Thread to complain about shit

[Godless Dave]

Since livius has practically ordered us to post-slut and since I love to complain, I'm starting a thread about shit that is bugging me.

Serious stuff:

I think I ran over a cat on the way to work tonight. I was driving on a busy residential street and saw something out of the corner of my eye dart in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes but it was too late and I heard a light *thunk* sound. I wouldn't care nearly as much if it were a squirrel or rabbit, but I'm pretty sure they are all hibernating or whatever they do in the winter. And it seemed to move like a cat, as far as I could tell in the fraction of a second I saw it. No, I didn't stop to check. What could I have done if I had?

FUCK.

This is the major reason I don't let my cat outside: there is too much traffic in this part of the city. Goddamn irresponsible pet owners.

Less serious stuff:

I don't complain about my family much here because this forum is public and I make no secret of my real identity. So I'll just say this: dammit, Mom, if you're going to worry about every little thing I tell you I'm going to stop telling you stuff. Yes, working third shift might be bad for my mental health. But if so, playing 20 questions with you about trivial shit (what time I eat? WTF?) is not going to help. Not that it's any of your fucking business anyway. No, I'm not lonely. It only seems that way to you because I didn't tell you about the girl I've been casually seeing because it's none of your fucking business.

Trivial stuff:

If you've read this far you're probably confused. You're asking yourself, isn't it long past time for Godless Dave to complain about not having a girlfriend? Right you are. But just to change things up this week, I'm going to complain about having a girlfriend.

I met this nice young lady about a month ago. Last weekend we went to dinner and saw Lewis Black perform (funny as fucking hell by the way). For this weekend she suggested we make dinner and rent a movie. OK, so she wants to stay in, cool. Then she asks, your place or mine? That sort of seems like inviting herself to my place, which rubs me the wrong way, on the other hand last weekend was the first time she invited me to her house, so maybe I should reciprocate. But the catch is the cooking dinner: first of all, I don't cook on demand. Second, it sounds like she wants to cook dinner together. I don't do that at my house. If I'm cooking in my kitchen, any guests in my house are expected to pour themselves a glass of wine and stay the hell out of my way, dammit. It's not because my kitchen is small (though it is), it's because cooking is a solo activity for me. Yes, I'm being idiosyncratic and petty. Livius made me do it.

[Petra]

I don't have anything to comnplain about right now. Life is great!


Oh, except for my boobies, that is...they could use a little inflating, y'know.

[Petra]

OK, so she wants to stay in, cool. Then she asks, your place or mine? That sort of seems like inviting herself to my place, which rubs me the wrong way, on the other hand last weekend was the first time she invited me to her house, so maybe I should reciprocate. But the catch is the cooking dinner: first of all, I don't cook on demand. Second, it sounds like she wants to cook dinner together. I don't do that at my house. If I'm cooking in my kitchen, any guests in my house are expected to pour themselves a glass of wine and stay the hell out of my way, dammit. It's not because my kitchen is small (though it is), it's because cooking is a solo activity for me. Yes, I'm being idiosyncratic and petty.

Yes, you are being idiosyncratic and petty! Loosen up, man! As they say, the couple that plays together, stays together. Even when the play is in the kitchen! :P

[Godless Dave]

I guess I understand that point of view, but to me offering to help me cook is like offering to help me write a song. Some things I just prefer to do on my own.

Weren't you going to bed? You have to be responsible now that you're employed!

[Petra]

I was going to bed. I need to go to bed. But I'm all hyper an' shit. Help me...please... :alarm:

[Godless Dave]

/me gives lunachick a deep muscle massage

[Brimshack]

Oka, I never complained about this at the time, but I should have. Let's tak about the most annoying and expensive ticket I ever got.

I was living in Fort Defiance, AZ at the time, and shopping was mostly done in Gallup NM. One night on my way back from Gallup I got pulled over and received about a $60.00 ticket. It seemed like he could have let it go, but I was speeding, so what the heck! I was moving to Flagstaff around that week and other things held my attention (and my pocket-book) for awhile, not the least of which being a mountain biking accident resulting in a slightly fractured vertibrate, a torn rotator cuff, lots of abrassions, and I believe a concussion (docs didn't care about that part) ...followed by 2 weeks of drugged up delerium. When I was back on my feet I hauled the ticket out to figure out where I needed to send the money, and I found that there were 3 separate adressed listed for the destination to send a check. Each had a box marked next to it, and clearly the cop was supposed to have checked one. Only he didn't. I was just past the due date, and I figured I still had time to get it in with a late fee and take care of the problem.

So, I made a number of calls from my new home in Flagstaff, all long distance, and none 800 numbers. None of the courts had a record of the ticket, and neither did the New Mexico DMV. So now what? That's what I asked the last lady that I talked to, and she explained that the ticket was probably voided as it hadn't been filled out properly. I said I liked that prospect, but I wanted to know how I could be sure that was the case. If the ticket was active, I wanted to take care of it before I got in any real trouble.

As it happens I still had a Nevada drivers' license, so the lady said that if the ticket was not voided, Nevada would eventually be notified and they would revoke my license. I asked if there was a way to avoid this, and she suggested that I wait a couple weeks for the ticket to enter their records, and then call the Nevada DMV. If they had no record of it by then I was free and clear. If they did, then perhaps I could head off the revocation at that point. So, I waited a couple weeks, and tried calling a Nevada DMV. ...Imposible! I tried Las Vegas, I tried Reno, I tried every frigging Nevada DMV number I could track down, and I could not get through any of them. Phone routing systems that took half an hour to negotiate and no-one picked up after I finally got the right slot. In some cases I got to leave a message, but that was never answered, and almost none of these 800 numbers. If I spent 2 hours trying to get someone to pick up, I racked up a 2 hour long distance call doing that.

After trying for literally an entire day, and getting no-one, I called my sister who lives in Henderson, NV, to ask if she knew of a good number to call. She told me that the DMV had reached an all-time low on inefficiency, that people were arriving at the DMV at 8am and leaving at 5 with a pass to cut in line, and that no-one was getting through on the phones. It was apparently something of a local crisis, and had all but brouught their DMV to a complete hault. Oh well! So, I passed by another month, just waiting for a letter revoking my license. The phone bill for the month I made all the calls was inflated by around a hundred dollars. ...Should have used the mail, but I really hadn't thought it would be such a problem. Oh well!

So, I next decided to get a new license for Arizona. I half expected to be bounced at that point, but no, they let me through. I decided I was free and clear, and forgot about it.

Roll 5 years off, and this summer I get a ticket for a local court on the reservation. I know the Justice of the Peace, and he waved the fine (without me asking him to, yipee!), and I figure I'm okay. Then a couple weeks later I get a notice that my Arizona license has been revoked, because Nevada has me down as having a revoked license. I call Nevada (45 minute wait - much better than 5 years earlier), and sure enough they tell me I have an unpaid ticket in New Mexico. I call New Mexico and they have no idea what I am talking about. They can't find the ticket by searching my name, my social security number, or the serial numbers on the ticket. they tell me to forget about it, and I tell tem I CANNOT forget about it, because that's what I need to get Nevada to clear my old license so that I can get my Arizona license back.

Finally the worker puts me on hold for about 15 more minutes, and comes back with a record that looks like it might have been my ticket. It has my first name and some bizarre last name. It has my address, but someone else's Social Security Number. It ooks like too many mistakes to be a simple brain fart, but clearly it has something to do with me. We figure the cop must have somehow combined my information with someone else's on the same ticket, or perhaps someone just entered it that way. She tells me that New Mexico considers it void. I ask her to FAX me a statement to that effect. I call Nevada, they tell me they need the notice sent directly to them, and that since I clearly owed someone a ticket I needed t pay it anyway. I tell them that's New Mexico's call, and if New Mexico doesn't want the money, there is nothing I can do about it. I call New Mexico back, and they send a notice to Nevada. I call Nevada again and they finally clear my license. I pay another $50 or so in phone bills for that month and go buy myself another Drivers' license.

All in all this one petty-ass ticket cost me several days of frustration and at least $200.00 total dollars. ...for a ticket I never had to pay it was an expensie mother fucker.

ARRRRRGH!

[kensloft]

My Staffordshire has the rankest shit I've ever smelt. He makes me take him out two or three times a day to drop his smelly turds. Then he creates a fan by scratching his paws on the grass or pavement making the smell stay where it is while he laughs( I see the fuck smiling) while I am gagging, picking up his sorry-ass smelly feces.

His high point of glee occurs when he pulls the double shit on one walk trip. :glare:

He's got no couth and fleas in the summer. What can I do?

Stuck in T.O. with Zeus? :D

[livius drusus]

I don't see anything wrong with telling a dinner guest you prefer to cook alone. Assuming she can see you/communicate with you while you're in the kitchen, that is. Of course, it would be horribly rude to leave her alone while you cook.

But enough about you. My forehead itches. Fucking winter dries the hell out of my skin.

[Dingfod]

I shoveled horseshit for four hours Monday. Bobdammit, I'm still sore. Bobdammit, I'm out of shape.

For every yang, there's a yin, endorphins.

[AspenMama]

Serious stuff:
And it seemed to move like a cat, as far as I could tell in the fraction of a second I saw it. No, I didn't stop to check. What could I have done if I had?
Sorry to hear that. I suppose you could have tried to take it to a local vet. That really sucks though.

So I'll just say this: dammit, Mom, if you're going to worry about every little thing I tell you I'm going to stop telling you stuff.
That's your mom's job. Mothers can be annoying that way, but also they can be quite helpful in times of need. I'm 39 and I still tell my mother nearly everything and must often suffer unwanted advice. But damn I'm glad I've got her around-- I'd be a mess without her.

I met this nice young lady about a month ago.
Cool!
Then she asks, your place or mine? That sort of seems like inviting herself to my place, which rubs me the wrong way,
Eh, she was just curious.

Second, it sounds like she wants to cook dinner together.
Perhaps she was being polite and would actually love to just have that glass of wine while watching you do the work. It's a bit sexy to watch a guy cook who can cook well. ;)

Yes, I'm being idiosyncratic and petty. No you're not. You are being unique and yourself!

[AspenMama]

All in all this one petty-ass ticket cost me several days of frustration and at least $200.00 total dollars. ...for a ticket I never had to pay it was an expensie mother fucker.

ARRRRRGH!
Damn, I will never complain about my $20 parking tickets again!

[AspenMama]

My Staffordshire has the rankest shit I've ever smelt. He makes me take him out two or three times a day to drop his smelly turds. Then he creates a fan by scratching his paws on the grass or pavement making the smell stay where it is while he laughs( I see the fuck smiling) while I am gagging, picking up his sorry-ass smelly feces.

His high point of glee occurs when he pulls the double shit on one walk trip. :glare:

He's got no couth and fleas in the summer. What can I do?

Stuck in T.O. with Zeus? :D

Buy him better food! Move to a dry climate like Colorado where there is no flea problem or buy those pills dogs take internally to help repel fleas.

