Am I the only cooking idiot here?

[Cool Hand]

Lurking through some of these cooking threads made me feel like such a kitchen clod. I mean, my God, so many of you actually cook, complete with sauces and spices and rubs and actual recipes.

Me? I heat. I can open a can of whatever with the best of 'em and heat those yummy contents so they satisfy me. OK, I admit it; I can bake or boil potatoes, I can boil spaghetti (and put Newman's Own sauce on it), and I can fry bacon and make some really killer scrambled eggs. Please don't tell anybody else.

You foodies shame me. I think I'll go make a peanut butter sandwich and boil some plain white rice.

:fuming: (I hate smilies)

Cool Hand

[HelenM]

Hmmm...rice...that reminds me of what my favorite gadget is :)

Off to the other thread...

But first, just to say - my husband cooked while he was a full-time student; I didn't cook until we changed roles. It's not that hard to learn, compared with all sorts of other things in life - but I would think it's hard to be motivated if you're just cooking for one.

Helen

[LadyShea]

I broil some kind of meat and use lots of Lipton sides. I make the best gravy though.

[pescifish]

I cook all the time and enjoy it, but I probably use a recipe less than once a year. Anything that requires more than 4-5 ingredients or something I have to enlist the help of a sherpa (or drug dealer) to obtain is not really my 'thing'.

Some kind of meat -- grilled or roasted, piles of fresh vegetables -- grilled or steamed, tortillas are the routine 'bread' of choice and salads, salads, salads, salads -- you name it and it goes in the bowl. Fruits for snacks. No dessert. If there is pasta involved it simply ends up under the meat and veggies. Rice comes into play, but only simple rice pilaf. Sometimes I make a one-pot sort of thing, where it all goes in a pan or pot and cooks together.

So, yeah, I'm a cooking idiot! :yup:

[Goliath]

Nope, you're definitely not the only idiot here, Cool Luke. I'm trying to learn how to cook, though.

If you wanna learn pretty easily, get to a B&N and get a copy of The All New All Purpose Joy of Cooking. It's $35, but worth every penny, IMO.

[livius drusus]

Hey, Newman's has some pretty damn good sauces as those things go. I like his salad dressings too.

I agree with Helen: cooking for one doesn't provide much motivation to scale the culinary heights (or even poke around the culinary shrubbery). But if you're on a limited budget and are not quite so easily satisfied, that's more than enough to drive you to learn some basic stuff. The rubs you mention in your OP, for instance, pretty much couldn't be easier, particularly if you've got George Foreman in the hizouse.

And yes, Goliath is dead right about the Joy of Cooking (and I'm so glowing with pride and happiness over how incredibly well he's done since moving). Do you ever crave something you used to love to eat as a kid? The JoC can be a powerful tool to fulfill those kinds of needs.

Then again, you could just eat out a lot. :wink:

(I hate smilies too. Really. Except for mine.)

[Goliath]

Then again, you could just eat out a lot. :wink:


Yeah, but who?

:tongueout: :didi:

[Goliath]

And yes, Goliath is dead right about the Joy of Cooking (and I'm so glowing with pride and happiness over how incredibly well he's done since moving).


:blush:

[lisarea]

I'm really kind of a cooking idiot, but I have a few tricks and I like screwing around with cooking, mostly because I have lots of free time these days and it's one of the few marginally productive things I can do better than the other guys who live here.

It is a PITA a little to cook for just one, or even for two sometimes. I've got two other people to cook for now, so I'm playing around because of that, too. But if you have a little freezer space, you can always put stuff away for later.

Regardless, I think it's a worthwhile hobby to adopt to the extent that you can. It can save you money and improve your quality of life pretty significantly, and if you can get so you enjoy it, it's just a good thing all around. If you're interested at all, you should really give it a shot. Start out with Joy of Cooking, and then come around and ask. I, for one, would be more than happy to walk you through a few basic recipes and such if you'd like.

[RevDahlia]

I'm really kind of a cooking idiot, but I have a few tricks and I like screwing around with cooking, mostly because I have lots of free time these days and it's one of the few marginally productive things I can do better than the other guys who live here.

:yeahthat:

[viscousmemories]

I'm a cooking idiot, but less so today than a year ago. Until last year I didn't know how to cook much of anything. I could make spaghetti and sauce with the best of 'em (I was more of a Classico kinda guy than Newman's Own, but I'd do Newman's or Muir Glen if anything now) and I could make things from a recipe, but I didn't really have the imagination or will to learn how to cook.

