What kind of jerk are you?

[wei yau]

:poke:

As the smilie might imply, I don't mean jerk as in JERK, more like jerk. There are many things I do just to be annoying and to amuse myself. Frequently, my long-suffering wife is the receipient of jerkiness.

- Just before bedtime, when she gets up to go do whatever it she does in the bathroom, I'll throw all of her pillows on the floor and then pretend to be asleep.

- When she has lost something, I'll offer helpful advice like "It's probably in some place that you haven't looked."

- Whenever "Stuck in the Middle with You" is playing, I'll reach out and play with her ear to evoke memories of Resevoir Dogs.

- I'll crowd her in the bed, moving up right against her and force her to the very edge of her side. When she complains, I'll say that I have no room and demonstrate by stretching and reaching all the way over the other side of our California King-size bed...barely reaching the opposite edge.

There's probably a lot more and then there are those things that I do to others. But, I don't want to reveal much more for fear of being labelled a JERK.

I'm not alone, am I? Surely some of you have been jerky on occassion. Come on, let your inner-jerk out and play!

:poke:

[Scotty]

My wife is pretty dyslexic when it comes to her left/right orientation.

So I say, "Your other left"
Or I gesture madly because we are about 50 feet from the decision at 60mph "Which way, this way, this way?"

When she can't find something, which is very often, especially her keys, "And this is supposed to surprise me why?"

She always thinks that she can find her way to someplace new, she is certain of it, positive, doesn't need a map.
"Are you mad at me for getting us lost again?"
"No, I expect it by now, we'll find it eventually."

"You are such a good listener"
"I'm sorry, did you say something?"


Okay, maybe just more funny then jerky, which is my mantra, like Roger Rabit, "Only when it was funny."


-Scott

[livius drusus]

I say "And you know what? Chicken butt." a lot. To everyone.

[wei yau]

I say "And you know what? Chicken butt." a lot. To everyone.

It must be kismet that brought me to this forum. I had no idea anyone else did this...beyond the 3rd grade.

I've stopped for a while, but I'm gonna start saying it again.

[Goliath]

On second thought, forget about it. It's only a matter of time until someone will attack me about this post, and the issues involved are so sensitive that I'd quite possibly nearly fly into a homocidal rage in response.

[Ronin]

Alriiiight, Goliath... :appl:

...good one.

I say "And you know what? Chicken butt." a lot. To everyone.

Pathetically, liv, I don't stop there.

"And you know why? Chicken thigh. And you know where? Chicken hair. And you know who? Chicken poo."

I'm such a loser.

[Goliath]

Alriiiight, Goliath... :appl:

...good one.



So I can't even edit a fucking post without getting ridiculed?

Well done, people...you're on your way to making this board about ten times less warm and inviting than the IIDB ever was.

[livius drusus]

eldar, welcome back to the fold. I myself am thrilled to hear someone else say "Kismet". If you tell me you have an inexplicable affinity for Howard Keel singing "Stranger in Paradise", I'm going to have to apply for Randi's million dollars.

Goliath, that is an awesome score. Awesome. :bow:

Ronin, clearly you are a jerk of Steve Martinesque proportions.

[livius drusus]

So I can't even edit a fucking post without getting ridiculed?

Goliath, it was a wonderful story. I'm sure Ronin had no idea you had edited it. :(

[wei yau]

So I can't even edit a fucking post without getting ridiculed?

Goliath, it was a wonderful story. I'm sure Ronin had no idea you had edited it. :(

Not for nothing, Goliath, but I'm gonna have to agree with livius on this one. I laughed my ass off at reading your story. I thought your timing was impeccable and frankly, I wish that I could retain such a sense of humor during such troubled times.

I don't know Ronin personally, but based on his history, I seriously doubt he meant any offense.

Speaking of Ronin, how far do you get with that? I mean, does someone keep responding to you until you get to "chicken poo"?

[wei yau]

If you tell me you have an inexplicable affinity for Howard Keel singing "Stranger in Paradise", I'm going to have to apply for Randi's million dollars.

