What support/social groups are you in?

[HelenM]

Are you in any organized, smallish groups for support/social reasons/otherwise?

If so, what are they and how do you benefit from them?

I've been in a particular Bible study (http://www.bsfinternational.org/) for 8 years now which - among other things - emphasizes personal growth. Although it's a worldwide organization (it's not a cult :p) and the local groups have hundreds of people in, each member is with the same group of 15 others for a year; confidentiality is emphasized and we get to know each other in meaningful ways as the year progresses.
They have a seven year cycle of what they study which means I've done this year before - it being my 8th year. I was thinking of not returning this fall, for that reason. However, I've decided that I'm as much in need of personal growth as ever so I think I've decided to do it again.

I know a lot of people in my neigborhood are in book clubs but I'm not personally. I enjoy reading so I might enjoy that; on the other hand I'm not sure how I'd like having to read what other people are reading. Maybe it would be fine, though.

I was talking to a friend last week about getting together a very small group of Christians for support/accountability. I'm quite interested in that if we can agree enough on goals for the group to try it.

I did a Christian weight-loss course some years ago, which was also a support/accountability group. I had some issues with the teachings of it but I liked the accountability.

It's nice to be in a situation where you feel the others are trustworthy and supportive enough that you are willing to share personal goals and struggles with them - and they will actually ask you the following week, how you are doing with specific reference to those goals and struggles. Counseling is a bit like this but it's fundamentally unequal; I like being in peer groups, along with the risk that entails that they might say the wrong thing, because they aren't trained to say the right thing, and the benefit that it's two way with you hearing about their issues and being reassured that you're not the only one who has some.

(I know this can happen one-on-one as well as in a small group)

Helen

[Beth]

I went to Penial, which is some women's organization. But this was a long time back. I quit going when it was constantly barraged by bigotry and hateful lies against all of Islam. But then, my group was run by Messianic Jews. I learned Hebrew and prayed, did Bible studies, confessed struggles. Stuff like that.

I wish I could find a group I was interested in. I could have gotten into a drinking club that a bunch of girls invited me into. Apparantly they mix a new drink every week, talk about how shitty men are, and scrapbook, and dote on the kids in a drunken haze. But the allure of a DUI or the killing of a child, mother, or dad on the drive home did not seem to snare me.

Book clubs, well, I think that I could go for that, but, um, try and find one in a redneck town-or I mean, find one that is not using Opra's book club selection. :deepsigh: :beaugest:

[Beth]

Oh, I do not think guys are shitty (had to add that) And the female, guy bashing group would also seem rather bad idea when trying to improve a marriage. I think dwelling on the flaws of the person you are married to only makes them a greater enemy.

If it was not so expensive to join these little meetings, I would join a scrapbooking club. It would hook me up with women who simply enjoy taking pictures and creating page of art with them. Nothing political, no trying to kill eachother with religious differences. Just little pictures of adorable faces and wonderful memories and how to preserve them to pass them down for generations.

[HelenM]

Oh, I do not think guys are shitty (had to add that) And the female, guy bashing group would also seem rather bad idea when trying to improve a marriage. I think dwelling on the flaws of the person you are married to only makes them a greater enemy.

Absolutely. One thing I like about the group I've been in for 8 years is that loyalty to family members is stressed. I.e. no husband-bashing ;). But on the other hand enough trust generally develops in the group that women will say if they are having a big struggle in their marriage. There are ways of doing that without husband-bashing - as I expect you know.

If it was not so expensive to join these little meetings, I would join a scrapbooking club. It would hook me up with women who simply enjoy taking pictures and creating page of art with them. Nothing political, no trying to kill eachother with religious differences. Just little pictures of adorable faces and wonderful memories and how to preserve them to pass them down for generations.

There are lots of them around me too. Creative Memories groups. I've been invited to at least three.

I'm reluctant to commit to things which are during 'family time' which the rest of my family is not interested in doing; I think I do enough of those already. Plus, weekday evenings are plenty busy enough with individual and group music and Wed evening church/kids club. The Bible study group I've been in for 8 years meets Thursday mornings and if the new one happens, it will be while the children are at school also.

Helen

[Beth]

I'm reluctant to commit to things which are during 'family time' which the rest of my family is not interested in doing; I think I do enough of those already. Plus, weekday evenings are plenty busy enough with individual and group music and Wed evening church/kids club. The Bible study group I've been in for 8 years meets Thursday mornings and if the new one happens, it will be while the children are at school also.Yeah, the one nice thing about Penial was that it was one morning a week, and ended with a covered dish lunch. In this, we got with our friends and talked and, yes, a little non-harmful or mean gossip, and just socialized.. I think one thing I liked about church was that I could talk to anyone and could alway socialize when I wanted company.

I thought about a self help group for survivors of abuse. I think that is something that my husband would appreciate and encourage me to attend, but then, I have been to meetings before. I have reached a point that I can go over my past without hurting by taking a removed or objective veiw point. I used to let my past rule me, and I have worked hard at ending that cycle and still am. I am worried that those group styles could actually harm any progress I have made. I certainly do not need an emotional meltdown.

I think one perk of Christianity was the way I belonged and all the socialization I had within the church groups. (I was also involved with Music Ministry, soloist, never as talented as a violinist or anything like that...) One thing that still slaps me in the face sometimes is the isolation I have now that I am longer involved in those things.
Creative Memories groups. I've been invited to at least three.

I love Creative Memories, but I normally get suckered into buying stuff I could pick up in the local scrapbooking shop for a third of the cost.

[HelenM]

Yeah, the one nice thing about Penial was that it was one morning a week, and ended with a covered dish lunch. In this, we got with our friends and talked and, yes, a little non-harmful or mean gossip, and just socialized.. I think one thing I liked about church was that I could talk to anyone and could alway socialize when I wanted company.

Yes - church does provide a social community. Of course that's only helpful if you enjoy being with the people in that community...

I thought about a self help group for survivors of abuse. I think that is something that my husband would appreciate and encourage me to attend, but then, I have been to meetings before. I have reached a point that I can go over my past without hurting by taking a removed or objective veiw point. I used to let my past rule me, and I have worked hard at ending that cycle and still am. I am worried that those group styles could actually harm any progress I have made. I certainly do not need an emotional meltdown.

I understand. I've avoided joining any mental health support groups I'd rather face the challenge of being among people who expect me to be normal and risk them not always understanding what I have to deal with. One of my friends was telling me about frustration with a group because other members of it wanted to dwell on past things and struggles more than she did; she feels she's "been there, done that". So of course, they accuse her of being in denial :p It seems to me that my friend is never going to see eye-to-eye with that group and in fact I think they've split into two groups now. Being honest about where we're at is one thing; but I want to be challenged to move beyond that and I know I do better when I let the past be the past. I think rehashing it often makes it worse. The group in which I've been for 8 years has a guideline I like: "please keep your sharing about your life current".

I think one perk of Christianity was the way I belonged and all the socialization I had within the church groups. (I was also involved with Music Ministry, soloist, never as talented as a violinist or anything like that...)

Hey Beth, soloists are talented!!! Please don't undersell yourself ;).

One thing that still slaps me in the face sometimes is the isolation I have now that I am longer involved in those things.

Yes, I'm sure that's hard. I mean, it's not as if people come knock on your door and say "Hi - I'm understanding and supportive - let's be friends!" (Or if they do, they have some soon-to-be-revealed agenda...)

Creative Memories groups. I've been invited to at least three.

I love Creative Memories, but I normally get suckered into buying stuff I could pick up in the local scrapbooking shop for a third of the cost.

Yep, that's not good :eek:

Helen