Some pretty good ideas!

[lisarea]

So, the other day, I was making coleslaw, and I was getting kind of bored, I guess, chopping the cabbage, and I thought, "This would be so much more fun if I could do this with a gun instead."

So that's my first idea: Making coleslaw with a gun.

So I figured that, seeing as how I had a good idea and all, I'd better turn it into a thread. And I am all about list threads anymore, and also because I don't really have a precise recipe yet so I could put it in the food forum, here is another good idea I've had:

You should have this movie, like a really moody kind, where the main character has flashbacks to one disturbing scene, which is slowly revealed throughout the course of the movie. First, you hear thwacking sounds, then you see blood spattering, then tissue, and a big stick hitting flesh. Every time something happens to the character, he looks all traumatized and flashes back to the same scene. Eventually, as the scene pans back, after about the tenth or twelfth time, you start to realize that it's someone beating a dead horse. Get it?

I have good ideas like that all the time, so I will probably add more, but I don't want to intimidate people right off the bat with the supreme excellence of my ideas, so some other people have to tell some other good ideas first.

[ApostateAbe]

I don't get it. Is this a thread for good ideas, or is it a thread for ideas on how to win Darwin Awards?

[Socratoad]

Lisarea, My turn to be worried. Are you running a high temperature as well. :think:

[LadyShea]

You need a Salad Shooter, it's very gun-like.

[lisarea]

Way to disguise your envy.

You guys just WISH you had such good ideas.

[Socratoad]

OK you beez so damned smart: hows bout designing me a chine for picking fly shit outa pepper wit boxin gloves on :poke:

[pescifish]

You need a Salad Shooter, it's very gun-like. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. At least until the OP went off into gore and shit. I'm pretty sure my Salad Shooter instructions specifically recommmend against dead horse, though, so it might not work.

[Dingfod]

I had this really cool idea once.

[Lauri D]

How about, turtles, like in your backyard wandering wherever they like, but with little WiFi devices strapped to their shells, and also webcams?

I would like to do that.

[LadyXoc]

I wish I could tie static duster sheets to my cat so he'd go under the couch where I hate to vacuum. Also dress him in a catsuit with a sticky outer coating so he'd dehair the furniture instead of rehairing it.

[Adora]

"This would be so much more fun if I could do this with a gun instead."
Ó_o...

I'm sorry, but that face is all I can muster right now. Just totally o_Ò...

Please tell me you're joking, so I can stop making this face right now.

[lisarea]

I didn't know I would have to explain it so much, but the idea is that you would have some kind of exploding bullet that you could shoot into the cabbage that would explode inside the cabbage and cause it to shred. It would be faster, and, as I said, less boring than having to chop it with a knife. I don't know very much about different guns, but I guess that is something I will have to learn more about first.

Anyway, I haven't done it yet because it's not like we have coleslaw every day or anything, but I guess I'll try to figure it out and post a recipe or whatever when I figure it out.

As promised, too, here are a couple of more ideas:

Dominance calculator. This would be an invention that will help people who are either stupid or are differently abled and cannot tell who is dominant in any given situation. So, if you find yourself in a room with a baby and a chimp, for example, and you have to figure out which wins, you can type in the information about the two, including age, size, sex, and other information, and the calculator will tell you which one is better. And then, if you find out something like, "Oh. The chimp has some fighting stars or your wallet or something," or "The baby has eleven toes," you can enter the new information and recalculate without having to start all over, because you will have a hard drive you can save data to, which will save typing.

This is another software idea. You can type in any random number, like a phone number or a social security number, and it will search the Bible, plus latitude and longitude to find out if anything interesting is there, plus the law in your country, state, city, etc., so you can automatically find out what that number means. Like, maybe "Gomer" or those two bears, plus "Stockholm" or "the Statue of Liberty," and "operating a bawdy house" or "having a sign that makes too many revolutions per minute." This could help you to remember your telephone number, plus also you could tell people about it and they might think it was interesting.

[livius drusus]

Wouldn't there be a problem with shrapnel in the slaw?

[dave_a]

Wouldn't there be a problem with shrapnel in the slaw?