I'm sorry, but the Amazing Randi is gonna keep his cool mill. I have to admit that not only do I not know who is "Howard Keel", I'm not familiar with that song.

[Scotty]

I liked it, and it was Pulp Fiction.

-Scott

[Goliath]

Well, it looks as though I more than likely have gotten a bit of egg on my face. I apologize for the knee-jerk reaction, and I apologize for ruining this thread.

[wei yau]

Well, it looks as though I more than likely have gotten a bit of egg on my face. I apologize for the knee-jerk reaction, and I apologize for ruining this thread.

Don't worry about it, no harm, no foul.

The thread is far from ruined, I mean the title is "What kind of jerk are you?", you're apparently the kind that feels bad about being a jerk and then very nicely apologizes...frankly, that's not all that jerky, but it's all good. :yup:

[lisarea]

Well, it looks as though I more than likely have gotten a bit of egg on my face. I apologize for the knee-jerk reaction, and I apologize for ruining this thread.

Well, you ruint it for me, because now I know there's some excellent story I missed. Dammit.

And liv, have you been carrying on with the Little Muffin? He does the chicken butt thing all the time. Everyone does it now. Including my mom, who is the mastah. She sounds so damned sincere, it'd never occur to you that this little old lady is just roping you into a setup for chicken butt. The last time the LM was in New Mexico, he taught it to his three year old cousin, who is treating it with typical three year old restraint, of course. My sister is so mad at me.

As to the OP, let me count the ways.

A million years ago, on II I think, the ODB posted something about how his ex-wife used to pronounce oscillating as "OSK-illating," and it pissed him off, so I try to work that pronounciation in when I can. It's been a while, though, so thanks for the reminder.

I wrote a song a long time ago called "The Self-Esteem Rap" and told the Little Muffin that, as a surprise, I was going to learn to breakdance, and then I would perform the song and accompanying dance during some assembly at his school. He knew I wasn't really going to do it, but the song really pissed him off and embarassed him anyway. I should really remember to sing that song again sometime soon.

When the LM's friends are around, I make every effort to use phrasings like "OH. I JUST PULLED A BONER!" if I screw something up, just to test their self-restraint.

Well, hell, I actually call the Little Muffin "Little Muffin." In public, in front of his friends, everything. He's so used to it, he just answers without thinking, thus compounding the excellence of the burn. And if he's going out somewhere with someone who'll be driving, I remind them to drive carefully because he's precious cargo.

Sometimes, if I'm with a guy, whether it be the ODB, one of my brothers, a friend, or whatever, I make a point to flinch if they make any sudden movements, like I'm expecting them to hit me. I know this is really terrible, so I don't do it in public much anymore.

I used to write intentionally bad, overwrought, adolescent-style poetry, and then 'share' it with people to see how uncomfortable I could make them. I stopped doing that, though, because people were always so nice about it that I felt like a shit.

[wei yau]

Sometimes, if I'm with a guy, whether it be the ODB, one of my brothers, a friend, or whatever, I make a point to flinch if they make any sudden movements, like I'm expecting them to hit me. I know this is really terrible, so I don't do it in public much anymore.

I love 'em all, but especially this one. I'm still laughing. :biglaugh:

I've been known to do the same, but usually I'm cowering before my wife in front of her friends and family, whimpering "I'll be good. I'll be good"

Between this and your outing as a Kibologist in the "Troll Hunting" thread, I'm getting such an Amy Sedaris vibe off of you.

[Goliath]

Allright, lemme repost this. Maybe it'll drag my enemies away from making yet another wave of attacks.

After I saw the "Chicken Butt" skit on SNL, I said it all the time...except Sherman, a friend of mine, wouldn't ever fall for it. I couldn't get him to respond with "What?" after "You know what?"

Time went on...in my Senior year of High School, my father died of cancer. I was driving my friends back from the visitation (I think it was the visitation....can't remember for sure). I was still emotionally numb at the time, although somewhat sad..however, the brunt of the sadness hadn't really hit me, yet. After getting the car started in the cold (which was no small feat with the crappy car I had at the time), I looked up in the rear view mirror and saw Sherman. And I was struck with inspiration...the conversation went something like this:

"Thanks for coming, guys. The brunt of this hasn't really hit me yet. Man, I'm gonna miss him...but you know what?"