[AspenMama]

Okay-- my turn to complain-- I don't know whether to quit my job or wait for the axe. It's stressing me to the point of being sick to my stomach every day going to work. Luna got a new job and I didn't. :( I've been through 2 second round interviews for two separate companies only to be told they decided to re-open the search with new job descriptions. This past year my debt has been getting out of hand. I'm worried about keeping my house if I don't find something better real soon. I've gained 4 pounds back after all the chocolate from Valentine's Day. I've got tons of laundry to do and other miscellaneous projects. I've recently blown off a couple of friends. I never have time to read anymore.

[Godless Dave]

Damn, Brimshack, that sucks!

[slimshady2357]

ceptimus stole my Simon trophy :fuming:

[wei yau]

I guess I understand that point of view, but to me offering to help me cook is like offering to help me write a song. Some things I just prefer to do on my own.


Believe me, I fully understand your position. Cooking is indeed like an art. However, I've eventually learned that having a sous chef assisting you is a tremendous benefit.

Plan the menu yourself, but have your girlfriend help with the prepartions. There are ingredients to be measured, food to be chopped, sliced, mulched, etc. Establishing the mise en place before you begin cooking is crucial to preparing a fine meal.

I always make sure that when it comes time to do the actual cooking, I'm the only one at the stove. But, up until then, any help is welcome help.

[Godless Dave]

Now I know for sure it was a cat. It was still lying in the road when I drove home this morning. A small consolation is that it looked like it died instantly. I pulled the body out of the road, but it had no tag so I couldn't notify the owner.

I just explained to my cat why I don't let her outside. She's not buying it, but it made me feel better.

[Beth]

Today is my son's birthday and I have no ride today to get his stuff. My husband blew the engine on his truck and has been using my car for the past month and a half because he cannot fid the time to put in a new engine. I had to call my mother-in-law to drive me to get the needed stuff for his b-day dinner tonight. Sigh, I hate asking her for help.

My dog tore a rip in my leather couch and we must have a mouse in the wall (time to call exterminator), the dog tried to claw through the sheet rock to get to it. There are ruts in my yard that the dog has dug and I cannot get my beagle to stop trying to challenge my neighbor's half-wolf to a fight.



Ok, I kinda suck at this.

[Dingfod]

Hmmm. Cooking and a dead cat. Do I smell a recipe?

[viscousmemories]

Then she asks, your place or mine? That sort of seems like inviting herself to my place, which rubs me the wrong way[...]
"Your place or mine?" doesn't strike me as inviting herself to your place. "Okay, what time should I show up?" would be inviting herself to your place.

I've got nothing to complain about today. Someone mark a calendar.

[Beth]

Dammit! I just heated up some biscuts from last nights dinner in the microwave with butter and maple syrup smothered all over it. I was anticipating a buttery, sweet, yummy confection worthy of breaking the rules against eating a lot of sugar at once. I took a bite and thought, "Hmm, tastes strange, smells strange." I took another bite, thinking maybe the butter was bad, then the smell of garlic hit me. I made the freaking biscuits with several cloves of pressed garlic and three ounches of diced pepper jack cheese. :doh: Dangit! I was really looking forward to it, too.:cry:

[JoeP]

Glad to see some people are actually staying on topic.

I hate shit. Stinks, and damn hard to clean off carpets.

[JoeP]

But enough about you. My forehead itches. Fucking winter dries the hell out of my skin.
Liv: me too. Moisturising soap, or even better, moisturising shower gel. (Didn't we have a thread about essential bathroom products some months ago?)

[JoeP]

Of course, it's not winter at the moment and not at all dry. :muahaha:

[livius drusus]

No need to, erm, rub it in.

[godfry n. glad]

I hate the smug February attitude of those in the southern hemisphere.

Other than that, I spent last weekend moaning and puking. The entire weekend.

[lisarea]

But enough about you. My forehead itches. Fucking winter dries the hell out of my skin.

Arrr! Me too. I am almost itched to death. I have never had dry skin before like this, so I know it's not just winter. I think I might be getting OLD or something!

Anyway, try grinding up some oatmeal really fine to wash your face with. I mix it with this fake store brand version of Cetaphil, and it makes me feel a lot less like Joan Rivers.

[JoeP]

If you're talking about the thread topic, a dog with a fungal infection will happily rub it in. If you're talking about moisturising soap, I'll come over and rub it into your back.

godfry, sorry. But it's really quite nice here. And it sounds like you had a good party on Friday...?

[livius drusus]

Ooh, good tip, lisarea. I'm totally doing that as soon as you tell me what the hell Cetaphil is.

I'm sorry to hear about your wretched weekend, godfry. I'd :huggle: you, but I wouldn't want to make you :puke:.

[Godless Dave]

Winter dries my skin out too, but not the skin on my forehead. I don't think my forehead has been dry since I turned 14.

[wei yau]

My fingertips dry and start to peel in the winter.

When it gets pretty ragged, I like to lightly brush my fingertips one my wife's forearm. The ragged flaps of dead skin caressing ever so softly.

It really skeeves her out.

This makes me happy.

[Beth]

It was freaking 80 degrees today-in February! I had to wear a freaking mini skirt and sandles to cope with the heat. Almost too hot to wear my leather jacket in the store! It is evil to have 80 degree weather when it should be snowing!

[godfry n. glad]

godfry, sorry. But it's really quite nice here. And it sounds like you had a good party on Friday...?

I certainly wish I'd had such an excuse. Nope...it was a viral infection.

[Brimshack]

Dammit!

The College wants me to do another research project. It sounds interesting, but the shear quantity of red tape here makes it virtually impossible to get anything done. Good sense says I should say no, but I'll probably get sucked into it, because I am a total fucking moron!

[godfry n. glad]

I'm sorry to hear about your wretched weekend, godfry. I'd :huggle: you, but I wouldn't want to make you :puke:.

That's okay... I'm muuuuuuch better, now.

[Dragar]

Cats. Don't talk to me about cats.

[Corona688]

Couple things...

For the last month I've been working with perl scripts to build a database system for this business we're starting up; customers, employees, inventory, calls, who's handling the calls, money, taxes, etc. It's fairly complete at the moment, but they don't want it running on my machine, they want it running on D's, so I've spent the last 2 days porting it over.

Wasn't as difficult as I thought, just go in, create the tables, change the database and username and it ought to work, and it does... sort of. Have to reconfigure apache to tighten up his totally insecure setup, and what's that freakish 2-second delay? What kind of machine is his server anyway?

A Pentium. A blasted Pentium-I with 128MB of RAM, burdened down with BIND, mysqld, apache, proftpd, smtpd, and a torrent-server like some kind of freakish computational Nodwick. Arrrgh. Why the hell do they want it there? I've got a midterm tomorrow, and though I think I'll be ready for it, don't ask me if I'm happy.

[godfry n. glad]

Shitforbrains drivers who converse on their cellphones while driving. :fuming:

[Dingfod]

Glad to see some people are actually staying on topic.No shit.

Our horses produce a lot of horseshit. Some people seem to like spreading horseshit on their gardens. I thought, for just a moment, hey, that there's a money making idear. That was until I found out you can get a 50 pound bag of horseshit for $1.99 at the local farm and garden store. Hell, that's not even enough to be worth my time for shoveling it into bags. It must be from one of those large scale shitmining ventures. Turns out to be like most of my shitty scheme, utter shit.

[godfry n. glad]

All too many dog owners who, when "walking the dog" leave shit behind.

"Walking the dog" is an all too common euphamism for "taking the dog to shit on somebody else's property."

[Barefoot Bree]

My ditzy, shit-for-brains coworker. Oh, dog, how I loathe that woman sometimes. She's lucky we work in different physical spaces, or she'd be dead by now. I have barely enough patience with her blathering over AIM - at least I can cool off before my fingers start typing.

Today she asks me, out of the blue: "Did you see that message about new USB device found?"

Me: "Say what? You mean an email?" (We both get email through the same main company account, as well as our personal accounts, and she's always talking about them without much introduction.)

Her: "On my computer screen. It said something about finding a new USB device, so I clicked OK and it went away."

Right. I am sitting in my home office, 300 miles away from you, and you think I saw an error message on YOUR computer screen?

How. Fucking. Stupid. Can. One. Person. BE??????

I swear, I am NOT making this up. I have lots more stories like this, too. And you wonder why I spend time typing Silly Songs? It's a stress-reducer - THIS silly shit I can control!

[Crumb]

I hate my shitty job! Why did I go 25,000 dollars into debt for this? I should go back into software, except now I haven't worked in that industry in 4 years! :cry: I don't think anyone would want to hire me. So I spend my time reading anything and everything I can find (and watching movies) so I don't have to think about my life right now.

Carry on....

[CARLA]

http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/image.php?u=31&dateline=1107954996 BETH... THIS AVITAR IS DISTURBING TO ME.. WHAT IS IT..??? :D :D I HOPE YOUR SONS BIRTHDAY WAS GREAT.. :wave:

http://www.cetaphil.com/ Livius, her is a link the CETAPHIL.COM Welcome to Cetaphil®, where healthy skin is always in!

Face it, the healthier your skin is — the better it looks. That’s where Cetaphil® comes in. Get the latest buzz on our healthy skin essentials. Adopt a daily skin care regimen sure to get results. Pick up important information on skin and health. Share your Cetaphil® experience — or join our Cetaphil® Skin Care Club™. When it comes to glowing healthy skin — we’ve got you covered from head to toe. http://www.cetaphil.com/Images/Home/img_product_6_roll.jpg

OK what is really pissing me off.

1. This past month my radio in my car isn't working.. just drives me nuts.. it comes on, then goes off.. I know what I need to do to fix it.. and that pisses me off even more.. :whup: :whup:

2. I'm sick of the rain, we have have triple the rain here in San Diego.. I don't do well in GRAY WEATHER. I become angry, and want to hurt people.. :doh: :doh: Not really..

3. The FRINKIN AC at work.. It's a daily fight... this one is to cold, I'm to hot... It just never is right.. I want to kill the AC guy.. Every time he does something, it only get worse.. I have on my desk now a FAN, and a HEATER.. You would think they could get the damn thing right..!! :whup:

KENSLOFT, BUMMER!!! get the dog on a less stinky food..http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/1/1_4_127.gif

OK THAT'S MY RANT. :yup: :yup:

[Dingfod]

http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/image.php?u=31&dateline=1107954996 BETH... THIS AVITAR IS DISTURBING TO ME.. WHAT IS IT..??? :D :D I called it a sabre-tooth pengato, part penquin, part cat (gato - sp.), part something else, something with big teeth.

[xouper]

Is this for real? I can post any old complaint I want in this thread?

OK, here goes.

Claus Flodin Larsen is again behaving like an irrational little shit on the SkepticalCommunity forum.

[livius drusus]

Again? It must be a day that ends in "y".

[seebs]

Okay, complaint.

