Age differences?

[MooseIBe]

My 22 year old sister called me from uni last night and was going on about her new bf, who is apparently even more wonderful than all her previous bfs ;). Anyway I was asking a bit about him and found out that .. he's fifty. Okay, this is not my business and I know that some people do have successful relationships with people nearly 30 years older but I was a bit shocked frankly. She's always liked em a bit older - my other sister is like this too; was living with a 35 year old at 17 which I never understood - but this is, as far as I know, the oldest she's ever gone. I didn't say anything except 'so when do i get to meet him then?' but I do feel a bit wary about it. Still, it's her life :) What do people think?

[Dingfod]

Nothing wrong with older men... well, not usually anyway.

[SharonDee]

What I want to know is: Where's my younger man?! :brooding:

[Dingfod]

That's just sick. :wink:

[MooseIBe]

Hehe precisely .. all guys say that age difference is okay but what they REALLY mean is 'hey, it's cool for me to shag an 18 year old!' and not 'I wanna ball my gran's best friend!'

[Dingfod]

I would if she was hawt.

[MooseIBe]

that's just shameless ;)

Seriously though, if you had a daughter or a little sister - and you might for all i know - would you feel comfortable with them being in a relationship with someone 30 years older? (give or take a year or two)

[Dingfod]

I said it often, if my daughter would have chosen to be with a guy that was 50, one that was a good person, good to her, meaning didn't beat her or berate her or worse, great. I'm not kidding, it would be preferable to the guys she picks.

[Godwhacker]

Well, there could be multiple reasons. Here is a few I can think of off the top of my head.

1. A typical older man is not usually (key word there) as much in a "sexual heat" as a teenager or man in his early 20's.

2. Older men typically have more accumulated more money, resources, etc.

3. May be looking for a "better father figure" than their own biological dad.

4. A few years difference (I would say less than 10) especially in teenagers and younger people can simply be explained by the fact that women, on average, hit puberty about 3-5 years before men do.

Before I get pelted to death, I will point out that none of these explainations explains every case. Certainly, there is also option 5 -

5. The two people may really like/love each other.

Now, I am going to say something that is likely to get me in trouble with some people on this board. My own OPINION (key word there) is, given our consumer driven capitalistic paternalistic culture, many women are taught as young girls that a rich, handsome "prince" is going to come along and take care of all their needs (for reference, see just about every Disney cartoon made in the last 100 years from Snow White to Little Mermaid). Again, an older man is much more likely to have wealth and accumulated assets than a younger man. Thus, that is why you see all these younger women with older men.

Before all the women on the forum come down on me like a ton of bricks, let me stress...NOT EVERY WOMAN IS LIKE THIS! This is just a trend I see in our culture. Also, I think that men in our culture are similarly brainwashed into trying to find the nearest anorexic blond stupormodel, instead of trying to find someone that they can get along with emotionally as well as physically.

One last way to look at this is to reverse the equation. Why do older men go for younger women? 1. in our culture, younger women are considered more attractive and desireable 2. there is the biological thing about younger women being more able to bear children, etc.

[MooseIBe]

Well I know what he sees in her .. she's young, she's very attractive, she's very intelligent - at Cambridge - and she's a nice person. I haven't asked what she sees in him though. This sounds mean but I would bet everything I own that she would not be dating him if he was not well off. That doesn't mean she doesn't genuinely care for him but I simply don't think he would have been an option if he was, say, a friend of my dad's.

[viscousmemories]

[...] was living with a 35 year old at 17 which I never understood [...]
That's just disturbing. I dated a 17 yr. old when I was 24 and felt grossly misaligned. She was very mature, intelligent, knowledgable and interesting, but her whole frame of reference from a cultural perspective and physical features were so young, it was just uncomfortable for me. I'm 36 now and can't even imagine dating a 17 yr. old. I can imagine being friends (to a certain degree) and being sexually attracted, but I don't think I could have a romantic relationship with a 17 yr. old (with any intellectual or emotional substance, anyway) or a sexual relationship. Not without feeling like a molestor. :shrug:

[MooseIBe]

Yeah but my sister had a one year old son at the time (by someone else) so maybe it didn't feel too much like sexual molestation to him :)

[raspberrybullets]

What do your parents think about her dating someone that much older than her?

[John Carter]

When my youngest sister was 14, her first boyfrind was 18, and the trend continued, with each succesive boyfriend the age gap grew wider. Each one was a bit better off as well, until she finally married a very wealthy man who is over 20 years her senior.

The age difference never bothered me; it's really none of my business who she dates as long as she's happy.

[JoeP]

My greatest age difference has been 16 years: when I was 22 I dated a 38-year-old. It was damn good but she frequently mentioned that she hoped I didn't think she did this all the time.

[MooseIBe]

Well my parents don't know :). I suppose they'll raise their eyebrows, sigh, and then ignore it ..

[viscousmemories]

My greatest age difference has been 16 years: when I was 22 I dated a 38-year-old. It was damn good but she frequently mentioned that she hoped I didn't think she did this all the time.
I had sex with a 37 yr. old woman when I was 21 and we exchanged a few phone calls and letters after that, but I wouldn't call it a relationship. She was a genuine 60's flower child into free love and all that. That was fun. :)

[Dingfod]

I had several women coworkers in the 35-40 year old range hot for my bod when I was 21-22 years old. You can ask inland wave, she knows about them. I don't know what it would've been like to be with them, I never caved in to their charms.

[JoeP]

Y'all don't know what you missed. She worked in the same office as me, we had sex and weekends away and the whole thing for 8 weeks, then I went home.

[raspberrybullets]

So guys go out with older women for the sex and girls go out with older men for the security?

[justaman]

I always said that if I ever have a daughter I truly honestly hope she is a lesbian, because I reckon I'd have an easier time dealing with some feminine touching than imagining a dude of any age porking her.

I've had a sexual dalliance with a 17 yo when I was (and still am)24 and a 35 yo when I was 21. That's a relative spread of 21 years... eh...

The older one was better than the younger, for the record, even if the 17yo was uberhawt.

[MooseIBe]

Why is it that men have such a hard time imagining someone shagging their daughters? :)

[Dingfod]

I don't. Not that I want some dude shagging my daughter(s), I just understand that it might occur. The one time that my wife found a used condom in our older daughter's bedroom, she expected me to be indignant about it. My response: At least they used a condom.

[Dingfod]

So guys go out with older women for the sex and girls go out with older men for the security?I rather hope they would enjoy the sex as well.

[raspberrybullets]

Heh, very true. I'd say older guys are good for sex. Much more experience and knowledge. :yup: