The waiter you stiffed has not forgotten you...

[Bella]

Don't piss your waiter off - really, don't piss your waiter off.

From the NYTimes: (http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/02/dining/02wait.html)
...one Washington restaurant customer recently insisted that the restaurant's $10 minimum should be waived for him, because gastric bypass surgery had rendered him unable to swallow more than a few mouthfuls at one sitting. "So why are you in a restaurant?" wrote one cook. "WHY WHY WHY?"
NYTimes.com requires you to register before you can read their articles; type "imafreethinker" for the member name and "password" for the...well, you know.

[RevDahlia]

That was great.

I've waited tables in a couple of places, and have found that the adulteration of food is much less common than you'd think. Usually the server doesn't have the time or the opportunity to hide nasty things in your dinner, particularly if she's slammed -- and the customers who deserve to have nasty things put in their food always seem to appear when one has eight other tables all howling for one's attention.

This does not mean, however, that servers don't talk about befouling people's food all the time. They do. Servers loathe customers.

"You have no control over anything, but you are responsible for everything. You are always being squeezed by three immutable forces: the customer, the kitchen and the management."
This sums it up exactly. The management of most restaurants have no idea what goes on on the floor. Cooks have boundless contempt for waiters, and they can make a waiter's life an absolute hell if they feel like it. The customer assumes the waiter IS the restaurant, and many customers get abusive about things that absolutely are not the waiter's fault.

For waitresses, there's another wrinkle: male customers who are convinced that the waitress is their "serving wench", there to be manhandled, importuned, hit on, condescended to and stiffed when she rebuffs their advances.

I hope to Jeebus I won't ever have to wait tables again. My brother failed to take my advice and is a waiter now; the last time I saw him he said, with a great sigh and a thousand-yard stare, "I just wish I could tell people that if their food is late or if they don't like it, there's a very good reason. That reason has nothing to do with the waiter."

Servers everywhere agree that the ideal customer is one who knows what she wants, doesn't waste the waiter's time with excessive familiarity, lame jokes or chit-chat, understands what the waiter's responsibilities are and aren't, knows how to identify good service, and tips decently. It also helps if the customer has respect for what wait staff do. It's a horribly grueling job.

[Petra]

The vengefulness of the posts, and the recurrence of anecdotes that involve adding foreign fluids to customers' food, from breast milk to laxatives, is enough to turn anyone who dares to enter a restaurant into a nervous, toadying wreck. Jesse Elizondo, a waiter who has worked in New York restaurants for 10 years, says that's because customers generally forget how vulnerable they are to the good will of servers. "I can never understand why anyone would be even the slightest bit rude to someone who is about to touch your food," he said.

I always try to be polite and respectful of waiters. I figure that if I can make their experience of dealing with me pleasant, they will make my experience of dealing with them pleasant.

I also think the poor pay they recieve and the dependence on tipping to make ends meet sucks. The argument could be that it encourages better service, but I'm not convinced.

Simple mutual respect encourages good service, as does good restaurant management.

Tipping should be something voluntary that you give to those who have been excellent in their service - not something you are required to give to any ol' waiter carrying a plate and throwing it on your table.



So, you want fries with that?

[RevDahlia]

Tipping should be something voluntary that you give to those who have been excellent in their service - not something you are required to give to any ol' waiter carrying a plate and throwing it on your table.
You are fortunate enough to live in a country with sane wages for servers. Up here in Babylon, we are not so lucky.

[Petra]

Tipping should be something voluntary that you give to those who have been excellent in their service - not something you are required to give to any ol' waiter carrying a plate and throwing it on your table.
You are fortunate enough to live in a country with sane wages for servers. Up here in Babylon, we are not so lucky.

Yeah, I know. Waitstaff get pretty screwed over there from what I hear.

I know some waiters can earn quite a pretty penny in upmarket restaurants, but that extra money by way of tipping should be what it is: gratuity. It should be over and above a living wage - a gift of thanks. It should not be up to the customer to pay staff a decent wage - that is for the restaurant to do. And good waitstaff is very good for business. After all, what do we look for and criticise most when dining out? Food and service. Each is as important as the other in providing a dining experience that is memorable and that brings people back.

[maddog]

Tipping should be something voluntary that you give to those who have been excellent in their service - not something you are required to give to any ol' waiter carrying a plate and throwing it on your table.



