ROUND V

[Crumb]

Here it is, the moment you have all been waiting for. The final round of the limerick showdown is about to commence. The tension is thick the anticipation high. :wriggle: What a competition it should be!

Here are the standings after round IV:

<table summary="Standings" border=2 bgcolor=black style="color: #ffffff;"><tr><td>Author</td><td>Total Points</td></tr><tr><td>Leesifer</td><td>16</td></tr><tr><td>Legs</td><td>14</td></tr><tr><td>Warren</td><td>7</td></tr><tr><td>pescifish</td><td>6</td></tr><tr><td>viscousmemories</td><td>6</td></tr><tr><td>Fragment</td><td>4</td></tr><tr><td>Crumb</td><td>3</td></tr><tr><td>dipterni</td><td>3</td></tr><tr><td>Widget</td><td>1</td></tr><tr><td>BDS</td><td>1</td></tr></table>

The scoring for round V will be done thusly:

1st place - 12
2nd place - 8
3rd place - 4
pity point - 1

Your limerick will be due to Crumb via PM on Wednesday at 8pm (PDT) The category for this round is...

DOUBLE ENTENDRE

The limerick can be about any subjects, it doesn't have to be dirty (although I think it may help), but there should be a hidden double meaning of some kind in the limerick.

Good luck. :popcorn:

[Leesifer]

Righty ho! :writing:

[Dingfod]

Was that quick enough for you, Crumb? I told you I was full of it them.

[Dingfod]

Just for inspiration, here are a few headlines:
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
War Dims Hope for Peace
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[Legs]

Crumb can I please have an example of a double meaning limerick? :blink:

[Crumb]

Here's one I found.

A buxom young farm girl named Claire,
At eighteen has golden blond hair.
She grows apples and peaches,
And you know when she reaches,
That she also has grown a nice pear!

[Legs]

Ahhh.. a homonym :yup:

[Dingfod]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
That might mean larger people or a larger troop
The size of the feces
Is determined by the species
And that's all there is, that's the straight poop.

[Legs]

:steal: <-- legs

[Crumb]

I hope the difficulty of this round doesn't discourage anyone. :(

I only have one entry so far. Keep them coming in!

[Dingfod]

I wonder who that one is. Hmmm. *tap**tap**tap* I wonder.

[Crumb]

:silenced:

[Crumb]

I have three limericks for this round now. I want at least two more entries. I am going to write one, but I need someone else to enter something too. :please:

[Legs]

I hope Leesifer forgot to enter :giggle:

[pescifish]

How late is too late, Crumb? Midnight our time (Pacific)? Or more like dinnertime...?

[pescifish]

Nevermind... it's sent, but sorry about the safety stuff. I hope it's still ok for entry.

[Crumb]

You are looking good pesci. :1thumbup:

Limericks will be posted shortly.

[Crumb]

Here are the limericks for round five:

I

The Viagra salesman did say
his profits were shrinking away
Rivals, like Cialis
would also help phallus
Competition was hard-on his pay!

II

Mildred exclaimed, "That's just rude!"
She couldn't believe she'd been sued
And her assistant's main gripe?
An innocent pull. on his pipe
No mind that she done so while nude

III

He was an invited guest, you see
To her boudoir he was enticed to be
He left her humming
"Thank you for coming."
"Thank you for having me."

IV

Young Bobby's new toy was quite grand
It was faulty which was unplanned
With flick of the wrist
And a very slight twist
The small knob came off in his hand

V

A woman who swaggers her hips
While walking stumbles and trips
Landing astride
A man at her side
She kisses him hard with her lips

<HR>

Good job, limericist! :yup: Since this is the last round lets get as moany votes in as we can. Choose which too you think are the best and PM the numbers of your choices to Crumb. Thanks to everyone, and good luck!

:popcorn:

[Legs]

Choose which too you think are the best

Which too? :giggle:

[Crumb]

:glare:

Must you point out my typos?

[Legs]

:sadangel:

When is the voting deadline?

[Crumb]

:hug: Friday 8pm

[Leesifer]

I hope Leesifer forgot to enter :giggle:

:glare:

[viscousmemories]

Moany votes? :giggle:

[Crumb]

I think my keyboard is broken...

[Leesifer]

Do we have many votes yet, Crumb?

[Crumb]

Three people have voted. I hope we get more than that.

[Legs]

Do we have many votes yet, Crumb?

Just all the ones for you :glare:

[Leesifer]

:innocent2:

[Crumb]

Make it four. :pleased:

[Crumb]

:bump:

Today's the day. We need some votes in here people! Pick your favorite two and send their numbers into me. :thankee:

[Dingfod]

Damn, I was out of town and indisposed over the last three days and didn't get a chance to vote for myself seven or eight times via various sockpuppets.

