Life sucks and then you cut yourself opening a can of tuna and die of gangrene!

[Lauri D]

Got a phone call tonight, quite unexpectedly and a long story, that my ex-father-in-law did indeed die from his ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's disease). 6 months ago.

Nobody called to tell me (at the time). Nobody invited me to the funeral, despite the fact that this man was someone I cared for and loved for six years, someone who will always live in my heart. The memory that will not leave me is that he picked me up at work to go to Greg's graduation, and it was the first time that I noticed how much weight he had lost. His hand was almost like a skeleton's on the stick shift of his car, but I did not know what to say. What does someone say in such a situation?

Then Greg split for the new "Lori" which is all well and good, but I still loved his family and felt as though my life had fallen to pieces in such a way that it could not be made whole again no matter what.

And he is dead, and no one told me, because apparently when divorce happens, you cease to exist despite the fact that you once were alive and cared.

[Lauri D]

As an aside, I wanted to testify to the fact that Cecil made a mean fucking barbequed steak and baked potato. Extra A-1 on the side as well.

Thanks for everything, C.

[JoeP]

Bummer. It's sad how people cut other people out of yet other people's lives, like they own their relationships or think that your relationship with him was conditional on your relationship with Greg.

The can of tuna is a good metaphor. (It was completely metaphorical wasn't it?)

[Lauri D]

It was indeed a metaphor, my friend :yup:

I shamelessly ripped it off from Harrison Ford in "The Mosquito Coast", also featuring the late River Phoenix and an unfortunate (albeit brief) casting of Martha Plimpton.

[JoeP]

Lauri has no shame. :appl:

And all those ex-family people are missing it. :P :tongueout: :tongue3: :nyahnyah:

[seebs]

That sucks.

I'm lucky in that my in-laws are a very inclusive family, so my sister-in-law is still my sister-in-law, even though she's actually my brother-in-law's ex-girlfriend from before the first marriage. But she's still family, dammit. (Partially because the parents adopted her. I mean, there's no paperwork or anything... But we all know.)

[livius drusus]

I don't know what's worse: that nobody in the family picked up the phone or sent a card or something, or that Greg continues to display the kind of coldness and callousness I thought the exclusive province of high school boyfriends and sociopaths.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Lauri. :badday:

[Dingfod]

It could be worse, nobody told me my maternal grandfather died when I was away on summer wheat harvest when I was 17. When I ran away from home for a few weeks that September* my mother was deathly afraid (no pun intended) I would go out to Kingman to see him and find out that way. I admit I thought about doing that at the time but did not because I was afraid he would just tell me to go home. I hadn't seen him in a few years so I really didn't know if he'd take me in for a while. But, no I didn't find out when I got back home either, I found out he died after Xmas came that year when I asked why we didn't get a the traditional Xmas card and Knotts Berry Farm package from him. Talk about devastating, it was the start of my black sheepness. I miss that old gypsy pirate**.

* My girlfriend had just told me during the heat of passion in the backseat of my car "I want to have your baby." My parents told me we were moving to Oklahoma. My parents had confiscated most of my earnings from my first two years of harvest to pay farm debts off, then they were telling me I couldn't buy a motorcycle with the money I had earned that year. So, being a thoroughly confused and dazed teenager, I did the ony thing I could think of at the time, I ran away from home.

**One visit out there when we were kids, Grandad Sam was up fixing breakfast, cutting slices off a slab of bacon with a long curved knife. My sister Laura asked him if he was a pirate. He told us, with a twinkle in his pale gray eyes, he was a gypsy pirate. With his dark brown skin (1/4 Cherokee), the gray eyes and the ornery look to him, we believed him 100%.

[beyelzu]

damn, lauri.

I cant believe how much that fucking sucks.

I would suggest firebombing, but I have already given that advice this week.


:sadcheer:

well, I think you rock for what it's worth.

[LadyShea]

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry that Gregg is such an infantile fuckwad.

[Legs]

I can't believe you didn't find out for 6 months! How awful.

Do you feel any guilt about not checking in on him yourself? If you were not really close to that family anymore I think it was up to them to contact you.

I am sure your ex-FIL knew you loved him.

[LadyShea]

I can't believe you didn't find out for 6 months! How awful.

Do you feel any guilt about not checking in on him yourself? If you were not really close to that family anymore I think it was up to them to contact you.

Her ex didn't even tell her he had cancelled her health insurance, though he had agreed to carry it until the divorce was final. He also filed his taxes separately, IIRC, after agreeing to a joint filing...again without telling Lauri. This was not an oversight, this was another petty "fuck you" from a big, selfish baby.

[Legs]

Ahh.. so this is a pattern of behavior. Well, being that it is all over now perhaps you can find some comfort in being spared the ordeal of the funeral and facing all your ex-family? I know you would have gone, it would be the right thing to do, I am just trying to find a positive in a negative here.

[viscousmemories]

I'm so sorry, Lauri. I hope you're feeling a little better today. :hug:

[Sonnet]

I'm so sorry... and fuck Greg. Dick.
:whup:

[CARLA]

:( What a shame.. I'm so sorry this happened. :hugsmile:

It is odd that once you divorce someone, you become dead :chin: Contact with inlaws, and all other families just stops. I envy those that stay in contact with their X's families..I know we do it for the children most of the time. :chin:

[JoeP]

I'm so sorry... and fuck Greg. Dick.
:whup:
Aside: Sonnet: do I see a faint glimmer of stars in your avatar? And Jeff's initials? It's touching and dignified. {{{Sonnet}}}

[pescifish]

Lauri, I bet he'd like your tribute to his steak grilling prowess. It sucks that you have to go through your grief out of step with the situation (and alone). I would bet your ex's family don't all share his dipwad sense of exclusion. If I were them, I'd sorely miss your company, especially during such times.

(...and Sonnet, it is good to see you and it is a great new av.)