Just use bullets made from compressed carrots or something. The trick would be getting it to explode in the center mass of the head of lettuce/cabbage.

Of course if one were to use a fully automatic gun with a 200 round drum then that requirement wouldn't be as important.

I have no idea how to develop or market such a thing, but I reserve patent rights if any of you come up with the compressed carrot bullet.

[Farren]

How about, turtles, like in your backyard wandering wherever they like, but with little WiFi devices strapped to their shells, and also webcams?

I would like to do that.

How about arming them with BB guns that can be controlled via the web? That would be fun.

[Lauri D]

How about, turtles, like in your backyard wandering wherever they like, but with little WiFi devices strapped to their shells, and also webcams?

I would like to do that.

How about arming them with BB guns that can be controlled via the web? That would be fun.
Hehe.... like to patrol the perimeter? :P I might be worried about friendly fire though... :sadcheer:

[LadyXoc]

You know it'd just be a matter of time before they had "Upskirt Turtle Webcam." Turtlecams in locker rooms. Turtlecam at secret board meetings. Turtlecam industrial espionage.

Turtles with mini rocket launchers to make cole slaw?

[livius drusus]

Turtles with mini rocket launchers to make cole slaw?

Make that baby carrot rocket launchers as per dantonac's schematics and I think you've got yourself a might fine idea.

[LadyXoc]

*wishes for turtle rocket launching smiley*

[Lauri D]

Turtles with mini rocket launchers to make cole slaw?

Make that baby carrot rocket launchers as per dantonac's schematics and I think you've got yourself a might fine idea.

:biglaugh:

[pescifish]

Dominance calculator. This would be an invention that will help people who are either stupid or are differently abled and cannot tell who is dominant in any given situation. So, if you find yourself in a room with a baby and a chimp, for example, and you have to figure out which wins, This reminds me of the Laurie Anderson song: Standby. You're on the air. Buenos noches Senores y Senoras. Bienvenidos. La primera pregunta es: Que es mas macho, pineapple o knife? Well, let's see. My guess is that a pineapple is more macho than a knife. Si! Correcto! Pineapple es mas macho que knife. La segunda pregunta es: Que es mas macho, lightbulb o schoolbus? Uh, lightbulb? No! Lo siento, Schoolbus es mas macho que lightbulb. Gracias. And we'll be back in un momento.

How about this for a good idea?
From the outside (http://www.pescifish.net/images/from_outside.jpg)
Would you use it? (http://www.pescifish.net/images/from_inside.jpg)

[dave_a]

How about this for a good idea?
From the outside (http://www.pescifish.net/images/from_outside.jpg)
Would you use it? (http://www.pescifish.net/images/from_inside.jpg)

I would so use that, it would feel so 'naughty'. How could anyone resist?

[Dingfod]

Ice bullets, man, ice. You could shoot up a salad right quick, and wash it at the same time. Then, if you are so inclined, you could commit the perfect murder, no trace.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Ice bullets, man, ice. You could shoot up a salad right quick, and wash it at the same time. Then, if you are so inclined, you could commit the perfect murder, no trace.

[killjoy]Um, you do know ice bullets won't work right?(Mythbusters)[killjoy]

What would be really cool is a machine that you pedal like a bike but it hops along on one ten foot high leg.

[Dingfod]

[killjoy]Um, you do know ice bullets won't work right?(Mythbusters)[killjoy]Fuck! There went my one "cool" idea.


I saw that episode.

[LadyShea]

This would be an invention that will help people who are either stupid or are differently abled and cannot tell who is dominant in any given situation.

Is they are stupid or differently abled they won't be able to type all that shit in. This needs to be a scanner that sends out infrared or microwaves or some shit and gathers the information for you automatically.

[The Lone Ranger]

Here ya go: instant applesauce.

http://www.umr.edu/~boom/photo/APPLE.gif

[viscousmemories]

This reminds me of the Laurie Anderson song: [quote=Laurie Anderson]Standby. You're on the air. Buenos noches Senores y Senoras. Bienvenidos. La primera pregunta es: Que es mas macho, pineapple o knife? Well, let's see. My guess is that a pineapple is more macho than a knife. Si! Correcto! Pineapple es mas macho que knife. La segunda pregunta es: Que es mas macho, lightbulb o schoolbus? Uh, lightbulb? No! Lo siento, Schoolbus es mas macho que lightbulb. Gracias. And we'll be back in un momento.
I like that song.

