Some acknowledgements

[wade-w]

I'd like to say thanks to those of you who expressed their support for me in the Shit I fukken HATE (http://www.freethought-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=795) thread. I'm starting this new thread so I won't further derail the original, which seems to be getting back on track. I should have done this sooner, but it hasn't been an easy post to compose. Hopefully I won't overlook anyone.

Pescifish, your continued support is really appreciated. Warrenly, I'm sorry I put you in the middle of all that; as I said, your post resonated with my mood. Beyelzu and freemonkey, I understand, and thanks. Lisarea, I can often be clueless about these things as well, but I don't think I said that I thought people don't like me. And before I forget, my apologies for derailing your thread. Gawen, sorry I misunderstood your initial response. Farren, there's not really anything anyone can do.

vm, I did not expect to shock people, and I most certainly did not intend to impress anyone (as an aside, why the hell would anyone be impressed by that?). As far as your observation, yes, I've primarily been venting. I must admit I am genuinely torn on whether or not I want to discuss how I've been feeling. On the one hand, I can't help thinking I need to get it off my chest. Since I get no real human contact irl (I know, pathetic as hell isn't it?) this seems to be my best choice of a venue. On the other hand, the last thing I'm looking for is a pity party, and I'd like to be able to retain some shred of dignity.

[dave_a]

On the one hand, I can't help thinking I need to get it off my chest. Since I get no real human contact irl (I know, pathetic as hell isn't it?) this seems to be my best choice of a venue. On the other hand, the last thing I'm looking for is a pity party, and I'd like to be able to retain some shred of dignity.

First, I have only a shread of understanding as to what the hell you are talking about. Second, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that few of us here can say we have extensive personal networks to vent with. I suspect that if we did, we wouldn't be here.

So go ahead and get it off your chest, whatever it is. You can piss off everyone here and tomorrow it won't matter. That is one of the beauties of the net.

[seebs]

Go ahead and vent. I'm thinking about doing some venting too. It's cool.

[viscousmemories]

I'm sorry wade, impress was a poor choice of word. I meant "make an impression" not in the showing off sense but in the standing out sense. Ugh. It's past my bedtime and I realize I'm being incoherent. Sorry. Anyway what I was trying to say is that I encourage you to talk about how you feel or not as you see fit, and you needn't temper your comments for my sake. I won't be shocked or appalled (probably should've went with that word the first time around) by blunt honesty.

[ApostateAbe]

wade, maybe you can tell us what the problems are, why you feel suicidal or whatever, and the rest of us can offer advice and positive reinforcement. We are friends here and nobody wants you dead or feeling like crap. Some of us have been seriosuly depressed in the past and have found a way out (like me).

[livius drusus]

I really appreciate your OP, wade. I think it takes a lot to put your inner self out there on the line, so I thoroughly understand being reluctant to discuss your feelings. I also agree with everyone who's given you the thumbs up for a full-on vent.

The kind of sentiment that creeps into some of your posts (mainly at night) can depending on the topic be jarring, and depending on the person hard to place in the joke -> serious spectrum. A thread like this, otoh, runs no risk of being read as a joke when it's a genuine expression of despair or as a genuine expression of despair when it's really more of a joke.

Okay. I supsect I am making no sense at all. Sorry about the incoherence problem. I do rather notably suck at being helpful and supportive, but suckery notwithstanding, I'm genuinely grateful that you've started this thread and very much hope it will provide you with the network that's missing from your rl right now.

[xorbie]

I must admit I am genuinely torn on whether or not I want to discuss how I've been feeling. On the one hand, I can't help thinking I need to get it off my chest. Since I get no real human contact irl (I know, pathetic as hell isn't it?) this seems to be my best choice of a venue. On the other hand, the last thing I'm looking for is a pity party, and I'd like to be able to retain some shred of dignity.

:sadcheer:

Honestly, you're one of the few people online I really respect, so I wouldn't be too worried about shreds of dignity. As others have said, if you have something you need to get off your chest, what better place than here?

[Dingfod]

Warrenly, I'm sorry I put you in the middle of all that; as I said, your post resonated with my mood.Been there, done that, didn't even get a T-shirt.
Since I get no real human contact irl (I know, pathetic as hell isn't it?) this seems to be my best choice of a venue. On the other hand, the last thing I'm looking for is a pity party, and I'd like to be able to retain some shred of dignity.Boy howdy, do I ever identify with that sentiment.

