WinAce
08-23-2004, 10:55 PM
I am very pleased to announce that my favorite parody website, LordCo Centre (http://www.lordcocentre.com/index2.html), has been updated with 10 new products, bringing the total to a massive 195! The full list of updates can be viewed here. (http://lordco.netfirms.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=upd_bo;action=display;num=1093257800)
The mall is a huge assortment of everything you could possible want. You can spend days there without ever having to leave, and still come back for more time and time again. Arrive early to beat the crowds and spend hours battling Jesus and his 12 minions in the Holyland arcade (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/holyland/193.html):
http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/holyland/193/crucigame.jpg
Meanwhile, at Cineplex Golgotha, you can see this new summer blockbuster!
http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/golgotha/195/xvpposter.jpg
Lured to a special interests summit with promises of campaign donations, a group of senators are horrified to find that they are merely pawns in a war that has waged for years between Southern Baptists and Catholic Priests. One group wants a church-dominated government; the other wants privatized daycares with 'no accountability' disclaimers. Prepare for the most terrifying experience of your life!
If you buy a matinee ticket and are into war movies, you can also see the Jewish bomber pilot epic, Torah! Torah! Torah! (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/golgotha/190.html).
http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/golgotha/190/torx3main.jpg
But it doesn't stop there! The cineplex has several other must-see hits, from Jerusalem Park to Men in Dazzling White and i, Rabbi.
Next, you and your beloved can pop in to Jonah's Seafood Shack (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/foodfair/186.html) for some delicious, Biblically inappropriate grub like shrimp. (Just kidding! ;) ) They've got "succulent crab legs, delectable lobster, and oysters so potent, if you don't get an erection before leaving your table, Jonah will personally give you one before you leave the restaurant."
But LordCo Centre isn't just for fun. While you're there, get a fashionable new pair of Glory-Guard sunglasses (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/fashion/191.html), and never worry about being struck dead by looking at God again! Or, stop by Rome Depot and get a Flaming Sword Chainsaw (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/romedepot/192.html)--no more worrying about annoying shrubs!
Eventually, you get home, kick back, relax, and turn on the TV for some end-of-the-day fun with the LordCo TV Network. Monday's schedule includes M*A*S*S (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/ltn/040.html) ("Watch the zany antics and wild comedy that results when a group of misfit ministers travel to spiritual hotspots around the world") and the science-fiction classic, Soul Trek (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/ltn/040.html).
Tonight on Soul Trek!
S01E13 - "Who Mourns For Heathen Bastards?"
The Inquisition arrives at an Earth colony only to discover that the colonists have rejected God in favour of freethought. Furious, Torquemada sets the ship's weapons on 'rapture' and prepares to obliterate the rebels. Meanwhile, the Inquisition's Chief Padre tries to talk the Captain into letting him beam up some of the colony's children so he can re-introduce them to 'God's love' as only a priest can.
(For our Muslim friends, the spinoff AllahCo TV channel has a number of quality programs as well, such as Allah & Order (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/atv/188.html) and I Dream of Jihad (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/atv/194.html).)
Finally, if you have more planned with your significant other than just going to sleep, LordCo Centre can help, too. The mall has virtually everything a couple in love could need, from contraceptives (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/pharm/015.html) to prescription drugs for that little 'problem' (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/pharm/107.html) to even something to shut them up with if they start speaking in tongues (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/lordco/173.html) (at least, that's the excuse on the box). :D
(The above were just samples. Click the links to read the full parodies, complete with pictures and additional text.)
The mall is a huge assortment of everything you could possible want. You can spend days there without ever having to leave, and still come back for more time and time again. Arrive early to beat the crowds and spend hours battling Jesus and his 12 minions in the Holyland arcade (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/holyland/193.html):
http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/holyland/193/crucigame.jpg
Meanwhile, at Cineplex Golgotha, you can see this new summer blockbuster!
http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/golgotha/195/xvpposter.jpg
Lured to a special interests summit with promises of campaign donations, a group of senators are horrified to find that they are merely pawns in a war that has waged for years between Southern Baptists and Catholic Priests. One group wants a church-dominated government; the other wants privatized daycares with 'no accountability' disclaimers. Prepare for the most terrifying experience of your life!
If you buy a matinee ticket and are into war movies, you can also see the Jewish bomber pilot epic, Torah! Torah! Torah! (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/golgotha/190.html).
http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/golgotha/190/torx3main.jpg
But it doesn't stop there! The cineplex has several other must-see hits, from Jerusalem Park to Men in Dazzling White and i, Rabbi.
Next, you and your beloved can pop in to Jonah's Seafood Shack (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/foodfair/186.html) for some delicious, Biblically inappropriate grub like shrimp. (Just kidding! ;) ) They've got "succulent crab legs, delectable lobster, and oysters so potent, if you don't get an erection before leaving your table, Jonah will personally give you one before you leave the restaurant."
But LordCo Centre isn't just for fun. While you're there, get a fashionable new pair of Glory-Guard sunglasses (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/fashion/191.html), and never worry about being struck dead by looking at God again! Or, stop by Rome Depot and get a Flaming Sword Chainsaw (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/romedepot/192.html)--no more worrying about annoying shrubs!
Eventually, you get home, kick back, relax, and turn on the TV for some end-of-the-day fun with the LordCo TV Network. Monday's schedule includes M*A*S*S (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/ltn/040.html) ("Watch the zany antics and wild comedy that results when a group of misfit ministers travel to spiritual hotspots around the world") and the science-fiction classic, Soul Trek (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/ltn/040.html).
Tonight on Soul Trek!
S01E13 - "Who Mourns For Heathen Bastards?"
The Inquisition arrives at an Earth colony only to discover that the colonists have rejected God in favour of freethought. Furious, Torquemada sets the ship's weapons on 'rapture' and prepares to obliterate the rebels. Meanwhile, the Inquisition's Chief Padre tries to talk the Captain into letting him beam up some of the colony's children so he can re-introduce them to 'God's love' as only a priest can.
(For our Muslim friends, the spinoff AllahCo TV channel has a number of quality programs as well, such as Allah & Order (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/atv/188.html) and I Dream of Jihad (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/atv/194.html).)
Finally, if you have more planned with your significant other than just going to sleep, LordCo Centre can help, too. The mall has virtually everything a couple in love could need, from contraceptives (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/pharm/015.html) to prescription drugs for that little 'problem' (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/pharm/107.html) to even something to shut them up with if they start speaking in tongues (http://www.lordcocentre.com/Stores/lordco/173.html) (at least, that's the excuse on the box). :D
(The above were just samples. Click the links to read the full parodies, complete with pictures and additional text.)