Lemme put it in the simplest possible terms: I have a stack of bills about 2" thick that I can't pay, because I have about -$50 in my bank account.

It's not that I haven't been working. It's that there's various unpredictable delays in me getting paid.

Let me tell you how I get paid, by the largest single source of money-owed-to-me.

I talk to an editor, and we agree on something I will write, and a Statement of Work is issued. This is sent to the third-party company that will actually write the check, and to my agent, and to me. I write the article. Then a Proof of Work is sent to my agent, and to the third-party company. My agent then has to match the PoW to an SoW and generate an invoice for the other company. Then they pay the invoice, and my agent turns around and pays me.

There are some quirks. Let's say I sell a three-part series. We will get one SoW for it, but then we get three different PoWs, except sometimes we'll just get one for the whole series. But my agent has to send three separate invoices!

So. Assuming I'm allowed to paper over the editing passes on a couple of articles (figure, someone will read the article, change six words, and send it to me with questions which may involve a whole ten minutes of work to clean it up), how much work have I done?

$48,850.

$900 of that is reimbursements for expenses. The rest is actual money earned, of which the agent will get 15%, so really, I'm only owed $41,657.50.

That's the complainy part.

On the other hand, if we imagine for the sake of argument that I were to get paid, I would be closer to "out of debt" than I have been for probably five or six years. The Federal Government owes me nearly $4,000 in tax refund this year, because I was paying estimated taxes (admittedly, a little low) on my earnings, and I never actually got any of the money.

Which leads me to a second issue.

My federal taxable income last year was $803.

My federal taxes, including "self-employment tax", were $1,100 or so. In fact, the self-employment tax alone was over $1,000.

In short, I am paying more money into social security than I'm earning! This is only about half true; in fact, I did earn a lot of money, and I had boatloads of deductions; because my writing is a business, my business expenses were huge.

Oh, another thing to complain about: The federal government is now taking an extra 2% of all writers' income, pretty much. Writers have agents. Agents take 15% of the money. (This is close enough to standardized to be sort of amazing, really.) It used to be that your income was what your agent sent you... But no more. Now your income is what the agent collects, and the 15% is an expense... But your self-employment tax is paid on it, too.

... Did I mention that I hate the self-employment tax? There is deep irony in the realization that my mother, who is now collecting on my dad's social security, is being forced to send me money so I can buy food, partially because I had to send my food money in to pay for social security.

[seebs]

BTW, Cetaphil rocks. I don't know why any other moisturizing stuff even bothers to exist. Cetaphil is the only stuff in the entire world that doesn't leave your hands greasy, just... well, less dry.

[Petra]

Luna got a new job and I didn't. :( I've been through 2 second round interviews for two separate companies only to be told they decided to re-open the search with new job descriptions. This past year my debt has been getting out of hand. I'm worried about keeping my house if I don't find something better real soon. I've gained 4 pounds back after all the chocolate from Valentine's Day. I've got tons of laundry to do and other miscellaneous projects. I've recently blown off a couple of friends. I never have time to read anymore.


Shit, AspenMama, I don't know why, but I really thought you'd got the job you were initially after. I'm so sorry. :(

You're a smart, educated, capable and dignified woman. I honestly don't understand why this is happening for you this way. I really wish I could help. :sadcheer:

[Petra]

GD, you need to start a deep muscle massage business for everyone here. (I recommend him, folks, he's great!)


I almost feel bad that I'm so happy. :sadcheer:

[Godless Dave]

Seebs, were you being sarcastic about $41,000 being "paltry"? Because that's about what I make in a year, before taxes. (Actually with health insurance benefits I make $42,200/year). Of course, they have to pay me every two weeks, not months or years after I've completed the work.

[kensloft]

My Staffordshire has the rankest shit I've ever smelt. He makes me take him out two or three times a day to drop his smelly turds. Then he creates a fan by scratching his paws on the grass or pavement making the smell stay where it is while he laughs( I see the fuck smiling) while I am gagging, picking up his sorry-ass smelly feces.

His high point of glee occurs when he pulls the double shit on one walk trip. :glare:

He's got no couth and fleas in the summer. What can I do?

Stuck in T.O. with Zeus? :D

Buy him better food! Move to a dry climate like Colorado where there is no flea problem or buy those pills dogs take internally to help repel fleas.


There's not a butcher in the neighbourhood that doesn't know him. He has bones coming out the wahoo. :blush: Even the expensive dog food stinks :doh: . The bones and all the other stuff comes out like rabbit poop. Round pellets. Big round pellets.

:chin: You are right and I am going to move to the mountains. The Rockies in British Columbia.

Every summer he goes without fleas but just as the flea season leaves he gets 'em.

Thank you fer splainin' my iggerence :bow: :bow: :bow:

Stuck In T.O.(soon to be BC) with Zeus

[seebs]

Seebs, were you being sarcastic about $41,000 being "paltry"? Because that's about what I make in a year, before taxes. (Actually with health insurance benefits I make $42,200/year). Of course, they have to pay me every two weeks, not months or years after I've completed the work.

Ah, fuck. I was in fact being sarcastic... And I'm not supposed to, because I gave up sarcasm for lent. Editing.

My expenses are high. I run a small ISP as a hobby, I have a mortgage... And, of course, my spouse is non-earning, and unlikely to make money through conventional means. (Best we could hope for would be book publication, I suspect.) But... The net result is that 75k, with health benefits, was about breakeven for me. I've actually been learning a lot about controlling spending. I just don't go into bookstores anymore... But even then, our plain old house and utilities are pretty substantial expenses anyway. (I think last month's heating+electrical was $672 or so. But that represents an unusual circumstance involving our door.)

[kensloft]

Okay-- my turn to complain-- I don't know whether to quit my job or wait for the axe. It's stressing me to the point of being sick to my stomach every day going to work. Luna got a new job and I didn't. :( I've been through 2 second round interviews for two separate companies only to be told they decided to re-open the search with new job descriptions. This past year my debt has been getting out of hand. I'm worried about keeping my house if I don't find something better real soon. I've gained 4 pounds back after all the chocolate from Valentine's Day. I've got tons of laundry to do and other miscellaneous projects. I've recently blown off a couple of friends. I never have time to read anymore.
If worse comes to worst wouldn't it be advisable to down size the living arrangement? Different house: smaller mortgage.

[koan]

I'm pissed off because the shit I'm dealing with is so nasty I can't even tell it on a public forum.

The things I can mention:

I took a homeless teenager into my home who suffers bipolar disorder. I am helping her learn how to cope and survive in the world and most the people I know think I am stupid for doing it. One of the people who thinks I'm stupid refused to continue providing daycare for my daughter because she cared too much about her and couldn't deal with knowing this girl was in my home. What? So now I have no daycare as a single mom. How is this caring?

I have been recovering from a lower back injury for the last three weeks. I couldn't even lie on my back for a week. I had to lie on my stomach ontop of a body pillow. Now my arms hurt too from propping myself up to type on the computer. I only have one fully functional limb (my right leg).

On top of having been off work. I couldn't afford to pay worker's comp for coverage due to switching careers and various struggles so I have no income and the last two jobs I did are putting my invoices in the "pay last" file.

I owe the govt 1600 in GST because they won't credit the payments made in the next tax year??? and my accountant put me in the "file last" file.

I just found out my boyfriend has the stinkiest dog in Canada and its coming to live with me.

But I'm happy.

[kensloft]

Now I know for sure it was a cat. It was still lying in the road when I drove home this morning. A small consolation is that it looked like it died instantly. I pulled the body out of the road, but it had no tag so I couldn't notify the owner.

I just explained to my cat why I don't let her outside. She's not buying it, but it made me feel better.
How sad. It is always sad to kill some animal accidentally. It is nice to hear that you tried to find the owner and let him know what had happened to his missing feline. Removing its body from the raod is the last respect that you could show it. :bow: :bow: :bow:

[Godless Dave]

To be honest I didn't try all that hard to find the owner. But I really wanted to move it out of the street because it had been there for nine hours (and miraculously not gotten completely crushed).

Further thoughts re Mom: It's one thing to be worried, but it annoys the shit out of me that she extrapolates from the tone of my voice that I'm having a "life crisis" (her words). Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood or am tired. It also doesn't help that I can't really tell her about the things in my life that are interesting (to me) without her dismissing them as trivial or strange. I don't expect her to be excited that I got laid last weekend or that I'm down to an ounce of weed a month, but it would be nice if I could mention my new computer without her turning it into a discussion about career prospects. But it could be much worse; just one of those things that bug me.

Re the cooking thing: I get pretty stressed out about cooking and even more so about cleaning my kitchen up before hand (right now I can't even make a bowl of cereal), but mystery woman has no way of knowing that.

[pescifish]

Must resist Posting While Cranky. Must resist. Must resist...

[Lauri D]

Must resist Posting While Cranky. Must resist. Must resist...
Erm... isn't that kind of what this thread is for though? :chin:

[livius drusus]

Yeah! I'm going to have to complain about pesci thinking better of her cranky posts all the time. I keep missing all the good stuff, dammit.

[Ex-zombie]

I am going to rant about those damn pop tabs on cat food. I bought my new kitten about twenty small cans each one adorned with a pop tab or whatever the hell they are called. On four of the cans when I lifted the tab instead of opening the can the tab itself popped off. I just shoved those cans back in the cupboard. Today those four cans were all that was left.

I decided to get the pliers and pull on the little tab to open the can. It was a brilliant idea! So I pulled with the pliers and the contents of the can exploded all over me. I even had this oily salmony crap end up in my hair. A load of laundry and a shower later I am still fuming. :fuming:

[livius drusus]

But I bet your kitten loves you even more than she did before. So, um, not to give you something else to complain about or anything, but why didn't you just use a can opener?

[lisarea]

I am going to complain about stupid fuckassed Qwest.

For now, just this one stupid thing:

So, we have voicemail. If I call another number with voicemail, including the air quality advisory number, my credit union's automated telephone service, and I think the atomic clock, and then I hang up at some specific point during the message, the fucking voice mail system calls me back. Sometimes, it is still playing the message I was listening to, and sometimes it rings or just has dead air.

And it bugs me.

I think I might know what it is. I know some PBXes have a feature you can turn on or off that allows for callbacks so people use them to reverse charges to a cheaper line or something. It's probably something like that. But it still pisses me off.

Plus once, a long time ago, I had to call customer service at Qwest about something else, and I mentioned this while we were waiting for their slowassed system to pull something up, and the guy, I swear, accused me of making it up.

Anyway, that part happened a long time ago. Right now, I am just mad that some voicemail system just called me back just to make annoying noises in my ear.

If anybody wants, I can probably remember some other things about Qwest that piss me off.

[wei yau]

I'm gonna have to complain about being a single Dad this weekend. Actually, I mean, I'm gonna have to complain about having to work on the same weekend I need to be a single Dad.

