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ITSOZAZ
03-18-2010, 06:17 PM
(the devil has wings, too)


In the spirit of sharing that seems to make members of free thinkers, I offer you up an explanation as to why I seek attention…

I spent a good portion of my life surrounded by terrified and dying children. I was a healthy child that was brought up in the company of very sick ones. My sister has congenital heart failure and has been sick since she was born. Science is what keeps my sister alive to this day. She is the poster girl for the fight against nature. She is the most human person I know and so by default, the most brave. She’s literally experienced death (more than once) and so totally knows what it means to be alive. She is the most modern human being I know.

I remember going to church when I was growing up and everybody turning to look at me when prayers were offered for my sister’s recovery from her latest heart surgery or emergency. It was an odd feeling to be pitied for the misfortune of somebody else and I’m sure it shaped the person I am today. It singled me out, a feeling (as you might imagine) that I didn’t mind, since I couldn’t help but live in the shadow of my family’s drama. My parents are amazing and they did the best they could, but there is no doubt they had to devote a lot of their time away from me and in the company of my sister. I have no bitterness about this, as it was natural for them to do and as I said- they did their best and as my parents that was the best.

My sister would have longs stints in the hospital every few years, all of her life. Things have slowed down a bit (eventually she’ll need a heart transplant to live), but when she was younger she was in and out of the hospital for numerous procedures, including two valve replacements. I spent a lot of time in those hospitals along with her and my parents, to offer support and take comfort in family. We all loved each other very much because we felt the pain that requires such an emotional drug so acutely. To this day my mother, sister and myself, say, “I love you” to each other at least once a day. It was the same with my dad until he died. I still look up and say it anyhow.

When she was in for the latest round of slicing and dicing, poking and prodding, a lot of babies screamed in pain and moaned for life all around us. A lot of children wandered the halls with faces old people carry around. Sick little boys would want me as a playmate and sick little girls would pretend I was their boyfriend…and then they would die. I was a child that counseled other children that were dying; assuring them they would be fine and sometimes being wrong. I’ve been coming to terms with this lately as it’s pretty fucked up stuff when you think about it, and I think about everything.

My sister and I have discussed this and she feels sorry for me, and my position in this painful production. I don’t accept her pity because fate has obviously been harder on her, but it is a weird position to be totally healthy and successful (I was really good in the schoolin’) and immersed in a world where everybody around you is fighting for his or her life. What makes it macabre is to have those people be children. It is also an odd headspace to be born into it. My parents were fighting for their choice- their child. My sister was fighting for her life. I was really just there to cheer them on.

As I mentioned- I was a great student when I was young, but by the time I was in grade ten or eleven, I was surrounded by so much death and illness in my life that it began to take a toll. I discovered that alcohol was an easy way to feel good and that’s exactly what I needed. I lived a very debauched and wild life. I was the life of the party. I partied like a rock star and ended ass-up in the reality of being a loser. With the help of my family I picked myself up again.

I still like getting attention and I usually try to make it positive, but sometimes you need to balance things and I don’t mind standing out for different reasons. I will take your attention and have you look at me. I’m a pro at getting whatever attention I want because that’s how I was raised. It’s how I was shaped during the most formative years of my life.

And so now you know where that comes from.

(or so I think)

beyelzu
03-18-2010, 08:23 PM
My father spent alot of time in the hospital when I was young. He had a stroke when I was five, he was pretty fucked up after that. I didnt always know why he was in the hospital. It was strange being there as a kid. As he lay there dying or nearly so.

ITSOZAZ
03-18-2010, 08:24 PM
i should add that i think it's assumed that i don't believe in health care, but that's not true.

i just don't think people that live unhealthy lives should expect it (myself included). compassion is great if you can afford it...but the sad sacks far outnumber the dollars that go into saving them.

my sister was born with her problem. my father suffered many years and in horrible ways, but his was disease and he didn't live the healthiest lifestyle. as hard as it is for me to say, i don't think he deserved it. i don't even think i would deserve it.

that said, i'm a frightened human when faced with death and i'll take what is offered...i just don't think we should encourage that behaviour.

ITSOZAZ
03-18-2010, 08:24 PM
My father spent alot of time in the hospital when I was young. He had a stroke when I was five, he was pretty fucked up after that. I didnt always know why he was in the hospital. It was strange being there as a kid. As he lay there dying or nearly so.


sorry to hear that, bey.

hospitals are no place for children, even when they need them.

Cliche Guevara
03-23-2010, 10:35 AM
...i just don't think we should encourage that behaviour.

But it is encouraged, isn't it? From powerful ad campaigns that target impressionable children and form habits that are somehow indelibly encoded into the brain forever more, to manufactured popular culture and it's effect on youth 'cool', and on to many many variables that make up the soul and the flesh and the brain of a human being in all it's frailties; all it's damages and fears and guilts and pain.

Help get people well - in themselves and in communities - give them life/work balance - give them strength and give them compassion - give them knowledge of self and of how much in the world that is marketed to them as fun or cool or 'adds life' etc is clever and well researched psychological tricks played on them by propagandists and marketeers, and maybe fewer of them will want or need the things that will ultimately destroy them.

Maybe.

In my opinion it's worth a try.

Also tax the hell out of junk food and overly manufactured food producers, alcohol and tobacco, etc, etc, to pay for both healthcare for individuals, and community care for neighbourhoods and suburbs, etc. Let's get holistic on this - everything else is just a tiny band-aid on a severed limb.



Also, thanks for sharing your story.

ITSOZAZ
03-23-2010, 08:19 PM
i agree that those things would be worth a try.