Limericks

[Leesifer]

Shall we try and make up a limerick? I'll start the first line...

There once was a man from Madrid ...

[Ymir's blood]

and a strapping young lad named Sid

[Leesifer]

they skipped down the road ...

[Crumb]

and both shot their load

[Leesifer]

and they turned and they ran and they hid.

[Leesifer]

There was a young boy, lived in Barking ...

[Crumb]

who couldn't drink milk without snarfing

[Leesifer]

so he sucked through a straw

[Dingfod]

which he held with his claw

[Crumb]

and instead he ended up barfing

[Dingfod]

There once was a girl named Ralph,

[Leesifer]

who had a rather large mouth

[Crumb]

she proceeded to stuff it

[Dingfod]

with her neighbor's left tit,

[Leesifer]

which was hanging decidely south.

[Dingfod]

There once was an agent from Langley,

[Leesifer]

who had an incredibly large dangly

[Ymir's blood]

His wife would put mud in a bucket

[Leesifer]

and then told him that he should chuck it

[Leesifer]

or do something else very strangely.

[Crumb]

There once was a man with no fingers...

[Leesifer]

yet his smell, once he'd left, kind of lingered

[Crumb]

His wife couldn't take it

[livius drusus]

She'd assiduously fake it

[viscousmemories]

To the boon of his rep among swingers.

[Ymir's blood]

In the grand old town of York

[Crumb]

the people ate nothing but pork

[Ymir's blood]

Their stomachs would churn in fits

[Crumb]

They all had a case of the shits

[Legs]

so they collectively laid down their forks

[Legs]

There once was a girl with long legs...

[Crumb]

To touch them the young men did beg

[Ymir's blood]

but hidden underneath her skirt

[Legs]

but hidden underneath her skirt


was a midget named Gert

[viscousmemories]

Who turned many stray hands to pegs.

[justaman]

The following have been violations of the rather simple lymeric meter:

Crumb (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107160&postcount=13)
Lessifer (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107180&postcount=17)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107183&postcount=18)
Leesifer (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107189&postcount=19)
livius drusus (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107215&postcount=24)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107227&postcount=26)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107229&postcount=28)
Crumb (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107230&postcount=29)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107253&postcount=33)

Legs and vm are about tied for most consistant lymeric-meter-adherance, though vm's last contribution was ugly if technically permissable.

The worst is undoubtedly Ymir's Blood who has only managed to not screw up once. Except maybe for Penny who has screwed up in 100% of her contributions.

:thankee:

[Ymir's blood]

:winner:

[Leesifer]

There's Justaman who posts on this board ....

[Legs]

With the tact of a stampeding horde

[Dingfod]

made fun of lymeric meter,

[Legs]

said his prose would be sweeter

[Dingfod]

if it didn't make everyone so bored.

[Legs]

:giggle:

There was a sweet guy named VM

[Dingfod]

who was often told he looked like Ben,

[Legs]

That Cartwright dude? he protested :glare:

[Dingfod]

No, Affleck, he jested,

[Legs]

That guy who got dumped by Jen. :yup:

[viscousmemories]

:glare:

[Dingfod]

There once was a girl from Cancun,

[King Louie]

who ate a whole bushel of prunes

[Dingfod]

then began to moan and complain,

[Crumb]

washed her vomit down the drain

[Leesifer]

While whistling a happy tune.

[Crumb]

There once was a man from Oklahoma

[Dingfod]

Married to a girl named Mona,

[Crumb]

who couldn't stand it when he droned

[Bella]

The following have been violations of the rather simple lymeric meter:

Crumb (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107160&postcount=13)
Lessifer (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107180&postcount=17)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107183&postcount=18)
Leesifer (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107189&postcount=19)
livius drusus (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107215&postcount=24)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107227&postcount=26)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107229&postcount=28)
Crumb (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107230&postcount=29)
Ymir's Blood (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=107253&postcount=33)

Legs and vm are about tied for most consistant lymeric-meter-adherance, though vm's last contribution was ugly if technically permissable.