"What?"

"CHICKEN BUTT!!!"

:D

Ever since, Sherman and I have been trying to get the other to fall into the "chicken butt" trap. It's been almost 9 years since that day, and every time that Sherman and I talk over the phone or in person (which isn't often anymore, unfortunately...), each of us remembers not to respond with "what?" to "you know what?"

In fact, we sometimes joke about one of us killing the other one day, many years from now...we'll be about 80 or 90 years old. One of us will call the other to talk for a bit...and then one of us will ask "you know what?", the other will respond "what?" and the resulting "Chicken Butt!" will cause a heart attack...:D

[wildernesse]

When RA is steadily working on something, and the computer screen is covered with equations, I have to sit with him in the computer chair. I learned this from the cats.

I send insanely hyper and ridiculous messages to the unlucky souls who have been unwise enough to give me their emails. Several in one day often. Like today. I call those poor people "adventure monkeys" and "pumpkins". Pumpkins due to the month of October, of course.

When we are all trying to study, I chatter incessantly. I seek out people in the super-quiet, no-talking part of the library and talk to them.

All in all, I act a lot like my avatar. Imagine a wild little monkey loose in your life and you've got me. Except worse.

[seebs]

Damn, that's good, Goliath.

I had a game of Kierkegaard with my wife, once. The game is simple; try to make the other person say Kirkegaard. Anyway, we played a few times. I got her with various tactics, such as referring to some recent work by the existentialist philosopher, to which she responded "but Kierkegaard's dead!"

Anyway, after about four games, we were too wary.

So, time passed. Eight years or so. And one day, I was talking to her about analysis of the Problem of Evil, and I mentioned that St. Olaf, where I went to college, had a library of stuff related to this one existentialist, Soren something. "Kierkegaard?" And I just pointed and laughed. And, after a few minutes, when she realized that it had been something like eight years, and I'd been waiting all that time, she started laughing too.

So... I commend you, then, on your ludicrous patience. It was well-played.

Ways in which I am a jerk:
1. I will frequently engage in mild trolling. Not the simplistic "I just want a response" crap, but trying to post willfully stupid things that are sufficiently obviously funny that, if anyone corrects them, it just looks funny.
2. I make jokes in bed. Sometimes, I just break out laughing. My wife mostly tolerates this.
3. I say cruel, viscious, horrible things to animals and babies. "Here kitty-kitty. I have a pocket knife, and I'll flay you!" (Said in the normal sing-song voice used to attract cats.) When my wife says she can't run an errand, I generally say "Oh, well, I knew you didn't love me anymore." I'm supposed to stop that one, it annoys her, but it's hard to stop. Basically, to me, sufficiently implausible things are always funny.
4. I will sometimes bait people into ill-considered attacks on me. I tend to be very good at underplaying my strengths until someone locks onto something. e.g., I love to encourage education snobs to "trick" me into revealing that I don't actually have a high school diploma or GED; then, once they've played with this for a while, I point out that I finished my bachelor's degree two months after I turned 18. :P

...
Why the fuck do people put up with me?

[lisarea]

4. I will sometimes bait people into ill-considered attacks on me. I tend to be very good at underplaying my strengths until someone locks onto something. e.g., I love to encourage education snobs to "trick" me into revealing that I don't actually have a high school diploma or GED; then, once they've played with this for a while, I point out that I finished my bachelor's degree two months after I turned 18. :P

Ahem. I'm RIGHT HERE.

For those who are not seebs, I was just shamelessly bragging about the excellent scores I received on my General Equivalency Diploma in a private message to him, so this is CLEARLY designed as a subtle attack on my character as a GED snob.

Harumph.

And from an admitted troll (http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&safe=off&threadm=34478E8C.6E71%40email.address&rnum=1&prev=/groups%3Fq%3D%2522mrs.%2Be.%2Bhiggins%2522%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26c2coff%3D1%26safe%3Doff%26selm%3D34478E8C.6E71%2540email.address%26rnum%3D1) no less!

