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cappuccino
10-14-2005, 06:46 PM
Here post your failed recipes that you gave a try and they gave you a lot of grief.

I decided for lunch today to cook pasta according to this recipe (http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/recipe_views/views/105914) since I'm working from home. I'm all excited because the recipe's simple and looks good. Plus I divided everything by 4 since it serves four and for the fractional amounts, I just eyeballed them.

So as I'm cooking garlic and red pepper in oil in a skillet while the pasta's cooking in another pot. When the garlic's all nicely browned, I add the lemon zest and juice...fooosh! the oil explodes, spraying everywhere with droplets of hot oil. Oh Goddammit!, while I'm hastly trying to contain the explosion, I completely forget about the pasta which's boiling merrily away on the other stove top, by the time my mind finally recalls the all essential pasta, it's already gone past the al dente stage and into the overcooked stage...ugh. It's slightly soggy. Crap. Then I plunge the pasta into the skillet to be mixed to yet another explosion of oil and steam.

At this point I'm steamed from the incredible mess the recipe's making of the kitchen. Ugh, and it turned out I put in too much red pepper in the sauce too. So now what was supposed to be a lovely meal has now turned into a disaster. I'm busy trying to scarf down the evidence before my mother comes home, plus the evidence's setting my mouth on fire too. :onfire:

:trainrek:


I have no idea where I went wrong, I sure wasn't expecting the explosion though duh, adding water to oil will cause it to explosively boil but geeze, the recipe didn't give any warning and it was deceptively simple looking.

Grumble grumble there goes my lunch.

Post your stories!

livius drusus
10-14-2005, 08:35 PM
I know I've got a great anecdote for this thread, but I can't for the life of my remember one! :rush:

Legs
10-14-2005, 09:04 PM
Once I was over at my Sister's house and as I was leaving she said "I just made tons of home made spaghetti sauce, it's in mason jars in the fridge, help yourself" :yup:

So I went to the fridge and saw several neat rows of mason jars with what I thought was spaghetti sauce and took a couple.

The next day we were having company so I decided to make hot italian sausages with pasta and my sister's sauce, salad & garlic bread.

The sausages were cooked, the pasta was almost ready the sauce was bubbling in the pot when I got a whiff of something that didn't quite smell right... :chin: I took a spoon and tasted the sauce :eww:

What the hell was it?? I called my sister - meanwhile my noodles are now done, the garlic bread is ready, and I have a houseful of company waiting at the table.

Turns out - I didn't grab the spaghetti sauce jars... I grabbed red hotdog relish - that she had also made and let me tell you this stuff is nasty when is heated up :P (like a sweet/vinegar chutney)

So I had to send my husband out to get some jar sauce, fresh bread :sadcheer: and some new pasta because I had to throw the congealing mass in my pot out.

Blue
10-14-2005, 09:50 PM
I love to cook and rarely fuck up a meal, so I had decided to test myself one day. For dinner, I was making Indian food for the first time (that was the test) having curry chicken, bean, and rice. This was also my first time cooking with curry. So, I figured I knew how to handle curry since I love Indian food and eat it all the time. Instead of the recipe, I threw in spices (I can't even remember which ones) and just went crazy with it, finishing off wih a TON of curry. When I test-tasted it, it was completely awful, so I added more random spices to the mixture. I was so confident I fixed it that I didn't even give it one more test. The lookon my Xhusbands after the first bite was irreplacable. At the time, I felt bad, for he had already been waiting well over an hour to eat. Now that I look back at the asshole he was and is...I don't regret it a bit.

RevDahlia
10-14-2005, 10:29 PM
Here's one. It was not the recipe's fault. It was all mine.

I am an atrocious baker. Horrible. I can make shortbread, but a spastic monkey could make shortbread; I can also make a mighty fine piecrust. Anything else and I'm hopeless. Leavening is my enemy.

Unfortunately I married a cake freak. When we first got engaged I fretted about never being able to provide my shiny new fiance with the cake he so richly deserves, but I managed to duck the issue until his birthday rolled around. No two ways about it, I had to produce cake.

I thought and thought about this, and then it struck me: gingerbread. Gingerbread is a forgiving sort of confection. Its strong flavors can disguise many crimes, it's OK if it collapses, and -- bonus -- the hubby is crazy about it. Emboldened, I consulted Epicurious and found this. ("http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/recipe_views/views/103087) A cake recipe that calls for beer?! Excellent! I tied on my ruffly apron and set to mixing and measuring industriously.

Just as the cake was coming out of the oven, my mother called.

"It's almost C's birthday, isn't it?" she trilled. "I thought so! I found the most interesting gingerbread recipe on Epicurious, and I remembered how much he loves gingerbread, so I just went ahead and made it and sent it to you guys."

Fuck.

"The recipe called for beer. Doesn't that sound strange and wonderful?"

SHIT.

My mother is the best baker in the world. I have no idea how she does it. Her angel food cakes put goosedown to shame in the light and fluffy department; her German chocolate cakes are lovely, dark and deep; and, of course, she makes the best gingerbread on the planet. And she baked my then-fiance a gingerbread cake, from the same recipe I used, on the same day. It was an unmitigated disaster. I think I might have been able to convince people to eat my version, if my mother's version hadn't been available for comparison. Hers disappeared in a trice. Mine sat around for days, and became the butt of many, many stupid roommate-generated jokes. "What are we going to do with that thing? We already have enough doorstops! I know, let's hollow it out and use it as a crash helmet... or maybe the local high school has a shot-put team, perhaps they could use it!" And so on. It was humiliating. I still don't know what I did wrong, but for those of you who do know how to bake, that recipe is pretty good.

cappuccino
10-15-2005, 12:13 AM
I'm tempted to give it a try... :pancake: it may stretch my current nascent cooking skills to the limits but I like a challenge myself!

Bella
10-15-2005, 02:01 AM
I think you overmixed your cake. That's the main reason pastries get so leaden and brick-like - overmixing creates gluten. Nasty. The next time you are going to make a cake, just fold the ingredients until things are barely incorporated. Barely - there still can be some streaks of wet/dry. It'll be OK.

ms_ann_thrope
10-15-2005, 03:09 AM
Not a "recipe" per se, but when I was young and less experienced in the kitchen, there was a very tragic Thanksgiving dinner incident involving a failure (mine) to comprehend the importance of fully thawing a frozen turkey prior to roasting. 10 hours later, I still had a bird we were too frightened to eat. 10 years later, I haven't made another attempt. :sadcheer:

RevDahlia
10-15-2005, 04:43 AM
I think you overmixed your cake. That's the main reason pastries get so leaden and brick-like - overmixing creates gluten. Nasty. The next time you are going to make a cake, just fold the ingredients until things are barely incorporated. Barely - there still can be some streaks of wet/dry. It'll be OK.
I think you are probably right, and I think that someday, maybe, I might be able to overcome the trauma enough to take your advice.

Until then I will stick to Milky Way Swirl Cake (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showpost.php?p=1958&postcount=25), and hubby will get his birthday candles on top of pans of brownies.

Corona688
10-16-2005, 01:11 AM
Back when I was an absolutely hopeless chef, I tried to make onion rings by coating them in in flour and baking them. they ended up...crunchy.

Leesifer
10-16-2005, 01:31 AM
How long did you bake them for?

Corona688
10-18-2005, 05:21 AM
Either too long or not long enough.