[Leesifer]

That's naughty, that is, Warren
:naughty:

[Dingfod]

I said I didn't do it.

[Leesifer]

You could be double bluffing! :chin:

[Dingfod]

We'll find out, won't we?

[viscousmemories]

:welcome: back, Warren.

[Legs]

Damn, I was out of town and indisposed over the last three days

sleeping it off :drunk:

[Leesifer]

I said I didn't do it.

I wish I'd thought of it though!

[Dingfod]

Damn, I was out of town and indisposed over the last three days

sleeping it off :drunk: Actually, I burned 86.5 gallons of gas driving 900 miles (10.4 mpg sucks, literally, gasoline from the tank and money from my wallet) towing a horsetrailer to go get my daughter's stuff from hurricane ravaged Southeast Texas on Wednesday and Thursday, then helped her and her boyfriend move into a third floor apartment in Oklahoma yesterday. Right now, I'm enjoying the benefits of an endorphin overdose. If that's sleeping it off, I'll have another, barkeep.

[livius drusus]

Holy shit, Warren. Put your feet up, man.

[Dingfod]

Fortunately, I'm back at "work" where I can rest.

[Crumb]

If you would have sent in your vote warren I would have counted it. Anyway, results coming soon.

[Dingfod]

That's alright, I know I'm not going to win anyway.

[Crumb]

Here are the results for round V:

<table summary="Results Round V" border=2 bgcolor=cyan><tr><td>#</td><td>Author</td><td>Votes</td><td>Points</td></tr><tr><td>V</td><td>Koan</td><td>4</td><td>12</td></tr><tr><td>II</td><td>pescifish</td><td>4</td><td>12</td></tr><tr><td>I</td><td>Legs</td><td>3</td><td>4</td></tr><tr><td>IV</td><td>Leesifer</td><td>2</td><td>1</td></tr><tr><td>III</td><td>Warren</td><td>1</td><td>1</td></tr></table>

ETA: Crumb screwed the pooch on this one and missed someone's vote. I have updated round V results and now I will update the final standings.

[Crumb]

And now here are the final standings in the Limerick Showdown!

<table summary="Final Standings" border=2><tr><td>Name</td><td>Points</td></tr><tr bgcolor=blue style="color: #ffffff;"><td>pescifish</td><td>18</td></tr><tr><tr bgcolor=blue style="color: #ffffff;"><td>Legs</td><td>18</td></tr><tr bgcolor=blue style="color: #ffffff;"><td>Leesifer</td><td>17</td></tr><td>Koan</td><td>12</td></tr><tr><td>Warren</td><td>8</td></tr><tr><td>viscousmemories</td><td>6</td></tr><tr><td>Fragment</td><td>4</td></tr><tr><td>Crumb</td><td>3</td></tr><tr><td>dipterni</td><td>3</td></tr><tr><td>Widget</td><td>1</td></tr><tr><td>BDS</td><td>1</td></tr></table>

After an amazing first two rounds a slump that she struggled and clawed her way out of for a strong finish, Legs is the :ff: limerick champion! :cheer:

:woohoo: :yahoo: :allglomp:

Thanks to everyone who participated and made this contest great fun to run. Congratulations Legs, you turned in some fine limericks as did many others.

Now everyone must heap glory and praise upon our fantastic limericists! :slide:

EDIT: :doh: I had to mess up in the last round. :( Oh well the real results are a tie for first place! Between Legs and Pesci! :D So that's cool. Congrats to our co-champions and my apology to pesci for such a hideous mistake.

[Dingfod]

That's okay, you're all losers anyway, Losers in Loserville, Loserana, Loser States of Loseria.

[Leesifer]

Congratulations, Legs. You are truly the Limerick Queen! :queen:

[Dingfod]

I apologize for my previous post, obviously I am the loser here. I have to know, because I garnered one vote in this round and it wasn't me because I didn't vote, who was stupid enough to vote for my lame limerick?

[Leesifer]

I only got one vote too, Warren. :pout:

[Crumb]

The same individual voted for you both, though I will not out him or her.

[Leesifer]

That individual obviously has good taste, then. :yup:

[Dingfod]

The same individual voted for you both, though I will not out him or her.You just felt sorry for us, didn't you?

[Crumb]

It was not me. :nope:

[Dingfod]

That narrows it down.

[pescifish]

Erm... I'm confusalated now.

I voted for limerick #IV (Leesifer's according to the chart) but I did not vote for #III (Warren's).

[Dingfod]

I don't blame you, it sucked, big time.

[pescifish]

Well, I had to vote for my own, of course!!

[Crumb]

I made a mistake. I am sorry pesci. I am updating the results now!

[Crumb]

Ok now the new results are co-champions pescifish and Legs! :woohoo:

[Dingfod]

So I didn't even get one vote. Forget what I said about apologizing.