So, you want fries with that?
I usually try to tip well, almost regardless of the service. It's a very hard job -- one I could not do if my life depended on it. I try to remember that most people try to do a decent job, and that they may be tired, cranky, upset, whatever went wrong was out of their control, etc. I could just have that person's bad moment. I'd like to be forgiven for my bad moments, too. Somebody has to be really, really, consistently bad for me to chip their tip.
#257

[livius drusus]

I have no problem tipping and tipping high, no matter what country I'm in. For one thing, waitstaff appreciate and remember a good tipper, especially when coupled with respectful treatment. For another thing, I would never in a million years be able to do that job and I'm more than glad to acknowledge it in concrete terms.

I've been enjoying perusing some of the websites mentioned in the OP article. I'm proud to say I'm totally a good customer (http://www.stainedapron.com/signs.htm).

[RevDahlia]

Tipping should be something voluntary that you give to those who have been excellent in their service - not something you are required to give to any ol' waiter carrying a plate and throwing it on your table.



So, you want fries with that?
I usually try to tip well, almost regardless of the service. It's a very hard job -- one I could not do if my life depended on it. I try to remember that most people try to do a decent job, and that they may be tired, cranky, upset, whatever went wrong was out of their control, etc. I could just have that person's bad moment. I'd like to be forgiven for my bad moments, too. Somebody has to be really, really, consistently bad for me to chip their tip.
#257
If there were a heaven, you'd be going there. :affection:

A tactic that has always served me well (no pun): if service is so bad that I'm forced to tip less than 15%, I'm done with the restaurant. If it's really atrocious, I'll call the manager afterwards and politely inform them that they've hired a bunch of goons. Fortunately I've only had to do this a couple of times -- lots of things that are usually branded "bad service" (food came slowly, food was cold, food was icky, timing was off, etc) have nothing to do with the servers.

It's too bad that in America waiting tables is considered a degraded profession. In other countries, waiters are respected professionals who are held -- and who hold themselves -- to a very high standard. A great waiter is a joy to watch. Curiously, great waiters are usually found in countries where they aren't dependent on tips -- I'm thinking of France here -- which blows the theory that voluntary tipping = improved service right out of the water.

(I'm sorry I'm monopolizing this thread, BTW, but as a former waitbot I feel compelled to speak up for my brothers and sisters in arms.)

[livius drusus]

Italian waiters rule. Okay, I know, I'm totally stereotyping. There are assholes everywhere, of course. But as a general rule, waiters in Italy are well paid, knowledgeable, enthusiastic, generous and courteous to a fault.

One of the nicest guys at our local joint in Rome could with a flourish of a knife make a peach open off the pit like a flower. Riccardo is his name. He still works there and we still get Christmas cards from him. :)

[Petra]

It is a hard job, and one I've done (albeit many years ago).

We all have bad days, but professionalism is important, I think. We can't all just dump our bad days on random paying customers. In any profession, we must rise above it and be professional in our service or trade.

I really like your charitable nature in understanding our human failings and imperfections, but sometimes the excuses aren't enough in a professional environment.


An old boyfriend of mine taught me a lesson once. I was a happy, sweet 22 year old having the time of my life, and he was a 35 year old businessman. Anyway, he used to take me out to dinner all the time and one of the places we would frequent was Uncle Sam's. A great restaurant/club owned by a Japanese-Hawaiian immigrant, and the place had great food, great atmosphere, and perfect frosted Margueritas. Neil's business provided the sound system for the restaurant side, the nightclub side, and for any live acts that played there. Anyway, one summer the restaurant was suffering a bit and losing custom to new competition. Neil and I checked out the competition and the food wasn't great, but the service was. In Colin's restaurant, the food was great, but the service had become complacent. Anyway, we were in there having dinner and Neil was being rude, I thought. The staff fucked up our order and fucked up our drinks. I made excuses for the waiter like you have here, and was full of empathy for them. After dinner, I actually had a fight with Neil over his attitude. Neil fought back, stating that the reason Uncle Sam's was losing business was because of the attitude of the staff - the staff were unprofessional, unhelpful, and did not continue the great atmosphere that Colin had started there. This meant that our friend Colin was losing business. This meant that Neil may lose some business. And Colin's suppliers would lose business. Restaurant staffing levels may have to be cut back. And on it goes. There's a domino effect going on, and everyone loses. The staff are under-motivated, the customers unsatisfied with their dining out experience, and so on and so forth. Anyway, when he'd fought back with that reasoning, I realised that he was right.


Anyone in a service industry has to rise above their own moods and circumstances and do what they are paid to do - provide good service. That is what people are paying for. Whether it is restaurant service, reception work, retail, sales, President of the United States (:D), or even pizza delivery - the server's problems are not the paying customer's problems.

[Petra]

Italian waiters rule. Okay, I know, I'm totally stereotyping. There are assholes everywhere, of course. But as a general rule, waiters in Italy are well paid, knowledgeable, enthusiastic, generous and courteous to a fault.