The worst is undoubtedly Ymir's Blood who has only managed to not screw up once. Except maybe for Penny who has screwed up in 100% of her contributions.

:thankee:
I noticed that, too, Justaman. Thank God you posted - I was having a hard time keeping my mouth shut, but I didn't want to post anything for fear of looking like, well, a big anal nerdy-dork.

[Dingfod]

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. [Not a limerick--Ed.]

[Legs]

Now, where were we? :glare:

oh yes,

There once was a man from Oklahoma
Married to a girl named Mona,
who couldn't stand it when he droned

so a lawyer, she phoned

[BDS]

Couldn't fax because she hadn't toner.

[Ymir's blood]

Some people are anal about the stupidest things.

[viscousmemories]

I think you meant:

Some stupid things make some folks anal...

[Leesifer]

can't find anything that rhymes with anal :hairpull:

[Ymir's blood]

I think you meant:

Some stupid things make some folks anal...
What makes you think that?

[viscousmemories]

What makes you think that?
This being a limerick thread.

[Leesifer]

Some stupid things make some folks anal...
which also makes them quite banal


(it does rhyme according to this http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?banal001.wav=banal).

[pescifish]

it fucks with the fun

[pescifish]

Oh where is my gun?

[Crumb]

I threw it into the canal.

(Sorry but what the FUCK rhymes with anal?)

[viscousmemories]

It'll get you as wet as the rain'll.

[livius drusus]

:laugh: He's got it. vm, you are seriously a limerick natural. :bow:

[Leesifer]

It'll get you as wet as the rain'll.

You've been planning this all along, haven't you?

[viscousmemories]

You've been planning this all along, haven't you?
:laugh:

Actually I had to scroll back to see that I had started this one...

[Leesifer]

Hmmm.

There was a young man named vm

[SharonDee]

Who wanted people to think he was dim

[Ymir's blood]

What makes you think that?
This being a limerick thread.
It still doesn't explain why you think that.

[Legs]

There was a young man named vm
Who wanted people to think he was dim

he tried to play dumb

[Leesifer]

by sucking his thumb

[viscousmemories]

It still doesn't explain why you think that.
I was being facetious.

[pescifish]

just glad the B.M. cleared the rim


(v.m., it's pronounced "vee-emm", dammit! :rollpin:)

[viscousmemories]

Just let it go, pesci. These people are out of control.

[pescifish]

:yup: :thumbsup:

[Leesifer]

We're just lulling you into a false sense of security before the competition starts.

[SharonDee]

(v.m., it's pronounced "vee-emm", dammit! :rollpin:)
:scratch: I doan geddit.

[viscousmemories]

Dim only rhymes with vm if you pronounce vm vim.

[SharonDee]

Dim only rhymes with vm if you pronounce vm vim.
Nuh-huh. emm rhymes with dim, too, on Planet South. How do y'all pronounce the letter M?

[viscousmemories]

How do y'all pronounce the letter M?
Ehm.

[SharonDee]

Oh.

Well, for the record I would never call you vim. :nuhuh: That's just all flavors of wrong!

[viscousmemories]

Okay, thanks. Feel free to call me 'vigor', though.

[Dingfod]

How do y'all pronounce the letter M?
Ehm.Weirdo.

Must be a regional dialect thing, I've always pronounced it as imm, vee-imm would definitely rhyme.

[viscousmemories]

So this :m_m: is an "imm-n-imm"? :shudder:

[Dingfod]

Yup.

[SharonDee]

So this :m_m: is an "imm-n-imm"? :shudder:
Yeah, you wanna fight about it? :swords:

[Fencesitter]

:biglaugh: Can anyone read this thread without ROFL? The limericks are the only unfunny things in here.

Fence

[JoeP]

A poster dude known as Fencesitter
Found curries sent him to the shitter
Was it the cumin
That festered doom in
His gut? Poor rumbling Fencesitter.

[pescifish]

So this :m_m: is an "imm-n-imm"? :shudder:
Yeah, you wanna fight about it? :swords:Yeah! :pillow:

Well, I suppose if you freaks actually pronounce the letter "M" as "imm", then I could have ended the limerick the way I wanted, 'cuz B.M. would still have rhymed with vm. Mutants. Gah!

[Dingfod]

:biglaugh: Can anyone read this thread without ROFL? The limericks are the only unfunny things in here.

FenceNo they're not. Your post qualifies as the most unfunny thing in here.

[Crumb]

Heh yeah.

Hey all you limerick fans and writers, why not take a shot at the Limerick Showdown (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4307) ?

[Legs]

No they're not. Your post qualifies as the most unfunny thing in here.


Is there a prize for that? :chin:

[Crumb]

Is there a prize for that?
Yep. Here it is: :bartmoon:

[Leesifer]

The Bartman he pulled down his pants

[Legs]

those who witnessed it felt in a trance

[Leesifer]

right into a stupor

[Legs]

right into a stupor

that butt was a drooper

[Leesifer]

You'd think his pants were full of ants!

[Legs]

Ymir's blood is a little macabre

[Leesifer]

Do you think that he lives near a harbour

[Crumb]

He may cruise the river Styx

[Leesifer]

and enjoy pick and mix

[Legs]

With the sweets he can go even farther

Oh man... that sucked bigtime :eek:
Apologies for using Macabre - as an opening line. :innocent:


Let's try again.


Ymir's blood loves graveyards and ghouls

[Leesifer]

(slight derail - Legs you are the limerick queen)

[Leesifer]

With the sweets he can go even farther

Oh man... that sucked bigtime :eek:
Apologies for using Macabre - as an opening line. :innocent:


Let's try again.


Ymir's blood loves graveyards and ghouls

He's not a great lover of fools

[Crumb]

Legs you are the limerick queen
Although quite likely that has yet to be (officially) determined. :narrow:

[Leesifer]

oops :tiptoe:

[Legs]

Ymir's blood loves graveyards and ghouls
He's not a great lover of fools

When his patience wears thin

[viscousmemories]

He peels off their skin

[Leesifer]

Then looks at their insides and drools

[Legs]

Ymir's blood loves graveyards and ghouls
He's not a great lover of fools
When his patience wears thin
He peels off their skin
Then looks at their insides and drools

:yup: :giggle:

[Leesifer]

Oops sorry, Legs, I edited my post instead of making a new one.

[Legs]

There once was a watery tart

[Leesifer]

Who had a really big heart

[Legs]

She gave till it hurt

[Leesifer]

To make sure it would spurt

[JoeP]

Spraying blood as a new form of art

[JoeP]

Ymir's blood loves graveyards and ghouls
He's not a great lover of fools
When his patience wears thin
He peels off their skin
Then looks at their insides and drools

:yup: :giggle:
That is a classic!

[JoeP]

OK now, I'm going to bed but am I supposed to start the next 'rick?

There was a young man lived in Dallas

[Legs]

A Gentleman poster named Joe

[Crumb]

Had a festering wart on his toe

[Legs]

he smiled through the pain

[Crumb]

his doctor gave it a drain

[Legs]

A Gentleman poster named Joe
Had a festering wart on his toe
he smiled through the pain
his doctor gave it a drain
and bravely said 'on with the show'



There was a young man lived in Dallas

[Crumb]

with a home the size of a palace

[Legs]

He had 16 maids

[Ymir's blood]

who'd pull out their blades

[Legs]

There was a young man lived in Dallas
with a home the size of a palace
He had 16 maids
who'd pull out their blades

and thoroughly spring-clean his phallus

[Legs]

Old Albert, he walked out the door

[Ymir's blood]

like one other time before

[Dingfod]

Or said he did, what a boor A day late and a dollar short again.