[Leesifer]

Damn my Englishness - I couldn't vote for myself.

Congrats to Pescifish and Legs, now joint Limerick Queens. :queen: :queen:

[Crumb]

You got one vote Warren.

[Dingfod]

Don't try to appease me, I'm already deeply offended.

[Crumb]

:shrug:

[pescifish]

Damn my Englishness - I couldn't vote for myself.Welll, ok, I admit I had a nanosecond of second thoughts about it. I think once I decided to jump in the competition I'm became more :pimp: than :bag:.

I shall forever know that it was not only my own vote, but my whiny request for a recount that got me where I am today. :pimpin:

If only Al Gore hadn't given up...

[Legs]

Congratulations, Legs. You are truly the Limerick Queen! :queen:

Wow Leesifer, you were kicking some serious Limerick butt - I was sure you would wear the crown :)

Congrats Pescifish!!

Crumb, maybe Pesci and I should have a tiebreaker Limerick? :chin:

[pescifish]

:scared: :scaredbaby: :shudder: :egad:

eep
:fishie:

[Leesifer]

Damn my Englishness - I couldn't vote for myself.Welll, ok, I admit I had a nanosecond of second thoughts about it. I think once I decided to jump in the competition I'm became more :pimp: than :bag:.

I shall forever know that it was not only my own vote, but my whiny request for a recount that got me where I am today. :pimpin:

If only Al Gore hadn't given up...

:gooduse:

[Crumb]

I shall forever know that it was not only my own vote, but my whiny request for a recount that got me where I am today.
For the record both Legs and koan also voted for themselves. I am glad you spoke up pesci, it would have been a tragedy had you lost when you should have been co-winner.

Crumb, maybe Pesci and I should have a tiebreaker Limerick?
:scared: :scaredbaby: :shudder: :egad:
If you two both agree, I am up for it.

[Leesifer]

Do it! Do it! Do it!

:cheer:

[Legs]

That narrows it down.


I'm pretty sure it was me :P


What do you say Pesci? ready to separate the girls from the fish? :giggle:

[pescifish]

What do you say Pesci? ready to separate the girls from the fish? You mean :shark2: ??

Just kidding! You and Leesifer and Warren and viscousmemories and Crumb and ... well, all you guys have been demonstrating consumate limericism skills for weeks now and I know I just got lucky. I had a blast trying them, mostly because the ones I've seen here have been so fun. I may well tank, but the risk is worth it!

So... erm...

bring it
:fbowl:

[Legs]

Okay Crumb-cake, bring on the tie breaking round :eek:

Good Luck Pesci- :bfish:

[Crumb]

Very cool. :joecool:

Does anyone have any suggestions for a subject, category or something? :chin:

[livius drusus]

Bawdy history.
:socrates:

[pescifish]

Good Luck Pesci-...and to you, too. :2thumbsup:
Does anyone have any suggestions for a subject, category or something?Limericks written after 11p EST (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?p=121227)!

[Ymir's blood]

Halloween

[Crumb]

Oooh Halloween :) Me likes. OK I need one limerick from each of you on the subject of Halloween.

[pescifish]

:hyper: :witcharc: :witch:

[Crumb]

I have one entry in. I wait patiently for the second. :pleased:

[pescifish]

If Legs is willing, what do you think of starting this vote out as a poll?

It might help get more people voting and to get a thread that indicates there's a new couple of Halloween limericks. If I'm gonna get my butt kicked, I want it done by the whole crowd of people!

Plus... maybe other folks would like to share their Halloween limericks just for the fun of it -- the thread could give opportunity for that, too.

[Legs]

I have one entry in. I wait patiently for the second. :pleased:


Shit - I thought we had days like usual, okay okay :whipping:

Poll idea is fine with me, Pesci

[pescifish]

I figured it would be days before deadline, too. I'm not in a hurry -- I just got inspired by the subject. :mori:

[Legs]

plus we all know you are fast.

[Dingfod]

Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot another
Halloween limericks they wrote
In order to garner the vote
Bored, the rest of us tuned into reruns of Big Brother.

[pescifish]

:giggle:

[Crumb]

Shit - I thought we had days like usual, okay okay
You have days. Take your time. :yup:

If you guys want it as a poll we will make it a poll. I am very agreeable, as long as you are.

[Legs]

I am very agreeable, as long as you are.

Cool, so if Pesci wins... we can make it best 2 out of 3 :giggle:

[Crumb]

:sadno:

[Dingfod]

In hope to have much more time to rally
A flexible deadline allowed them time to dilly-dally
Then the contestants posture
Like bulls in a pasture
At various locales which can be found in Rand McNally.

[pescifish]

This isn't posturing, it's Vogue-ing!
:cowdance: