The Amazing Eternal Life Device! This is real science, guys, no snake oil...

[Petra]

http://alexchiu.com/

There is a "How will I look after using Immortality Device?" section with scientific data that includes amazing images only available to us through the most advanced technology.

Truly wonderous. Stunningly simple.

Thanks to Alex Chui's relentless research, it just may be possible for me to see y'all in a hundred years or more, and looking as good as ever. :wink:

[livius drusus]

My God... Did you see the message board? It's horrifying.
Can your device cure HIV? (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/686.html)
Multiple Head Surgeries (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/673.html)
Can I use the device with breast implants? (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/675.html)

[Dingfod]

My that was fun.

The only thing holding me on the earth is static electricity? If that were true it seems to me that I could wear a rubber suit and be able to fly like superman. I tried it, it doesn't work. Will that guy pay my medical bills?

If you don't agree with my theory, let me ask you a question to give you a brain exercise. How come a planet is round? Who made it round? Is it because that different layers of a planet rub against each other for billions of years, the planet rounded itself out?

What about the sun? How come the sun is so hot? What kept it burning? Is it because the sun has billions of layers which constantly rub against each other causing the sun to burn like that? Give yourself some brain exercise.

If the layers of earth do not rub against each other, where did vocanos and thunder come from?

Hey think of it this way. We are nothing comparing to earth. We are dusts. Earth is a giant ball attracting dusts from all sides. Earth's static charge is enough to attract dusts like us.Oh my aching cracked skull.

[livius drusus]

Because dusts like us, baby we were born to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

[Petra]

My God... Did you see the message board? It's horrifying.
Can your device cure HIV? (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/686.html)
Holy shit! - My guess is that for it to work properly, it would need to be in the form of an Eternal Life Cock Ring. I mean, HIV and AIDS? C'mon, I don't think fingers or toes would do it!

Multiple Head Surgeries (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/673.html)

The rings are regular strength vacuum. It can suck up dirt from your carpet.

But where is the carpet washer? Where is the steam-vacuum cleaner?

The extra fine sand paper and the steam carpet washer are right here at this page! So read on!

I think he means that you should wash your hair before undergoing brain surgery, and I'd say that this is sensible advice.

What I'd like to know is will these Rings develop into Eternal Life Tiaras? And will these Tiaras be pretty?

Can I use the device with breast implants? (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/675.html)
You know I think these Rings could really help a girl get that Marilyn Monroe *edge* in her eternal life. This Eternal Life Ring thing is definitely on to something here!


It'll even make a boy a man (http://www.alexchiu.com/bulletin/messages/370.html)

Now, that's some powerful chi. :yup:

[Petra]

HOW TO BRING GLOBAL PEACE? (Unified world government)

Only Alex Chiu has the solution to a unified world, unless you can think of a better one..

This man could be President one day. :bow:

[seebs]

If Alex Chiu were taken seriously, most of the fundies would think he was the antichrist.

This gives me an idea for a short story: What if Alix Chiu is the antichrist, but, because everyone's so used to kooks on the internet, none of the apocalyptic stuff happens?

[godfry n. glad]

If Alex Chiu were taken seriously, most of the fundies would think he was the antichrist.

This gives me an idea for a short story: What if Alix Chiu is the antichrist, but, because everyone's so used to kooks on the internet, none of the apocalyptic stuff happens?

Nah... It'd be because of all the special FX in movies and on television, they'd think that apocalyptic stuff was normal.

"That? Oh, that's nothing special...I saw it on TV already."

godfry

[Farren]

If Alex Chiu were taken seriously, most of the fundies would think he was the antichrist.

This gives me an idea for a short story: What if Alix Chiu is the antichrist, but, because everyone's so used to kooks on the internet, none of the apocalyptic stuff happens?

Nah... It'd be because of all the special FX in movies and on television, they'd think that apocalyptic stuff was normal.

"That? Oh, that's nothing special...I saw it on TV already."

godfry

Yeah. Like, "the Simpsons already did that"

[beyelzu]

voodoo science, panaceas, infinite engergy schemes et al

irritate me to no end, it makes me think even worse of my fellow man, and I didnt exactly start out on the uber-charitable end of the spectrum.

[Petra]

Do I detect skeptism? Guys, c'mon...this is the real deal!

Pictures do not lie!

Here is an example of a person with wrinkle on his forehead (Left picture)
http://alexchiu.com/eternallife/wrinkle.gifhttp://alexchiu.com/eternallife/cellcom1.gif
The wrinkles were caused by the loose, disordered cells of the forehead. The cells are loose and chaotic by the cause of earlier physical damages, (hurt yourself in the forehead.) or by the slowing down of blood circulation from the heart to the forehead.

Here is a picture with result from the rings.
http://alexchiu.com/eternallife/wrinkle2.gifhttp://alexchiu.com/eternallife/cellcom2.gif


The difference is clear! Eternal Life Rings really work. :yup:

[livius drusus]

Fuck the wrinkles; just what the hell is with that soulpatch?

[Petra]

Those are your blood cells, silly! :doh:

[Ronin]

No, ma, really...see...not rosy or hairy.

http://alexchiu.com/eternallife/handring.jpg

[livius drusus]

Anyone else reminded of that SNL sketch with Joe Pesci in the jewelry store?

[Ronin]

nah...too glitzy...too much!

[HelenM]

I know y'all are excited to try the Eternal Life Rings, but don't miss the warning:

Watch out for the polarities. If you put the rings on with the wrong polarity, you could get sick within hours!

Helen