Emo Phillips

[Petra]

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off, so I ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

He said, "Why shouldn't I?" I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me too! Are you Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me too! Are you Original Northern Baptist or Reformed Northern Baptist?" He said, "Reformed Northern Baptist." I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Northern Baptist Missouri synod or Reformed Northern Baptist Wisconsin synod?" He said, "Reformed Northern Baptist Missouri synod." I said, "Me, too! Are you Reformed Northern Baptist Missouri synod reformation of 1879, or Reformed Northern Baptist Missouri synod reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Northern Baptist Missouri synod reformation of 1915." And I said, "Die, heretic!" and pushed him off.


:twisted:

[JoeP]

Heard it, but great to hear it again! :rofl: :biglaugh: :lol:

[Ex-zombie]

The way I heard it the person says "Die, heretic!" and then pushes the guy off the bridge.

[Goliath]

Emo rocks! I saw a show of his on New Year's Eve in Grand Forks a couple years ago.

A girlfriend of a friend of mine was even officially named an "Emo Approved Hot Mama" (or something like that...I forget the exact wording of the title).

[godfry n. glad]

I don't know Emo, being of the Tom Lehrer generation, but if that is his, he's a master. And yes, it ends with "Die heretic!" and pushes him off the bridge.

I wonder if he's the "Kiss Hank's Butt" author, too?

I love the two quotes lunachick put in the Random Quotes bin, too. Both attributed to Emo. I've evidently heard his stuff somewhere, because I've been using the lines....hmmm.

Good stuff, luna; give us more.

godfry

[Petra]

...give us more.

godfry


Okay. :D

I love Emo.


I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."


The toughest time...in anyone's life...is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil.


I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse."


I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy


I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky---but there wasn't any gum under any of them


The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way."



Emo Phillips was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, Emo was asked if he knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. His reply: "I don't know, re-election to the Senate?"


I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...They don't know I'm only using blanks.


I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off me, you two!"


At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.



"Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash."



:lol:

[Petra]

The way I heard it the person says "Die, heretic!" and then pushes the guy off the bridge.

Correct. Fixed. :)