I NEVER!

[beyelzu]

Allright, lemme repost this. Maybe it'll drag my enemies away from making yet another wave of attacks.

After I saw the "Chicken Butt" skit on SNL, I said it all the time...except Sherman, a friend of mine, wouldn't ever fall for it. I couldn't get him to respond with "What?" after "You know what?"

Time went on...in my Senior year of High School, my father died of cancer. I was driving my friends back from the visitation (I think it was the visitation....can't remember for sure). I was still emotionally numb at the time, although somewhat sad..however, the brunt of the sadness hadn't really hit me, yet. After getting the car started in the cold (which was no small feat with the crappy car I had at the time), I looked up in the rear view mirror and saw Sherman. And I was struck with inspiration...the conversation went something like this:

"Thanks for coming, guys. The brunt of this hasn't really hit me yet. Man, I'm gonna miss him...but you know what?"

"What?"

"CHICKEN BUTT!!!"

:D

Ever since, Sherman and I have been trying to get the other to fall into the "chicken butt" trap. It's been almost 9 years since that day, and every time that Sherman and I talk over the phone or in person (which isn't often anymore, unfortunately...), each of us remembers not to respond with "what?" to "you know what?"

In fact, we sometimes joke about one of us killing the other one day, many years from now...we'll be about 80 or 90 years old. One of us will call the other to talk for a bit...and then one of us will ask "you know what?", the other will respond "what?" and the resulting "Chicken Butt!" will cause a heart attack...:D



that is both a sad and incredibly funny story goliath.

:bow: :bow:

[seebs]

4. I will sometimes bait people into ill-considered attacks on me. I tend to be very good at underplaying my strengths until someone locks onto something. e.g., I love to encourage education snobs to "trick" me into revealing that I don't actually have a high school diploma or GED; then, once they've played with this for a while, I point out that I finished my bachelor's degree two months after I turned 18. :P

Ahem. I'm RIGHT HERE.

For those who are not seebs, I was just shamelessly bragging about the excellent scores I received on my General Equivalency Diploma in a private message to him, so this is CLEARLY designed as a subtle attack on my character as a GED snob.

Harumph.

And from an admitted troll (http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&safe=off&threadm=34478E8C.6E71%40email.address&rnum=1&prev=/groups%3Fq%3D%2522mrs.%2Be.%2Bhiggins%2522%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26c2coff%3D1%26safe%3Doff%26selm%3D34478E8C.6E71%2540email.address%26rnum%3D1) no less!

I NEVER!

Look, Lisa, if that is your real name. I'm posting in this thread RIGHT NOW if you know what I mean, and I think you do! I do not think anyone will be confused by your anti-kibological vitriol and bias, and I certainly doubt that the users here will be stumped for a minute by the double-reverse trolling you're engaging in, trying to make me look so smart that everyone thinks it's just an act.

[Petra]

Well, it looks as though I more than likely have gotten a bit of egg on my face. I apologize for the knee-jerk reaction, and I apologize for ruining this thread.

heh. Shows how perceptive I am! I thought your post to Ronin was you riffing on the jerk theme humourously.

/me shrugs

[livius drusus]

that is both a sad and incredibly funny story goliath.

Isn't it beautiful? Thanks for reposting it, Goliath. :yup:

[Lauri D]

I'm glad you re-posted it too, Goliath. I very nearly wasted a mouthful of good Chardonnay upon reading the end of it (but saved it at the last minute!) ;)

[Nil Desperandum]

I used to make females cry because it made me feel better.
I constantly criticize those that are close to me, in efforts to "make things better."
I throw shit at people.
I hit people.
I pinch their noses.
I fart, loudly, usually just after announcing I will do so.
I cut people off in traffic, continously, even @ 90+ MPH. With a dirt-bike in my bed. And cinder blocks. And luggage. And vegetables.
I move shit around in Wal-Mart.
I cut people off with shopping carts, too. :P
I will ask a question to make someone emotional or squirmy, and keep pushing it until they lash out at me or crawl into their hole. (Usually, where they belong!)
I pinch people's nipples, and HATE IT when they do it back. (What a bitch!)
I will spit water on people.
OR pee on them in the shower, if the occasion so warrants.
Or on myself. I'm that much of a jerk. :P
But, above all else:

I continuously put myself through hell simply because it makes it that much harder for others to get to me.

