So, I found my sister's LiveJournal...

[Bella]

I don't know if this post belongs in this forum, but I thought I'd give it a try.

To make a long story short, I happened upon my sister's LiveJournal, which she has been keeping for a long time. Her last few entries involve lengthy discussions about why I'm a horrible person and that she wishes I would fall off the face of the planet, yada yada. Apparently my parents are "feeling remorseful" about how they've treated me since I came out (yeah right, but remember this is from an 18 year old's perspective) and they've been talking about trying to forgive my transgressions and move on - whatever that means. Well, my sister wrote very passionately that she is determined I am not to be forgiven. She has had huge blowouts with my parents on the subject - so bad that my parents are threatening to keep her home from college this fall if she doesn't stop being so hateful (as if they're anyone to talk). I have tried to make amends with my folks over the past year, and every time I think I've made headway they've suddenly had a change of heart. Reading the entries, I find that my sister has had a lot to do with this. She has thrown temper tantrums, made up lies - you name it.

What's interesting is that in this LiveJournal she talks about having a 20-something year old boyfriend when she was 15, having sex with multiple people (some that she knows and some that she didn't know at all), having naked pictures taken of her when she was 16, and having two pregnancy scares. My parents would flip out if they read this. I'm so furious right now that I'm starting to feel like I should just send them the link to the journal. Part of me says it's being childish and stooping to a very low level - but part of me says she deserves everything she fucking gets because I'm very bitter about a lot of things. For example, one of the entries says she is angry because my parents offered to help me buy a car, and she doesn't think I deserved help because I'm deviant and taking attention away from her when she was "suffering" emotionally. Well, the car they were GOING to help me get was a 1990 Ford (they found it, I still had to front the cash for it), and she has a 2003 Mustang to cruise around in. For fuck's sake.

So, should I send it? I was trying to be civil to my parents because I thought it would help keep my relationship with my sister relatively intact. Now I see that's not even worth salvaging - so should I blow the whole thing wide open? I think it would make me feel better, but would it be shooting myself in the foot in the long run?

[seebs]

Ahh, fuck!

That wins the prize for "worst thing to stumble across ever".

I can't even begin to suggest anything. Fuck!

...

[seebs]

Thinking about it more: I think not show them. Here is why. You have established that they are, perhaps, not always very accepting.

You have been on the receiving end of their freaking out.

It seems that she is unlikely to learn from it... But if they stay happy and send her to school, she might grow up.

On the bright side, you have a better idea of how much effort to spend reconciling with her in the short term, and maybe a better idea of what it would take to reconcile with your parents.

... Okay, it's a tinsel lining, but it's a start.

[BracesForImpact]

Do you think it would help to show them an edited version? Perhaps one that only involves her doings with you? You could explain that this is all you are willing to show them out of privacy concerns in that a lot of what she writes doesn't effect you directly.

Just a thought, that's a tight situation to be in.

[copiae]

What would be the point of sending the link to your parents? Most likely all it would do is inflame the seemingly tense situation that already exists. Also, if it does lead to your parents doing something drastic, like ostracizing your sister, you can count on more of her apparent enmity, even if they don't let on that you were the one who told them.

*Shrug* Rather, why not just ignore the whole thing: the livejournal, your sister and your parents... and get on with living your life? Or, you could make the effort to talk to your sister and work out why she thinks deviance is such a bad thing ;). Then again, maybe this is a lost cause...

[lisarea]

Can you just work some of the information when talking to your parents, without telling them how you know? I'm thinking specific things your sister said and did to sabotage your relationship with them. Don't tell them how you know.

My first thought, of course, was a scorched earth approach. Make a mirror of her site, show them what she's up to. But that's why I usually don't go with my first impulses. That wouldn't resolve anything in the long run. Leave her to her own hypocrisy. She'll figure it out eventually or she won't, and it probably won't make much of a difference in what happens with you and your parents, really.

[LadyShea]

I dunno Bree, I would write the whole lot of them off as "non-life enriching" and simply cease all contact. I know that's hard for some people though.