How about this for a good idea?
From the outside (http://www.pescifish.net/images/from_outside.jpg)
Would you use it? (http://www.pescifish.net/images/from_inside.jpg)
Crazy. I could probably take a piss in it, and hell probably that other thing too. I definitely wouldn't take a dump, though.

[Godless Dave]

I have a couple really good ideas to share.

The first is one I thought of in college, and may not be as applicable these days as fewer people smoke cigarettes. It's a bottle opener built into a cigarette lighter. In college I frequently found that I needed to use both of these devices in close proximity to each other, which meant carrying two things around in the pockets of my ripped jeans. Sure, the practiced beer drinker can open a bottle with a regular lighter, and the real alky can use a countertop, but there's something to be said for convenience. And marketing.

The second idea is one I had last night, when my girlfriend was discussing the security concerns of a young single woman living alone in an apartment. Apparently a few years ago there was a serial peeping tom in the neighborhood. I suggested what I thought was a great way to deal with one: keep a laser pointer with you at all times, and if you see some creepy guy staring in through your window you can shine it right in his eye!

[viscousmemories]

Behold, the power of Google (http://www.logoclick.com/lighters/CSBC-3-in-1BeverageLighter.htm). :D

http://www.logoclick.com/lighters/images/2-IN-1%20BOTTLE%20OPENERS%20-%20SOLID2.gif

[lisarea]

This is an idea I thought of a long time ago, but just now remembered:

Fabric pouches that would be sewn into your clothing, for the dual purpose of storage and handwarming. That is, you could not only use them to carry small items hands-free, but you could also use them as sort of portable mittens.

The name for them is fouches, which is an elision of 'fabric pouches.'

One other invention is a word, donk, which is a verb describing the act of communicating in an overly and artificially loquacious manner, including not just using unnecessarily large words, but also inventing words and adding extra syllables to existing words for no reason.

The root of the word is that it is a back-formation of present continuous tense of the verb, donking, which is just Don King squished together. Get it?

Anyway, I think that's a pretty good word, and you should use it.

[Lauri D]

One other invention is a word, donk, which is a verb describing the act of communicating in an overly and artificially loquacious manner, including not just using unnecessarily large words, but also inventing words and adding extra syllables to existing words for no reason.

The root of the word is that it is a back-formation of present continuous tense of the verb, donking, which is just Don King squished together. Get it?

Anyway, I think that's a pretty good word, and you should use it. I am totally going to! Don't worry, I will give you full credit :D

[pescifish]

This is an idea I thought of a long time ago, but just now remembered:

Fabric pouches that would be sewn into your clothing, for the dual purpose of storage and handwarming. That is, you could not only use them to carry small items hands-free, but you could also use them as sort of portable mittens.

The name for them is fouches, which is an elision of 'fabric pouches.'

:eh?:

:qduh:
:kangaroo:

:giggle:

[wei yau]

I had a good idea once.

Women's sandals with interchangeable straps. The sole of the sandal would be sufficiently thick to contain snap-buttons at various points. By attaching different straps to the snap-buttons, you can vary the style of sandal. The straps can be in different colors, designs, width and material. With this sandal, you can change the appearance to match various outfits. Also, the variation in the straps is nearly limitless. It might not be a great sandal for all women, but could potentially be a hit with a younger demographic.

I still think it's a good idea. But, unfortunately, a patent already exists with this very idea.

[Dingfod]

I had an idea once... no, I've already said that.

I sketched out a scheme to make a fourwheeler ATV, a snowmobile, and a PWC (Personal Watercraft) that all use the same core power unit, seat, handlebars and all. That way, a guy could have all the toys without the expense of separate powerplants and such. Ingenious? Maybe I should quietly get a patent on the idea, that way if someone makes one someday, I'll get rich, kind of like the intermittent windshield wiper guy, Robert Kearns, who successfully sued automakers for patent infringement and got $5 million from Ford alone.

[seebs]

I coined a word once. "deceipt". It's what people ought to give you when they successfuly lie to you.

[livius drusus]

I have no good ideas, but this Czech dude (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1181780.html?menu=news.quirkies) sure did.

[Dingfod]

I have no good ideas, but this Czech dude (http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1181780.html?menu=news.quirkies) sure did.A guest at my home this summer, blind since a stroke two years ago, had a handheld ultrasonic proximity sensor that utilized vibrations to indicate anything in front of it. I got to play with it some. When something was 3-4 feet away, the vibrations would start. As you would get closer, the vibrations would get more intense until it would practically jump out of your hand when something was inches away. It would even "sound off" when a hand was swung at me. Pretty useful to him, but my friend was critical of it because between his cane and the device he had no free hand to carry a briefcase or a bag of groceries or anything. He said there is a new piece of technology, already on the market, that combines what he has with a cane. While looking for the ultrasonic cane (http://www.batforblind.co.nz/), I found this new development. (http://www.eyeofthepacific.org/electronic%20aids.htm) Of course, installing it in a shoe would help a blind person blend in. But, the last thing I would want if I was blind would be for a motorist to assume I've seen him coming, a case where the cane would indicate to the motorist that I cannot see him.

[maddog]

. . . Of course, installing it in a shoe would help a blind person blend in. But, the last thing I would want if I was blind would be for a motorist to assume I've seen him coming, a case where the cane would indicate to the motorist that I cannot see him.Well, you could solve that by giving blind people white pants with legs that were red below the knees. :yipes: Not a fashion statement, mind you, :kookoo: :dunce: but the same principle as the white/red cane. :qjk:
:D
#96

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I think opening an outdoor Fundamentalist nudist colony just outside of Barrow Alaska would be a great idea.

[Dingfod]

Speaking of Barrow, Alaska. I've often thought the Survivor TV series should get serious about the survival aspect and have Survivor Point Barrow, Survivor Siberia, or Survivor Antarctica. Wouldn't that get vicious? I mean, wouldn't it be fun to guess which survivor will the first to take a bite out of another one?

[lady cop]

i think i am going to incorporate the salad and bullet scenario into our semi-annual firearms qualifications at the firing range...i do not understand how we failed to think of this when designing the course where we clear a house of various perpetrators who are 'shooting' at us, we could have cabbages and rutabaga and eggplants and artichokes and oh- my- god the possibilities are endless! :twoguns: thankyou for the excellent idea! screw those paper and steel targets! :assault:

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Speaking of Barrow, Alaska. I've often thought the Survivor TV series should get serious about the survival aspect and have Survivor Point Barrow, Survivor Siberia, or Survivor Antarctica. Wouldn't that get vicious? I mean, wouldn't it be fun to guess which survivor will the first to take a bite out of another one?

Antarctica is a pristine environment. Do you really want the kind of vacuous people who are on those shows to live there? They'd write their names on rocks and all sorts of other crap.

[livius drusus]

i think i am going to incorporate the salad and bullet scenario into our semi-annual firearms qualifications at the firing range...i do not understand how we failed to think of this when designing the course where we clear a house of various perpetrators who are 'shooting' at us, we could have cabbages and rutabaga and eggplants and artichokes and oh- my- god the possibilities are endless! :twoguns: thankyou for the excellent idea! screw those paper and steel targets! :assault:

You could even rent a goat instead of a cleaning crew!

[Shake]

Doesn't hollow-point ammo give a nice splattering effect? Or am I thinking of something else?

As for the armed turtles, make sure your WiFi system is secure. You wouldn't want the sort of thing that happened to the Penguin in that Batman movie, would you? Or how about just getting a moat with some frikkin' sharks with frikkin' laser beams on them?

Seriously now, I've never seen this, but I always thought it'd be a good idea: putting those airport style lockers in the malls. Shoppers would have a place to put their coats (for those of us in colder climates) or perhaps some of their bags so they're not schlepping stuff all over the place. This is an idea which, if I really had some investable money, I'd try to implement.

[lisarea]

Doesn't hollow-point ammo give a nice splattering effect? Or am I thinking of something else?

