So Stressed

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Oh man, tomorrow's the day and I'm stressed out; really stressed out. :( I'm sweating like a JW at a topless bar just thinking about how inept I am at conversation unless someone else starts it. I fear I'm going to blow it. :kickcan:

[Dingfod]

Go outside and blow something up.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Go outside and blow something up.

I'm all out of plastique at the moment.

[Crumb]

Watch one of those movies with all the witty conversations.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Watch one of those movies with all the witty conversations.


:deepsigh: Never mind. I don't know why I expected to get some serious answers.

[Crumb]

Sorry man. Here's my serious answer. If you don't know what to say ask her a question about her. It's all kinds of good. Just don't keep asking the same question, that would be bad.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Sorry man. Here's my serious answer. If you don't know what to say ask her a question about her. It's all kinds of good. Just don't keep asking the same question, that would be bad.

Well, we've been talking for a few weeks now. I don't know what else to ask her. Eventually asking someone something to keep a conversation going doesn't work anymore: if you know everything major about them, and they know you know the answer, then that's a conversation killer. Also, who likes answering questions? I sure don't. Yet I can think of times when I have started fun conversations, but I don't know how I do it, so don't know how to do it again. Fuck.

[California Tanker]

Please tell me you're going on a more interactive date than something like a movie. The more she talks, the better for you. Unless you're sick of hearing her talk, I guess.

Good luck.

PS: As regards blowing something up, many ranges allow you to rent a gun, if you go with someone.

NTM

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Please tell me you're going on a more interactive date than something like a movie. The more she talks, the better for you. Unless you're sick of hearing her talk, I guess.

Good luck.

PS: As regards blowing something up, many ranges allow you to rent a gun, if you go with someone.

NTM

Yes and no: We're going to a movie after we've done some stuff(art galleries) around town and gone out to eat.

[Legs]

Oh man, tomorrow's the day and I'm stressed out;

You know tomorrow is 6/6/6 , right?

[Johnny Pneumatic]

PS: As regards blowing something up, many ranges allow you to rent a gun, if you go with someone.

NTM

Guns, smuns; go high explosives or go home.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

You know tomorrow is 6/6/6 , right?

Cool. :cool:

[Kevlar]

Have you thought about doing something that doesn't require too much conversation, like a movie. Also, how about alcohol? A couple of drinks are pretty good for breaking the ice. Once you get to the point where you're not trying to think of things to say, the conversation will flow.


EDT: Just looked back and saw your post about going to a movie.

[Dingfod]

Never mind. I don't know why I expected to get some serious answers.Sorry, I thought you wanted input on how to reduce the stress you're feeling.

[Legs]

You know tomorrow is 6/6/6 , right?

Cool. :cool:


See, that will give you something to talk about.

Why is this thread in Sexuality? are you expecting to have sex or something?

[Johnny Pneumatic]

See, that will give you something to talk about.

Why is this thread in Sexuality? are you expecting to have sex or something?


Thanks.


Well, no. We don't exactly have a forum just about dating, so this is the closest place for it, isn't it?

[Legs]

I guess, although the Atrium is general chit chat.

Good luck tomorrow, I probably missed a thread somewhere where you explained who this person was and how this date came to be, but anyway I hope it all works out.

:wish:

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I guess, although the Atrium is general chit chat.

Good luck tomorrow, I probably missed a thread somewhere where you explained who this person was and how this date came to be, but anyway I hope it all works out.

:wish:


Ah, kind of good news: the date is off until next week. She's sick with, well, I know what it is, but it doesn't matter for everybody to know.

[Plant Woman]

That's funny, my husband of many years doesn't know everything there is to know about me, especially how my day went. There is no way you know everything major about her let alone the details, it's just not possible. The more you let her talk the more you learn and there is always something you can learn about the other and that can always start a conversation.

[erimir]

Masturbation is a good stress reliever.

(Just justifying the placement in the Sexuality forum)

[ChuckF]

Masturbation is a good stress reliever.

Good advice. Always, always rub one out before a first date.

[Shake]

Good advice. Always, always rub one out before a first date.
"Hey, is that hair gel?" :D

[LadyShea]

how inept I am at conversation unless someone else starts it

Conversation starters:

Recent books read, movies seen, current events:
"I read in the news..."
"Do you like <author, genre, subject> because I just finished this excellent book/watched a great documentary...."

Known shared interests or hobbies:
"You mentioned being into photography, me too...I like shooting 35mm black and white"

Known unshared interests or hobbies:
"You mentioned being into skydiving, what's that like?"

Unknown interests:
"Have you traveled? Where to?"

[pescifish]

Sorry and/or congratulations on the postponement of the date. I would have responded earlier, but I try not to browse Sexuality threads while at work. :scared:

(FWIW, I think dating threads would work well in either in Lifestyle or Atrium -- Sexuality if you are gonna talk only about sex, I suppose, but that doesn't seem to be what you are going for here :) .)We're going to a movie after we've done some stuff(art galleries) around town and gone out to eat.Since you're already pretty comfortable talking with her, I suspect any of these shared experiences will introduce topics you can discuss. Something about the movie, the art in the galleries (favorite artists, techniques, etc.) and even about the food and drink when you get to the place you are going to eat.

Keep things simple and don't panic if there is some silence every once in a while. I've found that a good way to break an awkward stumbling silence is to just mentally, emotionally step back, look at the person I'm with, sincerely smile and just say something like "Gosh, it's good to finally get to hang out with you." (Hopefully that will be the case and the comment and smile can be sincere, of course.)

Try for some stress relievers prior to the date, keep your eyes and ears open to enjoying her company (i.e., listen to what she is saying and how she reacts to the movie, art, restaurant, etc.) and be yourself. Try not to overthink things or focus on sex. I hope you have a great time, Johnny Pneumatic!

[BDS]

Try for some stress relievers prior to the date, keep your eyes and ears open to enjoying her company (i.e., listen to what she is saying and how she reacts to the movie, art, restaurant, etc.) and be yourself.

Don’t listen, Johnny! “Being yourself” is a recipe for disaster. Concentrate on being someone else. One way to do this is with a disguise. One of those Graucho Marx noses and mustaches should do the trick. Then, you want to think about what personality you should affect. In light of this, here are some good “conversation starters”:

1) I’ve been seeing a doctor. I think I may be transgendered. Do you think you could be attracted to me if I were a woman? (If that doesn’t get the ball rolling, nothing will)

2) If I tell you something personal, will you promise – I mean promise on your mother’s grave – that you won’t tell anyone? OK. Remember, you promised! I’m a suicide bomber, and I have explosives trapped to my waist right now and I’m going to blow you, me, and everyone in this restaurant to kingdom come!

3) I find you very attractive – except for one thing. You have really ugly eyes. (Keep her guessing with this one, exactly the opposite of what others might have said.)

Remember – if “being yourself” made you successful with women, you wouldn’t be so stressed out.

[peepnklown]

A great conversation starter: Have you ever seen a ‘donkey show?’

[erimir]

3) I find you very attractive – except for one thing. You have really ugly eyes. (Keep her guessing with this one, exactly the opposite of what others might have said.)
You know, I've never actually heard anyone say that. I mean, assuming they're healthy eyes (no cataracts, missing eyes, twitching eyelids etc.), what exactly do ugly eyes look like?

I mean, certain colors might be more striking, especially in combination with certain skin colors (e.g. bright blue eyes with dark brown skin is unusual), but brown eyes aren't ugly.

Maybe those people who have kinda bug eyes don't have such pretty eyes I guess... Oh yeah, and bloodshot eyes.

[Legs]

Talk about travel... where she has been in the World and where she would like to go. Do this before she tells you where to go.

[Dingfod]

Ask her about her grandchildren. Oh, wait, that's for my age group.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Talk about travel... where she has been in the World and where she would like to go. Do this before she tells you where to go.


Already talked about that, a few weeks ago. The other suggestions in the thread, we've talked about some of those, and the ones we haven't I can use. See the problem, how long can conversations actually be kept up on such things? Eventually all that can be said will be said, then where to go? Some of you are married, what does one talk about after you've been with the same person for over a decade, or two? Or even at the end of the first year?

[Plant Woman]

Let's see tonight we talked about things that went on with his job, I know all the people he talks about, even though I haven't met all of them. . We talked about his volunteering to caddie at a local amateur gold tournament and how he was going to a training, and the logistics of getting from work to the training. Where we live this is a big deal, cause it involves ferry boat schedules and timing can be critical.

I talked about the local world famous nursery shutting down and all the gossip that is going on about it, and how it is affecting our little community. We talked about our Wednesday night date coming up and how we are excited to go to an Italian restaurant where the entertainment will be Native American drumming. Most of what we talk about is what is going on in our lives, sometimes its small talk, sometimes its exciting news we can't wait to share. I listen to my husband and learn about the characters that are affecting his life or his golf game that is important to him. I have no interest in the game myself, but I love talking with him about it, because he loves the game. I love the way he gets animated talking about a sandy (sp?) he did twice last week or the day he came home with his one and only hole in one. He was walking two inches above the ground that time. Somedays his game is way off. There always seems there is something to talk about after we have been apart for the day. Sometimes we sit in comfortable silence too.

You barely know this girl, getting to know her will give you lots of conversation. Watch her as you talk together and you can read if she is enjoying a topic or getting bored. It's not all up to you to keep the conversation going either, unless she is really shy she will be part of it too. Just because you talk about something once doesn't mean that's the end of that topic.

[ceptimus]

One topic you can bring up on your date, IFF* other small talk fails, is the difficulty of making small talk and what people who have already known each other for years might find to talk about.

* If and only if

[But]

Also, how about alcohol? A couple of drinks are pretty good for breaking the ice.

A fat spliff might do the trick, I find that helpful sometimes to get relaxed. Of course only if you are used to it, you don't want to start talking too much nonsense. It helps with creativity :)

[eta: I mean for you, I'm not trying to say you should ask her if she wants to get stoned right now :D]

:bonghit:

[BDS]

You know, I've never actually heard anyone say that. I mean, assuming they're healthy eyes (no cataracts, missing eyes, twitching eyelids etc.), what exactly do ugly eyes look like?

.

If the eyes are windows to the soul, having ugly eyes means you have an ugly soul.

In my case, I'd be thinking, "Soul mate!"

[Sock Puppet]

[I mean, assuming they're healthy eyes (no cataracts, missing eyes, twitching eyelids etc.), what exactly do ugly eyes look like?

Ugly eyes (http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0072608/4632_16_2.jpg?path=pgallery&path_key=Feldman,%20Marty&seq=4)

"Damn your eyes!"
"Too late!"

[LadyShea]

See the problem, how long can conversations actually be kept up on such things? Eventually all that can be said will be said, then where to go? Some of you are married, what does one talk about after you've been with the same person for over a decade, or two? Or even at the end of the first year?

Well, we do have new experiences from time to time ;), we talk about those. Current events change all the time, we talk about those. Future plans must be reviewed and tweaked based on varying current experiences and activities, we talk about that. We discuss our shared and unshared interests and hobbies frequently. Sometimes, when we're talking, other topics of interest magically pop up...it's amazing.

Seriously, do you not have any friends or family members you still talk to?

[Clutch Munny]

A philosophy graduate student was nervously going out with a girl for the first time, and sought advice from a friend on how to break the ice with his date.

"No problem," his friend said. "Just talk about her family. That's a pretty safe topic, and it'll be a way for you to connect on some universal interests. If that doesn't work, try asking her about music. That's another good ice-breaker. And if that doesn't work and you're totally desperate, try talking philosophy."

After meeting his date at the restaurant, the student settles in to try out the advice.

"So. You, uh, have a brother?"

"No," the girl replies. They sit in silence momentarily.

"Hmm. So, you like Chopin?"

"Not really," she says. He digests this for a few moments, then shrugs his shoulders.

"Okay, then. If you had a brother, would he like Chopin?"

[TomJoe]

She's sick with, well, I know what it is, but it doesn't matter for everybody to know.

:spirilla: Syphilis is transmissible. :spirilla:

[Johnny Pneumatic]

:spirilla: Syphilis is transmissible. :spirilla:

That's one of the reasons I'm not having sex with you.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Well, we do have new experiences from time to time ;), we talk about those.
Current events change all the time, we talk about those.
Future plans must be reviewed and tweaked based on varying current experiences and activities, we talk about that.
We discuss our shared and unshared interests and hobbies frequently. Sometimes, when we're talking, other topics of interest magically pop up...it's amazing.

Seriously, do you not have any friends or family members you still talk to?

Oh.

Current events change? Current events are, by and large, the same old bullshit; just done by new people.

Ah.

Yeah, we've done that, I can't think of anything else to say about our shared interests.

Yeah, I've had those happen in conversations with people, but I don't like counting on conversational sorcery to help me.

Friends, yeah, but I mostly listen. I'm not the best conversationalist I think. Family, I really don't talk to them that much. I don't see my brother much still, but this will start changing fairly soon. My parents I see a bit more, but we don't share a whole lot of interests, so we don't spend a lot of time talking.

[Plant Woman]

You sound defeated, maybe you should just call the whole thing off.

[erimir]

Talking really isn't that hard.

Does this girl share any interests with you?

I mean, surely you can talk about movies you like, or anime, or something nerdular.

[LadyShea]

Yeah, we've done that, I can't think of anything else to say about our shared interests.

Do your shared interests not produce new experiences? Are they non-activity centered interests and hobbies?

[Dingfod]

Conversation starter (and ender): "If you had herpes, would you tell your partner?"

[TomJoe]

Conversation starter (and ender): "If you had herpes, would you tell your partner?"

:roflcopt:

[Johnny Pneumatic]

You sound defeated, maybe you should just call the whole thing off.


I'm just being pessimistic, or realistic, whatever you want to call it.
Well, I would, except she likes me, I like her and there's not a whole lot of people around that I've found that have said yes to a date, or even said anything for that matter. Unless I want to be dateless until I move in a few years then she's nothing to call off.

[inland wave]

Have you ever thought that you may be stressing over nothing? Not every moment you are together has to be filled with conversation. Take her to the movies, have dinner, enjoy each others company. Do as Legs and Widget do, go the airport watch the planes land and take off. Makeout in the back seat of the car. Just have fun....
Son you just need to learn to relax.
I have watched my daughter go through "awkward" moments with her first boyfriend. When she finally relaxed and not worried so much about conversation and the like, they hit it off wonderfully.

[Plant Woman]

I'm just being pessimistic, or realistic, whatever you want to call it.

I know you are, and I am sorry I said such a negative thing to you. I guess I was feeling frustrated that you were given a few pages of wonderful feedback, and instead of thanking people and discussing their ideas with them you seemed to poopoo all of it. I hope you learn to be optomistic and just be excited that you have a date coming up with a wonderful girl and as inland says, "Just relax and have some fun." Quit worrying it to death."

[Angakuk]

Friends, yeah, but I mostly listen. I'm not the best conversationalist I think.
Actually, listening is a great conversational skill. Don't undervalue it. If you can get her talking about something she is interested in, and you are obviously listening carefully and really attending to her, she is going to feel valued and appreciated. Most people like to talk about themselves, but they often don't get permission to do so. I'm not talking here about interrogating her, but giving her permission to talk about herself by showing that you are genuinely interested in who she is and what she has to say.

[D. Scarlatti]

I guess I was feeling frustrated that you were given a few pages of wonderful feedback, and instead of thanking people and discussing their ideas with them you seemed to poopoo all of it.

That's because it's not advice he's after so much as pity. It's an ancient tale.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I know you are, and I am sorry I said such a negative thing to you. I guess I was feeling frustrated that you were given a few pages of wonderful feedback, and instead of thanking people and discussing their ideas with them you seemed to poopoo all of it. I hope you learn to be optomistic and just be excited that you have a date coming up with a wonderful girl and as inland says, "Just relax and have some fun." Quit worrying it to death."

Well, I didn't mean to come across as looking like I was poopooing it, it's just we've talked about most of the things that have been suggested. We've been talking for about four weeks now.
Yeah, I'm very excited. I'll try to relax.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

That's because it's not advice he's after so much as pity. It's an ancient tale.

You've some funny ideas about me. I could care less about pity. What help is having someone who I've never seen and don't know feeling pity on me? Nil. I wanted advice, and I got some; so thanks to those that gave me some advice, even if I have done a lot of what has been suggested already.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Well, la-de-fuckin'-do :deepsigh: I was giddy with excitement for tomorrow to come and her dad won't let her go out on a date before he meets me. Gah! Well, maybe I'll have that date before fucking July. It's been put off for three weeks now. On the very bright side though, finally have a somebody that quite likes me. Feels good indeed. :cheerful:

[California Tanker]

I know one dad who 'vetted' his daughter's date while he was cleaning his pistol. "You -will- bring her back by 23:00..."

NTM

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I know one dad who 'vetted' his daughter's date while he was cleaning his pistol. "You -will- bring her back by 23:00..."

NTM

In the Army? Maj. Dick?

[Dingfod]

Well, la-de-fuckin'-do :deepsigh: I was giddy with excitement for tomorrow to come and her dad won't let her go out on a date before he meets me. Gah! Well, maybe I'll have that date before fucking July. It's been put off for three weeks now. On the very bright side though, finally have a somebody that quite likes me. Feels good indeed. :cheerful:Be glad that she has a father that cares about who she goes out with, it's a good sign.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Be glad that she has a father that cares about who she goes out with, it's a good sign.

It's not a sign that he trusts her very well.

It's a big hassle is what it is. I'll have to blow at least a few hours(just the driving to his place and back) on one of my too few off work days to go see him.

[Dingfod]

I'm done trying. Johnny, you pooh-pooh every idea or suggestion that anyone puts out there.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

I'm done trying. Johnny, you pooh-pooh every idea or suggestion that anyone puts out there.

Are you making a joke?

No, I don't pooh-pooh every idea, I wasn't even pooh-poohing your's, just saying that it shows he doesn't trust her judgement. It does show he cares for her well being though.

[Dingfod]

You know I never ever joke. I apologize for my comment.

[Dingfod]

I can't wait for you to have childern....... He is looking out for her well being and sometimes you have to make sure for yourself that the guy at least gives the appearance of the quailities you would expect (manners, clean cut, no guns, knives on his person, how many tattos he may have if any and maybe a glimpse of his personality, etc...) out of someone you would want dating her.
You should be so damn lucky, son.... You think of it as a hassle, I understand that, but it will pay off in the long run.
The rule of thumb by the parent is that every young man she dates is a potential mate for their daugnter. You damn straight they are going to check him out possibly in more ways than one.
Be glad they haven't done a background check and hired a private detective to follow you around for a few days or have they?

[Dingfod]

I didn't write that. Someone is logged in as me. inland wave?

[livius drusus]

Dad?

[Dingfod]

No you didn't, I did...when I realized the website was signed in as you. I left the site, but when I come back to the website it is logging in as you, so I'm really sorry. How do I keep from automatically login you in?

[Dingfod]

Do not close the window. Hit Logout up on the FF menu bar. Then enter as yourself.

[Dingfod]

Dad?
Hey, it's mom!! What's up pretty lady.

[Papa Zou]

I'm confuselated.

[inland wave]

Do not close the window. Hit Logout up on the FF menu bar. Then enter as yourself.
Thanks

[inland wave]

I'm confuselated.
Yeah well, anyone who reads the last few posts would be. I have left Dingfod to his own idenity and now entered the twlight zone as myself. :wave:

[Papa Zou]

Thanks for straightening that out.

[Dingfod]

Yippee!!! I'm me again!!!

[Leesifer]

:foocl:

That's was funny, you two.

[Plant Woman]

Phew! Glad you straightened that out. I was losing respect for Dingfod. Or, was I gaining respect for him?

Dang, I'm still confused.

[inland wave]

I don't know how you feel, but that's okay.

[Dingfod]

Aren't you supposed to be studying?

[pescifish]

Don't you trust her judgment for when to do her studying, Dingfod? :funface:

[pescifish]

How old is this young woman you are hoping to date, Johnny Pneumatic? Aren't you somewhere in the 19-20+ ish range? Seems a bit odd that such a request from a parent would be a strict requirement at those ages. But then again I'm pretty confused about how kids these days choose to still live with their parents well into their twenties, so some loss of control might be expected.

In any case if she is over 18, then any requirement and control set by her father is really something she is choosing to accept. If you are going to be upset at anyone about having to do this, then it's really her, not her dad that is making it the requirement.

[Dingfod]

Don't you trust her judgment for when to do her studying, Dingfod? :funface:Actually, I don't care, it's her bailiwick*, not mine.



*or can of worms, whatever works.

[BDS]

The dad has nothing to do with it.

The young lady has discovered JP's attitude toward child support, and is blowing him off. She's using her father as an excuse.

[pescifish]

Actually, I don't care, it's her bailiwick*, not mine.I was making a joke (I guess I shoulda used the winky instead of goofy face to indicate that.) I thought you were joking.

[Dingfod]

I was indeed joking, as I most often am. Both times.

[Legs]

That's was funny, you two.

That was hilarious! :laugh:

[Johnny Pneumatic]

How old is this young woman you are hoping to date, Johnny Pneumatic? Aren't you somewhere in the 19-20+ ish range? Seems a bit odd that such a request from a parent would be a strict requirement at those ages. But then again I'm pretty confused about how kids these days choose to still live with their parents well into their twenties, so some loss of control might be expected.

In any case if she is over 18, then any requirement and control set by her father is really something she is choosing to accept. If you are going to be upset at anyone about having to do this, then it's really her, not her dad that is making it the requirement.


She's younger than I thought when I first started talking to her, but she's not that much younger. She just rounded up. She'll be 18 at the end of this month.
You're pretty close on your guess, 21.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

The dad has nothing to do with it.

The young lady has discovered JP's attitude toward child support, and is blowing him off. She's using her father as an excuse.


Yeah, that's why we've agreed that we'll work out a time I can meet her dad so we can date and why she talks like she does to me(not how you'd expect for someone who doesn't want to date me).

Please, BDS, join me in that thread again, I don't like winning debates by default.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Anyway, this thread is shifted from it's original topic now(I'm not nervous anymore, I'm ready for the date to come, whenever it will), so I'm going to let it die.