J
E
R
K.

[livius drusus]

:damn: And I thought lisarea was as jerky as it got. You put her to shame, Nil.

[Shake]

Well, I've been known to do that, "No, your other left," bit before.

But one of my favorites goes a little something like this:

They: I was thinking ...
Me (interrupting): What? Again?

OR...

They: I've been thinking ...
Me: Don't hurt yourself!

:D

[wei yau]

But one of my favorites goes a little something like this:

They: I was thinking ...
Me (interrupting): What? Again?

OR...

They: I've been thinking ...
Me: Don't hurt yourself!


OR

They: I've been thinking...
Me: I thought I smelled something burning

[livius drusus]

They: I've been thinking...
Me: I thought I smelled something burning

I'll be ripping that one off. Oh yes. I most certainly will be.

[Godless Dave]

I went camping once with a group of friends. This one friend's wife is a vegetarian, which I don't care about, but she's really bitchy about it and was a PITA for the whole trip in other ways. So one day we were making a camp lunch. I had just spread some delicious devilled ham on some crackers with my Swiss army knife. I was just about to put some peanut butter on some other crackers when she impatiently asked me to pass the peanut butter. She wasn't really looking in my direction, so I coated the knife with deviled ham, stuck it deep in the peanut butter, and passed her the peanut butter.

[Godless Dave]

I also think it's funny to accuse obviously non-slutty women of being sluts.

If someone complains about a physical ailment I like to offer two possible diagnoses, one of which will be the absolute worst case scenario.

Friend: "I have an earache."

Me: "It's allergy season so it could be sinus congestion. Or maybe a brain tumor."

[lisarea]

:damn: And I thought lisarea was as jerky as it got.

WHAAA?

I guess I forgot to mention how I am all cute and shit when I do jerky stuff!

Now I'm not going to tell you about some of the other stuff I remembered.

You put her to shame, Nil.

Oh, OK. As long as I'm not the worst.

I just remembered some stuff.

Like I lie to pretty much anyone who's asking me questions I don't feel like answering.

I lie. I act stupider than I am. I make shit up out of whole cloth. I try to sound insane, or at least really really inconsistent.

I was just telling the ODB this story the other day: I used to work at a convenience store when I was like 18 or 19, and one day, this clerk somewhere was hard selling me on a store credit card, so I told her what I did, and when she asked how much I made, I made like I was doing calculations, and then said $50K. She looked all surprised and said, "How do you do that?" and I said, "Overtime." But my dumb mean friend was with me, saying, "Huh UH! No you DON'T MAKE THAT MUCH," and I am still a little mad at her about that. She's coming over tonight. Maybe I'll kick her ass.

Also, I use Richard Nixon's SSN all the fucking time, and I found out that I guess that's all technically illegal or something. I used to leave it lying around places sometimes, in hopes someone would try to steal my identity with it. It's 567-68-0515, BTW.

And once, I munged my email headers and sent this guy I know several really abusive emails as the Opinion page editor of a local paper, saying that we had office pools betting on what kind of crackpot bullshit he was going to come up with next and stuff like that. I eventually told him it was me, though, because he was forwarding the emails all over the place to expose their unprofessionalism. Mostly, I confessed because the headers were only superficially munged, so you could actually trace them to me if you looked closely.

[wei yau]

Little Danny
Now, my cousin Alex is built like me..that is to say, husky. Our cousin, Danny, being many years our junior is considerably smaller.

Years ago, at a banquet dinner (I forget the occassion, wedding, new baby, "Yay, we're all Chinese!"), little Danny had the misfortune of sitting in-between Alex and myself. Without a word to each other, we both knew what had to be done. Slowly, throughout the course of the evening, we'd inch closer and closer...slowly squeezing Danny between us.

