Roger Ebert: "Nil By Mouth"

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Ok the two people who told me to read this both cried.

I only got so far before deciding to share it but idk where on FF to post so here.

Nil by mouth - Roger Ebert's Journal (http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2010/01/nil_by_mouth.html)

A third surgery was attempted, using a different approach. It seemed to work, and in a mirror I saw myself looking familiar again. But after a little more than a week, that surgery failed, too. Blood vessels intended to attach the transplanted tissue lost function, probably because they had been weakened by radiation. A fourth surgery has been proposed, but I flatly reject the idea. To paraphrase a line from "Adaptation's" orchid collector: "Done with surgery."


During that whole period I was Nil by Mouth. Nobody said as much in so many words, but it gradually became clear that it wouldn't ever be right again. There wasn't some soul-dropping moment for that realization. It just...developed. I never felt hungry, I never felt thirsty, I wasn't angry because the doctors had done their best. But I went through a period of obsession about food and drink.
Roger Ebert is fighting thyroid cancer.

And all my problems seem so small and unimportant.

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Ohhhh, man.
Isn't it sad to be unable eat or drink? Not as sad as you might imagine. I save an enormous amount of time. I have control of my weight. Everything agrees with me. And so on.

What I miss is the society. Lunch and dinner are the two occasions when we most easily meet with friends and family. They're the first way we experience places far from home. Where we sit to regard the passing parade. How we learn indirectly of other cultures. When we feel good together. Meals are when we get a lot of our talking done -- probably most of our recreational talking. That's what I miss. Because I can't speak that's's another turn of the blade. I can sit at a table and vicariously enjoy the conversation, which is why I enjoy pals like my friend McHugh so much, because he rarely notices if anyone else isn't speaking. But to attend a "business dinner" is a species of torture. I'm no good at business anyway, but at least if I'm being bad at it at Joe's Stone Crab there are consolations.

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Got to the end. Might cry.
So that's what's sad about not eating. The loss of dining, not the loss of food. It may be personal, but for, unless I'm alone, it doesn't involve dinner if it doesn't involve talking. The food and drink I can do without easily. The jokes, gossip, laughs, arguments and shared memories I miss. Sentences beginning with the words, "Remember that time?" I ran in crowds where anyone was likely to break out in a poetry recitation at any time. Me too. But not me anymore. So yes, it's sad. Maybe that's why I enjoy this blog. You don't realize it, but we're at dinner right now.

[The Man]

This fucking sucks. Fuck cancer.

[yguy]

Roger Ebert is fighting thyroid cancer.

And all my problems seem so small and unimportant.Lots of people are fighting cancer, have been as long as you've been alive. What's so special about Ebert?

[Plant Woman]

He's talking about it and she's reading it and feeling empathy, that's what's so special about Ebert.

[Cliche Guevara]

What's so special about him is that he is sharing his tragic experience through some rather wonderful writing on his blog. He tells his story so poignantly and gives us insight into what it is like. This gives us greater empathy for those who are suffering, and helps us to understand deeper so much of what we take for granted in our lives - the ability to dine with friends and family, sharing not just the nourishment of good food, but of good conversation too, etc.

Is he the only one who is suffering? No. Is he the only who writes about his experience? No. Does he have to be?

And it is possible that he is not very special to you, and that's fine - but that doesn't mean he is not very special to anyone, by default.

[Cliche Guevara]

Gah! It takes me twice as long to say exactly the same thing that someone else says in one quick, insightful sentence!


It is a beautifully written blog.

[D. Scarlatti]

What's special about Ebert obviously is he's a gay Muslin.

[yguy]

What's so special about him is that he is sharing his tragic experience through some rather wonderful writing on his blog. He tells his story so poignantly and gives us insight into what it is like. This gives us greater empathy for those who are suffering, And just how are we better off for that?and helps us to understand [appreciate] deeper so much of what we take for granted in our lives - the ability to dine with friends and family, sharing not just the nourishment of good food, but of good conversation too, etc.If you're OK with my substitution, why do you need the suffering of others to appreciate all that? And if not, what do you understand about it that proceeds from accounts of the horrendous experiences of others?

[The Man]

And just how are we better off for that?Did you just ask how feeling empathy makes us better off? That explains so much about you.