Make Your Own Wine

[Johnny Pneumatic]

How can I make wine at home? Purely for science. I won't drink it for 16+ months(when I hit 21).

[ApostateAbe]

Try here: http://ingeb.org/junk/wine.html

Don't be a prude. Drink wine any time you like.

[livius drusus]

My parents made their own root beer, but I don't think that's really what you're looking for. I knew people who made their own wine (it was crazy good, too), but I was a little kid and have no idea how they went about it. I'll ask my dad tonight if he remembers.

Meanwhile, I know Godless Dave makes his own beer. Would that work for you?

[Johnny Pneumatic]

Meanwhile, I know Godless Dave makes his own beer. Would that work for you?

Ugh. I hate the smell of beer. I wouldn't drink it.

Don't be a prude. Drink wine any time you like.-ApostateAbe

It's not me being a prude so much as not wanting to get caught doing it by my deeply religious chromosome donors.

[HarryLime]

Recipe For Prison Pruno

Jarvis Masters


Take ten peeled oranges,
Jarvis Masters, it is the judgment and sentence of this court,
one 8 oz. bowl of fruit cocktail,
that the charged information was true,
squeeze the fruit into a small plastic bag,
and the jury having previously, on said date,
and put the juice along with the mash inside,
found that the penalty shall be death,
add 16 oz. of water and seal the bag tightly.
and this Court having, on August 20, 1991,
Place the bag into your sink,
denied your motion for a new trial,
and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes.
it is the order of this Court that you suffer death,
wrap towels around the bag to keep it warm for fermentation.
said penalty to be inflicted within the walls of San Quentin,
Stash the bag in your cell undisturbed for 48 hours.
at which place you shall be put to death,
When the time has elapsed,
in the manner prescribed by law,
add 40 to 60 cubes of white sugar,
the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of execution.
six teaspoons of ketchup,
You are remanded to the custody of the warden of San Quentin,
then heat again for 30 minutes,
to be held by him pending final
secure the bag as done before,
determination of your appeal.
then stash the bag undisturbed again for 72 hours.
It is so ordered.
Reheat daily for 15 minutes.
In witness whereof,
After 72 hours,
I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior Court,
with a spoon, skim off the mash,
and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed thereto.
pour the remaining portion into two 18 oz. cups.
May God have mercy on your soul.

1992, California State Prison-San Quentin
San Quentin, California

[beyelzu]

Recipe For Prison Pruno

Jarvis Masters


Take ten peeled oranges,
Jarvis Masters, it is the judgment and sentence of this court,
one 8 oz. bowl of fruit cocktail,
that the charged information was true,
squeeze the fruit into a small plastic bag,
and the jury having previously, on said date,
and put the juice along with the mash inside,
found that the penalty shall be death,
add 16 oz. of water and seal the bag tightly.
and this Court having, on August 20, 1991,
Place the bag into your sink,
denied your motion for a new trial,
and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes.
it is the order of this Court that you suffer death,
wrap towels around the bag to keep it warm for fermentation.
said penalty to be inflicted within the walls of San Quentin,
Stash the bag in your cell undisturbed for 48 hours.
at which place you shall be put to death,
When the time has elapsed,
in the manner prescribed by law,
add 40 to 60 cubes of white sugar,
the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of execution.
six teaspoons of ketchup,
You are remanded to the custody of the warden of San Quentin,
then heat again for 30 minutes,
to be held by him pending final
secure the bag as done before,
determination of your appeal.
then stash the bag undisturbed again for 72 hours.
It is so ordered.
Reheat daily for 15 minutes.
In witness whereof,
After 72 hours,
I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior Court,
with a spoon, skim off the mash,
and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed thereto.
pour the remaining portion into two 18 oz. cups.
May God have mercy on your soul.

1992, California State Prison-San Quentin
San Quentin, California


to be fair will, you should mention that modern drunkard used the recipe and it sucked ass and tasted bad.


do you keep up with josh, he made his own wine freshmen year didnt he?

[ApostateAbe]

Meanwhile, I know Godless Dave makes his own beer. Would that work for you?
Ugh. I hate the smell of beer. I wouldn't drink it. That is how everyone thinks before they have had their first few drinks.

Don't be a prude. Drink wine any time you like.-ApostateAbe

It's not me being a prude so much as not wanting to get caught doing it by my deeply religious chromosome donors. OK, so drink when you turn 18 and you have moved out of the house.

[dave_a]

In all seriousness if you simply wish to consume alcohol do so. Surely you can find somebody to buy alcohol for you at least occasionally.

Once you are of legal age you can go to any brew store (any semi large city has them) and buy all the supplies you need along with instructions.

