Contemporary koanage

[Farren]

I'm bored and drunk, so another game: Koans for the modern urbanite. I'll start.

Last night, I slapped your mom's cheeks repeatedly with my dick. Was it my dick that moved, or your moms cheeks?

Oh, and: in before Chuck.

[BrotherMan]

Oh, and: in before Chuck.

:bunnythrust:

[ChuckF]

A drunk student posted an OP and ETA'd "In before master." The master answered "Wú."

I had to wikipedia that and I still don't know what it means but I'm pretty sure I just blew your minds.

[Farren]

The master, pretending to be a student, asked the student who thought he was a master: "Is that the sound of one dick slapping?"

[ChuckF]

The master, pretending to be a student, asked the student who thought he was a master: "Is that the sound of one dick slapping?"
The master replied :fap:

[Qingdai]

What is the sound of one hand clapping? Since I can't show you how I do it on the interwebs (and I can clap with one hand, that's why I'm so popular!)

Here is the alternative answer::bitchslap:

[Farren]

KWNED!

[Pan Narrans]

A student asked, "Can we be clear about our assumptions?"

The teacher answered, "First."

[Farren]

Nan-in, a Japanese master, received a professor of postmodern something-or-other who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

The master began to answer but the professor, who had had an epiphany, interrupted him.

"Wait!" He said. "I see what you did there. You are trying to tell me that, like this cup, my mind is too full?"

"No," said the master, "I was distracted by the shit on your chin"

[Farren]

A student was travelling with his teacher when they came across a woman drowning in a raging river.

The student hesitated, but the master immediately dived in and dragged the woman to the shore. She thanked them and they went on their way.

Several hours later, the master asked his student "What troubles you?".

"Master," replied the student, "our vows prohibit us from touching a woman..."

"Ah, I see" said the teacher. "But I only carried her to the water's edge, while you have carried her these many miles since"

The student contemplated this for a few moments before replying.

"I can't stop thinking about your mom, either" he said.

"No your mom" said the teacher.

[Farren]

A young devotee of Pure Land Buddhism was struggling with his meditation, which involved repeating the name of Amida Buddha, when his teacher came in.

"Master," he said, "day after day, week after week, month after month, I have meditated upon the Amida Buddha. But I feel no closer to the Pure Land"

The old monk sat down before his young charge and made himself comfortable.

"Try now," he said.

"Buddha, Buddha, Buddha" said the young monk.

"Pew pew pew" said the master.

[chunksmediocrites]

Master Shuzan held out his short staff and said, "If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?"

His drunk student replied, "If I answer correctly, will you close your robe and stop talking about your penis for five minutes?"

[Doctor X]

I had to wikipedia that and I still don't know what it means but I'm pretty sure I just blew your minds.

:bunnythrust:

--J.D.