Finally, the slightly-littler boy couldn't take any more.

"Stop squishing me!"

Quick as a flash, Alex turns to Danny and through bared teeth says:

"Look, I'm sitting next to your grandfather. If I don't squish you, I have to squish him. Do you want me to squish your grandfather?"

Danny (may the IPU bless his little heart) replied in a tiny and resigned voice..."No."

It was all I could to to keep from spraying Five Treasure pudding out of my mouth.

Little Billy

Billy is another younger cousin and thin as a rail. His father always give Alex and me crap for being heavy. Alex has a substantial collection of action figures. Billy loves action figures.

Whenever Billy wanted to see an action figure, Alex and I said he had to eat a chocolate chip cookie. It was our way of getting him to fatten-up, in order to get back at his dad.

Unfortunately, it never really worked...

[Ronin]

:damn: And I thought lisarea was as jerky as it got.

WHAAA?

I guess I forgot to mention how I am all cute and shit when I do jerky stuff!

Now I'm not going to tell you about some of the other stuff I remembered.

You put her to shame, Nil.

Oh, OK. As long as I'm not the worst.

I just remembered some stuff.

Like I lie to pretty much anyone who's asking me questions I don't feel like answering.

I lie. I act stupider than I am. I make shit up out of whole cloth. I try to sound insane, or at least really really inconsistent.

I was just telling the ODB this story the other day: I used to work at a convenience store when I was like 18 or 19, and one day, this clerk somewhere was hard selling me on a store credit card, so I told her what I did, and when she asked how much I made, I made like I was doing calculations, and then said $50K. She looked all surprised and said, "How do you do that?" and I said, "Overtime." But my dumb mean friend was with me, saying, "Huh UH! No you DON'T MAKE THAT MUCH," and I am still a little mad at her about that. She's coming over tonight. Maybe I'll kick her ass.

Also, I use Richard Nixon's SSN all the fucking time, and I found out that I guess that's all technically illegal or something. I used to leave it lying around places sometimes, in hopes someone would try to steal my identity with it. It's 567-68-0515, BTW.

And once, I munged my email headers and sent this guy I know several really abusive emails as the Opinion page editor of a local paper, saying that we had office pools betting on what kind of crackpot bullshit he was going to come up with next and stuff like that. I eventually told him it was me, though, because he was forwarding the emails all over the place to expose their unprofessionalism. Mostly, I confessed because the headers were only superficially munged, so you could actually trace them to me if you looked closely.


You're nuckin' futs.

:roflmao:

[livius drusus]

Oh yeah, but that Nixon SS is so, so money. So money.

[Dingfod]

I'm such a complete jerk, I don't even know what I do that is jerk-like.

[Adora]

Apparently my belief that kicking a guy in the nuts isn't that big a deal makes me a jerk(ette), at least in the eyes of the males close to me (3 of which have suffered my wrath at least once).

[Ex-zombie]

I'm such a complete jerk, I don't even know what I do that is jerk-like.

Well, you refuse to repost bad-ass stories. :D

The above comment is an example of my jerkiness.

[squian]

If someone complains about a physical ailment I like to offer two possible diagnoses, one of which will be the absolute worst case scenario.

Friend: "I have an earache."

Me: "It's allergy season so it could be sinus congestion. Or maybe a brain tumor."

Yeah, I stopped that when it turned out I was making fun of a guy who really had a brain tumor. But it was double-vision, not an earache, so maybe you're safe.

After years of putting out the bait of, "What are you eating under there?" I finally hooked my sister. I almost died laughing and retired that one. I suspect much to the relief of those less inclined to respond to 3rd grade jokes.

I purposefully mix up cliches to see if anyone notices I have done it on purpose. My favorite (learned from vm, I think), "I'll burn that bridge when I get to it." Ironically, that's usually what happens.

Overall, I like being a secret jerk. In my head, I pretend it's subversion.