A big part of the problem was that I didn't know how to eat. I was raised on pretty generic food, and so never really learned to appreciate quality. In my early 20's I was poor, and when you live on Ramen noodles and frozen burittos, you don't develop much of a palate. When I had money, in my late 20's, I went out to eat a lot. But again, I didn't really recognize quality and therefore ate a lot of generic food in generic restaurants.

Last year I was struggling a bit financially, and so made a deal with a guy whereby I would cook his dinner in exchange for food. When I told livius I had to cook for this guy and he was paying for all the food, she helped me plan a shopping list, gave me some recipes, and taught me how to make them. Some of the recipes were easier than others, but all were delicious. It wasn't hard to get accustomed to eating well, and honestly I find Ramen and frozen burritos fairly repellent now.

[Scotty]

What does it mean "cooking"?

-Scott

[Dingfod]

What does it mean "cooking"?I know a couple that had a house built without a kitchen. Their idea was that since they ate out all the time and all their social life revolved around clubs, they didn't need a kitchen.


Warren

[RevDahlia]

I know a couple that had a house built without a kitchen. Their idea was that since they ate out all the time and all their social life revolved around clubs, they didn't need a kitchen.


Warren
I know a guy who had the stove taken out of his kitchen. He turned the room into a cocktail nook/wet bar, and used the space where the stove was to house his stereo equipment.

[Cool Hand]

I know a couple that had a house built without a kitchen. Their idea was that since they ate out all the time and all their social life revolved around clubs, they didn't need a kitchen.


Warren

Hmmmm.....not a really good idea if you ever intend to put the house up for sale on the market.

Cool Hand

[Corona688]

I can cook. I'm no artist, but following directions from a cookbook generally produces something similar in characteristics to the desired result. My attempts at improvisation haven't worked out too well... "onion rings" != "baked onions covered in flour".

[Bella]

If you're new to cooking, I suggest the book I'm Just Here For the Food by Alton Brown (of GOOD EATS fame from the Food Network - tune in on Wednesday nights for a full hour). The book is divided up by cooking method, i.e. boiling, searing, et cetera. There is one base recipe and then several offshoots of that, meaning if you "get" the base recipe then the rest in that chapter shouldn't be too hard to master. It's a hella fun read and helpful besides.

[Corona688]

I'd recommend 'Cooking 101' from Coles Notes. Yep, Coles Notes. None of it's recipies have failed me yet.

[Ex-zombie]

Don't let them fool you about those cookbooks. I own five different cookbooks. I have tried to make all kinds of different dishes and they didn't taste anything like they were supposed to. Of course, it is possible that the cookbooks I purchased were defective. Perhaps through some weird coincidence some ingredients were left out of each recipe.

[livius drusus]

Was one of those ingredients cilantro? Cause by some weird coincidence I always leave that nasty shit out. ;)

[Ronin]

Just the faintest smell of cilantro is enough to make me hack up like a calico on crack.

Brain searing moments: Tequila-induced binge vomiting, violent car wreck, "Cilantro? I don't know...let me smell it".

...thought I'd share.

[dave_a]

Was one of those ingredients cilantro? Cause by some weird coincidence I always leave that nasty shit out. ;)

Cilantro, if you know how and when to use it, is wonderful.

Anyway, I just made dinner and it was a sensory nirvana if I do say so myself.

The wife bought a flank steak which is a fatty, fairly tough cut of cow. I put in in a freezer bag and whacked it with the hammer for a couple minutes. Then I made 1 cup of marinade with 2 cloves of crushed garlic, 1/2 cup vegetable oil, 1/4 cup red wine vinegar, 1/4 cup soy sauce and a pinch of ginger. Marinaded in the fridge for 6 hours, could have been even more tender marinaded overnight.

Tossed it on the grill set to smokin hot for 5 minutes per side. Everytime I dumped the leftover marinade on the steak the grill became an inferno which was way cool. Mildly burned vinegar is awesome for steak and the smoke was so thick I am sure the entire neighborhood was drooling.

Served it with wheat french, garlic bread. I don't ever use powdered garlic, I just boiled 3 cloves of garden garlic until soft, mashed them up and added 1/2 stick of real butter, none of that fake stuff for me. Drizzled it on the toasted bread and then toasted lightly again.