That's the best part of this open source inventing process. There are bound to be weapons experts around who know this stuff, but yeah, that would be ideal. Does anyone have access to a forensic reconstruction lab where we could test our recipes?

I'm also concerned about the potential for cooking. If it gets too hot or anything, it might wilt the salads, but I'm guessing it doesn't sustain sufficient heat for stir-fry, either.


As for the armed turtles, make sure your WiFi system is secure. You wouldn't want the sort of thing that happened to the Penguin in that Batman movie, would you? Or how about just getting a moat with some frikkin' sharks with frikkin' laser beams on them?

I am designing a war chalking symbol for 'insecure turtle' as we speak.

So, this is another good idea for talky neighbors.

You know those stuffed toys that record the stuff you say to them and then repeat it back to you in a different voice? It's usually like parrots and shit. They used to have them at the Walgreens and stuff.

Anyway, I wanted to take that technology and put it in a giant Tiki god statue in the backyard, so that when somebody is out there yammering too much, the Tiki god would repeat whatever they say and shoot fire out of its mouth at them. Like, "The doctors don't know what's WRONG with me...WHOOSH!" and "That's the bay-bee Jaysus! Can you say Bay-Bee Jay-SUS? FSSSH-KOW!"

That is called "behavioral modification."

I swear. I have lots better ideas, but I just can't remember any of them right now.

Oh. I did have the idea that I should make t-shirts that say "Your New Dad" on them for the Little Muffin and his friends, but it's not really an invention, because I didn't invent shirts or anything like that. It is a good idea, though. Please don't steal it.

Actually, never mind. You can steal it if you give me $5.

[lisarea]

Ha ha! Look what I did!

I went and found this hoary-assed old thread so I could tell you about another pretty good idea I had. I reiterate: Ha ha!

So, as you may or may not be aware, my young gentleman friend is BALD. Not totally bald, but sort of somewhere between "giant bald spot on top of his head" and "grandpa wreath."

He also cuts his own hair with clippers, so it's just short and not a combover or anything. (Although I would like to take this opportunity to reinforce this rumor I tried to start that he has a rattail in back. So let me say: He has a big long rattail in the back. He puts beads in it sometimes, too.)

But I digress. So you'd think, as I did: Effortless! No doingers or anything here!

You would be wrong. Somehow, he manages to get it all mussed up anyway. Depending on how he slept, and how long it's been since he's cut it, he'll have all these different fancy designs like he's Marie Antoinette or some such shit! I'm serious! Today, for example, he had a complicated and glamorous Half-Bozo, where one side was totally flat and normal looking, but the other side was STICKING STRAIGHT OUT FROM HIS HEAD in a giant puffy cloud shape!

So my excellent idea today is that I should have a blog. I should sneak up on him every day and take a picture of whatever glamorous coiffure has been visited upon him and post a picture of it, maybe with short critiques and user comments, maybe even. I will also make a point to use his full name, plus his shortened name, plus every user name he's ever had, and make sure that the page gets crawled but HARD, so that if anyone ever decides to look him up to check his legal credentials or anything like that, they will find my blog about all of his different crazy hairdos!

[viscousmemories]

It boggles my mind that some high-falootin' Think Tank hasn't snapped you up yet.

[livius drusus]

That's possibly the best idea I've ever heard. I would check it and comment religiously, I promise.

[lisarea]

It boggles my mind that some high-falootin' Think Tank hasn't snapped you up yet.

I KNOW.

Plus, also, just after I posted that, I thought of an alternate name for today's Half-Bozo, which is: Business on the Left, Party on the Right.

I should at least be able to get some kind of offer for a marketing position now.

[Ymir's blood]

Yesterday at IIDB, someone was asking how to train a lazy cat to catch mice. It occurred to me that tying strings to the mice would help a lot. Cats love to chase strings and it would make the mice easier to catch as well. I didn't tell him that one though as it is really a bit unfair to the mice. I posted that he should spray the mice down with the water from tunafish, which his cat loves. It will give the cat an incentive to chase the mice without providing an unfair advantage. Besides, the if the string caught on something, it might hurt the mouse.

