The problem is obviously with me.

[Ensign Steve]

So I'm hanging out in the dark, wallowing in self-pity, convinced the world is out to get me. Lately every-fucking-body has been trying to push my buttons. My downstairs neighbor is being a dick, and he acts like it's my fault that the buildings are built as shitty as they are. I can't read two posts on any board without screaming, "Why does everything have to be a fucking argument with you people!" My mom is pulling that mother-knows-best shit with me (which I had never gotten from her in the first 26 years of my life!), and every conversation with her is like talking to a brick wall (or a mombot, whichever is less likely to accept my verbal spewings as actual, valid opinions). Right now I have Dorian on proverbial "ignore" because I don't want to say something I'll regret. I asked myself, why, oh why is the world conspiring against me? Well, my wallowing paid off; I finally figured it out.

The problem is obviously with me. I have never had any of these problems before. And all of them have one thing in common. Me. Somehow, in my old age, I have lost my ability to tolerate people. I used to be able to tolerate--even trust and respect--all kinds of people, even those I didn't necessarily like. Now I can't even stand the people I love! I think that I gave away my love, tolerance, trust and patience too easily in the first part of my life. The sugar cup is empty. I have nothing left to give. Brandi, I know you're not reading this, but it's not you, it's me. I suck.

My mom's coming to visit me on April. That should either cheer me up or drive me screaming over the edge. Stay tuned.

[beyelzu]

How long have you felt like this?


a day, a week, longer?


when I am home from work I can feel similar.


This too shall pass.



or some such shit.



Sorry, you feel poorly, but you really shouldnt feel down about yourself. Everyone takes the world as it is sometimes circumstances suck, but they change. It is the circumstances, not you.

[livius drusus]

I blame the Proactiv. That's when it all started going to shit.

[Ensign Steve]

How long have you felt like this?


a day, a week, longer?

The first time I really wanted to punch somebody in the face repeatedly was within the first few days of quitting smoking, so that's understandable. But I haven't gotten out of my funk since, and that's not right. That was like five weeks ago. I am at a new job in a new town 2000 miles from everyone I know and love. That may or may not have everything to do with it, who knows? I've never been in this situation so I have no basis for comparison. Usually when I get like this I can blame PMS, but not this time.

[Ensign Steve]

I haven't decided whether I am going to get just completely blotto this weekend. I had intended to, but now with this funk further analyzed, I think maybe it is not a good idea.

It's either the last thing I need, or exactly what I need.

To add insult to injury, the thread title / last poster name combo confirms that "The problem is obviously with ... Ensign Steve." More people need to reply so the problem can be with them. TIA!

[livius drusus]

I wish I had some good advice but I'm totally useless. All I can think of is stupid crap like you watching more Star Trek DVDs.

Sorry, JD. At least now the problem is obviously with ... livius drusus.

[viscousmemories]

I'm afraid to say anything since you say everything is pissing you off lately...

So I'll just leave it at :hug: for now.

[Crumb]

Here's a hug from the crumb to ES.

:cheerup:

Hope it helps.

[maddog]

Steve, *ahem,* y'all really really need to lighten up! (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1790) :runaway:
#337

[Godless Dave]

I am at a new job in a new town 2000 miles from everyone I know and love. That may or may not have everything to do with it, who knows?

I bet that has quite a lot to do with it. Homesickness and culture shock can creep up on you when you least expect them.

[Shake]

(((((ES)))))

Reflection - by Tool

I have come curiously close to the end, down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated, I concede and
Move closer
I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness
How pitiful

It's calling me...

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping
The moon tells me a secret - my confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me

Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don't wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.
I must crucify the ego before it's far too late
I pray the light lifts me out
Before I pine away.

So crucify the ego, before it's far too late
To leave behind this place so negative and blind and cynical,
And you will come to find that we are all one mind
Capable of all that's imagined and all conceivable.
Just let the light touch you
And let the words spill through
And let them pass right through
Bringing out our hope and reason ...
before we pine away.

