lisarea, You Insufferable Sow

[livius drusus]

I see you'll wear fishnets with big runs in them and smear on gobs of glossy red cherry-flavored lipgloss when it's your birthday at IIDB while over here you play Sister Frigid Prim. That's fine. Fuck your birthday. Fuck it right in the ear.

[Socratoad]

Now there is a picture guaranteed to promote instant arousal

[lisarea]

I see you'll wear fishnets with big runs in them and smear on gobs of glossy red cherry-flavored lipgloss when it's your birthday at IIDB while over here you play Sister Frigid Prim. That's fine. Fuck your birthday. Fuck it right in the ear.

FISHNETS? Did you SEE how old I am?

Stretch pants, thankyewverymuch. That one kind with the absurd piping right down the front that's supposed to look like the most excellent and supreme crease EVER.

I am also going to go get a really tight perm and some shirts with cats and sequins on them. Plus: Special Holiday sweatshirts and thematic tapestry vests.

Also, now: I [heart] scrapbooking and collecting adorable figurines. You can tell because I say, "OHHHH, aDORable!" all the fucking time.

(I forgot I filled in my birthday on there, but I guess I must have, eh?)

[viscousmemories]

Yeah, what liv said! F*** your birthday, lisarea. F*** it right in the ear!

I hope you're inundated with people doing nice things for you all day!

[pescifish]

Happy Birthday!

[LadyXoc]

Happy bday over here, too! Is it the right ear or the left ear? Because if it's BOTH ears, you're just a slut.

[beyelzu]

Happy bday over here, too! Is it the right ear or the left ear? Because if it's BOTH ears, you're just a slut.
and it could lead to some serious fucking hearing loss.

[livius drusus]

FISHNETS? Did you SEE how old I am?

I know; you'd think at your age you'd have learned some shame, but no. And now all the guys are going around with these garish, deformed, candy-apple red lipmarks on their cheeks. It's disgusting, really.

The only thing you can do at this point is have ODB make you some oatmeal before porking him senseless.

[freemonkey]

Also, now: I [heart] scrapbooking and collecting adorable figurines. You can tell because I say, "OHHHH, aDORable!" all the fucking time.

Oh, I'll bet you also ride around with a buttload of little stuffed animals in the back window of your car. Goofy old lady.

Happy birthday.

[Farren]

Happy Birthday! I won't take my pecker out for an ear polishing because I'd just embarrass myself next to Beyelzu but I will kiss your feet. You are the most supreme overlord of the net rant. May you grow more acidic with each passing year!

[LadyShea]

Well, I certainly hope you have ODB build a shelf for your teapot collection, and a box for your yarn and shit since you will be making afghans all day.

[Socratoad]

Well, I certainly hope you have ODB build a shelf for your teapot collection, and a box for your yarn and shit since you will be making afghans all day.


What insight, or did you know my mother-in-law personally?

[lisarea]

Well, I certainly hope you have ODB build a shelf for your teapot collection, and a box for your yarn and shit since you will be making afghans all day.

Hey, I ONLY HAVE THE ONE TEAPOT. OK, TWO, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ONE OF THEM IS.

And, uh, I have too much yarn for a box. It's in a dresser with three drawers: Wool, Cotton, and Etc. Plus there's some more in overflow receptacles.

And I almost never make afghans. Except sometimes. Like, the... oh, yeah, there's one right there. But they are not FLOOFY. That one has a wicked racing stripe! But usually, I make scarves and things instead! Scarves are hep! All the kids are wearing them these days! Also, hotpads. But in case you are wondering, they are totally like pomo hotpads--sort of ironic and self-referential. AND THEY ALSO usually have racing stripes. They practically SNEER!

OK. But I've been doing that since I was about FOUR, so it doesn't count.

Once, I embroidered a Machiavelli quote onto a homey throw pillow, though.

Crap. I am such a fucking farmwife.

[Socratoad]

All joking aside I wish you a penis .....damn this keyboard mutter mutter (slams forehead with palm) I meant I wish you happiness.

[godfry n. glad]

Well, I certainly hope you have ODB build a shelf for your teapot collection, and a box for your yarn and shit since you will be making afghans all day.

Hey, I ONLY HAVE THE ONE TEAPOT. OK, TWO, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE ONE OF THEM IS.

And, uh, I have too much yarn for a box. It's in a dresser with three drawers: Wool, Cotton, and Etc. Plus there's some more in overflow receptacles.

And I almost never make afghans. Except sometimes. Like, the... oh, yeah, there's one right there. But they are not FLOOFY. That one has a wicked racing stripe! But usually, I make scarves and things instead! Scarves are hep! All the kids are wearing them these days! Also, hotpads. But in case you are wondering, they are totally like pomo hotpads--sort of ironic and self-referential. AND THEY ALSO usually have racing stripes. They practically SNEER!

OK. But I've been doing that since I was about FOUR, so it doesn't count.

Once, I embroidered a Machiavelli quote onto a homey throw pillow, though.

Crap. I am such a fucking farmwife.

Pomo hotpads that "practically SNEER"? Kewl.

I've half an attic filled with not just yarn, but fleece, too. I've got three trunks full of knit goods, plus plastic tubs and baskets of both fleece or yarn. All natural fiber, no petrochemical yarns. Plus, three spinning wheels and a shipload of stuff that goes with them. I neither knit nor spin.

And I know where all four of my teapots are.

And I used to have a fluffy bunny in the backyard.

However, I have nudes and semi-nudes on the wall. Bouguereaus.

Very urbane.

Heh.

godfry

(pssst....I found the stove porn. I hope to scan it tomorrow at work.)

[Ex-zombie]

I already wished you Happy Birthday at IIDB (aka stardog) but I wish it to you again. May your birthday be filled with all the things you enjoy.


:bday3:

[Scotty]

It that like a pig that won't have bacon with its eggs?

-Scott

[Goliath]

Happy birthday, lisarea! :)

[beyelzu]

happy fucking birthday. :D

[Dingfod]

You're still having birthdays?

[Godless Dave]

Happy birthday Lisa!

What you really need to do is get a photo of the LM in his hockey/basketball/football/baseball/soccer uniform (with accessories) and have it blown up and printed on a sweatshirt which you will wear around town as much as possible.