The wife is off on a business trip this weekend. So, it's just me and the kid. Normally, that'd be great. But, I have a deadline on Tuesday that can only be met by working this weekend.

So, now I'll have to work while she's napping or asleep for the night. Which means late nights all weekend long.

[Corona688]

My cellphone is one of those tiny new ones and doesn't get any reception worth shit. My friend has one of those large older ones, and it even works deep inside the U of R classroom building behind 20 feet of concrete and rebar. I asked him if he wanted to trade. He didn't.

[The Lone Ranger]

We're all going to die.

Eventually, the Sun will expand into a red giant and incinerate the Earth. Even if we manage to survive that long as a species without first annihilating ourselves with nuclear weapons or our foolish refusal to deal with the consequences of our environmental recklessness, all life on Earth will end. Eventually, all the stars will go out, and the Universe will be a cold and utterly lifeless thing.

Dangit! That sounds like shoddy design to me. Why wasn't I consulted on any of this?

[Ex-zombie]

But I bet your kitten loves you even more than she did before. So, um, not to give you something else to complain about or anything, but why didn't you just use a can opener?



Did you miss me saying, It was a brilliant idea! That was meant to be sarcastic. :yup:

[wei yau]

But I bet your kitten loves you even more than she did before. So, um, not to give you something else to complain about or anything, but why didn't you just use a can opener?



Did you miss me saying, It was a brilliant idea! That was meant to be sarcastic. :yup:

Oh, I just figured that the can opener wouldn't give you the kind of gripping power that pliers would, you'd have to have a tight hold on the lid to pull it open.

[lisarea]

Like, twenty minutes ago, the Little Muffin's cellphone starts ringing, about four times in a row. All different people.

He says to me, "Some people are probably stopping over."

I say, "Oh. Who?"

He says, "Different people. [names a few]"

The doorbell rings. The doorbell rings again. I think it's just open now, because the door keeps opening and closing, and I can hear the big herd of whippersnappers in the living room, and I am hiding back in the office.

I'm scared.

OK. Now I am hearing cars. I think they're leaving.

Nope. Just honking a lot.

Wait. No. Not leaving. Someone else showed up.

OK.

Now. Now I think they're leaving.

*phew*

That was tense.

I'll bet that post was just like some kind of cinema verite thing or something, all in real time with the gritty, realistic footage and all.

I am a little tweaked that the Little Muffin didn't tell me he was going to have some kind of crazy internet swarm or whatever that was. He knows what a delicate little flower I am.

I should totally call him and tell him he's a butt.

[kensloft]

Today is my son's birthday and I have no ride today to get his stuff. My husband blew the engine on his truck and has been using my car for the past month and a half because he cannot fid the time to put in a new engine. I had to call my mother-in-law to drive me to get the needed stuff for his b-day dinner tonight. Sigh, I hate asking her for help.

My dog tore a rip in my leather couch and we must have a mouse in the wall (time to call exterminator), the dog tried to claw through the sheet rock to get to it. There are ruts in my yard that the dog has dug and I cannot get my beagle to stop trying to challenge my neighbor's half-wolf to a fight.



Ok, I kinda suck at this.

Hope he had a great Birthday. Happy delayed Birthday to you. Happy delayed Bithday to you. Happy delayed Birthday dear son... Happy delayed birt :bow: :bow: :bow: hday to you!

[kensloft]

Hmmm. Cooking and a dead cat. Do I smell a recipe?
Where can this roadki... er... recipe food be found?? Is this American fare? Is it urban or is it countryside and backhills kind of eats? Is godless Dave from back in the hills kind o' kinda moved to the city kind o' folk? Do tell your favourite recipes? Could start a cook book?

[kensloft]

Dammit! I just heated up some biscuts from last nights dinner in the microwave with butter and maple syrup smothered all over it. I was anticipating a buttery, sweet, yummy confection worthy of breaking the rules against eating a lot of sugar at once. I took a bite and thought, "Hmm, tastes strange, smells strange." I took another bite, thinking maybe the butter was bad, then the smell of garlic hit me. I made the freaking biscuits with several cloves of pressed garlic and three ounches of diced pepper jack cheese. :doh: Dangit! I was really looking forward to it, too.:cry:
Is that a diet joke? Is this aversion therapy? Is this a new fad diet?

[kensloft]

My fingertips dry and start to peel in the winter.

When it gets pretty ragged, I like to lightly brush my fingertips one my wife's forearm. The ragged flaps of dead skin caressing ever so softly.

It really skeeves her out.

This makes me happy.
Is this post number ten? I know i've seen a lot of you but only ten? It reads dix. That's French for ten! Is this a multilingual place? Wow.

[livius drusus]

The postcount is in roman numerals, kensloft. If you hover over it you'll see the count in arabic numbers. I guess in a way that is multilingual. ;)

[kensloft]

Glad to see some people are actually staying on topic.No shit.

Our horses produce a lot of horseshit. Some people seem to like spreading horseshit on their gardens. I thought, for just a moment, hey, that there's a money making idear. That was until I found out you can get a 50 pound bag of horseshit for $1.99 at the local farm and garden store. Hell, that's not even enough to be worth my time for shoveling it into bags. It must be from one of those large scale shitmining ventures. Turns out to be like most of my shitty scheme, utter shit.
:knock:

[Dingfod]

"What is your problem?"--David Letterman

[kensloft]

http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/image.php?u=31&dateline=1107954996 BETH... THIS AVITAR IS DISTURBING TO ME.. WHAT IS IT..??? :D :D I HOPE YOUR SONS BIRTHDAY WAS GREAT.. :wave:

KENSLOFT, BUMMER!!! get the dog on a less stinky food..

OK THAT'S MY RANT. :yup: :yup:


Peas 'n' carrots coming up. Yuh just had to point it out boldly di'in't cha! Couldn't let it slide. It's not the nutrition... it's the shitty food. It's the shitty cheap food! OK. I don't want an argument. I'll switch over. No problemo! Thanks for pointing out that my funny story wasn't. :fuming: :bow: :bow: :bow:

[kensloft]

To be honest I didn't try all that hard to find the owner. But I really wanted to move it out of the street because it had been there for nine hours (and miraculously not gotten completely crushed).

Further thoughts re Mom: It's one thing to be worried, but it annoys the shit out of me that she extrapolates from the tone of my voice that I'm having a "life crisis" (her words). Sometimes I'm just in a bad mood or am tired. It also doesn't help that I can't really tell her about the things in my life that are interesting (to me) without her dismissing them as trivial or strange. I don't expect her to be excited that I got laid last weekend or that I'm down to an ounce of weed a month, but it would be nice if I could mention my new computer without her turning it into a discussion about career prospects. But it could be much worse; just one of those things that bug me.

Re the cooking thing: I get pretty stressed out about cooking and even more so about cleaning my kitchen up before hand (right now I can't even make a bowl of cereal), but mystery woman has no way of knowing that.


Ahhh? The old kitchen not up to snuff routine. Got a few of those t-shirts meself. Are you going to wait until you clean the kitchen before you call her for another date?

Love,

Mom.

[kensloft]

The postcount is in roman numerals, kensloft. If you hover over it you'll see the count in arabic numbers. I guess in a way that is multilingual. ;)
Thank God! I thought you were going to say they were Roman Numerals or something like that?(I don't know... yer blowin' my punchline!)

[Crumb]

Wow, what a postslut...

[RevDahlia]

Sorry to interrupt the patter, guys, but I feel some complainin' coming on!

OH NO. BROTHER-IN-LAW! ARRGHHHH!

I lived with my husband and the Crazy Brother-in-law (heretofore known as CBIL) for a year and a half, and the CBIL's presence was a key factor in my husband's and my decision to move 1500 miles away. Some of CBIL's exploits have been documented in my journal, but that's not the half. CBIL is upset that I took his brother/wailing wall away from him. CBIL is convinced that I am the spiritual twin of his evil ex-girlfriend, and therefore that I have devoted my entire life to making CBIL's life miserable. He is incapable of understanding that my husband and I might actually, you know, love each other and want to make a life together. He has told me, to my face, that he thinks my marriage is doomed, and that I'm a manipulative bitch who is "using" my husband. I tried to tell him that if I wanted to "use" somebody I'd "use" a dude with a lot more money, but he didn't pay attention.

And now. He wants. To visit.

Yes, he wants to fly from San Francisco to Austin and stay a week, maybe more, and bond with his big bro. What the hell am I supposed to do? I could go visit my mom in Portland for the whole time, so I don't even have to see CBIL, but if I do that CBIL will insist that I'm being passive-aggressive. I could hang around for a day or so in CBIL's loathsome knuckle-dragging presence and then flee to Portland, which will mean that CBIL will talk shit to my husband about me for days on end -- not like the hubster will think any less of me, but he will fret about The Situation and feel inadequate and lousy. Or I could stay for the whole time that CBIL is polluting my house, and play Cheerful Martha Stewart and pretend I don't hate him, and hope this will make him uncomfortable, but he will then resent me for not allowing him and hubby "alone time".

ARRGHHH.

Anyway, carry on and ignore at will.

[pescifish]

I'm going to have to complain about pesci thinking better of her cranky posts all the time. I keep missing all the good stuff, dammit. Yeah, You would have liked the one I kept typing, backspacing, re-typing, backspacing, etc.. It was pretty juicy. Even a bit sticky and gooey. :glare: I managed to restrain myself from actually submitting the thing, but I had to placate my inner crank by at least posting that mantra. I have updated my avatar to help remind myself, too!

[edited to add:
Oh yeah, I do have a complaint ah-right:
"Poo** the fuck on you, you lousy empty chatroom, you!"]


** See, I even said "poo", thus being spot on topic for the thread. I know what I'm doing, ya, I do.

[viscousmemories]

I just went through a routine swinging open of the pantry door to step in and toss an aluminum can in the recycle bin, but the door caught on my foot so I ended up diving face-first into the edge of it. I realize now that the old "I walked into a door" justification for black eyes isn't necessarily bs. It isn't black yet, but I won't be surprised if it gets that way.

[viscousmemories]

Stupidest. Combat. AI. EVER!!

Here's a good idea. When I pull the trigger on my uzi, just spray the area. Cops, civilians, bad guys, whatever. Just shoot. But if I pull the "lock on" trigger, then lock on and shoot whatever body is closest and in front of me. Again, doesn't matter if it's a civilian or a cop. Doesn't matter if they're just walking by or shooting at me. Doesn't matter if he's already on the ground dead. Doesn't matter if he's on the other side of a concrete wall. Doesn't matter if he's across the street while someone else is beating me in the back of the head with a baseball bat.

:madrant: :madrant: :madrant: :madrant:

And I've got a lump on my left eyebrow now - where the door used to be.

[Ensign Steve]

I was going to complain about something but I forgot what.

I've been on the computer for 9 hours now. That's not a complaint, though.

[lisarea]

Stupidest. Combat. AI. EVER!!