[Socratoad]

Warrenly, I'm sorry I put you in the middle of all that; as I said, your post resonated with my mood.Been there, done that, didn't even get a T-shirt.
Since I get no real human contact irl (I know, pathetic as hell isn't it?) this seems to be my best choice of a venue. On the other hand, the last thing I'm looking for is a pity party, and I'd like to be able to retain some shred of dignity.Boy howdy, do I ever identify with that sentiment.

Oh hell warrenly, why dincha speak up, I've got a ton O them damned T-shirts

[beyelzu]

wade, feel free to vent, I dont know how helpful I will be, but I will listen, metaphorically speaking of course.


I wont think less of you either.

[lisarea]

For what it's worth, I'm not proprietary about "my" threads, so there's no need to apologize for derailing.

And as far as maintaining dignity, there's nothing undignified about talking about what's bothering you. Nothing at all. In fact, in a way, it's a pretty dignified thing to do. I can't even fathom how someone would think less of you for that.

[Roland98]

Shit, wade. I didn't see the original thread until now. I don't think any of us would consider it a "pity party" if you wanted to vent. God knows I've done it time and again, mainly over at HH.

I don't know quite what else to say, but I do feel like this is a community, and we're all here for you if you want to talk.

[wade-w]

And as far as maintaining dignity, there's nothing undignified about talking about what's bothering you. Nothing at all. In fact, in a way, it's a pretty dignified thing to do. I can't even fathom how someone would think less of you for that.

I'm not sure if I can explain this very well. I am afraid I'll come across as someone who is just trolling for sympathy, or be perceived as an attention whore. I think that I am already considered by some to be a whiner, so I can't help thinking that an "oh woe is me" thread would be seen as just more of the same. I realize this appears to contradict some of the posts I've made in the last couple of weeks. All I can say is that for every time I've succumbed to my darker impulses and hit "Submit Reply," I've refrained from actually posting at least half a dozen.

[Dingfod]

Wade, I've aired some pretty dirtly laundry in front of people in this group and even though I felt like I was being a an attention seeking post whore, not one person every said anything that should've made me feel that way. I understand why you might restrain yourself though, like the old Rick Nelson song said "You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." Do whatever flips your flipper, Wade.

[viscousmemories]

I bet there are a lot more people that think I'm a whiner than you, wade. Hell, that mean bitch administrator at IIDB came right out and called me one in an innocent beer thread!

Oh wait, she's right there. Hi Roland! No, no, I wasn't talking about you at all. :innocent:

Ahem. Point being that I realized that there was nothing I could do to change that perception, so I had to decide to not pay it any attention and move on. At this point I'm sure there are still some who think it about me, but I think there are a lot more who don't. :shrug:

[seebs]

Tell ya what.

Tell us all about it. If people jump on you for being whiny, we'll all post our own whiny complaints, and you can jump on us. :)

[ApostateAbe]

wade, just speak your mind. This is a freethought forum, remember? In one thread, I ranted about so many of my darkest views that I seemed completely out of my head. Yet, I still manage to fit in to the forum. Now tell us what is bothering you.

[Socratoad]

Wade, I'm pretty damned selective about where I hang out in the net, and so when I had a couple of heart attacks while over at II I soon realized that we have family here on the net if we wish to do so. The people who offered to spring to my aid during that time still brings tears of tenderness to my eyes, and so if there is family to be found at II then it certainly goes double for here at FF, a much smaller more intimate board. Just let it all hang out, so to speak, cuz if you are perhaps anything like me then this board feels more like family then do the people I associate with in so-called real life. In other words this is where its at baby ...... so please feel free to share, as will I.

[pescifish]

Cool thread, wade. :yup: Pescifish, your continued support is really appreciated.Purely selfish on my part. I'm the one getting the benefit of your company whenever I need a shoulder or sounding board. My thanks back at ya!

[HelenM]

I must admit I am genuinely torn on whether or not I want to discuss how I've been feeling. On the one hand, I can't help thinking I need to get it off my chest. Since I get no real human contact irl (I know, pathetic as hell isn't it?) this seems to be my best choice of a venue. On the other hand, the last thing I'm looking for is a pity party, and I'd like to be able to retain some shred of dignity.