[lisarea]

HAHAHAHAHA! NECROMANCY!

I would have started a new thread, but I feel like being a worse than usual asshole today, so I am hoping liv will be super-mad that I didn't artificially pump up her thread count. Har har! BURN!

Anyway, I can't believe I only just re-remembered this excellent plan I have.

Hacking the GPO is what it is!

The Government Printing Office is in charge of publishing all official legislation and stuff like that, and as such, they're the authoritative source for official government-type information.

AND there are a whole lot of laws out there, many of them really small and petty and largely ignored. But the devil is in the details, you know, and just the tiniest little turn of phrase can make a huge difference, and sometimes the tiniest things are just sitting there dormant, waiting for someone to come along and exploit them. You know?

So this is the plan: Somehow, you gain access to the GPO printing process. Get some low-level job, crack some overlooked administrative system, something. And go in and change something small. Tweak the changes so they don't raise red flags in copyfitting or checksums or something--I'm a little nonspecific still on the details of how this would be done, and may in fact need to hire a subcontractor to help with this part, but that's the basic idea. Just change maybe an 'and' to an 'or' with an extra space. I mean, I've seen mainframes brought to their knees by the accidental substitution of an or for an and in a database query. It's a powerful thing, that, and still the kind of thing that can easily escape detection.

Or go bigger. Write some new administrative law in some obsure and unexpected place. Fabricate a legislative history, and then, here's the important part: Leave it be.

Let it sit there for a while. Don't draw attention to it at first.

Wait long enough that it exceeds the grasp of short-term memory. If your fabricated law is boring and administrative enough, people won't expect to remember much in the way of debate or letters to the editor, and they'll probably just accept its legitimacy without much question. Make it look like it was some rubberstamp thing with some overlooked timebomb in it, you know?

And then, um, make a lot of money from it somehow. Or something.

Anyway, I don't have any solid plans for what types of changes I'm going to make specifically, and if I did, I would probably not say because I'd want it to be a surprise and all.

So.

Yeah.

That's the plan.

[Godless Dave]

Here are some ideas I've had that I'd like to see implemented:


I'd like to see a movie adaptation of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar set in a Latin American banana republic. The opening credits should start with "Based on a true story."

Someone should make a Judas Priest tribute album called "Keepers of the Faith". I know there has already been at least one Judas Priest tribute album, but IIRC it was all metal bands. I'd like to hear Priest songs covered by some of the grunge and alt-rock artists who I can tell were influenced by them - Billy Corrigan, Foo Fighters, etc. Plus I really like the title "Keepers of the Faith".

In response to all the hype over Mel Gibson's "Snuff Film of the Christ", it would be great if some believing Christians made a film about how Jesus lived and what he said, as opposed to how he died. It could be based on the gospels but end at or right before the crucifixion.

This would never fly, but I'd love to see a celebrity/entertainment magazine that had A) actually informative, thoughtful articles and B) topless pictures of celebrities of both sexes. You'd have to pay the stars a lot of money, but I think it would sell to both sexes. Men will always pay to look at titties, and I think many women would by a mag with tittie pictures if it also had shirtless pictures of Ashton Kutcher and whoever else and if the sex articles weren't geared toward adolescent males.

[Ensign Steve]

I'd rather see Hamlet set in an Austrailian Gap.

ba-dum-bum.

I'd rather see The Taming of The Shrewset in a Chinese Abercrombe & Fitch.
I'd rather see King Lear set in a Canadian Old Navy.

Please stop me! I'm so sorry. I apologize profusely for this post.

[Dingfod]

Here are some ideas I've had that I'd like to see implemented:

[list]
I'd like to see a movie adaptation of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar set in a Latin American banana republic. The opening credits should start with "Based on a true story."Although imdb.com has nothing on it, there is an upcoming film based on Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, starring Denzel Washington as Brutus. It is set in today's time in the only world superpower, with a cult of almost god-worship of the leader, almost as "if Bush declared himself dictator"[quoting Denzel on David Letterman]. The film is supposed to use the exact script wording of the Shakespeare play, Denzel said, it works quite well somehow. They showed a clip on Letterman; all I can say is, I'll probably go see it.