Here's a good idea. When I pull the trigger on my uzi, just spray the area. Cops, civilians, bad guys, whatever. Just shoot. But if I pull the "lock on" trigger, then lock on and shoot whatever body is closest and in front of me. Again, doesn't matter if it's a civilian or a cop. Doesn't matter if they're just walking by or shooting at me. Doesn't matter if he's already on the ground dead. Doesn't matter if he's on the other side of a concrete wall. Doesn't matter if he's across the street while someone else is beating me in the back of the head with a baseball bat.

Weird.

I was just going to say the same thing.

Except what's a "combat AI"?

[viscousmemories]

/me looks around suspiciously.

Is this a trick question?

It means combat artificial intelligence. An oxymoron, as I bet you know, in the case of GTA.

[Ensign Steve]

What's GTA? What part is the oxymoron part?

[viscousmemories]

What's GTA?
A felony in most states.

What part is the oxymoron part?
The 'intelligence' part.

Riiiight.



You can't trick me. I'm not gonna mistake a joke for a serious question twice in a row.

[Ensign Steve]

I'm so confused.

[Crumb]

vm's a gamer geek...

[Ensign Steve]

Thank you, Crumb! That explains everything. Carry on, tom.

nerd.

[Godless Dave]

And now. He wants. To visit.

Yes, he wants to fly from San Francisco to Austin and stay a week, maybe more, and bond with his big bro.

A week is too long. Visits should be no more than 7 days for family, 3 days for everyone else.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I could go visit my mom in Portland for the whole time, so I don't even have to see CBIL, but if I do that CBIL will insist that I'm being passive-aggressive.

Visit your mom or do some other vacation. Who cares what CBIL thinks? Address it with your husband ahead of time:

CBIL: "RevDahlia's being passive-aggressive."

Husband: "No, she just doesn't like you."

[Shake]

I'm so confused.
GTA = Grand Theft Auto
A felony in most states.
The crime, not the video game.

Shit to complain about: has the gallery not been promoted/advertised enough? Or are people just shy about posting pics? I posted several pictures yesterday and I still have 2 of the 3 newest pics up there. I'd have thought that the opening of the gallery would open a floodgate of pictures in the short run, and then things would taper off.

And just a random question here: has anyone here met liv IRL?

[viscousmemories]

Shit to complain about: has the gallery not been promoted/advertised enough? Or are people just shy about posting pics? I posted several pictures yesterday and I still have 2 of the 3 newest pics up there. I'd have thought that the opening of the gallery would open a floodgate of pictures in the short run, and then things would taper off.
I think the problem is that I announced the opening of the new gallery in the Forum Administration forum. That's two reasons most people probably haven't heard about it. :D

[Shake]

Well, correcting that little problem would have two arguably positive results:

1. The word would get out better

2. That'd be one more thread to keep ahead of the smilies (right, liv? ;) )

[Crumb]

Well, I just posted three pictures in the gallery. Go look at them! :P

[Crumb]

OK. I hate having a phone number that is apparently closely resembles the phone number of a bloody home depot! :hissyfit: Stop calling me! I don't know any of the ansers to your questions about building your deck or putting shelves in your bloody closet! :grrr:

[xouper]

Crumb: OK. I hate having a phone number that is apparently closely resembles the phone number of a bloody home depot! :hissyfit: Stop calling me! I don't know any of the ansers to your questions about building your deck or putting shelves in your bloody closet! :grrr:
I'd be tempted to mess with their minds. Pretend to answer their questions, but just make up stuff. Until they figured out they called the wrong number. It's cheap entertainment, if yer in the mood for it at the time.

Reminds me of the time I once got a wrong number call where the guy asked for someone I never heard of. So I said, "just a minute, let me get him."

After and appropriate delay and some home grown foley effects, I came back on the line and pretended to be "Bob".

The guy asked me if he could borrow ten bucks. I said sure. He wanted to know if he could come right over and get it. I said sure. He thanked me and the conversation ended. I would love to have been a fly on the wall at "Bob's" house when the guy came over to get his ten bucks.

I'm soooo bad. :innocent: :eek:

[viscousmemories]

:roflmao:

[Crumb]

You are bad! :paddle:

[SharonDee]

Back to the complaining...

Our telecommuter is coming to town today and will be here for the rest of the week. She's a social animal--can't blame her since she rarely has "grownup" company--and I'll be expected to do things with her. Lunch, dinner, maybe even *gulp* shopping! :scared:

Gods, I hate when she comes to town! :brooding:

[Godless Dave]

How are dinner or shopping in any way job related?

[SharonDee]

They're not. It's just that we're a small IT shop and she's the only other woman in it. It's more a social obligation, really, and I'm too sweet to get out of it.

[wei yau]

So, I'm working on a new project that involves processes that our company has not used before. It's a tough one and requires a lot of creativity and hard work on my part. That's not the problem, I welcome the challenge.

The problem is that the pricing of the project is not one that can be sustatined. In fact, a recent brainstorming session about this project involving my colleagues pretty much blew the budget for this project based on the billable hours of the participants alone.

Given that and the fact that the customer wants this done in a very short time frame makes this a very frustrating project. I'm having a tough time working on it knowing that it's a loser for us.

[Dingfod]

Crumb: OK. I hate having a phone number that is apparently closely resembles the phone number of a bloody home depot!
I'd be tempted to mess with their minds. My workplace toll-free emergency number way too closely resembles the toll-free NFL Shop number. The only way you can dial our number instead is by not realizing the letters OPER over the zero on the phone are not letters in the alphabet, all of which are covered on the 1 through 9 buttons above that. As you might be able to guess, we get lots of calls from people who's elevator doesn't go to the top floor. I've been sorely tempted to take their order, their name, address, credit card number and expiration date, then call NFL Shop myself with that information and order a bunch of shit all in the wrong sizes and for teams I would guess to be the arch-rivals of their favorite team. For example, if they ordered a Dallas Cowboys hoodie in XL, I'd order them a dozen Denver Broncos tanktops in XS. If they ordered a pennant for the Patriots, I'd send them a Eagles alarm clock. That's what I'd like to do, but that's not what I actually do, damn ethics.

I used to be very polite and helpful to these people, informing them either of the actual number of the NFL Shop or where they went wrong in dialing or sometimes, in rare cases, forwarding them to the NFL Shop. That was the case until the Superbowl Sunday when I got about a thousand of these wrong number calls in a shift. Since that time I just tell them they have the wrong number. If they keep calling back, I keep telling they have the wrong number or I tell them they're dialing it wrong and to look closely at the phone buttons. You know, if they're nice about it, I will still be helpful.

I've had some interesting conversations with people that dialed me instead of the NFL shop. After a faux ad skit by Terry Bradshaw in the pregame show, the first thing this one lady said was "How are you doing?" I was hesitant, because her Brooklyn accent led me to think it was either my wife's friend Elsa, screwing around with me, or it was Jennifer Lopez. It wasn't either one. Fine, thank you. "Were you watching Bradshaw a few minutes ago?" Sort of. "Was Bradshaw for real?" No, I don't think so. "I want to buy what he's selling." I don't think he was selling anything, he was trying to be funny. "Can you transfer me to Bradshaw" It went on and on like that for a while. She was funny as hell, laughed easily. The call with me telling her I thought it was a farce. She closed with "Well, you have a nice day." I like those kind of calls, they are entertaining.

Another call started off like this. Phone rings during the Superbowl, I pick it up. The guy says "You watching the game?" There's a game on? I didn't even know it was baseball season yet. He laughed. I'll bet we talked for at least five minutes about just about everything before he said "I want to order one of those Patriots sweatshirts. Do you have them in XXL?" Then I told him how to dial his phone right in the most polite manner. "Thanks, you have a good day. It's been nice talking with you." I like those kind of calls, if I have time.

But, when I answer the phone "Pipeline Control Emergency Line." and get back "Do you have any of those Steelers shirts I saw on TeeVee?", then I repeat what I said before but add "What is your emergency?", and then they ask "Isn't this the NFL Shop?", I want to snap back "DID I SAY THIS WAS THE NFL SHOP? DON'T YOU LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY?", but I don't. My mother learned me way more gooder than that.

[Shake]

But, when I answer the phone "Pipeline Control Emergency Line." and get back "Do you have any of those Steelers shirts I saw on TeeVee?", then I repeat what I said before but add "What is your emergency?", and then they ask "Isn't this the NFL Shop?", I want to snap back "DID I SAY THIS WAS THE NFL SHOP? DON'T YOU LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE SAY?", but I don't. My mother learned me way more gooder than that.
At my first apartment as a married man, our number was the same as a nearby Hardees, except the last two digits were transposed. One time, I get this call:
Me: Hello?
Them: Hi. Is this Hardees?
Me: Uh, no, it isn't.
Them: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. Bye. *click*

Am I sure? WTF, of course I'm sure! Oh, woops, sorry, I didn't notice the big fryer full of grease and steaming grill over there. Duh! Am I sure? Sheesh!

[lisarea]

I hate bad webpages. I hate webpages with annoying moving and noise-making things. I hate webpages that link to PDFs and other fuckassed shit like that for no reason AND without warning you about it first. I hate webpages that are pointless and unnavigable.

I used to always have parody websites. I'd use the blink tag when it was still supported, I'd have marquees and animated GIFs and loud, plunkyassed MIDIs I done wrote muhself. I'd make HUGE imagemaps with alternate text that said stuff like "Picture of an imagemap." For a long time, my whole personal website consisted, in its entirely, of one bigassed dead-end JPEG. And when I did have content, it would be shit like lists of my CDs, stories about sad clowns, and angstful teenagerey poetry about seppuku and unicorns and shit.

And you know what?

It's like almost nobody knew those things were even parodies. They'd think they were WORK SAMPLES and shit.

Know why?

I do.

[Ensign Steve]

Please don't look at my myspace profile.

(I haven't yet uploaded a workable copy of "The Doom Song" for your listening pleasure - why, oh why, did they take away the blink tag?!)

[Ensign Steve]

I hate webpages that link to PDFs and other fuckassed shit like that for no reason AND without warning you about it first.

View -> Status Bar

[viscousmemories]

I hate webpages that link to PDFs and other fuckassed shit like that for no reason AND without warning you about it first.
God yes. :madrant:

[kensloft]

:fuming: I want to complain about the shit that is on some of the old threads. The stuff is fucking dangerous sometimes. It is a good thing that I wear my jeans all the time because if I didn't you assholes would be in court fighting my lawsuits for the near scaldings that I have suffered when my coffee spilled from the shaking that happens when I come across some of your absolutely ridiculous remarks that make me burst out laughing.