I was in Verona and around Largo di Garda 6 years ago with Zoe and all the Euro-fam, and that is true!


Incidentally, just in case anyone thinks I'm a big ol' meanie - I do tip. I haven't been out to dinner in a long, long while - but when I have been out to dinner, I've tipped well.


I just have this need to put forth the customers point-of-view.

[Petra]

lots of things that are usually branded "bad service" (food came slowly, food was cold, food was icky, timing was off, etc) have nothing to do with the servers.

Yep. The service can be wonderful, but the kitchen is to blame. Then I'd praise the waiter on his valiant efforts in the face of bad kitchening, and tip him well. (Or her - just using he 'cos it's easy).

It's too bad that in America waiting tables is considered a degraded profession. In other countries, waiters are respected professionals who are held -- and who hold themselves -- to a very high standard. A great waiter is a joy to watch.Agreed. Curiously, great waiters are usually found in countries where they aren't dependent on tips -- I'm thinking of France here -- which blows the theory that voluntary tipping = improved service right out of the water.Umm...is this a contradiction, or has the heatwave we're having here melted my brain again?

[Bella]

You don’t order water with lemon. (http://www.stainedapron.com/signs.htm)

Oh bloody hell. All right, you may have gotten me there - but I don't slap my kids.

What characteristics do you think are crucial for a waiter or waitress to have? What extra little things do they do that really make you want to tip 'em high?

[RevDahlia]

Anyone in a service industry has to rise above their own moods and circumstances and do what they are paid to do - provide good service. That is what people are paying for. Whether it is restaurant service, reception work, retail, sales, President of the United States (), or even pizza delivery - the server's problems are not the paying customer's problems.
This is absolutely correct. There is no excuse for taking a shitty mood out on a customer, ever. Working in customer service necessitates a soupcon of acting ability. Besides, if you want to be nasty to somebody because you're in a crap mood and have had a bad day, that's what significant others are for. :D

The issue I have is that lots and lots of customers misidentify other problems in restaurants as bad service. Because they don't know how restaurants work, how many people are involved in making the whole thing go and how narrow the margin for error is, and because the only human face they have to put on the whole experience is the waiter's, they tend to take out their frustrations on the waiter (usually in the form of a bad tip.) This in turn makes waiters, who do know how the restaurant works, frustrated and miserable. It's a vicious cycle.

Bad service is:
Active surliness. (This is a sticking point. Many customers expect waiters to be effusive, chummy, and concerned with the minutae of a customer's life, whereas in any restaurant above TGI Friday's level waiters are trained to be unobtrusive. Unobtrusiveness and formality are frequently misconstrued as unfriendly service.)
Egregiously botched orders. If you ordered the filet mignon and got the pork tenderloin, when nobody else at your table ordered it, that's a botched order. The waiter coming back before the food arrives to quickly verify your order is not.
Laziness. Not just that your food took forever to arrive; if you can look over to the kitchen and see your entire party's order languishing under a heat lamp, and the waiter is nowhere in sight, that counts. If the restaurant is slammed, food is flying out of the kitchen right and left and things are taking awhile, that doesn't.

I'm a customer too and have been at the wrong end of bad service before, but far more frequently it's just been that I picked a bad restaurant with insufficient floor coverage, a crap menu and a sloppy kitchen staff.

Umm...is this a contradiction, or has the heatwave we're having here melted my brain again?
It might just be my tortured grammar, but the point I was trying to make was this: people defend the voluntary-tipping procedure we have in this country on the grounds that working for tips improves service. The best waiters are found in places where they DON'T have to work for tips, therefore that hypothesis is bunk.

BTW lunachick, I'm sure you are not one of Those Customers.
Italian waiters
My Gawd, yes. I was in a restaurant in Turin once and saw a waiter dissect a pineapple so deftly that I would have slipped him my hotel-room key then and there, if my dining partner hadn't been my dad.

(Edited to add: Harvey Christmas, Dahls, way to write a fricking novel! :bow: to anyone who managed to slog through all that mess.)

[SharonDee]

You don’t order water with lemon. (http://www.stainedapron.com/signs.htm)
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is a bad thing? Why?
:pardon?:

[Ymir's blood]

The worst thing about tipping the waitstaff is when they can't get up again.

Having worked in a restaurant, I tend to sympathize with the staff and usually try to tip at least the minimum, unless the service is really bad. All I really expect is that I not be forgotten. If the place is busy, I cut them some slack, but mostly, I want my glass refilled when it gets empty. Regardless, I try not to make a mess and generally even gather up and stack my plates etc... when I'm done.

