly" trying to hook his big horns underneath your ribs and gore you or something. One day he got into a shed and found a big garbage back full of bread intended for the ducks. He started to eat it, but consumed more of the garbage bag than the bread. Eventually this caused some severe intestinal problems, and his kidneys shut down. He was way too big to euthanize with plain old pentobarbital, so we shot him in the head.

This was the first time we confronted the problem of goat corpse disposal. Nobody wants to dig a hole that size. So Elvis went to the dump. We revisited the problem when the sheep finally died years later.

Did you goat accidentially eat the garbage bag, or did it just want to die instead of being around you?

We have a ridiculously psycho cat that's boarding for another TWO WEEKS :sadcheer: where I work. But cats in general rule.

[ChuckF]

Did you goat accidentially eat the garbage bag, or did it just want to die instead of being around you?

haet speach

[Doctor X]

. . . because we all know the Norwegians did not breed the Swedes to be chefs. . . .

--J.D.

[seebs]

My theory about the standoffishness of cats is that it's an apartment thing.

If you live in an apartment, the cat is always leaving the room when you enter it. Clearly, standoffish.

If you live in a large house, the cat is always following you at a distance of about one room. Clearly, social.

[California Tanker]

I note you do not make the observation that "Cats are evil" is a misconception.

Are cats inherently evil? - Freethought Forum (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6892&highlight=cats+evil)

Ergo, I must assume that you have concluded that it is not a misconception.

NTM

[oblomov]

our cat never really got furballs, even though she was extremely furry. furry and melancholy.

we also had a pet named elvis, but he was a bichon frise. charming he was, ridiculous but charming. he died a puppy.

[JoeP]

Daily Email Newsletter - Funniest Video of the Day (http://www.funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.php?id=614)

[ManM]

It might be useful to draw a distinction between housecats and those that are a bit more feral. I was adopted by a wild kitten, and there is no question about grace and stealth. When in pounce mode, Midnight is a :ninja3: of pain.

[Watser?]

I had a cat once that was very ninja-like :ninja3:

I once opened a cupboard with glasses in it and she was in there :stunned:

I have no idea how she got in there and when, but not a single glass was even moved.

[ChuckF]

Today's discovery: cats have bad breath. I don't know what I expected, having smelled cat food. And how many carnivores have really good breath anyway?

[Adam]

My cat's breath smells like cat food!
:ralphie:

[ManM]

I had a cat once that was very ninja-like :ninja3:

I once opened a cupboard with glasses in it and she was in there :stunned:

I have no idea how she got in there and when, but not a single glass was even moved.
At least Midnight still plays nice with the baby... for now.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:giggle:

[Kyuss Apollo]

Our house is ruled by a Siamese cat named daisy, who if she could talk probably sound very much like Eric Cartman. As I write she is sitting about 3 feet away from me in the one square of sunlight in this room, because that's HER square of heat, dammit. She kicks our German Shepherd's ass about twice an hour, to keep the dog in line. Of the other two cats, there is Fritz, and the other one who is Not Fritz; there's no point learning his name she figures because she can't stand him. If she has misplaced us in the house she begins yowling and it is our responsibility to call her name so she can relocate us. She insists on sleeping with our daughter Ellie every night, but the current culture war here is over the additional requirement that she also puke on Ellie's pillow or blankets at some point in the night--we have been evicting her and closing the girls' bedroom door at night, which is totally unacceptable according to daisy.

Totally. Unacceptable. :glare:

[BrotherMan]

Poor Daisy. All she wants to do is consume your daughter's soul.

And then puke it back up.

[freemonkey]

And then puke it back up.

typical cat

[Doctor X]

Maybe if her soul was cleaner?

--J.D.

[Uthgar the Brazen]

:roflcopt:

[Brimshack]

Speaking of dead cats and dead animal disposal. If any of you should ever find yourselves driving from Utah to Las vegas, as you pass the Welcome to nevada sign be sure and wave and say hi to my old cat "Rover."

[JoeP]

Today's discovery: cats have bad breath. I don't know what I expected, having smelled cat food. And how many carnivores have really good breath anyway?

My cat's breath smells like cat food!
:ralphie:

From 2006:
My dog's breath smells of cat food.
It still does.

[California Tanker]

Speaking of dead cats and dead animal disposal. If any of you should ever find yourselves driving from Utah to Las vegas, as you pass the Welcome to nevada sign be sure and wave and say hi to my old cat "Rover."

I've driven it, but I don't recall seeing any pet graves.

NTM

[Brimshack]

The "Welcome To Nevada" sign was the marker.

[Qingdai]

Go big or go home!

I just plant rose bushes above my bereaved pets.