[Corona688]

This is the point at which I would say something witty and urbane, if I'd ever gotten the hang of that sort of thing. So instead, a few points:

No point blaming yourself for the way you feel; feelings aren't rational at the best of times, let alone the worst. It seems to me the combination of quitting smoking and moving has got to be a real doozie -- a change of environment and the stress of travel coinciding with the loss of a coping strategy. Maybye keep yourself occupied somehow? When I start feeling like this I hunt up a new game of some sort or other or go on long random walks. Best wishes, hope things work out for you.

[Ab_Normal]

If you'd like, it can be all my fault. :D

[JoeP]

So the problem is with you. It's not about you. It'll heal.

Like GD says, being away from home is a big part of it. Call it PMS; call it nicotine withdrawal; call it anything, but don't call it you. These kind of dark moods are like having an invisible broken leg - no one sees anything wrong - you look fine, why are you limping / treating me so badly? But if they and you could see it, they'd give you tolerance and support (or get tf out of the way), and you could do the same for yourself.

Anyway, you're obviously barking mad because I can assure you the problem is with me. :crazy: :clouds:

[Ex-zombie]

If you'd like, it can be all my fault. :D


Bah. I know somehow it's the fault of viscousmemories. That bastard!



Give yourself some slack ES. You are in a new job without the support of the people you love. You are also in a foreign land. The south, shudder. Hey I grew up there. So I know whereof I speak.

Don't beat yourself up about the way you feel. I think your feelings are completely justified given your situation. :hug:

[LadyShea]

Brandi, I know you're not reading this, but it's not you, it's me. I suck.

Oh thank God. I was looking for a scapegoat. I'll just run post on my not goodbye thread that it's all JD's fault and feel much better.

Babe, you are experiencing several of the known top life stressors. Moving, change in marital status, new job, quitting smoking, being isolated. Of course you feel out of sorts and irritable...I would be worried if you didn't.

[pescifish]

I hope you get your mojo back soon. :sadcheer:
You are one of the most unflappably real in-the-moment people I know and seem to be able to adjust beautifully to every situation with ease and energy. (While reading the IQ thread the other day I was thinking on who/what I think demonstrates high raw intelligence and thought immediately of you.) I hope you can ride it out quickly! And for goodness sakes, whatever you do, don't go doing anything major and life changing like joining the armed forces or getting married or something crazy like that! :wink:

[godfry n. glad]

The first time I really wanted to punch somebody in the face repeatedly was within the first few days of quitting smoking, so that's understandable. But I haven't gotten out of my funk since, and that's not right. That was like five weeks ago. I am at a new job in a new town 2000 miles from everyone I know and love. That may or may not have everything to do with it, who knows? I've never been in this situation so I have no basis for comparison. Usually when I get like this I can blame PMS, but not this time.

Whoa... Wait... Right there - Quit smoking five weeks ago.

Now, I don't know what method you used, but after I dropped using the patch, I had cyclic cranky periods (I know, I know...how could anybody tell, given my usual sunny disposition?). That, with all the other stressors, would indeed put you into occasional crank sessions.

Take it from a real crank...

It's not you, it's the lack of nicotine, as well as lack of frequent and regular snugs.

:cheerup:

[Ensign Steve]

Aw, you guys are great! I'm sorry I said I can't stand the people I love, because I love you guys! :hugs:

I wish I had some good advice but I'm totally useless. All I can think of is stupid crap like you watching more Star Trek DVDs.

What are you talking about? That is sound advice. Maybe I'll purchase Voyager, Season 6, and play beertrek all night.

I'm afraid to say anything since you say everything is pissing you off lately...

It's okay, I think I have a pretty good idea what you were going to say, anyway. But what if we can't get the hippopotamus to wear the thong? Thanks for the hugs!

