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Sauron
07-16-2006, 06:20 AM
I hope this isn't trite, but I saw Leesifer's thread about Bill and I'm kinda de-railed tonight.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about death and mortality lately. Since I lost my dad in March, and my closest friend committed suicide 31 days later, I've been pre-occupied with this topic. Having turned 44 last month, I also wondered where the time has gone, and how many days I have left. My mother's side of the family is short lived; my father's side is rather long-lived. I play this game with myself: "suppose you only have 20 years to live; how long is that?" And then I think backwards 20 years in time, to remember "what I was doing then? How long ago was that, and how much fun or accomplishment did you do in those 20 years?"

I also wonder if I have squandered my life; how many times have I sat around whining "there's nothing to do; I'm bored"? How many times have I sat on my ass -- or at the computer -- when I could have been outside hiking, in a museum, or just doing something else?

I think about how bad I felt when my father first had a stroke; how I cried so much that my stomach throbbed. I curled up on the couch in the fetal position and just wailed. I wonder if everyone goes through that. And then I think about the millions of people that have lived over the centuries; did they all experience ithe loss of a parent that way? That's an enormous amount of grieving over the course of history. And the love that I felt for my best friend; and how his parents felt for him, and their special, unique grief at his suicide. Where does that kind of grief ever find consolation? And how many millions of parents have felt it?

The problem with this kind of deep well is that if you look into it, it has an infinitely deep bottom. It can draw you in, like a moth to the candle. "Remember that when you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."

I was out walking today and almost stepped on a bumblebee that was on the sidewalk. Instead, I watched it meander along and go in circles, fixated on this little creature. I wondered if it had any conception that its life could have been in mortal danger, if I hadn't been looking down at that moment. I also wondered -- for lack of a better way to say it -- why it even bothered to live at all, since the lifespan is measured in only 40 to 60 days, and then it was all over. Which led me to wonder if the bumblebee perceived the passage of time the same way that humans do; perhaps 60 days of life was an incredibly long time, if one is a bumblee, perceiving the world as a bumblebee does. Perhaps the bumblebee guards its appointed 60 days as jealously as we guard our threescore and ten years.

Life is so short. Be gentle to each other, because the damage that we do to each other is so much worse than the routine wear & tear that life throws at us.

SharonDee
07-16-2006, 01:22 PM
I got nothin', Sauron. Just a confession that your post has touched me.

Dingfod
07-16-2006, 07:39 PM
Been there, pondered that. Thanks for putting it into words, Sauron.

Leesifer
07-16-2006, 07:45 PM
It's not trite at all Sauron. :huggle:

godfry n. glad
07-16-2006, 07:55 PM
Agreed. Not trite at all. As I mature in years, I start to see those with whom I grew up and spent so much time with begin to die in more consistant numbers. No longer is it trauma that kills, but disease and slowly increasing disability.

I'm long past the invincibility of my youth. My mortality stares me in the face every morning as I swallow down the handful of pills that keep my body in some semblance of functionality. I've come to fussing with things like hearing aid batteries, shoe inserts and body ointments, just to get through any ordinary day. To add on top of that the ever more frequent loss of friends and family...well, it's sobering.

It doesn't make it any easier to start relationships, either. Going into a relationship that even intimates that one of you will have to watch the other die is now a daunting prospect. Yet...that is the reality. I feel that I've accomplished enough to account well for my presence here, but I'm now curious as to what I might be able to accomplish in the little time I have left.

And, yes, please...Do be gentle with one another. Despite appearances, I am.

Widget
07-16-2006, 10:51 PM
When you wake up on the green side of the grass...think yourself lucky.

godfry n. glad
07-16-2006, 11:14 PM
When you wake up on the green side of the grass...think yourself lucky.

Oh, I do. I think I've been very lucky.

Puck
07-17-2006, 05:34 PM
I go through these phases, too, where I ponder mortality, mine and my loved ones. It started in my 40's, too.

I believe that the simple act of defying death by loving in spite of the pain, is our triumph over death, little as that may be. Death will claim us in the long run, but meantime, I will live as if it doesn't exist. I will love fully. I will not repress healthy anger. I will not nit pick the little things. I will laugh and cry and be as fully human as I can be. I'll make ammends when I see I need to, and not carry useless guilt around with me. I will be bold in spite of insecurity and dare to go out there and meet new people, and try new things. I'll not allow people that are bad for me to live in my life.

Mostly, I will love. It's the only thing we leave behind that lasts.

BDS
07-17-2006, 07:07 PM
Spring and Fall: To a Young Child



Márgarét, are you gríeving

Over Goldengrove unleaving?

Leáves, líke the things of man, you

With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?

Ah! ás the heart grows older

It will come to such sights colder

By and by, nor spare a sigh

Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;

And yet you wíll weep and know why.

Now no matter, child, the name:

Sórrow's spríngs áre the same.

Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed

What heart heard of, ghost guessed:

It ís the blight man was born for,

It is Margaret you mourn for.



Gerard Manley Hopkins

Veritas
07-17-2006, 07:09 PM
Yup. :yup: