Crazy Mutant Babies: Should we even consider this?

[seebs]

Beloved Spouse and I are both pretty weird. Mostly in good ways. We are thinking of sprogging. We both turn 38 this summer.

Do we have a chance? Do we have a remotely reasonable chance? We are both pretty strongly attached to being related to our kids -- adoption is a very distant alternative, or at least seems like one now. Obviously, we're a bit old for this, but I haven't been able to find consistent data on how much "a bit old" we are, or what the implications are. I can't tell whether we have a 5% chance of having a kid with Downs Syndrome and a 1% chance of a healthy kid, and that's it, or a 50% chance of making it to two kids, with about a 5% chance of either having some kind of defect, or what. I don't even know enough about this to know what questions we should ask if we want to start talking to a doctor.

[Qingdai]

After age 35 your chance of having a baby with Down's syndrome is closer to equal as your chances of having a miscarriage from the amniocentesis diagnostic test.

Of course there is a very good genetic screening test that is a blood test and high tech ultra sound (nuchal translucency screening) which also has the advantage of being available in the first trimester, therefor you could abort if you felt that the pregnancy was too high risk. The results from the screening I last saw researched were very good. It's fairly accurate.
http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/304/6831/867

So the incidence of genetic defects from maternal age is widely reported, but in reality less of a risk than people may worry about.

Decrease in fertility can be a problem, it may take longer or underlying chronic conditions can be further advanced than when you are young. It took me two years to get pregnant, which made my husband quite happy. Me, not so much.
Current wisdom is that if you are over 35 and it takes over 6 months to get pregnant, you should seek medical help. It would be good, at any rate, for any parent, to get a physical before trying to conceive. Also taking some folic acid in some form 2 months before beginning can help prevent neural tube defects, for the moms. Along with checking to see if any medications you are taking could have an adverse impact on the fetus.

The real question you should be asking yourself, is how do you feel about being available 24/7 for months, if not years, on end for the health, happiness and well-being of a child.

There are lots of birth classes available, parenting classes are a bit fewer.

I hope that helps.

[Dingfod]

Beloved Spouse and I are both pretty weird. Mostly in good ways. We are thinking of sprogging. We both turn 38 this summer.

Do we have a chance? Do we have a remotely reasonable chance? We are both pretty strongly attached to being related to our kids -- adoption is a very distant alternative, or at least seems like one now. Obviously, we're a bit old for this, but I haven't been able to find consistent data on how much "a bit old" we are, or what the implications are. I can't tell whether we have a 5% chance of having a kid with Downs Syndrome and a 1% chance of a healthy kid, and that's it, or a 50% chance of making it to two kids, with about a 5% chance of either having some kind of defect, or what. I don't even know enough about this to know what questions we should ask if we want to start talking to a doctor.I think you're fucking insane, but that's just me. I know my own experience is not representative.

[BrotherMan]

I'm not a resource for any good to you, except to say that my mom was 41 when she had me. I was the last of hers. I would think that just opening a discussion with your doctor is a good step. He or she would certainly be able to point you in the right direction.

[erimir]

You know, I was under the impression your spouse was not a woman by birth, but maybe you were talking about someone other than your wife.

/random

[LadyShea]

I would think that just opening a discussion with your doctor is a good step. He or she would certainly be able to point you in the right direction.

Yeah that

[seebs]

Spouse is biologically female, just not real happy about it.

[seebs]

And yeah, we were gonna start by talking to doctor.

[Chris Porter]

Well, oddly, I wouldn't be so concerned with age as I would be with you and your partner's intelligence and autism. I think it's a case of slightly more likely than not your kid may have developmental oddities.

So that's something I would bring up to the doctor.

[Doctor X]

Dibs on your stereo.






Not like you will have time to use it once the spawning begins.

--J.D.

[irukandji]

i was 38 when my 16 YO was born

i was 53 when i had to participate in
his "driving practice" to fulfill the hours
required to advance to his actual license

i am now 112

just sayin'... they aint as cute as adolescents
and way more work than toddlers



:oldlady:

[SharonDee]

I was going to say, "Don't do it!" But hey, just because my own mistakes brought on decades of unwanted parenthood, that doesn't mean I can give such advice to someone who is giving the prospect a great deal more thought than I did at the time.

Also, if my own daughter were asking my advice on whether to procreate I would first say, "Don't!" Then I'd be all, "Aw, grandchildren!" :aww:

In sum:
* SharonDee is an unreliable advisor

[Caligulette]

i was 38 when my 16 YO was born
:oldlady:
That musta hurt!

If your wife is not so happy about being female, she might want to consider how she'd feel during the pregnancy itself, as it's a rather female experience. (I do not mean that to sound as flip as it reads.)

Parenting itself is a lot of work, as I am sure everyone has told you, and the thing is that it doesn't actually let up. If you have a grasp of this - and maybe if you borrow someone else's very young child for a whole day to get an idea of the demandyness - and are still wanting, I do not think the age thing is such a big deal. That lady in Italy, you know, the 6000 year old, she had a healthy kid.

[erimir]

Spouse is biologically female, just not real happy about it.Ah, I had it backwards then.

Well, I don't really know much about parenting, so I guess I'll mosey on out of here... :tiptoe:

[Naru]

My parents were 39 and 40 when I was born.

[LadyShea]

Well, I like being a parent, and we were 36 and 37 when we adopted. There are trade offs...less energy maybe but more patience.

I would ask though why are you considering it now? What has changed? What is the goal in your possible sprogging? How will an unpredictable child fit in to your lives (are you flexible and adaptable)?

[Deadlokd]

This looks relevant.

Google Answers: Birth Defects in Children Born to Women Over 40 (http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=306902)

Mother's age at delivery:39 Chance of Down's Syndrome:1 in 139 Chance of other Chromosomal abnormality:1 in 80

I just want to throw in that my niece has Down's and is just fucking awesome. First and foremost she is a person, just like your child will be if she or he has it when they are born. Far down the list she has a birth defect. Very far down the list.

[ITSOZAZ]

what the hell is sprogging?

[Crumb]

nm

[ITSOZAZ]

why? should i know?

[Crumb]

Yes you should know. You've done it twice.

[ITSOZAZ]

no i haven't. i looked it up and the word doesn't exist. i'm not stupid and i assume it refers to have children, so if you call it that then my answer is no...don't have children. my wife was in her late 30s and we never really considered the risks because there are always risks at any age and late 30s ain't what it used to be.

[Crumb]

So they are not yours? :hm:

[ITSOZAZ]

huh?

[seebs]

Well, I like being a parent, and we were 36 and 37 when we adopted. There are trade offs...less energy maybe but more patience.

I would ask though why are you considering it now? What has changed? What is the goal in your possible sprogging? How will an unpredictable child fit in to your lives (are you flexible and adaptable)?

We've been thinking about it for a long time. Long story short, we had insufficient spoons; we were perpetually broke, or moving, or dealing with roommate drama, or undiagnosed and/or unmedicated, and so on. We really want kids, we just couldn't deal. We're getting to the point where maybe we could deal.

[seebs]

Well, oddly, I wouldn't be so concerned with age as I would be with you and your partner's intelligence and autism. I think it's a case of slightly more likely than not your kid may have developmental oddities.

So that's something I would bring up to the doctor.

Well, we're both on the happy side of the intelligence abnormalities. Mild autism... I honestly don't think it's a big problem. If we had a slightly autistic kid, we could probably cope pretty well -- better than my parents could, simply because we'd have the terminology and framework for working on the issue.

And honestly, to some extent, I think our marginal "oddities" are part of the attraction. Not enough smart people have kids -- unfortunately, they tend to know better. :P

[ITSOZAZ]

seriously...you don't sound ready to have children. if you were ready you would just do it...you wouldn't need the opinions of others. be that smart person and leave it to us idiots.

[The Lone Ranger]

"Sprog" is more often heard in British English than in U.S. (or Canadian) English, I think. Apparently, the term "sprog" originally meant a new military recruit (from "sprag," meaning a lively young man), but it has gradually come to mean a child. Makes sense, I suppose, since "infant" and "infantry" come from the same root.

So "sprogging," I presume, means to have children. I have to admit, it's the first I've ever heard of "sprogging."


Cheers,

Michael

[ITSOZAZ]

ha! interesting...never thought of infant/ry.

[Doctor X]

It was the name of Maxwell Rockatansky's son. . . .

--J.D.

[seebs]

seriously...you don't sound ready to have children. if you were ready you would just do it...

Yeah, because obviously someone ready for the responsibility of having kids would never, ever, think about asking people whether there are medical risks that need to be thought about or anything like that.

you wouldn't need the opinions of others. be that smart person and leave it to us idiots.

That is indeed one of the motivating factors. :)

[Deadlokd]

Well, oddly, I wouldn't be so concerned with age as I would be with you and your partner's intelligence and autism. I think it's a case of slightly more likely than not your kid may have developmental oddities.

So that's something I would bring up to the doctor.

Well, we're both on the happy side of the intelligence abnormalities. Mild autism... I honestly don't think it's a big problem. If we had a slightly autistic kid, we could probably cope pretty well -- better than my parents could, simply because we'd have the terminology and framework for working on the issue.

And honestly, to some extent, I think our marginal "oddities" are part of the attraction. Not enough smart people have kids -- unfortunately, they tend to know better. :P

And since no one knows exactly what causes ASD you won't know what sort of child you'll have.

[Qingdai]

You child will be guaranteed to be horrified by you, at some point.

[seebs]

The main point is, I'm not worried about a risk of "mild ASD". I could cope with that. There are things I might have more trouble with, thus, talking to doctors.

[Bella]

If your wife is not so happy about being female, she might want to consider how she'd feel during the pregnancy itself, as it's a rather female experience. (I do not mean that to sound as flip as it reads.)
I second this. I had a huge problem with the crazy hormonal body changes that I went through when I was pregnant (and immediately after pregnancy; I got smacked hard with the PPD, and by smacked hard I mean almost institutionalised). I grew in weird places where I hadn't had much growth before. The body I had been so proud to have went to shit and so far isn't showing signs of returning...ever. Having your lady parts poked every month, and at the end much more frequently depending on your and the baby's health, is something that was difficult for me.

Food for thought.

[Qingdai]

Ow Bella! I'm sorry you've had such a rough ride.

Even a non-depressive person such as I can get distressed at the physical and emotional (plus sleep deprivation) challenges of parenting. Anything can get exacerbated by the whole pregnancy thing.

[LadyShea]

If your wife is not so happy about being female, she might want to consider how she'd feel during the pregnancy itself, as it's a rather female experience. (I do not mean that to sound as flip as it reads.)
I second this. I had a huge problem with the crazy hormonal body changes that I went through when I was pregnant (and immediately after pregnancy; I got smacked hard with the PPD, and by smacked hard I mean almost institutionalised). I grew in weird places where I hadn't had much growth before. The body I had been so proud to have went to shit and so far isn't showing signs of returning...ever. Having your lady parts poked every month, and at the end much more frequently depending on your and the baby's health, is something that was difficult for me.

Food for thought.

I too am sorry you had a tough time, I wish you'd have let me know at the time.

So, is there a good side to the story? Hows' Q and how are you now?

[Bella]

Q, who turns two next weekend. (http://katecraftphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/quinnblog.jpg)

So far, so good :D. He is exhibiting some very, uh, interesting habits that his ped is keeping an eye on - not quite autistic but definitely a little off the wall - but nothing too major.

We got married on 19 March, too, but I don't want to corrupt this thread, so PM me if you want to chat. (http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=174274&id=625866350&l=94eab9a38a)