The whole family almost had orgasms eating it. Damn, I am good. I don't cook often, but when I do I made some killer stuff.

The secret to good cooking is to use stuff that is real and fresh. Processed stuff sucks, spices in the platic bottles is horrid. Devote a 10'x4' patch of sunny ground and grow fresh herbs, onions and garlic. That's all you will ever need and your taste buds will thank you. Not available at any store near you.

[Petra]

What's cilantro?

/me stoopid

[dave_a]

What's cilantro?

* lunachick stoopid

It is an herb most frequently found in mexican authentic salsas. The cilantro is the leaves of the plant. Once the plant goes to seed it is then called corriander and the seeds themselves are a culinary delight.

The problem with cilantro is that it is a strongly flavored herb and it does not go with everything. The secret is in recognizing what it does go with and using it sparingly. It is not to be piled on, but used as an accent to bring out other flavors and to give a hint of itself.

[livius drusus]

That sounds like an absolutely delicious dinner, dantonac, but there's nothing you can say that will convince to me embrace cilantro in any quantity. Ronin is not exaggerating: the shit makes me heave.

[Petra]

A-ha! Over here, we call the whole thing corriander and it's great in salads and Thai dishes. Love the stuff. :D

[dave_a]

That sounds like an absolutely delicious dinner, dantonac, but there's nothing you can say that will convince to me embrace cilantro in any quantity. Ronin is not exaggerating: the shit makes me heave.

How have you used it? Does a salsa containing cilantro make you heave? Would corriander in a turkey or chicken soup make you heave?

[livius drusus]

Coriander doesn't bother me - I particularly like it toasted - but the leaf tastes like lemon-fresh dishwashing detergent to me. I can taste it instantly, even in very small quantities, and once it's on my palate I can't taste anything else.

Yes, salsa has most definitely made me heave.

[Ronin]

The secret is in recognizing what it does go with and using it sparingly.

I recognize the secret.

Keep it off food.

Use it sparingly to draw forth demonic spirits that have possessed young children.

Trust me on this.

I come from shaman and priest.

[dave_a]

The secret is in recognizing what it does go with and using it sparingly.

I recognize the secret.

Keep it off food.

Use it sparingly to draw forth demonic spirits that have possessed young children.

Trust me on this.

I come from shaman and priest.

Geez, I had no idea free thinkers were such cilantro bigots. I am telling you unless you have an allergy, the stuff is sublime when used correctly. It is rarely called for, but when it is called for there simply is nothing else that works. I wish I could have you all over for dinner sometime and make you a tossed herb salad devoid of lettuce.

[Ronin]

Geez, I had no idea free thinkers were such cilantro bigots.

I'm no "free thinker" when it comes to hurling up my innards.

Cilantro is evil incarnate, dude, and it should be wiped out, chopped up and burned alive.

I'm not a herb bigot.

Some herbs are my best friends and I even write love songs to them.

I am telling you unless you have an allergy, the stuff is sublime when used correctly.

So's huffing roach spray, your point?

It is rarely called for, but when it is called for there simply is nothing else that works.

Now you're Emeril all of a sudden.

Please, I'd eat wet poo off my shoe before I'd let cilantro grace my grill.


I wish I could have you all over for dinner sometime and make you a tossed herb salad devoid of lettuce.

Is that a metaphor?

Are you coming on to me?

[Petra]

....have you all over for dinner sometime and make you a tossed herb salad devoid of lettuce.

Sounds great - I love the stuff - even eat it, as is, straight from the plant.

What time should we arrive?

[Petra]

Oooh, oooh - just saw Ronin's reply - are you coming on to him? Can I watch?

hehehehe...all my fantasies in the one tossed salad - jeez, i'm a lucky girl! :D

[dave_a]

Oooh, oooh - just saw Ronin's reply - are you coming on to him? Can I watch?

hehehehe...all my fantasies in the one tossed salad - jeez, i'm a lucky girl! :D

Well if your idea of a good time is watching 2 guys stare at each other thinking "No way, dude" then by all means come over. :D

And the salad isn't tossed the way you are hoping for, pervert.

God it feels good to tell a chick she is a pervert instead of having chicks tell me I am one.

Pervert. :D

[Petra]

Pervert. :D

/me sheds a little tear.