Imo, dignity's not all it's cracked up to be.

If you want to share, go for it. If you don't, well, it's probably too late now anyway :)

Helen

[wade-w]

Any time, pesci.

I see that I was right; I have not expressed myself well. vm, My reference to whining was based on not wanting to make that reputation as a whiner even worse than it already is.

Socratoad, as I said to you over at II recently, I'm glad you were able to get the support you needed. However, my own experiences have not always been so positive. Once burned, twice shy, as they say. Seebs, coming from anyone else, I would consider your post to be extremely condescending. I hope I'm wrong.

In retrospect I see that I may already be doing what I was afraid of, and I'm sure that my posts in this thread can be seen as a pitiful attempt to elicit sympathy.

[seebs]

No condescension intended, certainly. I don't think you're likely to be accused of whining, but if you are, we'll all join in to make you feel welcome anyway. :)

[HelenM]

In retrospect I see that I may already be doing what I was afraid of, and I'm sure that my posts in this thread can be seen as a pitiful attempt to elicit sympathy.

I don't see them that way. I can relate to the desire to want to share things about yourself with other people; I don't consider it pitiful.

Helen

[Socratoad]

Any time, pesci.

I see that I was right; I have not expressed myself well. vm, My reference to whining was based on not wanting to make that reputation as a whiner even worse than it already is.

Socratoad, as I said to you over at II recently, I'm glad you were able to get the support you needed. However, my own experiences have not always been so positive. Once burned, twice shy, as they say. Seebs, coming from anyone else, I would consider your post to be extremely condescending. I hope I'm wrong.

In retrospect I see that I may already be doing what I was afraid of, and I'm sure that my posts in this thread can be seen as a pitiful attempt to elicit sympathy.

wade don't isolate yourself. From what I am able to discern of the most frequent posters on this board no one would ever accuse you of just seeking pity, and furthermore I'm quite sure that if anyone did say such a thing they would be slapped down pretty damned fast.

So for whatever its worth Toad says, what do you have to lose ..... share whatever is you are finding painful at this time, for no matter what it is I'm sure that more than one of us has been through or perhaps is going through a similar experience.

I wish you the best. If I could give anyone here a gift that I think is the most precious on this planet, I would give everyone peace of mind and serenity. Everything else is superfluous

[freemonkey]

I wish you the best. If I could give anyone here a gift that I think is the most precious on this planet, I would give everyone peace of mind and serenity. Everything else is superfluous
Send some of that my way, will ya?

wade, I understand your reluctance to talk about it, I often feel the same way....

I've been in a weird anxiety->depression loop for quite some time now, and don't even know how to talk about it (here or IRL), much less feel as though I'm not being whiny, over-sensitive and/or silly. So, there you go.

That said, I urge you to talk about what's bothering you. If nothing else, it might get you just one step closer to where you want to be. :hug:

[viscousmemories]

I see that I was right; I have not expressed myself well. vm, My reference to whining was based on not wanting to make that reputation as a whiner even worse than it already is.
I understood that. My point (probably not well made) was that it seems reasonable to assume that you don't have the reputation of being a whiner you think you have, or if you do it may just be one or two people who think it and not be as widespread as you think. However every time you mention it (and you've mentioned it several times in the last month or so) you encourage people to make that erroneous association between you and "whiner". In Dawkin's terminology: You perpetuate the meme. I suggest you just let it go.

My reputation for being a whiner came from my frequent criticisms of the administration and moderation at IIDB. Many times I considered not participating in discussions about the policies and procedures there precisely because I didn't want to perpetuate that reputation. In fact there are at least two admins who won't even post in threads I post in for that reason, as one of them explained to me.

However I didn't let the fact that some vocal critics - even prominent ones - called me a whiner and made other disparaging insinuations keep me from speaking up. I just accepted the fact that sometimes what I consider an important moral stance someone else considers whining. So you wonder what you can do to avoid getting a reputation as a whiner? The only guaranteed strategy I know of is to keep your mouth shut, and in particular about issues of any importance to you. That may work for some, but for me the respect and consideration I get from those who understand and/or agree with my positions far outweighs the fact that some people think I'm a whiner.