[livius drusus]

[random interjection]

Everytime I see the title of this thread on the index I can't help but think of the opening news short from Kentucky Fried Movie. "The popcorn you're eating has been pissed in. Film at eleven."

[/random interjection]

[RevDahlia]

You don’t order water with lemon. (http://www.stainedapron.com/signs.htm)
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is a bad thing? Why?
:pardon?:
Because lots of people who think they're cute will order a glass of water and a pile of lemon wedges, and then use them to make lemonade with the provided sugar packets in order to avoid ordering a drink. This wouldn't be so heinous if the perpetrators didn't ALWAYS make a point of reveling in their own cleverness at the waiter, the people at neighboring tables, and anyone else who will sit still.

If you order a glass of water with one wedge of lemon, you're fine. If you order another drink -- soda, liquor, beer, wine, etc -- AND a water and lemon, you're golden. Fabricating lemonade at the table in lieu of purchasing a drink is seen as an obvious and obnoxious scam.

(Except at buffet restaurants, like Sizzler or Souplantation. Then it's fair game.)

[Edit: Some waitrons who really should find another line of work resent the extra trip to the bar that procuring a lemon wedge requires. These people have no idea how much they stand to gain by flirting with the bartender. They will always be excluded from the after-hours parties, but it's their loss.]

[SharonDee]

You don’t order water with lemon. (http://www.stainedapron.com/signs.htm)
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is a bad thing? Why?
:pardon?:
Because lots of people who think they're cute will order a glass of water and a pile of lemon wedges, and then use them to make lemonade with the provided sugar packets in order to avoid ordering a drink. This wouldn't be so heinous if the perpetrators didn't ALWAYS make a point of reveling in their own cleverness at the waiter, the people at neighboring tables, and anyone else who will sit still.
Okay, I guess that makes sense; thanks for the explanation. I just always order a lemon wedge to mask the chlorine flavor in tap water. I grew up on well water and the chlorine in "city water" has always tasted too weird to drink. But throwing sweeteners in there, too? Now that's nasty!

[Roland98]

Nother former waitress. I waited tables all through college and grad school, at a upscale restaurant in Ohio, and a family eatery in CT. I actually enjoyed waitressing and was pretty damn good at it if I do say so myself, but there still were horror stories.

Anyone can add a name to the database, along with the location, restaurant, amount of the check, amount of the tip and any details, most of which cannot be printed in a family newspaper.

O, how I wish they'd had that when I was waitressing.

My worst one ever was in Connecticut. A group of 12 came in, maybe a half-hour before closing or so (we closed at midnight, and I worked every Friday and Saturday night, and Sunday morning. This is one reason I had no life in college. ;) ) So they all order huge meals, with appetizers and the works. And eat s-l-o-w-l-y. Then they wanted dessert. By this time, it was 12:30 and all the ice cream staff had left (OK, this was at a Friendly's, btw). Everyone else had gone home, so the manager (who had to stay and deal with the cash) and I scooped out huge sundaes for 12 people. Which, of course, it took them like another half-hour to eat. Oh, have I mentioned they also complained when one of the other waitresses was vacuuming her section, which meant that I had to vacuum the entire store after they left? No? So yeah, they did that too. They finally got off their fat asses around 1AM, took another 15-20 minutes to divide up the bill, and waddled out the door with friendly smiles, and "thanks so much for staying late" and all that. So at least they were verbally appreciative. Go over to their table figuing there'd be at least $20 there (their bill was over $150 for all of them). I don't see anything at first, so I pick up some of their mountains of trash, move some plates....nothing. Not a fucking dollar. I was so pissed off it wasn't funny. This was the only time in almost 9 years of waiting tables that I ever chased anyone out the door. I was still polite (hell, I didn't want to get fired over it), but I told them in no uncertain terms that it was incredibly rude to make a waitress stay 2 hours after closing time (since it was after 1:30 and I still had to clean their table and then vacuum the entire floor) and not tip when I only made $3.25/hour and counted on those tips to pay for the rest. They didn't even look guilty, the bastards--just said they "didn't have any extra money." This was after their 3-course meal. :argh: By the time I left a little past 2AM, it was almost time for me to get up and come back to work (opened the store at 6AM). Worst. Night. Ever.

This was in 1997, so yeah, we remember. I could probably still pick them out of a lineup...

Another thing some customers apparently thought was amusing was to put stuff on my belly when I was pregnant. Instead of handing me the dishes, they'd think they were funny to try to stack it on my stomach. I have no idea why they thought this was acceptable or original, but some people just apparently are delusional. (And this was at the "nice" restaurant. Just goes to show you that even "classy" people can be complete morons.)

