freemonkey
03-15-2006, 03:23 AM
I haven't been around much this last week because I'm just really sad about something that is happening in my family. Stop reading right now if you don't want to hear me cry.
I think I mentioned this once, when it first happened (here or at HH-can't remember now). I just have a hard time talking about it, and I'm not even sure why I'm bringing it up here and now, maybe I just need to get it off my chest now. No need to respond, I just want to say it....
Around the beginning of 2005 my younger brother was diagnosed with brain cancer - they called it inoperable because they could not remove all of it, although they did operate. They followed that up with a combination of radiation/chemo, which he had a horrendous reaction to.
The treatment almost killed him. It was about this time last year. I'm told he looked like a boiled and blistered lobster. His entire body was burned, and his pain so great they had to put him into a coma while he healed. I went to visit him shortly after he woke from it, before he was released from the hospital. It was good to see him, although I was pressured to go, because at the time my family told me "now's the time, he's in a coma, you need to see him before he dies". I put it off til I knew he would live and be conscious enough to know I was there. Did I mention? I'm near Seattle, they are near Chicago. In the end, I'm really glad I went to see him, even though my visit was so short, 2 days, I barely slept from here to there and back again.
My brother ran a very small business, which he had to give up. His wife works for a local newspaper chain, and has probably used up every bit of sick leave, vacation time and FMLA available to her for the next several years. They have 2 daughters, one about 11 or 12, the other was born only about 6 months ago. A trust was set up and they held some fundraisers and its done well, I guess.
Meantime, the treatments are not working.... the tumors grow, new ones form. He gets frustrated, he's been depressed and angry. And I'm sure completely unable to communicate what he really wants.
We've spoken several times over the months, but its hard, especially on the phone. I'm told his verbal center was one of the first things to go. They say what he's was thinking and what he's saying are two different things. So, yeah, hard to communicate, especially since he doesn't do email or write or anything.
A couple weeks ago they said there was one more surgery they could do, and they hoped it would buy him some more time. So they did it. And its not working. There is a new mass in his brain that is growing hourly.
He's near his end. My family is doing what they feel is right for him, I'm sure. But they are divided. My mom says she doesn't think that he and his wife talked about what he wanted at the end.
He's a very big man. 6'4"-ish and over 300 lbs (they gave him steroids and told him to eat). He's losing control of his bodily functions. He's losing control of his mind, doesn't know most people anymore. He can't walk more than a few steps. This was last week, its probably much worse now.
The last I heard, my sister is moving him into her home, and having friends and family pitch in to help out while he dies, rather than putting him in a nursing home or hospice. I don't know that that is what he would want, I don't think its what I would want. But my sister insists on doing it (although she'll probably rarely be there herself as she works a lot).
Again, I am being told, you have to come now so you can see him before he dies. I don't want to go. They'll say I'm being cold, but that's not it. My reasons are probably selfish, though, although I feel they are valid.
I just feel awful about all of it. I feel terrible for the suffering he's had to endure this last year.... the physical pain, the fear, the anger, all of it. He tried to tell me how he was trying to sort out the meaning of it all. I knew what he meant, but he had to tell it, and couldn't.
I feel terrible for his wife, and all that she's had to live with, the worry, his mood swings and whatever else. We barely know eachother, so I'm not someone she'd share with. And his older daughter, this is just not something a little girl should have to see. :(
I feel so helpless. I don't feel like I've done enough to help. I've done a few things, I've donated to the fund, got some of my friends to donate to the auction they had. I've offered to do more, but no one took me up (out of sight, out of mind, I guess).
This is all I can write for now. Thanks for listening.
I think I mentioned this once, when it first happened (here or at HH-can't remember now). I just have a hard time talking about it, and I'm not even sure why I'm bringing it up here and now, maybe I just need to get it off my chest now. No need to respond, I just want to say it....
Around the beginning of 2005 my younger brother was diagnosed with brain cancer - they called it inoperable because they could not remove all of it, although they did operate. They followed that up with a combination of radiation/chemo, which he had a horrendous reaction to.
The treatment almost killed him. It was about this time last year. I'm told he looked like a boiled and blistered lobster. His entire body was burned, and his pain so great they had to put him into a coma while he healed. I went to visit him shortly after he woke from it, before he was released from the hospital. It was good to see him, although I was pressured to go, because at the time my family told me "now's the time, he's in a coma, you need to see him before he dies". I put it off til I knew he would live and be conscious enough to know I was there. Did I mention? I'm near Seattle, they are near Chicago. In the end, I'm really glad I went to see him, even though my visit was so short, 2 days, I barely slept from here to there and back again.
My brother ran a very small business, which he had to give up. His wife works for a local newspaper chain, and has probably used up every bit of sick leave, vacation time and FMLA available to her for the next several years. They have 2 daughters, one about 11 or 12, the other was born only about 6 months ago. A trust was set up and they held some fundraisers and its done well, I guess.
Meantime, the treatments are not working.... the tumors grow, new ones form. He gets frustrated, he's been depressed and angry. And I'm sure completely unable to communicate what he really wants.
We've spoken several times over the months, but its hard, especially on the phone. I'm told his verbal center was one of the first things to go. They say what he's was thinking and what he's saying are two different things. So, yeah, hard to communicate, especially since he doesn't do email or write or anything.
A couple weeks ago they said there was one more surgery they could do, and they hoped it would buy him some more time. So they did it. And its not working. There is a new mass in his brain that is growing hourly.
He's near his end. My family is doing what they feel is right for him, I'm sure. But they are divided. My mom says she doesn't think that he and his wife talked about what he wanted at the end.
He's a very big man. 6'4"-ish and over 300 lbs (they gave him steroids and told him to eat). He's losing control of his bodily functions. He's losing control of his mind, doesn't know most people anymore. He can't walk more than a few steps. This was last week, its probably much worse now.
The last I heard, my sister is moving him into her home, and having friends and family pitch in to help out while he dies, rather than putting him in a nursing home or hospice. I don't know that that is what he would want, I don't think its what I would want. But my sister insists on doing it (although she'll probably rarely be there herself as she works a lot).
Again, I am being told, you have to come now so you can see him before he dies. I don't want to go. They'll say I'm being cold, but that's not it. My reasons are probably selfish, though, although I feel they are valid.
I just feel awful about all of it. I feel terrible for the suffering he's had to endure this last year.... the physical pain, the fear, the anger, all of it. He tried to tell me how he was trying to sort out the meaning of it all. I knew what he meant, but he had to tell it, and couldn't.
I feel terrible for his wife, and all that she's had to live with, the worry, his mood swings and whatever else. We barely know eachother, so I'm not someone she'd share with. And his older daughter, this is just not something a little girl should have to see. :(
I feel so helpless. I don't feel like I've done enough to help. I've done a few things, I've donated to the fund, got some of my friends to donate to the auction they had. I've offered to do more, but no one took me up (out of sight, out of mind, I guess).
This is all I can write for now. Thanks for listening.