[HarryLime]

Recipe For Prison Pruno

Jarvis Masters


Take ten peeled oranges,
Jarvis Masters, it is the judgment and sentence of this court,
one 8 oz. bowl of fruit cocktail,
that the charged information was true,
squeeze the fruit into a small plastic bag,
and the jury having previously, on said date,
and put the juice along with the mash inside,
found that the penalty shall be death,
add 16 oz. of water and seal the bag tightly.
and this Court having, on August 20, 1991,
Place the bag into your sink,
denied your motion for a new trial,
and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes.
it is the order of this Court that you suffer death,
wrap towels around the bag to keep it warm for fermentation.
said penalty to be inflicted within the walls of San Quentin,
Stash the bag in your cell undisturbed for 48 hours.
at which place you shall be put to death,
When the time has elapsed,
in the manner prescribed by law,
add 40 to 60 cubes of white sugar,
the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of execution.
six teaspoons of ketchup,
You are remanded to the custody of the warden of San Quentin,
then heat again for 30 minutes,
to be held by him pending final
secure the bag as done before,
determination of your appeal.
then stash the bag undisturbed again for 72 hours.
It is so ordered.
Reheat daily for 15 minutes.
In witness whereof,
After 72 hours,
I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior Court,
with a spoon, skim off the mash,
and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed thereto.
pour the remaining portion into two 18 oz. cups.
May God have mercy on your soul.

1992, California State Prison-San Quentin
San Quentin, California


to be fair will, you should mention that modern drunkard used the recipe and it sucked ass and tasted bad.


do you keep up with josh, he made his own wine freshmen year didnt he?


This is true. I thought that the fact that the title has the words "Prison Pruno" in it would be dissuasion enough. But in the interest of fairness: do not make pruno. It is very, very bad. I'm pretty sure that its only redeeming characteristic is that it can make you forget a recent prison rape. But it's a beautiful poem, nonetheless.

And I haven't seen Josh in years. I wonder what ever became of him.

Will

[Dingfod]

How can one have a full, rich and illustrious youth without having gotten plastered on Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill, Thunderbird, or MD-20/20? Not for discerning tastes of course.

[beyelzu]

Recipe For Prison Pruno

Jarvis Masters


Take ten peeled oranges,
Jarvis Masters, it is the judgment and sentence of this court,
one 8 oz. bowl of fruit cocktail,
that the charged information was true,
squeeze the fruit into a small plastic bag,
and the jury having previously, on said date,
and put the juice along with the mash inside,
found that the penalty shall be death,
add 16 oz. of water and seal the bag tightly.
and this Court having, on August 20, 1991,
Place the bag into your sink,
denied your motion for a new trial,
and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes.
it is the order of this Court that you suffer death,
wrap towels around the bag to keep it warm for fermentation.
said penalty to be inflicted within the walls of San Quentin,
Stash the bag in your cell undisturbed for 48 hours.
at which place you shall be put to death,
When the time has elapsed,
in the manner prescribed by law,
add 40 to 60 cubes of white sugar,
the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of execution.
six teaspoons of ketchup,
You are remanded to the custody of the warden of San Quentin,
then heat again for 30 minutes,
to be held by him pending final
secure the bag as done before,
determination of your appeal.
then stash the bag undisturbed again for 72 hours.
It is so ordered.
Reheat daily for 15 minutes.
In witness whereof,
After 72 hours,
I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior Court,
with a spoon, skim off the mash,
and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed thereto.
pour the remaining portion into two 18 oz. cups.
May God have mercy on your soul.

1992, California State Prison-San Quentin
San Quentin, California


to be fair will, you should mention that modern drunkard used the recipe and it sucked ass and tasted bad.


do you keep up with josh, he made his own wine freshmen year didnt he?


This is true. I thought that the fact that the title has the words "Prison Pruno" in it would be dissuasion enough. But in the interest of fairness: do not make pruno. It is very, very bad. I'm pretty sure that its only redeeming characteristic is that it can make you forget a recent prison rape. But it's a beautiful poem, nonetheless.

well, anything to take the mind off of a shitty situation.

And I haven't seen Josh in years. I wonder what ever became of him.

Will
he became a wino, obviously.

[Godless Dave]

Wine starter kits (http://www.northernbrewer.com/wine-starterkits.html) from Northern Brewer, my neighborhood brew store.

A discussion forum about wine making (http://forum.northernbrewer.com/viewforum.php?f=2&sid=15defbc5bf057f0a016b80ecd86b720d)

Do you like hard cider? My advice is to try that first. Hard cider is easier to make than beer which is easier to make than wine. Basically all you do is pour unpasteurized apple juice, water, sugar, and yeast into a big jar, stick an airlock (http://www.northernbrewer.com/pics/fullsize/fermentation-locks.jpg) on top, and wait for the yeast to do all your work for you.

[Johnny Pneumatic]

OK, so drink when you turn 18 and you have moved out of the house.

Drinking age is 21 where I live. What continent/country do you hail from?