Damn, dantonac. I do believe that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. *sniff*

:innocent:

[JoeP]

I put in in a freezer bag and whacked it with the hammer for a couple minutes.

...

The whole family almost had orgasms eating it. Damn, I am good.

...

Not available at any store near you.
:eek:

[pescifish]

I figured out why I always think I've got nothing to share for any of these food threads: I don't really do much cooking. When I've been to the store often enough, it seems most of what I eat is barely modified from its purchased state.

In the mornings, I run fresh fruit and vegies through the juicer with abandon in wildass combinations. I eat salads made with the same disregard to style or even content: if it's fresh and handy, it gets cut up and put in the bowl. Baked potatoes, grilled or steamed vegetables, grilled, pan seared or roasted meats. At work I snack on fresh vegies, plain yogurt, nuts, cheese, fruit, beef jerky.

Even when I go to restaurants, my choices tend to be items that are barely modified from their harvested state. A friend gave me a gift certificate to an chi-chi fancy Italian restaurant (http://www.venetian.com/dining/dining.cfm?ID=4) in the Venetian at Las Vegas. I was completely baffled as to what to order**: none of it jumped out at me as "appealing" because I couldn't even guess from the descriptions what each dish might taste like. I solved this dilemna by quickly downing a couple of long island iced teas, telling my superb server that the only seafood I liked was lobster and raw tuna and letting her pick EVERYTHING.

It was awesome! But I seriously have no idea what I ate: sauces and pastas and gooey cheesy things. How cool would it be to be able to produce such fantastic culinary creations?! It will never happen for me: I think I'm just a basic hunter/gatherer at heart when it comes to eating.

So, yeah, I am a cooking idiot!




**My inability to order was compounded by the fact that for various reasons I couldn't read the menu very well, not the least of which was that it was written in Italian and the font was in a very thin italics. Each item went something like this:

Medaglioni di maiale al burro e salvia con miele di lavanda e purea di sedano rapa
Milk marinated pork loin pan sautéed in butter and sage with lavender honey and celery root puree.

Seriously, how can I trust that English translation? The Italian quite clearly states that it's medalions of drooling donkey with a sauce made from lavender raped in Sedona.

[Bella]

My inability to order was compounded by the fact that for various reasons I couldn't read the menu very well, not the least of which was that it was written in Italian and the font was in a very thin italics. Each item went something like this:

Medaglioni di maiale al burro e salvia con miele di lavanda e purea di sedano rapa
Milk marinated pork loin pan sautéed in butter and sage with lavender honey and celery root puree.

Seriously, how can I trust that English translation? The Italian quite clearly states that it's medalions of drooling donkey with a sauce made from lavender raped in Sedona.
You crack me up.

I hate menus that read like the one you just described. It confuses you with fancy words and it makes you think what you're getting is difficult to make when in reality it's probably not. "Milk marinated pork loin" is a piece of pig soaked in cow juice overnight. "Pan sauteéd in butter and sage" means it's been slapped in a pan that was coated in butter and browned up until it reaches 145° and a "lavender honey and celery root puree" means that you get some bee spit and celery root mashed up and dumped on your plate as a garnish.

Furthermore, I think that lots of people have this weird idea that in order to be a good cook, you have to be able to pull osso buco out of your ass and make truffle-butter asparagus do the tango. For chrissakes, some of the most beautiful food is very simple. Nothing better than a nice tender steak pan seared (that's slapped in a hot pan and left until nice and crusty brown) and then thrown in an oven to continue cooking. Who needs this fancy compound butter and pommes de terre au gaufrette bullshit, anyway? Rub a potato in some oil, stick it in the oven for 40 minutes, and you've got the best meat-and-potatoes dinner right in your own home.

[livius drusus]

In the mornings, I run fresh fruit and vegies through the juicer with abandon in wildass combinations. I eat salads made with the same disregard to style or even content: if it's fresh and handy, it gets cut up and put in the bowl. Baked potatoes, grilled or steamed vegetables, grilled, pan seared or roasted meats. At work I snack on fresh vegies, plain yogurt, nuts, cheese, fruit, beef jerky.

It looks to me like you have at least a half dozen great non-idiot cooking discussions in there: raw food, fave snack item (both healthy and deadly varieties), best potato fixin', why does dairy rule so hard, among many others.