Thanks for the hug, Crumb, and for the laugh, maddog! :chuckle:


I am at a new job in a new town 2000 miles from everyone I know and love. That may or may not have everything to do with it, who knows?
I bet that has quite a lot to do with it. Homesickness and culture shock can creep up on you when you least expect them.

That's the thing, I was homesick as hell when I was in Texas. But since I've been to Georgia, I've been feeling great about my situation. I no longer spend a lot of my time wishing I was back in LA. Now I just hate everybody! Maybe it's all the same, it's just manifesting itself differently. Who knows?

Thanks, Shake. Is that from Lateralus? I don't recognize the words, but it's damn pretty. :)


* Maybye keep yourself occupied somehow? When I start feeling like this I hunt up a new game of some sort or other or go on long random walks.
Thanks. Right now my new puppy pretty much takes up the majority of my time and energy. He does stress me out about as often as he calms me down, but as I said to Dorian, "Taking care of dogshit helps me keep my mind off the bullshit."

Thanks, Ab. You are too kind.


Anyway, you're obviously barking mad...

I knew it! Thanks for not being afraid to say it. ;)

Bah. I know somehow it's the fault of viscousmemories. That bastard!

Things usually are.


Oh thank God. I was looking for a scapegoat. I'll just run post on my not goodbye thread that it's all JD's fault and feel much better.

Much obliged, but everything is Ab's fault now. :)

You are one of the most unflappably real in-the-moment people I know and seem to be able to adjust beautifully to every situation with ease and energy.

Fish, did anyone ever tell you you are a genius? This is exactly why I am concerned right now. I am not adjusting beautifully to this situation with ease and energy! And that's what's making me upset. I should be able to, I always have in the past. :shrug:


Now, I don't know what method you used, but after I dropped using the patch, I had cyclic cranky periods (I know, I know...how could anybody tell, given my usual sunny disposition?). That, with all the other stressors, would indeed put you into occasional crank sessions.

I did cold turkey. You don't think five weeks is long enough to get the junk out of my system? Anywho, thanks for the snugs.

And thank you everyone for the good vibes, snugs, advice, sympathy, empathy, and love. Y'all are the bestest!!!!!11!one

[livius drusus]

What are you talking about? That is sound advice.

It is? Oh well then, here's a little something which might help get you in the mood.

Spazio, ultima frontiera. (http://www.freethought-forum.com/sounds/spazio.wav) :spock:

[Ensign Steve]

Wow. I think I just found my background soundtrack for my uber-annoying myspace profile. :bow:

[Sweetie]

In my experience, the psychological aspects of quitting smoking last longer than five weeks which is why I have such trouble quitting. I can handle the cravings, I hate feeling like you are feeling for a long period of time, that's exactly it.

[godfry n. glad]

I had 25 years of inhaling nicotine. I couldn't master it with cold turkey. I couldn't master it with hypnotism. I couldn't master it with acupuncture. It took the step-patch program. Even then, the urges for ciggies came upon me unbidden for months afterwards. I was tearing new orifices all too often.

The further you get away from the last cig, the easier it gets. But you've got separation anxiety, moving stress, new career stress and all that piled on top of it. Smokers generally want to smoke more when they are stressed.

I found that when I entered those edgy, "get-the-hell-away-from-me-I've-got-a-gun" attitudes, if I got up immediately and went for a brisk walk, it helped me. I don't know that it'll help you...or if it's even feasible...but it worked for me.

godfry

[SharonDee]

Yep, I agree with what they're telling you about smoking cessation. The nicotine probably is out of your system after five weeks. But you're still dealing with the psychological baggage; that isn't helped with everything else you have going on.

Of course, I only smoked for 16 years. What do I know? ;)

I think you should be proud of yourself. Me? I'd be stark raving mad if I was in your circumstances.

[Lauri D]

I haven't a dogdamn thing to say that could even approach the eloquence of Those Who Have Posted Before, but I just wanted to add something along the lines of...