We knew he would return

[Legs]

but will he ever learn...

[Ymir's blood]

Quoth the raven, nevermore. :wink:

[Legs]

Old Albert, he walked out the door
like one other time before
We knew he would return
but will he ever learn...
Quoth the raven, nevermore. :wink:


Now Warren can be a little gruff

[Dingfod]

Because he pretends to be tough

[Legs]

but the truth be told

[Dingfod]

he's just so old

[Legs]

Now Warren can be a little gruff
Because he pretends to be tough
but the truth be told
he's just so old

and he ain't getting nearly enough

[Dingfod]

There once was an old geezer,

[Legs]

who kept girls in the freezer

[Dingfod]

in order to keep them warm

[Legs]

he covered them with porn

[Dingfod]

he got out of a rag call Sleezer.

[Legs]

There once was an old geezer,
who kept girls in the freezer
in order to keep them warm
he covered them with porn
he got out of a rag call Sleezer


VM is a guy you can trust

[Ymir's blood]

His hair shows no trace of rust

[Legs]

but deep in his soul

[JoeP]

There's a cavernous hole

[viscousmemories]

About this critique he's nonplussed.

[Legs]

VM is a guy you can trust
His hair shows no trace of rust
but deep in his soul
There's a cavernous hole
About this critique he's nonplussed :sadcheer:

[viscousmemories]

Ha-ha I beat you!!1 :mocking:

[Legs]

Legs walks day and all night...

[viscousmemories]

Making her shoes look a fright

[Ymir's blood]

Long gone are the heels

[Legs]

but she still holds appeal...

[Ymir's blood]

and makes the souls of men ignite.

[Legs]

Legs walks all day and all night...
Making her shoes look a fright
Long gone are the heels
but she still holds appeal...
and makes the souls of men ignite.


:blush:

[Legs]

Justaman, the lad from down under

[Ymir's blood]

Thought this thread a great blunder

[Dingfod]

He wrote in response

[viscousmemories]

In the tone of a ponce

[JoeP]

You fellas are making me chunder

[Legs]

Justaman, the lad from down under
Thought this thread a great blunder
He wrote in response
In the tone of a ponce
You fellas are making me chunder



Women, they're certainly born to shop

[Dingfod]

A skill which no man can top

[Legs]

at the end of the day

[viscousmemories]

There's but one thing to say

[Ymir's blood]

and it damn sure aint 'mop.'

[ApostateAbe]

While chewing a large block of cheese,

[viscousmemories]

came a sudden compulsion to sneeze

[Anastasia Beaverhausen]

I felt my nose itch,

[Leesifer]

and then start to twitch

[Dingfod]

but the sneeze did abate, t'was a tease.

[Legs]

While chewing a large block of cheese,
came a sudden compulsion to sneeze
I felt my nose itch,
and then start to twitch
but the sneeze did abate, t'was a tease


Women, they're certainly born to shop
A skill which no man can top
at the end of the day
There's but one thing to say
and it damn sure aint 'mop.'


Sunday, a deserved day of rest

[Dingfod]

was sure as hell put to the test

[livius drusus]

When all of a sudden

[Legs]

my house started floodin'

[Dingfod]

And the roof blew off my nest.

[Legs]

Sunday, a deserved day of rest
was sure as hell put to the test
When all of a sudden
my house started floodin'
And the roof blew off my nest.


There was a wild girl from the west

[Ymir's blood]

whose home had many an unwanted guest

[Dingfod]

give me a home

[Legs]

warren would drone

[Dingfod]

where the buffalo haven't messed.

[Legs]

There was a wild girl from the west
whose home had many an unwanted guest
give me a home
warren would drone
where the buffalo haven't messed. :bison:



There once was a camel named Max

[ApostateAbe]

Who loved a lone jam on his sax

[Leesifer]

It gave him the hump

[ApostateAbe]

Dooby-doo BOP doo BUMP

[Dingfod]

a dreadful sound inducing many heart attacks.