I would porbably also post a comment in your sister's journal...something along the lines of "Are you stupid posting this publically?"

[RevDahlia]

I would porbably also post a comment in your sister's journal...something along the lines of "Are you stupid posting this publically?"
This is what I would do -- quietly let her know that you've found it, and express concern that the information she posted could be very damaging. Then again, she might construe it as blackmail. Fuck, this is a nasty situation. I'm sorry.

[viscousmemories]

My first thought was that you should send your parents the link. My second thought was more along the lines of lisarea's: Make a copy of the site before she has a chance to delete it all, and send that to your parents. My third thought was more along the lines of LadyShea's: Cease all contact with these people (at least your sister). My final thought is I have no idea what the right thing to do is and I don't envy you. Sorry Bree.

[Crumb]

My first thought was that you should send your parents the link. My second thought was more along the lines of lisarea's: Make a copy of the site before she has a chance to delete it all, and send that to your parents. My third thought was more along the lines of LadyShea's: Cease all contact with these people (at least your sister). My final thought is I have no idea what the right thing to do is and I don't envy you. Sorry Bree.
Don't send it. That can only make things worse. Can you anonymously reply to her Journal and see if you can start a dialog with your sister? Could this bear any fruit?

Certainly don't do anything that might keep her from going off to college. When that happens it sounds like it will not be too hard for you to reconcile with your parents. And as others have said, hopefully your sister will grow up and see her hypocrisy.

[Corona688]

Keep a copy at least. If any of this ever gets out, even if it's not your doing, she WILL delete the whole damn thing and leave everybody in the dark again.

[Bella]

Thanks for the advice. I'm not going to send it to my parents - but I think it's a good idea to make a "mirror" of her site for posterity's sake. How would I go about doing that, exactly?

[Corona688]

just browse the whole thing and every page, 'file -> save as -> web page complete'. You'll probably want to save them all in their own folder.

[xishi]

i am new here..but can relate to some of this...don't send it..make a copy if you want..keep quiet for the moment...but if the right time comes let her know you know...stay as clear of the whole situation as you can...these murky family situations can draw you in like a black hole...forget it as much as possible and go after the life you want for yourself

[maddog]

I'm going to "pile on" here in favor of keeping quiet. One of those service organizations (Rotary? Kiwanis? Optimists?) says to ask yourself 4 questions when you are trying to decide about doing something. Is it true? is one question. Another is, Is it kind? Sending this link would not be kind. I can see saving it for your own benefit, although you might decide not to do that, either, because it's obviously personal to your sister. Listen to that part of yourself that says it's "stooping too low" to do this. If you want grief and trouble, send the link. If you want to behave better than hatefully, don't do it. Decide how much contact you can have with your parents. Continue to behave well. They raised you to be a good person, after all. Appreciate what they have given you: take that, and live your own life.

I'm really sorry you had to see the hateful things your sister says and thinks. That had to hurt quite a bit. OTOH, speaking from my own perspective, I'm really glad my brothers don't know some things I've thought or said about them over the years.

#414

[Ensign Steve]

What are the other 2 questions, maddog?

[LadyShea]

Thanks for the advice. I'm not going to send it to my parents - but I think it's a good idea to make a "mirror" of her site for posterity's sake. How would I go about doing that, exactly?

You could do something as simply as screen shots if you don't know how to do site mirrors.

[beyelzu]

I would send the link after making copies and say fuck you to the whole narrow minded lot of them.


It is largely how I live my life, if I were you I would be unable to ever talk to my sister again. the rage would be over powering.



of course I have been known to go off half cocked on occassion.


I would do it out of spite I suppose. Your sister sounds like such a bitch, I think I would also do it to punsih her stupidity.


and if it causes your parents and sister heartache ultimately, its what they get for being narrow minded dipshits and a hypocrite, respectively.


of course this is just my opinion I could be wrong.

[seebs]

What are the other 2 questions, maddog?

There's a joke about this.

Before you think about "listening to" or repeating a rumor consider the following:

As you know, in ancient Greece, Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him and said, "Socrates, you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to consider three things."

First, let's consider "Truth". Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and . . ."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not."

"Now let's talk about "Goodness". Is what you are about to tell me concerning my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary . . ."

"So," Socrates interrupted, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The embarrassed man shrugged.

Socrates continued. "So, is what you want to tell me about my student going to be "Useful" to me?"

"No, not really . . ."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither "True" nor "Good" nor "Useful" then why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

This is the reason Socrates was such a great philosopher and held in the highest esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife!

[maddog]

What are the other 2 questions, maddog?
I couldn't remember; I had to look it up . . .

Rotary International adopted the 4 Way Test in 1943, and it has since been translated into over 100 languages.

THE 4 WAY TEST
1. Is it the TRUTH?
2. Is it FAIR to all concerned?
3. Will it build GOODWILL and BETTER FRIENDSHIP?
4. Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?


#415

[Bella]

I would send the link after making copies and say fuck you to the whole narrow minded lot of them.

It is largely how I live my life, if I were you I would be unable to ever talk to my sister again. the rage would be over powering.

of course I have been known to go off half cocked on occassion.

I would do it out of spite I suppose. Your sister sounds like such a bitch, I think I would also do it to punsih her stupidity.

and if it causes your parents and sister heartache ultimately, its what they get for being narrow minded dipshits and a hypocrite, respectively.

of course this is just my opinion I could be wrong.
This is the evil half of me talking - pretty much verbatim.

The good half of me says "don't sink to their level." The truth is, I've tried NOT to sink to their level for so long I'm plain sick of it.

So for now, I think I'm going to copy the site and save it for the ultimate moment when I tell her that yes, I've seen everything. I mean, she showed MY diary to my parents (and a crumpled up discarded letter to Jek expressing my undying love in stupid romanti-spooge poetry form - hey, I was like 15, cut me some slack), which is how I was forced out to the family and caused me a whole shitload of grief.

<sigh> I kind of WANT to be done with the whole business - just tell them to fuck off in no uncertain terms. But I don't know how to do that without venting all the anger I've stuffed into my gut, which I don't think they necessarily deserve to feel the brunt of. And I'm a pussy. Go figure.

[xishi]

my stepmonster is sitting on some fairly serious money which will come to me when she dies...in the meantime she is not keeping her legal respnsibilities as trustee...i could definitely use some money..but i have learned that dealing with her is too costly(not talking about money) so i leave it alone....i walked away from my family as a teenager and have never regretted it...i have the life i want and doubt that that would be the case if i had endured them...you may only have to leave tempoarily...but if it is toxic and affecting you and filling you heart and mind...then you should leave them behind until a later point of maybe forever...in your case i think it is not going to be forever...this is just my opinion based on my experience

[Godless Dave]

And I'm a pussy. Go figure.

You are what you eat.

It's hard to just sit by while someone says bad things about you and lies about you, especially when it comes from someone who has done far worse things. But fighting them is futile. I don't think she or your parents are interested in truth or fairness.

[Legs]

Bad situation... no easy answer.

Diaries are private - the things she has written were never intended for your eyes, hurtful yes, but something you should have seen.

You can chose your friends - but you cannot chose your relations, try to think of the future.. 5, 10, 15, years down the line you may think about all this and laugh to yourself.... before you do anything, think of the consequences.

Knowledge is power... and you have the knowledge and the advantage right now.

[pescifish]

Diaries are private - the things she has written were never intended for your eyes, hurtful yes, but something you should have seen.Is a LiveJournal private? I'm not familiar with that particular blogger, but I assumed from the OP that Bree (and the rest of her family) had every access to the diary as any other person who stumbled upon it.

Bree, if your sister's journal was set up as private and you somehow guessed your way into a password protected site, I'd have a different attitude about the situation than if you found her public online blog. I.e., if it's private, then forget you ever saw it. If it's public, your sister left herself vulnerable; you could take advantage, but in the long run I think any vengeful action would come back to hurt you just as much as it would her.

Either way, I'd still follow the guidelines of maddogs questions: whatever you do, try to increase truth, fairness, goodwill and benefits.