[godfry n. glad]

Here are some ideas I've had that I'd like to see implemented:

[list]
I'd like to see a movie adaptation of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar set in a Latin American banana republic.

This has been done live...at the Shakespearean Festival in Ashland, Oregon. It was done with all the Roman characters in beards and fatigues, a la Castro and his cronies. I haven't seen it in film.

And, Ensign... I'd like to see Titus Andronicus set in a North American Neiman-Marcus (aka "Needless Markup").

[Dingfod]

It isn't a movie, it's a play. (http://theater2.nytimes.com/gst/theater/tdetails.html?id=1104400275196)

[lisarea]

They LAUGHED AT ME at the academy! The fools! They called me MAD. MAD, you hear me? They called me MAD, then they made their fortunes building upon my work! BUILDING! UPON! MY! WORK! Well, WHO WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH NOW?

Who DARE call me MAD now?

[Just a couple of posts up--the one about hacking the legislative process and covertly 'passing' seemingly insignificant laws.]

Which one of you fuckers STOLED MY IDEA? (http://rockymountainnews.com/drmn/state/article/0,1299,DRMN_21_3708048,00.html)

Yes, I am going to resurrect this old thread just whenever the hell I feel like. Know why? Because, as a wise man once said, "Party people know I'm that kind of freak."

[viscousmemories]

That's crazy. I wonder if the guy who runs the winery is boning the Mayor's wife or something.

[lisarea]

Oh ho! Look! I am bumping this thread again because of how many excellent and innovative ideas I have alla the time.

This one is the "binding clickthrough doorbell" idea.

See, I already have a "No Solicitors" sign on my door, even though it is a) not legally binding in my city, and b) frequently misunderstood as meaning that the people inside are suckers and cannot say No to your face. So really, its only function is to force salespeople to throw the first punch in terms of being rude. I do not feel guilty about rudely dismissing someone who has already willingly ignored a polite request to leave me alone. It's just a license for me to be mean, in other words.

But that is all just sort of a little story only tangentially related to my new invention, which is really very simple. All it is is a permanent and durable template designed to fit around my doorbell, containing a DMCA-compliant usage agreement that my doorbell is not to be used for solicitations, and providing some kind of civil and even possibly criminal penalties for misuse, so that the doorbell button itself functions as a legally binding agreement to the terms of the contract.

It will look like this:

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.

Agree [o] Do Not Agree

...where the [o] is my doorbell and the is just a drawn-on dot that doesn't do anything.

Or maybe instead of outright prohibiting sales pitches, it would just be a binding agreement to pay a set fee in order to use my doorbell to summon a resident to hear the sales pitch.

I will have to discuss this in some more detail with my attorney, I guess.

But you get the general idea.

Talk about your pretty good ideas, eh?

[livius drusus]

That is a seriously good idea. Think of the revenue generating potential on Halloween.

[viscousmemories]

It's genius, I say. Genius!

[godfry n. glad]

My wife and I bought a slate sign that hangs above the mailbox. One side is whitewashed and has a folksy twining ivy border and the clear admonition in 3" black lettering, "Go Away". If any soliciter has the gumption to climb all fifteen steps to my door and knock hard ('cause "the doorbell and my hearing are dysfunctional" it says on the post-its), I get to berate them for being illiterate.

I've always considered,

:noid:
Knock if you want to,
but you'll just have to compete
with the voices in my head.
:zombie:

would be a good one...

[JoeP]

We had a doormat that said, in large black letters, "NOT YOU AGAIN". Sadly the lettering has faded now.

[Shake]

That's a fine idea, lisa, until someone has the bright idea to knock instead of ringing the bell.

I always thought the cops could use some sort of quickly-deploying temporary wall to obscure roadside accidents to prevent would-be rubberneckers from causing further delays and hazards in traffic. Or maybe they should just put up signs, "Keep on driving, you'll get a better view on the news tonight."

[JoeP]

I always thought the cops could use some sort of quickly-deploying temporary wall to obscure roadside accidents to prevent would-be rubberneckers from causing further delays and hazards in traffic. Or maybe they should just put up signs, "Keep on driving, you'll get a better view on the news tonight."
Yes, yes, yes! We get major traffic jams caused by nothing more than a police car parked on the opposite carriageway. Actual accidents, doubly so.