:chin: My complaint is that there is nothing that warns the reader that they should put down their coffees before reading this fucken shit!. :whup:

[RevDahlia]

I used to always have parody websites. I'd use the blink tag when it was still supported, I'd have marquees and animated GIFs and loud, plunkyassed MIDIs I done wrote muhself. I'd make HUGE imagemaps with alternate text that said stuff like "Picture of an imagemap." For a long time, my whole personal website consisted, in its entirely, of one bigassed dead-end JPEG. And when I did have content, it would be shit like lists of my CDs, stories about sad clowns, and angstful teenagerey poetry about seppuku and unicorns and shit.
You left out the heartfelt, tearful tributes to pets who croaked -- erm, "crossed the Rainbow Bridge". And big, loud, blinky "We Will Never Forget" 9/11 shit. And your "furry code".

Extra, super bonus points for heartfelt, tearful tributes to dead babies.

Or the Insane Clown Posse.

(I really read Portal of Evil (http://www.portalofevil.com) way too often.)

[Dingfod]

Horseshit really stinks when it's fresh, but isn't so bad once it's ripened for a half day or so. Dried out horseshit is just about perfect for throwing at sleeping cowpokes. Wet horseshit is even better. Anyway, I'm not really griping about shit, am I?

Okay, now I'm griping: I've got a sewer line that is leaking under the house. Or at least, that's what I thought it was. Had a leak detection specialist out today. He ran a fiber optics camera down the line and didn't find anything broken. There is a low spot that might be backing the shit up, causing it to come out somewhere else, like the washing machine drain or elsewhere. $270 to tell me nothing is wrong with my shit? Damn, that's a pile of horseshit.

[Brimshack]

Speaking of annoyng phone calls... I work in a single office with our campus dirctor, an advisor, and 2 secretaries. Sometimes, I am the only free hand, so I get to answer the phone and deal with general student issues like buying books and so forth. I wish i had a nickel for every student who wanted to buy a book or ask if class was cancelled, and then could not tell me what class they were in. They might say "English" or "that white lady." And they seriously expect me to be able to act on this stuff. But of course that explains how I get students who don't know whwther or not they've had ENG 101. I once had a student get clear through to midterm before he realized he was signed up for a class he had already gotten an 'A' for. What a wonderful testament to teh quality of our school that students can ace a class without even knowing what it is.

Once I ansered the phone, and someone on the other end whated to know when the semester started. I told her it was too late to sign up for classes this semester, but that if she wanted to sign up for next semester... She started asking about math classes, and I asked how far she had gotten in High School, or if she had yet taken our placement test. After some confusion, she informed me that she wanted to teach a math class. She was confused when I asked about her degree. And she was even more confused when I asked which math class she wanted to teach. But she was quite certain that she wanted to teach math. After 15 minutes I managed to end the conversation with the suggestion that she come talk to the campus director.

[AspenMama]

You're a smart, educated, capable and dignified woman. I honestly don't understand why this is happening for you this way. I really wish I could help. :sadcheer:

Thanks Luna.

If worse comes to worst wouldn't it be advisable to down size the living arrangement? Different house: smaller mortgage.
Yes, I may have to do that. But, I am going to try some other things first-- perhaps refinancing and asking for help from my family. I've got two small children who are just getting settled after moving in 2 years ago-- they've got friends in the neighborhood and really enjoy their school. They've been through a couple of different homes with me (and their father has moved a few times) and I hate to uproot them again. I'm in a neighborhood now with excellent public schools. If I have to move, it will be to an area with "lesser" schools. But if it comes down to it-- of course I'll do what I have to.

[AspenMama]

My Staffordshire has the rankest shit I've ever smelt. He makes me take him out two or three times a day to drop his smelly turds. Then he creates a fan by scratching his paws on the grass or pavement making the smell stay where it is while he laughs( I see the fuck smiling) while I am gagging, picking up his sorry-ass smelly feces.

His high point of glee occurs when he pulls the double shit on one walk trip. :glare:

Buy him better food!
There's not a butcher in the neighbourhood that doesn't know him. He has bones coming out the wahoo. :blush: Even the expensive dog food stinks :doh: . The bones and all the other stuff comes out like rabbit poop. Round pellets. Big round pellets.
Actually, I'd stay away from the butchers! Have you tried scientifically formulated dog foods like IAMS? The best thing to do is to give him a formulated dog food and never feed him "people food". Perhaps your vet could recommend some sort of antacid?

[Dingfod]

Dogs are supposed to eat bones and raw meat. (http://www.barfworld.com/)

[wei yau]

Dogs are supposed to eat bones and raw meat. (http://www.barfworld.com/)

Hmmm... :chin:

Then perhaps, shit is supposed to stink.

[Dingfod]

Hell, I'd be happy if I could keep my dogs from rolling in the horseshit... and yesterday, the stinky sewer water left over from the plumber's visit. Ewww.

[wei yau]

Hell, I'd be happy if I could keep my dogs from rolling in the horseshit... and yesterday, the stinky sewer water left over from the plumber's visit. Ewww.

Ewww, indeed.

Once while visiting my wife's grandmother, our dog was frolicking in the backyard. She comes trotting over, covered in some brownish-black substance.

At this point, the grandmother informs us that she had just fertilized the garden.

Cringing, I went to pick up the dog. Not really wanting to, but having to breathe, I got a whiff of her.

That's odd, she smells like Juan Valdez's burro....

Turns out that grammy uses coffee grind as fertilizer, not manure.

[livius drusus]

Hmmm... :chin:

Then perhaps, shit is supposed to stink.
Mine don't.

[Dingfod]

Dogs are supposed to eat bones and raw meat. (http://www.barfworld.com/)Please accept my profound apologies for linking to what is clearly, upon closer examination, a multi-level marketing scheme. Here is a better description of the BARF diet. (http://www.njboxers.com/faqs.htm)

Funny, dogs will eat barf, won't they?

[wei yau]

Hmmm... :chin:

Then perhaps, shit is supposed to stink.
Mine don't.


:bowdown:

[Crumb]

Originally Posted by warrenly
Hell, I'd be happy if I could keep my dogs from rolling in the horseshit... and yesterday, the stinky sewer water left over from the plumber's visit. Ewww.

Do you don a Haz-Mat suit before you pet your dogs, warrenly?

[Dingfod]

I should.

[lisarea]

Disclaimer: This is entirely anecdotal, and I have never been able to bring myself to try a BARF diet for my dogs. But you will probably be able to tell that.

When I brought Sluggo home, he supposedly had a sensitive stomach. He suffered from flatulence, and the shelter people told me that I would have to find a good kibble and just stick with it in order to keep him from farting all the time. And he's a pretty big boy, so he could empty a room in no time.

But I couldn't make myself just feed the poor guy kibble. He's a dog. Dogs love soup and spaghetti and cheeseburgers and ice cream. Plus they're really cute, so it makes me want to give them soup and spaghetti and cheeseburgers and ice cream.

So I gave him people food. I distinctly remember, right after he came home, his first bowl of homemade vegetable soup. I put it down for him, and he was like, "Oh. My. God. No way!" and I was all like, "Dude. Way." He kept looking back up at me while he was eating to make sure he wasn't in trouble.

I added yogurt to his diet, which immediately stopped the gas, and I mean immediately. He no longer needs it regularly, because he's acclimated to his people food diet now, but when he was in transition, it was like magic. If I forgot for a day, we'd start getting big stinky airborne reminders by early afternoon.

Now, his poop still smells pretty bad, I guess (like I know--I don't clean it up anymore), and he's fat, but that's just a volume issue, because, like I said: Cute.

But he's happy and healthy and energetic. He eats pretty much what we eat, with a slightly higher proportion of meat to grains and vegetables. Fortunately, he loves his green vegetables, because I have noticed that when he doesn't get enough, it is a little grosser to clean up after him.

And the other weird thing is that he doesn't really eat like a dog. I'm sure it's partly because he's an only dog and doesn't have to compete for his food, but he eats slowly, relishing every bite. And frankly, the fact that he likes it so much would almost be enough for me.

Like I said, it's purely anecdotal, and my dog diet philosophy is based largely on my completely unsupported and squishy emotional reasoning that domestic dogs evolved alongside humans, and as such, are designed to live alongside humans, sleeping on beds, sitting on couches, enjoying hot bowls of soup when it's cold and popsicles when it's hot, and occasionally dressing up in a tutu or a French maid costume just to fuck with gender role dogma every now and again.

So I may well be a crackpot, but I am a crackpot who also happens to live with the only non-farting bulldog in the world.

Anyway, maybe try the yogurt. It is good for a range of digestive problems. The rest of the stuff was just a tangent.

[AspenMama]

lisarea-- my ancedotal evidence would be completely opposite from yours! The mutt we had growing up farted worse when fed dairy. The last dog I had did best without any people food in his diet. (That also helps reduce begging issues).

My complaints for the day. Hooboy is just wrong, wrong, wrong. My boss is mean. I must attend an event next Tuesday in close proximity to our conservative governor's wife. :( And paste a smile on. Damn.

[lisarea]

lisarea-- my ancedotal evidence would be completely opposite from yours! The mutt we had growing up farted worse when fed dairy.

Yeah, dairy in general would probably cause farting, but the lactose in yogurt is already being digested, so it doesn't cause the same problems that other dairy would. Maybe someone more sciencey than me could correct me, but what I think it is is that the cooties in yogurt are the like digestion cooties. So live yogurt actually aids in digestion because it contains the stuff that helps you digest certain kinds of foods.

I don't understand why his digestive system seems to have changed so completely, though. Like I said, he doesn't need yogurt every day anymore, and he doesn't fart or throw up or anything much at all, regardless of what he eats. Maybe the cultures in the yogurt, uh, took hold in his guts or something? Maybe the varied diet created a more robust environment? I don't know. I'm just making shit up now.


The last dog I had did best without any people food in his diet. (That also helps reduce begging issues).

Oh, yeah. We do make some mistakes with Sluggo, so this is just theory, but I'd think that, as long as you don't actually feed him from your plate or anything, the begging wouldn't be so bad. We do, though, and now he's a big spoiled baby. If the Little Muffin isn't sharing or if he's taking too long to eat something, Sluggo will come over and fucking TELL ON HIM. He'll walk over to me or the ODB, make grunty whining noises and tilt his head over at the plate of food that he thinks it's his turn with. Like he thinks we're going to get the LM in trouble for that or something.

And he does the whole thing with giant ropes of drool coming out the sides of his mouth so he looks like some kind of insane walrus.

So yeah, we really blew that aspect of dog raising. But did I mention how danged cute that guy is?

[AspenMama]

Sigh. I miss having a doggie. But it would be so irresponsible of me right now to get a pup and leave it lonely 10-12 hours a day. Not to mention the extra expense. :(

[kensloft]

You're a smart, educated, capable and dignified woman. I honestly don't understand why this is happening for you this way. I really wish I could help. :sadcheer:

Thanks Luna.

If worse comes to worst wouldn't it be advisable to down size the living arrangement? Different house: smaller mortgage.
Yes, I may have to do that. But, I am going to try some other things first-- perhaps refinancing and asking for help from my family. I've got two small children who are just getting settled after moving in 2 years ago-- they've got friends in the neighborhood and really enjoy their school. They've been through a couple of different homes with me (and their father has moved a few times) and I hate to uproot them again. I'm in a neighborhood now with excellent public schools. If I have to move, it will be to an area with "lesser" schools. But if it comes down to it-- of course I'll do what I have to.