[Legs]

There once was a camel named Max
Who loved a lone jam on his sax
It gave him the hump
Dooby-doo BOP doo BUMP
a dreadful sound inducing many heart attacks. :camel:

Young Sherlock Holmes was a sleuth :detect:

[Dingfod]

who always fought tooth for tooth

[Legs]

The Baskervilles hound did come

[ApostateAbe]

Quiv'ring his bum

[Leesifer]

As they sniffed he shouted "forsooth"

[Leesifer]

Young Sherlock Holmes was a sleuth
who always fought tooth for tooth
The Baskervilles hound did come
quiv'ring his bum
As they sniffed he shouted "forsooth"


Some creatures they have certain traits

[Legs]

Like a turtle, who tends to be late

[Leesifer]

They swim fast as they can

[Legs]

They swim fast as they can

but slower than planned

[Leesifer]

And weight just as much as they ate

[Legs]

Some creatures they have certain traits
Like a turtle, who tends to be late
They swim fast as they can
but slower than planned
And weight just as much as they ate


Halloween will soon be here

[Leesifer]

Which means you really must fear

[Legs]

Costumed kids knocking

[ApostateAbe]

Your past objects of stalking

[Legs]

This year I'm giving them beer

[Ymir's blood]

Goblins lurk in dead of night

[Leesifer]

They try to give you a fright

[Legs]

with garlic and wooden stake

[Leesifer]

They're all on the make

[Legs]

don't go down without a fight

[Dingfod]

There once was a doctor known as Frankenstein

[ApostateAbe]

Whose lab was luxuriously swankenstein

[Dingfod]

with lightning rods velvet covered

[ApostateAbe]

But his pride was soon smothered

[Dingfod]

because Abe, at limericks, suckenstein.

[Legs]

I always hated New Years Eve...

[ApostateAbe]

A year increment brings a great heave

[Legs]

Resolutions, forgotten

[fragment]

Drink myself rotten

[Dingfod]

causing my stomach contents to leave.

[ApostateAbe]

While filming a super-sized squid,

[Dingfod]

Humphrey went into a full-out skid

[Legs]

a tentacle rose

[Dingfod]

Spanked him on the nose

[Legs]

While filming a super-sized squid,
Humphrey went into a full-out skid
a tentacle rose
Spanked him on the nose
That calamari had definately flipped his lid


Leesifer thought she was a good cook

[Crumb]

she got all of her recipes from "the good book"

[Legs]

Lamb of God soup

[Leesifer]

To stop brewers droop.

[Legs]

Leesifer thought she was a good cook
she got all of her recipes from "the good book"
Lamb of God soup
To stop brewers droop.
A recipe endorsed by St. Luke


In California you feel the ground shake

[Dingfod]

Then your house ends up in the lake

[Leesifer]

If you really can't swim

[Legs]

So you best just give-in

[Dingfod]

And float because of your boobs that are fake.

[Legs]

For lunch, Chef served a blood red roast

[Dingfod]

Along with two slices of garlic toast

[Legs]

A glass of fine port

[Leesifer]

While watching the sport

[Legs]

For lunch, Chef served a blood red roast
Along with two slices of garlic toast
A glass of fine port
While watching the sport
"Ahhh, what a life" I boast


Dolly Parton has a chest

[Leesifer]

Big enough for birds to nest

[Dingfod]

Which began to twitter

[Legs]

and her bra began to flitter

[Leesifer]

They are moving under her vest.

[Leesifer]

Dolly Parton has a chest
Big enough for birds to nest
Which began to twitter
and her bra began to flitter
They are moving under her vest


Legs has a month's worth of witches

[livius drusus]

Guaranteed to cause tents in all britches

[Legs]

Good witch or bad...

[Leesifer]

They drive the men mad...

[Dingfod]

Making them want to rub what twitches.