{{{{{{{JEN}}}}}}} you know you love it, or maybe it's just me

Anywho, thinking of you. I still have your pickle tupperware if that makes a difference. I gave everything away but said "NO! That's JD's pickle container!" :P

[pescifish]

This is exactly why I am concerned right now. I am not adjusting beautifully to this situation with ease and energy! And that's what's making me upset. I should be able to, I always have in the past. :shrug:You'll get your mojo back! :starfleet: It's still hybernating in it's little sleepy bear cave. :bow4: Give it some time to catch up. :yup:

[Shake]

What are you talking about? That is sound advice.

It is? Oh well then, here's a little something which might help get you in the mood.

Spazio, ultima frontiera. (http://www.freethought-forum.com/sounds/spazio.wav) :spock:
Is that you talking there, liv?

[Ensign Steve]

The further you get away from the last cig, the easier it gets.

This I know from experience. My mom and I have a saying: "Quitting smoking is easy, I do it all the time." And every time it is the last time. :rolleye1: My last quit lasted three years (minus a couple months in the middle, am I right, Lauri?), and ended the day I got married. Go figure.

[Ensign Steve]

I haven't a dogdamn thing to say that could even approach the eloquence of Those Who Have Posted Before, but I just wanted to add something along the lines of...

{{{{{{{JEN}}}}}}} you know you love it, or maybe it's just me

You know I love it. Want to hear something really gross? My in-laws call me Jennifer. Ew!

Anywho, thinking of you. I still have your pickle tupperware if that makes a difference. I gave everything away but said "NO! That's JD's pickle container!" :P

No, you are not schleping around that pickle tupperware! Does it still have the same pickles in it? Please feel free to "lose" it at any time, unless you happen to schlep it all the way to the Southeast. ;) Lest you become known as the crazy nomad lady with the pickle tupperware. Do you still have the skull ashtray?

[livius drusus]

Is that you talking there, liv?

Si.

[Ensign Steve]

Nuh-uh! :rubeyes:

[livius drusus]

Yuh-huh.

[livius drusus]

Wait. You didn't think it was the actual intro as shown on Italian TV? Because that's done by the dude who voices Captain Kirk. The wav is my recital from memory.

[Ensign Steve]

Big deal. I can recite it from memory in lots of languages. Mostly English.

[livius drusus]

Oh I don't even doubt that. I was just afraid I'd disappointed you by making you upload some bullshit wannabe instead the real deal for your obnoxious myspace profile.

[Ensign Steve]

No way, liv. You are the real deal. Who wants some stupid Italian Schatner wannabe when I can have some sexy-voiced female reciting it? Plus it is original. Oh, except now I have to be all like, "Can I please have your permission to use your original work of 'art' on my myspace profile? Please?"

[livius drusus]

Oh cool. NO! :muahaha:

Man, I slay me. Upload to your heart's content, babeh. I'm proud and honored to be the voice of your annoying myspace profile.

[Seven of Nine]

Yeah! What all of them said!

I'm new here, but I want you to know how much I already look forward to reading your posts, and, now I now know you wrote most of them when you were feeling like crap, I appreciate them even more.
This isn't nearly as cool as liv's gift to you, but here goes:

Dilbert has a run-in with his new Seven of Nine alarm clock.

http://sevenofnine.cherrytaco.com/Star_Trek_Images/Seven_of_Nine_Alarm_Clock/Dilbert's_Seven_Of_Nine_Alarm_Clock_1.jpghttp://sevenofnine.cherrytaco.com/Star_Trek_Images/Seven_of_Nine_Alarm_Clock/Dilbert's_Seven_Of_Nine_Alarm_Clock_2.jpg

http://sevenofnine.cherrytaco.com/Star_Trek_Images/Seven_of_Nine_Alarm_Clock/dilbert.mp3

[Ensign Steve]

Hahaha! I love that one!

"Believe me, I am plenty turned off right now"

:roflmao:

[Dingfod]

I'm reasonably certain this is one thing that ISN'T my fault, then again, you never know.
/me ducks and runs for cover