[Goliath]

Wade, I know how you feel...IIRC, you've expressed that you've felt like an outsider here (and at the IIDB) at times. I feel that way off and on myself (guess which way I'm feeling now? :D).

Anyways, I don't have anything extremely helpful or constructive to say...just wanted to express a bit of empathy.

[Ex-zombie]

Wade,

I think there is a big difference between whining and expressing your feelings/thoughts. I simply have not picked up on any whining from you. Believe me I would spot it. I have two kids.

I am not very good at comforting people but I am an excellent listener. I have picked up on your sadness in some of your posts. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't want to bring it up and make you uncomfortable.

[LadyShea]

:hug: for you wade

[Roland98]

I bet there are a lot more people that think I'm a whiner than you, wade. Hell, that mean bitch administrator at IIDB came right out and called me one in an innocent beer thread!

Oh wait, she's right there. Hi Roland! No, no, I wasn't talking about you at all.

Tee hee. :) I was going to mention that no one in the message board universe could be as much of a whiner as vm, but I thought better of it. :D But hey, since you brought it up... :innocent:





(You know that I love ya, vm... :yup: )

[wildernesse]

:smilehug:

Sending good thoughts your way, wade-ikins.

[wade-w]

Wade, I know how you feel...IIRC, you've expressed that you've felt like an outsider here (and at the IIDB) at times. I feel that way off and on myself (guess which way I'm feeling now? :D).

Anyways, I don't have anything extremely helpful or constructive to say...just wanted to express a bit of empathy.

I appreciate it Goliath. I don't necessarily feel that I am an outsider here; you may be thinking of HH. As for II, well, that board is so huge I think almost everyone except a chosen few is an outsider there, and even some of the individual fora have an insider/outsider dynamic going on.

I recently posted over there about why I in particular do not expect to be one of those few. On the other hand, at about the same time I was involved in a rather pleasant discussion of Mathematical Philosophy. We got into a nice discussion of formalism vs constructivism, along with some asides about the Axiom of Choice and infinite sets. I learned a lot on that thread, including some implications of the AC I hadn't considered before, and even a bit about intuitionist logic. Anyway, since the majority of the threads I participate in at II are on topics like that it's no wonder that not many over there know me well. I'm far more likely to get a reply to a post in the Philosophy or Science & Skepticism forums than I am in any of the other fora, since I'm much better known there than I am on the rest of the board.

[wade-w]

vm, on the topoc of whiners and whining, I see I'm still not expressing myself well, and I can see how you'd misunderstand me here. Freemonkey has said it better than I could:


much less feel as though I'm not being whiny, over-sensitive and/or silly.


Anyway, regardless of whether this clarifies it or not, I don't really want to talk about whining anymore.

[Dingfod]

Let's talk about wining instead. :super:

[Scotty]

Hey.

#!/bin/ksh

set -x

/usr/local/bin/gawk '{print $1}' $2 | sed 's/ //g' | sed 's/\./x/g' > ip_check1.$$

sort -n -tx -k1.1 -k2.1 -k3.1 -k4.1 ip_check1.$$ > ip_check2.$$
echo "0x0x0x0" >> ip_check2.$$

rm ip_check1.$$

nawk -f check_ip_count.awk countipin=$1 ip_check2.$$ | sort -n -r | sed 's/x/\./g'

rm ip_check2.$$

You see, I think most people just don't understand sys-admins :)

I'm with you wade!

-Scott

[wade-w]

For the rest of you that have taken the time to reply, I thank you for your thoughts. I will have to think long and hard about whether I want to talk about it or not. In the meantime, please bare (or is that supposed to be bear? Which is it, and why?) with me if my mask slips again.

[Scotty]

Cross post, don't miss my commentary!

;)

-Scott

[Nil Desperandum]

Wade...

I understand your position. I know it may be difficult for you to do this, and I am extremely positive that all of us here will respond to you with arms wide open.

I myself am about to post an issue I have, and there is nothing for me to fear.

Regardless of your choice, do that which makes you feel stronger inside.
:v:
Chris

[viscousmemories]

I think I understand better what you're saying now, wade. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

[wade-w]

Thanks Scotty. That's clever.