[JoeP]

This one is the "binding clickthrough doorbell" idea.

Lisa, you should like totally post this at halfbakery.com.

Aside: check out the Undergarment Trebuchet (http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Undergarment_20Trebuchet#1117645941)!

[Clutch Munny]

There should be a movie scene where a guy wearing an "I'm With Stupid" shirt stands next to a mirror.

I think that before you can give a political campaign speech you should have to put on special underwear with sandpaper inside and a small motor that sands your genitals if a galvanic skin response detector judges that you've lied. It might be good for political discourse, but it would definitely be good entertainment.

Every room in the house should have a tiled floor that slopes towards a drain in the middle. No hoovering -- you just hose the place down weekly.

I should endorse the "social construction of gender" idea by conventionally declaring myself to be a woman. Then I could proclaim my desire to live as a man. Same life, but that way I'd seem all brave for daring to defy societal constraints twice over.

[Dingfod]

I always thought the cops could use some sort of quickly-deploying temporary wall to obscure roadside accidents to prevent would-be rubberneckers from causing further delays and hazards in traffic. Or maybe they should just put up signs, "Keep on driving, you'll get a better view on the news tonight."In Venezuela, they dealt with looky-loos by having cops with automatic weapons waving you on. It was a good motivator.

[Dingfod]

I should endorse the "social construction of gender" idea by conventionally declaring myself to be a woman. Then I could proclaim my desire to live as a man. Same life, but that way I'd seem all brave for daring to defy societal constraints twice over.Now THAT sounds like something lisarear would come up with. You sure you're not a sockpuppet?

[pescifish]

Every room in the house should have a tiled floor that slopes towards a drain in the middle. No hoovering -- you just hose the place down weekly.:mememe: I actually have a room like this. I hosed it down just yesterday! It's wonderful. Windowed walls, pvc blinds and indoor/outdoor furniture are all good to go.

[Crumb]

lisarear
:giggles:

[Dingfod]

lisarear
:giggles:I know that's going to get me in trouble.

[Crumb]

We can hope so.

[Clutch Munny]

Warrenly, I dream of being lisarea's sockpuppet!



You can lease a car, you can lease an apartment, but you can't lisarear.

[Dingfod]

Warrenly, I dream of being lisarea's sockpuppet!So, you're having fantasies of her running her hand up your ass to make your mouth move. How long have you had this fantasy? How does it make you feel? How do you feel about your mother?

[viscousmemories]

I also thought that comment was very lisarear.

[Clutch Munny]

So, you're having fantasies of her running her hand up your ass to make your mouth move.

Well, duh.

[lisarea]

There should be a movie scene where a guy wearing an "I'm With Stupid" shirt stands next to a mirror.

I totally invented the "I'm With Stupid" maternity shirt with the arrow pointing to the belly, but it turns out that pregnant ladies are usually too hormonal for that kind of thing.


I think that before you can give a political campaign speech you should have to put on special underwear with sandpaper inside and a small motor that sands your genitals if a galvanic skin response detector judges that you've lied. It might be good for political discourse, but it would definitely be good entertainment.

You know you're my hero, don't you?

Did I ever tell you guys about my idea for setting especially bad politicians adrift at sea in watercrafts of their own manufacture? That way, any countries that want them can go pick them up in international waters if their little rafts can get them far enough out. Or not. Either way is OK with me.

We should totally start a think tank!

[Dingfod]

I think it would be really cool if you could put a person on Ignore in real life. I mean, push a button and they would disappear totally from your field of view and your range of hearing, kind of like a teleportation device. Where they went doesn't really matter, does it? Maybe they would find themselves afloat with their favorite politician.

[godfry n. glad]

I think it would be really cool if you could put a person on Ignore in real life. I mean, push a button and they would disappear totally from your field of view and your range of hearing, kind of like a teleportation device. Where they went doesn't really matter, does it? Maybe they would find themselves afloat with their favorite politician.

Sounds like Firesign Theater.

"Don....lay wi...at b..ton!"