A Skeptic in Love

[wei yau]

This is gonna be a horrible OP, I've tried writing and re-writing it in my head several times and can't seem to construct a good post. But, you guys seem to be a fairly tolerant bunch, so here goes...

I have a tendency to over-think things, frame everything into some rational intellectual context that makes sense to me. This is a coping mechanism of mine that doesn't seem to work very well lately. This failure is especially apparent when it comes to matters of the heart.

In the comparison between "love" and "in love", I have the most difficulties. I am unable to discern the difference between the two, beyond a simple question of degree of intensity. What's worse is that as I began to explore the question, I find that I lose any emotional meaning behind the words.

"Love" becomes nothing more than satisfying mutual needs and sharing responsibilities. "In love" is reduced to sexual attraction. The romantic in me says that there's more to it than that, but the skeptic in me is pretty adamant that that's all there is.

So, what is "love" in terms that can be quantified and verified?

Like I said, I need help in framing this subject in my head. I've got lots more to say than the above, but I think I need your help in trying to focus.

[Miss Shelby]

"Love" becomes nothing more than satisfying mutual needs and sharing responsibilities. "In love" is reduced to sexual attraction. The romantic in me says that there's more to it than that, but the skeptic in me is pretty adamant that that's all there is.

I think that's all there is, if you're talking exclusivley about a one on one relationship.

Only I would broaden the definition a little from mutual needs to the needs of others, whether family or friends, and maybe even the more unfortunate.

But, other than that, I'd say you hit it on the head.

I do think that the longer one does it, the better it gets, even if it isn't easy at times. But I've yet to reach that milestone. :)

Michelle

[viscousmemories]

I don't think I'm prepared to delve too deeply into this subject just now, but my immediate response is that at this point in time I don't think sexual attraction has anything to do with love or being 'in love'. I think I see love as you described it, but I would describe being 'in love' as being particularly thrilled/excited about being with someone you love. And I think the 'in love' sensation ebbs and flows in a relationship.

[JoeP]

Help is at hand. It'll take a bit of reading, and it's best if you learn a few new languages, but if you read everything that's ever been written in plays, poetry and fiction, you'll begin to form some idea.

What is love? I think it's pretty much an impossible question. "In love but not loving" is more often than not a derogatory or manipulative accusation, rather than a phrase with concrete meaning.

Since I feel obliged to offer something of more substance, here's a part of the picture: "in love" is about how the person in love feels. "It's wonderful to be in love." "Love" is an action and an attitude and is focused on the person loved.

joe