Case in point. Had a roommate who felt he was pulling more than his fair share. Rather than communicate verbally, like a normal person. He started leaving PostIt notes all over. Like the one on the Brita that read, "Please refill after use." Whenever he came through the kitchen, I would suddenly get this powerful thirst that could only be quenched by waiting until he left and drinking from the Brita without refilling it. Water never tasted so good.

[Ex-zombie]

I'm such a complete jerk, I don't even know what I do that is jerk-like.

Well, you refuse to repost bad-ass stories. :D

The above comment is an example of my jerkiness.

I posted this late last night. At the time I thought it was funny.

Looking at it today I realize not only is it not funny, I have managed to insult one of my favorite posters.

Warrenly,
Please accept my apology.

Asshole Ex-zombie

[Dingfod]

I posted this late last night. At the time I thought it was funny.

Looking at it today I realize not only is it not funny, I have managed to insult one of my favorite posters.

Warrenly,
Please accept my apology.

Asshole Ex-zombie
No apology necessary. It was funny. You have more than made up for any possible slight by that ultimate compliment, one of your favorite posters. I wish I could restore the journal, but the ham-handed incompetent geek-posers that worked my computer over deleted everything. I may start a new one. I have lots of stories, some entertaining, some not, but I do have lots of them.

[livius drusus]

I don't really get what exactly you're talking about, Ex-zombie, but that won't stop me from saying that you're not at all an asshole.

I, otoh, am a jerk because I talk about shit that ain't my bidness.

[Gawen]

I am never a jerk. It's other peoples perceptions of me that make them think I'm a jerk.....even the cutsie jerk stuff they think I do... :D

[Dingfod]

You jerk!

Oh, I guess that was jerk-like. Sorry.

[Farren]

I'm a series of quick jerks and a sigh of satisfaction.

[Gawen]

I don't think all us male jerks should be seen standing in a circle... :D

[Farren]

I don't think all us male jerks should be seen standing in a circle... :D

Would you like a soggy biscuit with your tea?

[beyelzu]

a friend of mine has an inoperable brain tumor and whenever she says something stupid,

I say,"It's the fucking tumor isnt it?"

she has gotten really used to it, and now whenever she catches herself saying or doing something stupid she is quick to defend herself,"It's not the fucking tumor ok?"

with a different friend we constantly joke about her being a stripper and how all strippers are crack whores. In public, I will demand that she turn more tricks or I will beat her and she will so play into it. I am sure that me and sam have made hundreds of people grossly uncomfortable by doing this little schtick.

[pescifish]

she has gotten really used to it, and now whenever she catches herself saying or doing something stupid she is quick to defend herself,"It's not the fucking tumor ok?"See, you could escalate from jerk to asshole on this one: Next time she says that, tell her, "Why should I trust what you say? You've got a fucking brain tumor!"

(That sucks about your friend -- is it something that will be ok as long as it stays put or is it doing nasty things that will mess her up as it progresses?)

[beyelzu]

she has gotten really used to it, and now whenever she catches herself saying or doing something stupid she is quick to defend herself,"It's not the fucking tumor ok?"See, you could escalate from jerk to asshole on this one: Next time she says that, tell her, "Why should I trust what you say? You've got a fucking brain tumor!"

(That sucks about your friend -- is it something that will be ok as long as it stays put or is it doing nasty things that will mess her up as it progresses?)
she is going to die from it.

radiation therapy went well earlier this year so they said she could live up to 7-10 years. the thing is, the tumor is located in the speech part of the brain and so she, at some point, really will start fucking up speech. on the plus side she got twice as long on all tests and finals at uga.

and I am so stealing that line.

she will love it.

she expects me to be an asshole and she actually says tons of hateful shit to me because she knows that it doesnt bother me, I think its funny.

[pescifish]

she expects me to be an asshole and she actually says tons of hateful shit to me because she knows that it doesnt bother me, I think its funny.
I bet she finds it refreshing to have someone she trusts such that she can joke around about it. I can't even imagine how heavy that would hang over my head (uh, in my head). I hope she's with you a good long time, beyelzu!