Sounds better than any lame-assed ideas that I could come up with in my state of mind. :doh:

You'll get it done! :flower:

[kensloft]

Dogs are supposed to eat bones and raw meat. (http://www.barfworld.com/)
Thanks for the link. :D

[Dingfod]

Shit's supposed to go downhill right? At my house it apparently expected to go uphill. That's what the camera inspection of my sewer line showed yesterday. The sewer pipe from the kitchen goes downhill for about 10 feet, roughly near the laundry room, then it goes back uphill about four or five inches, meaning there's a low spot that accumulates shit. No wonder I've got constipation of the drain pipes.

Actually, what's going on is a series of watersoaked spots showing up in the carpet in the den. The water appears after the dishwasher or the washing machine run. We're still trying to ascertain whether or not there is a broken line somewhere allowing the "water" to leak out under the slab and come up where there is a crack. I'm out $270 so far and finding out I have a low spot is all that's happened. Next step is a drain leakdown test. The plumbing company will come out and dig up the line going to the septic tank, plug it off, fill the drain pipes to the sink level with water, then watch the level. If the level drops, there is a leak somewhere. After that comes the dye test, I suppose. Anything to eliminate having to jackhammer a big old hole in the concrete slab.

Gag me with a scoop shovel. I don't have the money to be wasting on this shit.

[Crumb]

Getting rid of shit is a pain in the ass, eh warrenly?

[kensloft]

Disclaimer: This is entirely anecdotal, and I have never been able to bring myself to try a BARF diet for my dogs. But you will probably be able to tell that.

When I brought Sluggo home, he supposedly had a sensitive stomach. He suffered from flatulence, and the shelter people told me that I would have to find a good kibble and just stick with it in order to keep him from farting all the time. And he's a pretty big boy, so he could empty a room in no time.

But I couldn't make myself just feed the poor guy kibble. He's a dog. Dogs love soup and spaghetti and cheeseburgers and ice cream. Plus they're really cute, so it makes me want to give them soup and spaghetti and cheeseburgers and ice cream.

So I gave him people food. I distinctly remember, right after he came home, his first bowl of homemade vegetable soup. I put it down for him, and he was like, "Oh. My. God. No way!" and I was all like, "Dude. Way." He kept looking back up at me while he was eating to make sure he wasn't in trouble.

I added yogurt to his diet, which immediately stopped the gas, and I mean immediately. He no longer needs it regularly, because he's acclimated to his people food diet now, but when he was in transition, it was like magic. If I forgot for a day, we'd start getting big stinky airborne reminders by early afternoon.

Now, his poop still smells pretty bad, I guess (like I know--I don't clean it up anymore), and he's fat, but that's just a volume issue, because, like I said: Cute.

But he's happy and healthy and energetic. He eats pretty much what we eat, with a slightly higher proportion of meat to grains and vegetables. Fortunately, he loves his green vegetables, because I have noticed that when he doesn't get enough, it is a little grosser to clean up after him.

And the other weird thing is that he doesn't really eat like a dog. I'm sure it's partly because he's an only dog and doesn't have to compete for his food, but he eats slowly, relishing every bite. And frankly, the fact that he likes it so much would almost be enough for me.

Like I said, it's purely anecdotal, and my dog diet philosophy is based largely on my completely unsupported and squishy emotional reasoning that domestic dogs evolved alongside humans, and as such, are designed to live alongside humans, sleeping on beds, sitting on couches, enjoying hot bowls of soup when it's cold and popsicles when it's hot, and occasionally dressing up in a tutu or a French maid costume just to fuck with gender role dogma every now and again.

So I may well be a crackpot, but I am a crackpot who also happens to live with the only non-farting bulldog in the world.

Anyway, maybe try the yogurt. It is good for a range of digestive problems. The rest of the stuff was just a tangent.


That's another thing about Zeus and that is that he puts out these really silent farts that are deadly. People that know him well tend to sit downwind or on the other side of the room. I'll try yogurt as a non-smelling fart and shit maker. Thanks to both you and AM for your input. I know koan will appreciate it. :yup:

[kensloft]

Dogs are supposed to eat bones and raw meat. (http://www.barfworld.com/)

Hmmm... :chin:

Then perhaps, shit is supposed to stink.
By Jove, Eldar, I think that you may be on to something there. :bliss:

[kensloft]

Hmmm... :chin:

Then perhaps, shit is supposed to stink.
Mine don't.
You and Richard Nixon. :bow:

[maddog]

Richard Nixon didn't shit (verb). He WAS shit! (noun)
#313

[AspenMama]

If I hear one more friggin' update on the Pope or the jurors in the Michael Jackson case, I will puke. I DON'T CARE!! Give me some real news damn it all.

[Dingfod]

If I hear one more friggin' update on the Pope or the jurors in the Michael Jackson case, I will puke. I DON'T CARE!! Give me some real news damn it all.No shit.

[TomJoe]

What should bother me more...

... the fact that I got another ticket today (rolling through a stop sign... argh!) or the fact that I got my physical results back and my cholesterol levels are as high as my weight and while neither are extremely high, they're not exactly low either?

[Dingfod]

Officer: Lady, did you know you ran the stop sign back there?
Lady: Officer, I didn't run the stop sign, I oozed through it.
Officer: Lady, if the sign had meant ooze, it would've said OOZE.

[livius drusus]

What should bother me more...

... the fact that I got another ticket today (rolling through a stop sign... argh!) or the fact that I got my physical results back and my cholesterol levels are as high as my weight and while neither are extremely high, they're not exactly low either?
The latter. What kind of Eye-talian are you anway to have cholesterol problems? Have you been neglecting Mother Olive Oil?

[TomJoe]

The latter. What kind of Eye-talian are you anway to have cholesterol problems? Have you been neglecting Mother Olive Oil?

:cry:

No, I have not been neglecting Mother Olive Oil... though I'm not sure how she's really my mother given that she's Extra Virgin. ;)

I think I've been worshipping at the unholy altar of Ronald McDonald far too often lately. You'd think that after watching Super Size Me, that I would have refrained.

Well, today is friday, so no McDonalds for me anyways.

[livius drusus]

No, I have not been neglecting Mother Olive Oil... though I'm not sure how she's really my mother given that she's Extra Virgin. ;)

Sounds like a typical Italian mother to me. Either that or you're Jesus.

I think I've been worshipping at the unholy altar of Ronald McDonald far too often lately. You'd think that after watching Super Size Me, that I would have refrained.

For penance, you must read Fast Food Nation 3 times back to back.

Well, today is friday, so no McDonalds for me anyways.

Sautee some whitefish in cornmeal breading, sinner.

[Dingfod]

Well, today is friday, so no McDonalds for me anyways.What are you talking about, Micky-Dee's has Filet-O-Fish sammiches, even double Filet-O-Fish now. Double up for even more greasy goodness.

[AspenMama]

My queasy feeling continues...

[Crumb]

For penance, you must read Fast Food Nation 3 times back to back.

Then maybe you could read The Obesity Myth by Paul Campos.

This is from a review of that book:

Within this section he briefly cites several good examples that support his point, such as the Seven-Countries-Study.[2] The data from this study indicate that underweight men had nearly twice the mortality of normal and overweight men, and that although those who fit into the obese category showed an increased risk when compared to normal and overweight men, they still fared better than men in the thin cohort. This result, not often cited in news stories on the problems associated with weight, will surely startle readers.


And this:

In another example, which is cited by Campos as the largest epidemiological study ever conducted,[3] the data show that the highest life expectancy occurred in individuals who are overweight by our current standards and that the lowest life expectancy occurred with those who were defined as underweight. Furthermore, the individuals observed in this study who fit into what is deemed the ideal weight range had a lower life expectancy than those who were classified as obese.

I guess my skinny ass in in for a surprise when I gets older. :thumbdown:

[Dingfod]

So, what's the dealio? Everybody gone to church?

[livius drusus]

Yeah really.

[lisarea]

You guys scared me. Thought I was late for church or something, but it's only Saturday!

Cripes, you peoples.

I would also like to complain that Burger King done stoled Big Rock Candy Mountain for a commercial. I just don't think it's right to go disrespecting our national anthem like that.

[Dingfod]

And Hootie (Darius Rucker) sold out too. Everybody has a price, I suppose.

[livius drusus]

And what's with the buckets of ranch dressing the gals are licking up? Why not just go all the way and splash it between their boobs?

[Dingfod]

Damn, liv, I'm getting uncomfortable thinking about that.

[livius drusus]

Uncomfortable enough to run right out and buy a bacon ranch cheeseburger, I bet. That's the wonder of advertizing.

[Dingfod]

Uncomfortable enough to run right out and buy a bacon ranch cheeseburger, I bet. That's the wonder of advertizing.Maybe, but it's a safe bet I'll be visualizing the gals splashing ranch dressing on their boobs now.

[Petra]

I would also like to complain that Burger King done stoled Big Rock Candy Mountain for a commercial. I just don't think it's right to go disrespecting our national anthem like that.


I was just going to wander in and say that I'm complaining about not having anything to complain about. But Burger King using Big Rock Candy Mountain is well out of order, and so I'm going to complain about it, too. Burger King does not sell moonshine, mushrooms, or marijuana, therefore Big Rock Candy Mountain does not suit their business and they would be better to go with a Britney or Justin Timberlake song or something, like other gross plastic food outlets do. Those sucky bastards are prostituting one of my fave songs. I hope their cholesterol kills them as divine retribution. Bastards! :rant:

[TomJoe]

Sounds like a typical Italian mother to me. Either that or you're Jesus.

And on the seventh day, I rested. :praying:


For penance, you must read Fast Food Nation 3 times back to back.


I've been meaning to read that, but right now I'm stuck with Microarray Bioinformatics and Beginning Perl for Bioinformatics.

Sautee some whitefish in cornmeal breading, sinner.

I went with grilled salmon topped with fresh avocado, tomato slices and a dash of balsamic vinegar. Please forgive me.

[Dingfod]

What? No McDouble McFilet-O-McFish?

[TomJoe]

What? No McDouble McFilet-O-McFish?

Maybe next week? :sorry:

[lisarea]

I was just going to wander in and say that I'm complaining about not having anything to complain about. But Burger King using Big Rock Candy Mountain is well out of order, and so I'm going to complain about it, too. Burger King does not sell moonshine, mushrooms, or marijuana, therefore Big Rock Candy Mountain does not suit their business and they would be better to go with a Britney or Justin Timberlake song or something, like other gross plastic food outlets do. Those sucky bastards are prostituting one of my fave songs. I hope their cholesterol kills them as divine retribution. Bastards! :rant:

Well, they did change the words so they're about some nastyassed sandwich instead. I am super-grossed out by ranch dressing, so it's especially odious to me.