Even when I go to restaurants, my choices tend to be items that are barely modified from their harvested state. A friend gave me a gift certificate to an chi-chi fancy Italian restaurant (http://www.venetian.com/dining/dining.cfm?ID=4) in the Venetian at Las Vegas. I was completely baffled as to what to order**: none of it jumped out at me as "appealing" because I couldn't even guess from the descriptions what each dish might taste like. I solved this dilemna by quickly downing a couple of long island iced teas, telling my superb server that the only seafood I liked was lobster and raw tuna and letting her pick EVERYTHING.

Oh cool! A menu thread! I'm totally starting that one even if only to show off my preternatural (damn you, Anne Rice!) picking the best thing on the list abilities.

It was awesome! But I seriously have no idea what I ate: sauces and pastas and gooey cheesy things. How cool would it be to be able to produce such fantastic culinary creations?! It will never happen for me: I think I'm just a basic hunter/gatherer at heart when it comes to eating.

But sure that's more preference than ability, no? I like cooking because I find the process itself almost meditative when I'm by myself and wonderfully social when I'm with friends. The end product is a whole other category for me.

And besides, what about all those yummy things you listed in the Home Favorites (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=395) thread? I can't made albondigas, ya know. :wink:

Seriously, how can I trust that English translation? The Italian quite clearly states that it's medalions of drooling donkey with a sauce made from lavender raped in Sedona.

:LMAO: I laughed out loud at that one, pesci. Bravissima!

[dave_a]

Furthermore, I think that lots of people have this weird idea that in order to be a good cook, you have to be able to pull osso buco out of your ass and make truffle-butter asparagus do the tango. For chrissakes, some of the most beautiful food is very simple.

I couldn't agree more EXCEPT that the seasoning used in food can make all the difference in the world. Many people will find seasonings beyond salt and pepper to be confusing, but it need not be.

The difference between a crushed clove of garlic and garlic powder is like night and day. Many herbs frequently sold as dried powder or flakes lose their flavor when they are dried so folks using the seasoning shakers are just not going to be able to reproduce the culinary delights found at high end (or even mid range) restaurants. French tarragon MUSt be grown at home as it loses it's flavor when dried and therefore must be frozen (just chop some up, put in icecube trays, top with water and freeze. Use a cube when you want taragon flavor.

The best advice I can give to anyone who wants to create fantastic, 5 star quality meals in their home easily is to take a cooking class that focuses on natural rather than processed food ingredients.

Even those without yards can grow herbs and veggies not commonly found (or found as noticeably inferior products to fresh) in grocery stores in pots with very little effort.

Unfortunately in our fast paced world we seem to have lost two of the great meditative arts; growing produce and home cooking of all natural foods.

[JoeP]

Medaglioni di maiale al burro e salvia con miele di lavanda e purea di sedano rapa
Milk marinated pork loin pan sautéed in butter and sage with lavender honey and celery root puree.

Seriously, how can I trust that English translation? The Italian quite clearly states that it's medalions of drooling donkey with a sauce made from lavender raped in Sedona.
:D :D :D
But I think lavanda sounds like a washbasin and miele refers to the international white goods manufacturer. The haunch of donkey was left in the basin overnight. The chef forgot about it but nothing goes to waste.

[Corona688]

Even when I go to restaurants, my choices tend to be items that are barely modified from their harvested state. A friend gave me a gift certificate to an chi-chi fancy Italian restaurant (http://www.venetian.com/dining/dining.cfm?ID=4) in the Venetian at Las Vegas. I was completely baffled as to what to order**: none of it jumped out at me as "appealing" because I couldn't even guess from the descriptions what each dish might taste like. From a badly-translated menu in Thialand: "Rather Burnt Land Slug"

[pescifish]

From a badly-translated menu in Thialand: "Rather Burnt Land Slug"Hehe! :yup: Back in my 20s my coworkers and I would go to a Chinese restaurant where one of the dishes we always liked to order was described as "Some kind of fungus." Hmmmm, mmmm, it was yummy!

[Corona688]

Even those without yards can grow herbs and veggies not commonly found (or found as noticeably inferior products to fresh) in grocery stores in pots with very little effort.

Unfortunately in our fast paced world we seem to have lost two of the great meditative arts; growing produce and home cooking of all natural foods. Sadly true. I could grow all these fresh herbs, but wouldn't have a clue what to do with them.