But I never did anything nasty to anyone's food. As mad as I'd get occasionally, I'd feel bad if I made anyone sick or something.

[Petra]

Another thing some customers apparently thought was amusing was to put stuff on my belly when I was pregnant. Instead of handing me the dishes, they'd think they were funny to try to stack it on my stomach. I have no idea why they thought this was acceptable or original, but some people just apparently are delusional.

You're kidding! :eek:

WTF?!



And that other crowd - man, I don't know why people have to be such wankers. Why, why, why?

[viscousmemories]

I only waited tables one night, at a Big Boy "restaurant". And despite the fact that it was my first night and I made that very clear to people, one obnoxious family still gave me a penny for "trying to rip them off by giving them the wrong size drink" and other offenses. They were poor people who wanted to be treated like royalty, and there was no way I was going to work there a second night.

I've also worked every position in various fast food places, bussed tables at a Bill Knapps, washed dishes at a country club, prep cooked at a Mexican restaurant, worked the sandwich line at a deli, made coffee drinks at several cafes and had various other service related jobs. I was very good at what I did and personable, but I always hated being a servant. I thought I was 'above' that. But I have to say I fit in with other service people much better than the people in any other jobs I've had.

I never violated anyone's food or drinks. Not even for the painfully evil sorority girls who would toss their gold card across the counter in my direction and bark out their coffee order without ever stopping their incessant babbling at their friends to acknowledge that I was a human.

I always tip well no matter how shitty the service, because I know the job sucks and the waitrons depend on the tips. I can only remember deliberately stiffing one waiter, and that was because he misinterpreted my saying I wanted "the same thing" as my friend as my having said "nothing". Then, when my food still hadn't come by the time everyone else was finishing theirs I caught up with him and asked what was up, and he wouldn't believe me that I had said I wanted the same thing, but he went ahead and put the order in anyway. I think our total bill was about $150 and he got no tip for that stunt. Idiot.

[Godless Dave]

In a similar vein, your pizza delivery driver will probably not spit or sneeze on your pizza, but if you have a reputation for not tipping your pizza will be delivered last on a multi-delivery run and your soda may well have been shaken up.

[seebs]

Stupidest thing I ever saw: A man in a very un-crowded IHOP talking loudly about how stupid it would be to extend the minimum wage to waiters. I mean, we could hear him, and we were 20 feet away. There were maybe 4 tables in the whole place with people at that time of night.

[livius drusus]

Ro, both the huge party and pregnancy stories are so fucked up I can't even stand it. First of all, fucking plan for the total cost of the meal, you greedy sloths. If that means forgoing the sundaes, or, since it is Friendly's after all, forgoing everything but the sundaes, then that's what you do.

Secondly, don't you put your hands on me motherfuckers or I swear to God you'll be leaving in an ambulance waving your stumps around in a vain attempt to point me out. Bastards.

:bull:

[John Carter]

At various times in my life, I have done almost every job you can do in the restaurant business. From my experience, the people who got paid primarily in tips made more money in the long run than the rest of the staff. The good ones did, anyway. A good bartender can make more than management, and the waitron units still make more than the cooks in most midscale restaurants.

That is one hell of a horror story, Roland. It also illustrates why I will not go to a restaurant less than an hour before closing time. Its just rude. And then to stiff the server on top of everything else? That's unforgivable.

[SharonDee]

Well, you should all be proud of yourselves. After reading and contemplating this thread--dear gods, Roland!--I went to the local Cracker Barrel for breakfast and tipped my very nice waitress 40%.

She was very nice, too. I had ordered their low-carb breakfast with a side of pancake. When she saw I was putting away the eggs and pig before touching the pancake, she offered to reheat it when I was ready to eat it. Boy, if that ain't above and beyond the call... especially since they were slammed this morning.

[Dingfod]

In a similar vein, your pizza delivery driver will probably not spit or sneeze on your pizza, but if you have a reputation for not tipping your pizza will be delivered last on a multi-delivery run and your soda may well have been shaken up.That was absolutely not the case when I delivered pizza (3 different jobs). I prided myself on prompt (called myself the world's fastest pizza delivery boy) and courteous service regardless of tip (probably only got a tip about half the time). I might go the extra mile and have a bit of spring in my step when delivering to a known good tipper, but my service didn't lag for anyone, even the ones that didn't tip at all. Every trip out, I took a moment to figured out the best and fastest method of going out and returning. I didn't pick and choose my deliveries like some of the crew. Despite their picking the best ones, I often delivered twice as many pizzas as the rest of the crew and probably got more tips. If you can't tell, I loved pizza delivery.