But you know, there is another thing I want to complain about and it is that it's hard to even find the real lyrics to that song anymore, what with all the bowdlerized versions about PEPPERMINT TREES* and lakes containing soft drinks and shit. With no mentions of wooden-legged cops, tin jails, and most of all no hanging the jerk who invented work. Which is the main point of the song and all.

Fuckers.

Which brings me to the segue of "I hate the kid-ifying." That song is not about anything anymore in those versions. It's just a generic endorsement of candy or something. There is a song about that already, by Sammy Davis Jr., and there is no need to go stealing other songs to turn it into a song that already exists. (Like in that one Aqua Teen where Master Shake gets that player piano add-on for his E-helmet or whatever, and it downloads songs from the internet and converts them all into the same song. But I digress.)

What the fuck is wrong with people that they think kids can't handle anything that's actually ABOUT anything? What the hell? No wonder kids are stupid. They just spend their lives having mindless, pointless absurdities shoveled at them from every direction. I saw a kid book in Target one time that was about a bear and the bear liked water. Seriously. That's all. One page would say, "[Bear] likes to drink water." Then, "[Bear] likes to splash water." And "[Bear] likes to take a bath with water." It's like people think they have to put some big effort into making babies even stupider than they are already or something. Normal, regular talking is plenty sufficient to teach kids how sentences are put together and what words mean. Shit like that can really only slow them down. Damn.

It's like, if you ever read the explanations of ratings for movies, where it says "Rated R for drug use, nudity, ..." one of the big reasons for ratings is "THEMATIC ELEMENTS." WHAT THE FUCK? If it's something fitting into a category, they could use that category. Like drugs, sex, violence, or whatever. But no. I suspect they're just actually warning you that there may be a COHERENT THEME involved, and heaven forfend a child be exposed to a fucking THEMATIC ELEMENT. Because, you know, it might make parts of the movie make sense or something, instead of being randomly pictures of fluffy puppies and candy and princesses.

I JUST KEEP GETTING MADDER AND MADDER NOW.

Hey. Know what's weird? How that kiddie song thread here, some earworm thread on II, and this thread all sort of came together into one big clusterfuck for me. It is making me feel all one with the universe, which actually sucks a lot more than they usually make it out to.


* Which is extra-super-retarded, too, because peppermint is a plant already, so the idea of "peppermint trees" lacks the requisite absurdity.

[TomJoe]

It's like, if you ever read the explanations of ratings for movies, where it says "Rated R for drug use, nudity, ..." one of the big reasons for ratings is "THEMATIC ELEMENTS." WHAT THE FUCK? If it's something fitting into a category, they could use that category. Like drugs, sex, violence, or whatever. But no. I suspect they're just actually warning you that there may be a COHERENT THEME involved, and heaven forfend a child be exposed to a fucking THEMATIC ELEMENT. Because, you know, it might make parts of the movie make sense or something, instead of being randomly pictures of fluffy puppies and candy and princesses.


Who would take a 5 year old to an R-rated movie anyways?

[Petra]

Jesus, Lisa, they changed the fucking lyrics?! Just who the hell do they think they are! Bastards! :rant:


Here are the real lyrics for those who don't know 'em, and in about 5 minutes I will upload the song to my gmail account for those who'd like to hear it as it should be. Scumbags.

One evening as the sun went down
And the jungle fires were burning,
Down the track came a hobo hiking,
And he said, "Boys, I'm not turning
I'm headed for a land that's far away
Besides the crystal fountains
So come with me, we'll go and see
The Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
There's a land that's fair and bright,
Where the handouts grow on bushes
And you sleep out every night.
Where the boxcars all are empty
And the sun shines every day
And the birds and the bees
And the cigarette trees
The lemonade springs
Where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
All the cops have wooden legs
And the bulldogs all have rubber teeth
And the hens lay soft-boiled eggs
The farmers' trees are full of fruit
And the barns are full of hay
Oh I'm bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
The winds don't blow
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
You never change your socks
And the little streams of alcohol
Come trickling down the rocks
The brakemen have to tip their hats
And the railway bulls are blind
There's a lake of stew
And of whiskey too
You can paddle all around it
In a big canoe
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains

In the Big Rock Candy Mountains,
The jails are made of tin.
And you can walk right out again,
As soon as you are in.
There ain't no short-handled shovels,
No axes, saws nor picks,
I'm bound to stay
Where you sleep all day,
Where they hung the jerk
That invented work
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains.


And I wholly agree with you about kids being fed crap that stunts their growth. I've had people raise their eyebrows at me because I let Zoe watch movies that are rated above her age. She's not far from adolescence and is a smart kid - I want her to mix films with "adult themes" into her usual diet of Spongebob and Shrek. I want her to think about things and ask me questions. Kids should be allowed to grow up and tackle issues that are more complex than frikkin' Pokemon.


Thank you, Lisa - you've given me much to complain about. :rant:

[Petra]

I was just trying to find what year the song was written and first performed, but found a page with several versions of it instead.

http://www.angelfire.com/folk/famoustramp/song.html

[Dingfod]

I think Harry McClintock (https://www.themusicbarn.com/ecom/products_detail/RCD188), singer-songwriter, did the early version. Burl Ives did the lemonade streams candy-assed Disney version.

This site (http://www.metropulse.com/dir_zine/dir_2001/1127/t_secret.html) says the song was recorded in 1928. Harry "Haywire Mac" McClintock was born in 1882. His first song "Hallelujah, I'm a Bum" was written in 1898. Says, in 1928, he recorded the song he'd known since he was a teenager, Big Rock Candy Mountains.

[Ensign Steve]

My cheap-ass desk has somehow gotten warped or something, and the two panels that hold the track for my keyboard try are too far separated from each other. As such, the wheelie-deals on my keyboard tray barely hang on to the track for dear life, and every time I start typing a little too excitedly, the whole deal comes crashing down into my lap, and when I'm lucky, the wheel gouges the top of my foot. Not to mention the sudden removal of the keyboard from my fingertips is every disconcerting when I am typing so furiously.

[TomJoe]

My cheap-ass desk has somehow gotten warped or something, and the two panels that hold the track for my keyboard try are too far separated from each other. As such, the wheelie-deals on my keyboard tray barely hang on to the track for dear life, and every time I start typing a little too excitedly, the whole deal comes crashing down into my lap, and when I'm lucky, the wheel gouges the top of my foot. Not to mention the sudden removal of the keyboard from my fingertips is every disconcerting when I am typing so furiously.


Sounds like you bought your desk from the same place I did.

[Crumb]

God damned stupid fucking piece of shit computer!

Every time I close my fucking browser and come back to this site, the damned thing marks a bunch of posts I have read as unread and I got to look at a bunch of threads to figure out what the fuck I have and have not read! :blowtop: Does anyone else have this monkey-spanking, elephant-blowing, donkey-licking problem !?!

[viscousmemories]

Sounds like your browser is configured to delete cookies when you close it.

[Crumb]

No that's not it. It doesn't forget that I have read anything it just runs the clock back an hour or so. I checked just in case, but cookies stay until they expire. It didn't used to do this, and sometimes it doesn't. I bet it is something I am doing, but thank goodness for the "Mark Forums Read" thing.

Thanks for trying, vm. :thumbup:

[viscousmemories]

Oh. Okay sorry about that. I'll tell you if I get another idea up in my head.

[Ensign Steve]

I've been having that problem since day one, and I believe I've even bitched about it in the Forum Administration forum.

When I'm all caught up on posts, I go to the bottom of the index page and click "Mark all Forums read." Takes care of it. :)

[Crumb]

Yeah I am starting to do that now, but when I forget it is a bitch. Must be something in the way the forum sets the cookies then, huh?

[viscousmemories]

Hmm... I couldn't find a thread on the subject where you posted, Ensign. I did find this one (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=186), though.

[SharonDee]

It happens to me, too, but not every time. I blame it on the state of my hairstyle or the way I hold my mouth.

[viscousmemories]

We have a water dispenser in our fridge. It takes a full 20 seconds (yes, I've counted) to fill a glass, the first five seconds consist of a spray that covers the glass and the hand holding it, and if you don't wiggle the button with your finger after you release pressure on it, the flow will not stop. So when I get water, I typically grit my teeth for the five seconds it pisses all over my hand then hum The Girl from Ipanema for the remaining time. I can usually make it stop through habitual action.

[godfry n. glad]

We have a water dispenser in our fridge. It takes a full 20 seconds (yes, I've counted) to fill a glass, the first five seconds consist of a spray that covers the glass and the hand holding it, and if you don't wiggle the button with your finger after you release pressure on it, the flow will not stop. So when I get water, I typically grit my teeth for the five seconds it pisses all over my hand then hum The Girl from Ipanema for the remaining time. I can usually make it stop through habitual action.


Sounds like your water dispenser is dysfunctional. Have you considered professional help? Verse & chorus, or just chorus? Do you get all the way to "...ahhhhhhh"?

Would the final Jeopardy theme music work as well? Or do you just prefer the visuals that go with "Girl..."?

Do you call that "water muzak"? :D

[viscousmemories]

Sounds like your water dispenser is dysfunctional. Have you considered professional help?
I've considered it, but I'd rather just get the water dispenser fixed.

Verse & chorus, or just chorus? Do you get all the way to "...ahhhhhhh"?

Would the final Jeopardy theme music work as well? Or do you just prefer the visuals that go with "Girl..."?

Do you call that "water muzak"? :D
I had to listen to clips of three different versions at Amazon before I could answer this question intelligently.

I have no idea.

On the bright side I do spend a good 5-10 seconds after every fill-up berating myself for being agitated by such a petty nuisance when there are people who have to walk five miles to fill up a wicker basket from a dirty puddle. So it's certainly good for my Karma.

[pescifish]

I can understand being impatient with an in-door fridge water dispenser! In fact, my own water dispensing rituals caused me to dislocate a toe. I should have tried The Girl from Ipanema; it would have been much less painful and embarrassing.

[Shelli]

:blame: :shit:

[viscousmemories]

:giggle:

This is probably a good place to complain about Godless Dave not posting here anymore.

[inland wave]

Funny you would say that, I was thinking of him the other day.. What is happening with some of our members? Are they bored with us or what?

[lisarea]

Stupid Godless Dave! He is all like, "DOH DEE DO DO DOH!" and then he's like, "DUR!"

Ha ha. What a loser.

(See? Now he'll have to come back around to defend himself. IF HE CAN.)

[godfry n. glad]

Yeah...Godless Dave.

And ManM. Where did he go?

[roastelk]

only thing I have to bitch abut is how expensive rats are, freekin $30 for one dead rat, I can buy a whole cooked chicken cheaper than that.

Im going to try and convert my snakes to eating baby chickens as a local chicken farmer sounds happy to sell em to me, the guys says he grinds up most of the male chicks into fertalizer, and he dosnt make much cash off em. said he'll give em to me for $20 a dozen, or trade for case of beer.