Seen any crappy movies?
I just watched "The Happening." My Dog, does it suck. That movie is so full of suck, it would have to subtract an infinite portion of suck just to keep it from becoming a black whole sucking the fun, the joy, and the life out of all creation and transporting it right up the ass of M. Night Shyamalan, who is of course the fountain of suckitude responsible for all of the suckage in tis gigantic sucking eddy of fucking Goddamn sucking suckage!
Did I mention that the movie sucked? Goddamn did it suck! |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
I did mention "Twilight" in the last movie thread. If this thread had existed, I certainly would have posted it here.
Also "Orgazmo." |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
I don't mean to sound gay, but Orgazmo was funny. Not a great cinematic achievement but far superior to the following:
The Good [Sic--Ed.] Doctor's List of Suck [Now on Betamax and Laserdisc!--Ed.] We do not include films we know will suck like Damnation Alley and Dances with Wolves. In the order they crawled out of the darker and slimier regions of my psyche:
Right . . . need to clean my brain with a viewing of Sexy Beast. Yes! Yes! YES!YES!YES!YES!YES! --J. "Oh Yeah? We'll I've Fucked You Now!" D. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
The Good [Sic--Ed.] Doctor's Continued List of Suck [Soundtracks available on 8-track and cassette!--Ed.]
Sexy Beast may not be enough. I may need The Ruling Class. YOU HAVE . . . F-F-FORGOTTEN HOW TO PUNISH, M'LORDS! --J. "Whenever I Pray I Find I'm Talking to Myself!" D. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
It seems I have let a monster loose...
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
I agree with all but one Doc. Laura. I thought Vincent Price, Gene Tierney, Dana Andrews, Clifton Webb and Judith Anderson took what could have been an otherwise tedious story and made it great.
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
Of course, the short smart ass response to the thread title is: Yes. All of them.
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
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--J.D. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
Creator, which I caught last night on one of the Showtime channels. Peter O'Toole, Virginia Madsen, Mariel Hemingway, Vincent Spano, David Ogden Stiers were all wasted in this piece of crap from 1985.
O'Toole's character trying to clone his dead wife 30 years after her death; Hemingway's character donating one of her eggs for the project, then trying to convince O'Toole's character to marry her. He eventually does marry her and the end of the movie reveals he's knocked her up. Ew! 19 year old fucking a 70 year old? Ew!! Then there's the other couple, Spano and Madsen, falling in love and then a brain aneurysm or something puts her into a coma. Everybody's ready to pull the plug because she's not in there anymore and he gets all nuts trying to save her from the doctor and the parents who want to "let her go". The overacting that went into that mess made me ill but for some reason I was unable to look away. Somewhere in there is a sub-subplot where Ogden Stiers is trying to get O'Toole forcefully retired so he can get some research money or something. Can't be bothered to figure any of that out. So why did I sit through it? To catch a glimpse of John Dehner, who I'm a fan of after listening to his Paladin in the radio version of Have Gun, Will Travel. Tsk. The things I put myself through for the most trivial of reasons. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
The Box. I went with my brother in law and we decided to walk out at what we later figured out was about the 2/3 mark. So I looked up on line how it ends to see if we missed anything good, and no. No we did not.
It starts out with a somewhat interesting premise (not the box itself, but what happens after), and some killer 1970's costume and set design. But then it just got weirder and more stupid to the point we couldn't take it any more. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
War.
With Jason Statham and Jet Li, I figure it has to be awesome, right? Horrible, horrible "script," half the Japanese mob were played by Chinese actors (:rolleyes:), and I saw the "twist" ending coming a mile away. IMDB sez: After his partner Tom Wynne and family are killed apparently by the infamous and elusive assassin Rogue, FBI agent Jack Crawford becomes obsessed with revenge as his world unravels into a vortex of guilt and betrayal. Rogue eventually resurfaces to settle a score of his own, setting off a bloody crime war between Asian mob rivals Chang of the Triad's and Yakuza boss Shiro. When Jack and Rogue finally come face to face, the ultimate truth of their pasts will be revealed. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
The worst movie ever: Megashark vs. Giant Octopus.
No, I didn't watch it, I saw a quarter of it months ago. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
2012
I can't believe I just spend two and a half hours watching that thing. :stunned: That was mind-numbingly stupid. Emmerich, you fucking hack! :glare: |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
I disagree with a lot of Doc's list.
But I do agree that The Happening was shitty. But it was kind of amusing to make fun of. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
The Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
Well some truth in advertising, there were 4 of them. Also Jessica Abel looks like Barbie as a blond. Disturbing. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
To be charitable, the Silver Surfer (the character) was well done. Too bad it had the Fantastic Four in the movie too.
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
2012. What the hell was that? I was enjoying it right up until it got to the big waves crashing everywhere. Then it got stupid. Okay, I tell a lie. Then it got more stupid. LA crashing to shit was fun. But going to Yellowstone to get the map....why couldn't Woody remember that the Arks were in China? It's not that small a place that you'd forget about it.
The Nazi uniform on the Ark Capitan. You knew immediately he'd be cold and heartless. The impassioned speech by the scientist at the end "we can't sacrifice our humanity!" Bleurgh, predictable and trite. The evil Russian coming good right at the end, saving his children...Then those same children, a month later offering to share their dog with the little girl who had been looking after it in the fucking Himalayas. Stressing that they were going to hit Everest. Just how weak did you make those fucking tin cans? Nope. It was shit. |
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
Twilight. It was bad. Very, very bad.
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
"Angel Eyes" with J-Lo and the hot guy from Passion of the Christ. Jim something-Polish.
Anyway, it was accidental, it came on HBO while I was busy doing something else and then I got curious so I watched the rest of it. Remind me to never ever do that again. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
NT
(I mentioned a Movie that does not belong in this thread.) I'm a bad man. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
The Transporter 3 - Stupid plot, stupid premise, stupid car stunts, stupid bad guys, stupid everything. Stupid, stupid, stupid. It did have lots of action and a pretty freckle-face woman, Natalya Rudakova.
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
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I mean, there was Swarm in which ants form complex structures like tentacles. Fortunately, we only send four or five people against them. There was the Huge Mosquitoes Who Suck Stupid People Dry. This is sort of like simply claiming "Every Will Farrell Film" to save space. --J.D. |
Re: Seen any crappy movies?
You'd better not be including Godzilla in there.
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Re: Seen any crappy movies?
The rubber suit original Godzilla or the CGI Godzilla?
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